by Katie Dowe
“I just wanted to—”she paused. “I didn't know you were leaving.”
“It was sudden.”
“When are you coming back?”
“I have no idea. Look Afiya, we had a good run but it wasn't like it was something permanent. I'm sorry.”
Afiya blinked as her heart slammed into her chest. “What?”
She heard him sigh. “You need to forget about me.”
“You're dumping me?”
“We were never in a relationship to begin with,” he reminded her.
“You bastard!” she whispered agonizingly.
“I never promised you anything.”
“No, you didn't.” Afiya’s voice trembled. “Did you have fun, Garrett?”
“I'm very attracted to you but—”
“I'm not the right size,” she finished bitterly. “Tell me, did you made a wager with a few friends? How long would it take to screw the fat girl?”
“I would never do anything like that!” he retorted.
“Go to hell!” she cried and hung up on him. “Oh God!” she whispered in agony. She'd done it again, only this time it was much worse. What had she been thinking? That a man like Garrett King could fall in love with someone like her? That they could have a family together? She buried her head in her pillows and cried until there were no more tears left.
******
Garrett went out that night. He'd been invited to a function and hadn't made up his mind to attend but after talking to Afiya and feeling like he'd ruined her life he decided what the hell. He showered and changed and, jumping into his vehicle, he headed to the hotel where the function was being held. He walked into the packed room and greeted the members of the club and their wives and mingled. He danced with every single unattached female and had his picture taken with actress Miriam, whom he had been seeing a few years back. He idly thought about taking her back to his apartment but dismissed it immediately. He didn't feel anything towards her. He felt the ache for Afiya so deep inside him that it was a task to even carry on a conversation with the woman he was dancing with.
He released her after the last dance. “I'm heading home.”
“Darling, it’s only ten o’clock,” she protested.
“And I have to get an early start in the morning. It was nice seeing you.” He walked away before she could say anything else. He went straight to his mother’s place and went straight to her bedroom, where he sat on the edge of the bed and stared off at the pale green wall.
“I thought you would jazz the place up a little Mom,” he'd teased her when she'd chosen the color.
“I like this shade of green,” she had said firmly. “It reminds me of the outdoors.”
“Then lime green it is,” he'd said with a laugh as he twirled her around.
“Boy let go of me!” she had cried as she clutched at him.
He got up and went to pull out a drawer where a photo album was. He thumbed through it and smiled whimsically at the many photos of him and how few there were of her. She had been so proud of his achievements, constantly telling him that he could do anything he set his mind to. He'd done it for her, mostly. He closed the album abruptly and put it back inside the drawer. He stood there going over the conversation he'd had with Afiya. He had hurt her but he'd told her the truth. There was no way he could be with someone like her. The fierce attraction he'd felt for her would fade eventually. He would move on and would find the one for him, but it was certainly not her. He uttered a hollow laugh at how empty it all sounded and went into one of the other bedrooms to get some sleep.
Chapter 7
“Are you going to tell me what’s up with you?” Hillary asked her one afternoon as she stopped by the store. It was two weeks to Christmas and Afiya had gone all out with the decorations. Even now she was hanging tinsel on the large tree that she'd bought at the lot. Three weeks ago Garrett had broken her heart in pieces and she'd resolved to take up the broken pieces and move on. She heard he'd come back just two days ago. It didn't matter to her.
“Why would you think that something's up?” Afiya made her way carefully down the stepladder and stood with her hands on her hips as she looked up at the sparkling tree.
“You're not the Afiya I know. You're moody and you hardly want to go anywhere. You missed a very good show at the church hall on Sunday and the lighting of the tree in the park. You never miss those.”
“I told you, I had things to do at the shop.”
“Afiya, stop jerking me around! We're friends. I come to you and bitch about my ex and the fact that I can't get a man to save my life and you... well, you talk about your mother and the store.” Hillary spread her hands helplessly. “Your mother and the store.”
“What about them?” Afiya asked with raised brows.
“That’s all we talk about in regards to you. Honey, when are you going to get a life of your own?”
“I have a life of my own.” She moved the stepladder out of the way and looked around at the other decorations. School was out for Hillary and she was helping her out. They had things to package because the season was one of the busiest of the year. It was almost seven but the 'closed' sign still wasn't turned around. She figured that maybe there would be last minute shoppers, besides she wasn't relishing going up to her very lonely apartment. It had been a mistake letting Garrett make love to her all those times up there. The stamp was still there. “This place is my life.”
“Honey, you're going to be twenty-eight come the twenty-third of December, you need something else.”
“I have what I need.” She threw her friend a warning look. “No going to clubs to pick up men. I am so over that.”
“Crap! I was just thinking that we could find a stripper and make it a threesome,” she teased.
Afiya laughed at that. “Not interested.”
“Okay honey,” Hillary looked at her watch. “I asked Penny to watch the kids until seven thirty. I'm going to head out now. You sure you'll be okay?”
“I'm locking up soon anyway.”
Hillary came over and gave her a hug. “See you tomorrow.”
Afiya waved her off.
She didn't bother to lock the doors but walked around, making sure everything was okay for tomorrow. She was having a big pre-Christmas sale and had stocked up on goods.
She heard the bell and turned with an automatic smile, which froze into place as soon as she saw who it was.
Her heart stuttered as she stared at him and for a moment she felt every emotion that he brought out in her rush to the surface. He was wearing all black. A thick black sweater, black jeans and boots and he looked so achingly handsome that she only just stopped herself from rushing into his arms, but she stood her ground. “I was just about to close.”
He turned and put the sign the other way, closing and locking the door. “I want to talk to you.”
“Too bad,” she told him coldly. “I don’t want to talk to you. I think you've said all there was to be said when we spoke some time ago.”
He shoved his hands into his pockets and rocked back on his heels. “I can't stay away from you,” he said with a harsh laugh. He wandered around the small space and looked absently at the lights and decorations. “I thought that going away would do it, but I was wrong. I can't sleep, can't eat because I'm thinking about you all the time.” He didn't come near her and Afiya was relieved. “I tried going out with other women, tried kissing one or two but all I felt was revulsion and I kept seeing your face. I thought I could get you out of my system but it’s not working.” He stood next to the tree with the lights throwing his frame into relief. His almost white blonde hair reflected the different lights and highlighted the harsh planes of his handsome face.
“Why are you telling me all that?”
“Because I have no idea what to do. I want you so much that I'm in pain.” He came closer to her and she forced herself to remain where she was. He took one of her hands and cupped his erection. She moaned unconsciously but somehow found the st
rength to drag it away from him. “I can't work.”
“You'll get over it.”
“That’s what I kept telling myself too.”
“Do you remember what you said to me?” she asked heatedly. She was trying to somehow come up with the fortitude to resist him. He'd hurt her pretty badly and even now he thought that she wasn't good enough for him. She would be a fool to fall into anything with him again.
“I'm sorry,” he muttered, his green eyes tormented. “I have a certain type,” he swung away from her and went to look out the window.
“And I'm not it,” she said behind him.
He didn't turn around. “No,” he told her frankly. He rested his head against the frosted pane of glass. “All I know is that I've never felt such overpowering emotions before.” He took a deep breath and turned around to face her. “I'm being honest. I can't run away from what I feel anymore.”
“So don’t,” she said huskily, her heart jumping inside her chest. She walked over to him. “Don’t fight it. I feel it too and as much as I've tried to deny it, especially when you went away and when you told me all those things, I cannot deny what I feel.” She placed her hands on his chest. He groaned at her touch and pulled her to him, his hands tight on her arms. He bent his head to hers and gave in resignedly to the passion that swamped them both.
*****
For the first time in the months that he'd met her he felt a sense of peace settle over him. She'd fallen into an exhausted sleep with her head burrowed in the pillows. He used his fingers to pull her hair from off her cheek and behind her ear. She really was beautiful, he thought with a pang. He wished that things were different, that he wasn't so hung up on one type of woman. The passion and desire he felt for her couldn't be slaked no matter how many times he had her. With her he felt a restless energy that rode him day in and day out. She had flawless skin, he touched her cheek gently. He'd decided to stay the night and leave in the morning. He was going to have to sort out what he felt and how he was going to deal with it. Running away twice hadn't accomplished anything, it had only served to make him realize that he couldn't run away from his feelings. He couldn't make it official and he couldn't go out with her, but he had to be with her somehow. He was lost without her. He closed his eyes in despair at that and taking his time, he got off the bed. He went into the tiny bathroom to stand at the sink and stare at himself in the mirror. He looked thoroughly sated and extremely satisfied and that was the way he felt. He ran his fingers through his white blonde hair and watched as the strands settled back into place. He was going to have to set a few rules. They could see each other at night but it had to be kept a secret for now, until he sorted out what was really happening. Maybe this thing, he had no idea what it was, would run its course and everything could go back to normal. His apartment building had other people living there that worked for him so her coming to his place was not a good idea. He was going to have to try and convince her of that.
******
At first she didn't have a problem with the secrecy. She told herself that it was for the best because it would be calling too much attention to her anyway. She certainly didn't need to publicize it at all. He would come over every night as soon as she was closed. They didn't talk much but at first she did not mind one bit.
“You look different,” her friend commented one afternoon when she came over. It had been three days since Garrett had been by and he'd left early that morning with the intention of coming by later. Afiya felt as if she was floating on air.
It was two days before Christmas and the shop had been extra busy. Mostly she didn't have time to think about what he made her feel or about the future for them.
“Thank you Mrs. Shield,” Afiya handed the customer the gaily wrapped package before responding to her friend’s comment. Her children had left to be with their father for the holidays so she was all alone again. “How different?”
“Like you've been having lots of sex.”
Afiya looked at the girl, startled, and immediately tried to school her expression. “Unless it's with one of the items in the store. I hardly go anywhere.”
“You go shopping for stuff for the store,” she pointed out.
“Trust me, where I go there are no available men.” Afiya busied herself with tidying up around the cash register area.
“There's some sort of glow about you,” her friend insisted.
“It’s the season. You know how I love Christmas.”
“Hmm,” Hillary looked at her, unconvinced but she was saved from answering as some customers streamed in.
*****
“You look somehow happier,” Gertrude commented as she brought some reports in to Garrett.
“Maybe that’s because the building is going as scheduled,” Garrett said as he took the papers from her and scanned them quickly. “The building isn't half completed and yet we're showing that we have almost full occupancy for the shops.”
“I don’t think it has anything to do with that.” Gertrude stared at him thoughtfully. “You came back here looking like they killed your best friend, barking at everyone and now you look kind of mellow.”
“Don’t you have work to do?” Garrett asked her mildly.
“I do. But I need to get to the bottom of this. Who is she? I haven't heard any rumors through the gossip mill of you seeing anyone.”
“There's a gossip mill?” His eyebrows rose in amusement as he looked up at her.
“This is a tiny town, what do you expect?” She said dryly. “Louise from church is pregnant again and the father is nowhere to be seen. Barbara is hiding the bruises that her husband puts on her.”
“That’s not gossip. It’s abuse and she should report it,” he said with a frown.
“Tell that to her. The women in the group have been begging her to either kick him out or report him, but she's claiming she loves him.” Gertrude snorted in disgust.
“You've really made this place your home haven’t you?” he asked her thoughtfully.
“Haven’t you?” she queried.
“I like the atmosphere and the homeliness. I'm not sure I like the idea of people delving into my private life.”
“Speaking of which—“
“You're not hearing another word from me,” he told her dryly. “I refuse to be fodder for gossip at your next bridge meeting.”
“You're my boss, I would never gossip about you,” she told him with a mischievous smile on her plain face. “But seriously Garrett, whoever she is she sure makes you happy.”
*****
He had time to think about that comment as he went to her place that night. He had a certain routine. He would leave his office at some minutes to seven or later when he knew most people had gone home for the night. It was a small community and thankfully people turned in very early except for the one or two people milling around. He would park his plain sedan further up the street and make his way to her store where she would be waiting for him at the door. He pulled his jacket closer to him as the wind whistled through his clothing. It was Christmas Eve and he'd heard talk that there might be snow. His office would be closed tomorrow through to the New Year and usually he would plan to take a trip but he didn't have the heart to leave her.
“How about some hot chocolate?” she asked him as soon as they went upstairs.
“That sounds good,” he said as he reached for her. He did that as soon as they came upstairs and usually she allowed him because the resistance was thin where he was concerned.
“Stop,” she pushed him away and walked to the small kitchen. He followed her and continued reaching for her as she measured out the powder into two cups. She'd worn jeans and a tight black sweater for work and her hair was loose around her round face. He moved the strands and bent to kiss her neck, his teeth nibbling at the flesh. She felt the familiar jolt and closed her eyes as her body trembled. “Garrett, please.”
“I want you,” he muttered restlessly. His hands went beneath her sweater and found her bare flesh
. He unhooked her bra and pulled the sweater over her head. He passed his hands over her bare breasts, his thumbs grazing her nipples before bending his head to take a nipple inside his mouth. The hot chocolate was forgotten as the heat sizzled through their bodies. Afiya grasped his hair and arched her back as he suckled at her. His trembling fingers fumbled at her belt and zipper, making short work of pulling it down. He reached in and found her warm, bare flesh. His mouth was still on her nipples as he found the core of her, his fingers dipping inside her, thrusting lazily at first and then increasing the pace. The jeans made it hard for her to move but she found a way. Her body jerked towards his fingers and the uncontrollable sounds coming from her lips echoed around the small kitchen. She dug her fingers into his scalp as the orgasm rocked her body and had her shuddering uncontrollably.
*****
“There's a pageant at the community center tomorrow,” she ran her fingers lazily down his flat stomach, relishing the fact that even the slightest touch from her had a profound effect on him.
“Hmm,” he murmured lazily, passing his hand down her full, firm buttocks.
“The entire town looks forward to it. There will be singing and an impromptu concert.” She looked down at him. “I was thinking that we could go.”
“As a couple?”
She shrugged, her heart sinking at the look on his face. “How long are we going to do this for?”
“Do what?”
“This hiding, Garrett. How long am I going to be your dirty little secret?”
“Don’t be ridiculous!” he said sharply, seeing the look on her face. “We agreed to keep this between us for now.”
“You agreed. I have nothing to be ashamed of.” She would have moved away but he held her hand fast.
“I don’t want to fight,” he told her huskily.
“Too damned bad,” she told him heatedly. “We don’t do anything outside the bedroom. I don’t even know where you live.”
“There are people who work for me there,” he told her tightly.
And God forbid they should find out you are screwing the fat girl, she thought bitterly.
