by Viola Rivard
Her mates had always played well—very well—when it came to sharing her in the bedroom. That had been the only time, other than the first mating thrall, that she had actually been afraid that they might hurt her.
Before Caim could reply, Asch lifted Dawn from Mila’s arms. “He’s going to stay here,” Asch said and passed her daughter off to Caim. Mila’s empty arms fell to her sides.
To her surprise, Caim didn’t protest as Asch hooked his arm in hers and led her to the exit of the den. Mila looked back at Caim, but he was already heading toward the lower chambers, presumably to put Dawn in her room.
“I should go back and get my shoes,” she said.
Without warning, Asch hefted her up into his arms. “No need for that.”
Mila couldn’t help but laugh before looping her arms around his neck. As Asch whisked her away from the den, she tried to ignore the pang of sadness in her heart.
6
Mila loved nighttime by the lake. It was one of the reasons they had decided to stay at the lakeside den long after the danger had passed in Cairn Valley. Usually accompanied by one of her mates, she took Dawn down to the shore several nights a week to steal a few private moments with her daughter. Dawn loved to race ahead of her, splash, and generally cause a ruckus.
Tonight, it was just her and Asch. Water sloshed against her feet as they walked along the shore together. She heard the sounds of crickets chirping in the nearby forest. It was dark, but she wasn’t afraid. She was never afraid when one of her mates was nearby.
“I heard there may be some problems in one of the western dens. Coyotes, right?”
She didn’t mention that it had been Talon who told her about the coyotes. The males always got weird whenever she mentioned she had talked with the young alpha.
“Yeah,” Asch said and rested his hand on her hip. “Don’t worry, though. It’s nothing to be concerned about.”
“Are you going to have to leave?”
Asch shrugged. “We haven’t discussed what we’re going to do yet, but I definitely won’t be leaving anytime soon.”
He stopped and maneuvered her so that she was facing him. Up close, she smelled his alluring scent: cedar and fresh rain mingled with a sensual masculinity. Her toes curled into the sand.
“What is it?” she asked.
Rather than answer her, Asch leaned down to kiss her. His lips were warm, and the short stubble on his face pricked at her softer lips. Typically, she found his stubble to be bothersome, but tonight, it added a measure of roughness to his kiss she found irresistible. She melted against him and surrendered to his embrace.
With one hand, he grasped her rear and gave her cheek an appreciative squeeze before pushing her against his groin. She broke away from his mouth, just enough for a sharp intake of air, as she felt his thick erection strain within his jeans. Unconsciously, she licked her lips.
In a sultry voice, Asch said, “I’ve been thinking of having that tongue on me all day.”
Her body tingled with anticipation, and it amazed her that she’d been able to resist him for the past few weeks.
Following that train of thought, she said, “Am I, uh, I’m not going to get pregnant if we have sex right now, am I?”
Mila had meant for the question to be playful, but felt Asch stiffen and her heart sank.
“Not right now,” he said tightly. “But soon. Another day or two, and then it’ll be possible.”
Living in the mountains, it was difficult for her to keep track of the days. Mila had suspected her cycle would be in full swing sometime soon, and it now made sense to her why she was feeling so amorous today. While her scent affected her mates more than her, she was hardly immune to the erotic pull of the mating thrall.
Wanting to wipe the frown off her mate’s face, Mila gave him a seductive smile. “Well then, we’d better have some fun while we can.”
Asch’s posture remained tense. “That’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”
Mila tilted her head. “All right.”
He hesitated for a moment, and then said, “I was thinking we could go away for a few days, just you and I.”
Mila didn’t need any time to recognize the implication in his words. “Asch … I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet.” Not wanting to sound unreasonable, she added, “Dawn’s not even a year old and I want to be there to take care of her, not tied up with another baby. It wouldn’t be fair to her.”
She relaxed when she saw he didn’t look angry. Then, he began to speak, and she felt her sense of calm slip through her fingers.
“You don’t have to worry about that stuff, Mila,” he said as he stroked her cheek. “Caim is a good father. He takes care of Dawn, just like I’ll take care of any pups we have together. And with all the pack mates to fawn over them, no kid of yours is ever going feel neglected around here.”
Mila saw where this was headed and knew that if she wasn’t honest, things would only be more difficult later.
“You’re right. As much as he can drive me crazy sometimes, Caim is a really good father,” she said. “And I know that you’re going to be a great dad, too, but I don’t even feel like a mom, let alone a good one. I’m not ready yet, Asch. I’m sorry.”
Asch cupped her cheeks. She saw his lips move through the blur of her tears but couldn’t make out what he was saying over the rush of blood in her ears.
“Please. I want to go back to the den.”
7
A sch gave her space when they got back to the den, and for that, Mila was grateful. She bypassed her friends and made a beeline for the passageway that led to the lower chambers. After over a year of living at the lakeside den, she knew the path like the back of her hand.
Within minutes, she arrived at Dawn’s room. For the first two months after Dawn was born, the pup had slept exclusively with her parents. It was Mila who had first suggested that Dawn have her own room. Caim had been against it, but it had been easy enough to convince him when she reminded her mate of all the fun they could have without a baby in between them.
Dawn had not liked sleeping away from them. She was fussy and difficult for weeks, and then, finally, she shifted into her wolf form and never shifted back.
Fern had told her that wolf pups tended to shift when they felt vulnerable. More than once, Mila had wondered if it was her fault that Dawn had shifted.
Dawn’s room was dark, save for a small candle that flickered on the stone shelf. Mila could make out Caim, who rested in his wolf form. There was an inconspicuous dark lump on his back, and she knew it was Dawn, cuddled up on her father’s back.
Mila wanted to go to them. She wanted to let go of all of her insecurities about being a parent and just go cuddle up with her daughter. She pivoted in the doorway, turned, and walked away. She wrapped her arms around her torso, the passageway suddenly feeling colder.
There was a fire lit inside Talon’s room. Mila had known he would be there. Unlike the rest of his pack mates who had integrated into the Lazarus pack, albeit with some resistance, Talon distanced himself from the others, even his own sisters. Mila had spent a lot of time trying to get him to mingle with the rest of the pack, but tonight, she was glad that he was there alone.
He looked up when she entered his room and gave her a questioning look. The moment she met his gaze, Mila burst into tears.
* * *
“This seat taken?” Lotus asked as she emerged from the forest.
The air around her was charged with energy. She was naked and her blonde hair fanned out around her in wild disarray. Asch took in her scent: wildflowers, dirt, and deer.
He scooted over to make room for her on the granite slab. She flopped down, grinning ear to ear. There was only one thing that could make Lotus so chipper.
“Catch a deer?” he asked.
“A fat buck,” she clarified, beaming with pride. “I took him down myself. Did not get so much as a scratch on me. The others are washing him up.”
“You miss
ed a spot,” he said with a downward nod.
Lotus peered down to see the thin line of deer blood that had dripped down her chest. She wiped it up with a swipe of her finger before licking it clean.
Asch watched, surprised at his lack of a physical reaction. Before Mila had come into his life, he had always had a soft spot for Lotus. She was difficult to get to know, but beneath her prickly exterior, she had a kind soul. They had never been more than friends and occasional bedmates, though, as she had always belonged to Caim.
“What are you doing out here?” she asked and looked around the area.
They were just outside the den. The air was cool and tranquil, but Asch could hear the hum of noise from below the ground where his pack was gathered in the main room. Mila was down there too, probably napping with Dawn and Caim by now.
“I needed some time to think,” he said, and it wasn’t a lie. He had a lot of shit to think about, though he had no idea where to start.
“Are you worried Caim will challenge you again?”
Lotus was one of the few members of his pack who would speak so openly with him, and one of the even fewer who could get away with it.
“Why would I be worried about that?”
She gave a slight shrug. “Because if he wanted Mila again, he could have her.”
“Why does everyone think Caim could beat me in a fight?” he asked dryly.
“No one thinks that you are any weaker than Caim,” she said and flicked her hair over her shoulder. “I have seen you both fight in the past. You are quite evenly matched, in a normal fight. But when it comes to taking a mate, Caim has the advantage.”
He lifted a brow.
Lotus explained, “Men take wives and father children. A wolf claims his mate and breeds pups. Caim is an alpha wolf, all the way to his core. You have the strength of an alpha, but you are not the master of your wolf, not like he is.”
It was the inescapable fact of his and Caim’s dynamic, and Asch couldn’t argue against it. Thinking back to the first thrall, he remembered how he’d naively gone off to scout the area while Caim had taken Mila into the den and mated with her—repeatedly—and Asch had been none the wiser.
Caim had a ruthless streak. Asch did as well, but he kept it buried, always afraid of what would happen if he lost control.
“But I do not think you have to worry about Caim,” Lotus went on. “I believe that when the time comes, he will not challenge you for Mila, at least not this time.”
Though Caim hadn’t said as much, Asch was fairly certain that Lotus was right. While Caim had been difficult earlier, Asch had not sensed any animosity or combativeness from him.
“Caim is only part of the problem,” he admitted. “Mila doesn’t want another pup, at least not right now.”
As emotional as Mila had been, Asch had been hesitant to ask when she’d be ready. All he could picture was waiting several more years to become a father, and it was flat-out depressing. Asch adored Dawn, probably more than anyone in the pack, save for her parents, but she served as a constant reminder of what he didn’t have.
Lowering her voice, Lotus said, “I have never liked Mila, this is no secret. However, I do believe that if I were her, I would not want another pup either.”
“What do you mean?”
“In her own way, she loves you both,” she said. “I know that you love her because I have seen the way you have been with other females. I know Caim loves her because he tolerates how annoying she is. But if I were her, I would not know if I mattered much to either of you.”
Asch sat up, straightening his spine. “Mila knows that she matters to us.”
“She was pregnant the first month she joined our pack, and now, the moment she’s fertile again, you are both at each other’s throats to breed with her again without even considering what she wants.”
“Mila came to the pack to be our mate,” Asch said, feeling defensive.
Lotus let out a bark of laughter. “That silly human of yours had no idea what she came here for or what she was getting herself into. If I must give her credit for anything, it is that she has put up with both of you for so long. I would not have tolerated it, were I her.”
“You seem to have given a lot of thought to what you would do if you were Mila,” he said.
Accepting the change of subject, she said, “It is a way to pass the time.” Her lips curved. “That, and Bay.”
Asch scratched the back of his head. “Bay? As in the member of our pack? How old is he now?”
“Old enough,” she said. “Besides, I have always liked them young.”
8
Mila sat next to Talon and stared into the fire. Her tears had passed quickly, leaving behind nothing but a dull ache in her chest.
“You must think I’m a really miserable person,” she said.
“Why would I ever think that?”
“You lost your parents, your pack, and your little brother, and here I am crying about being unhappy with my family.”
She shivered and Talon reached behind them to grab a fur. He secured it around her shoulders, his eyes fixed on hers.
He said, “You lost your mother.”
“That was years ago.”
Talon’s arm encircled her waist and pulled her close to him. Werewolves were very tactile creatures. Rosie and Brae were always quick with a hug and the other females had no qualms about embracing her either. Still, since she had come to the pack, none of the other males had so much as touched her, let alone held her. But knowing he was only doing his best to comfort her, she didn’t reject his hold.
“Yes, but you remember how it was, don’t you?” he asked.
Mila thought back. “Yeah, I remember. I would hang out with my friends and listen to them bitch about their boyfriends or people at their jobs. Then, just when I would start to feel normal, they would always apologize for complaining about their problems when mine were so much bigger than theirs.” She gave him a wan smile. “I’m sorry.”
Talon shook his head. “Don’t be. Now tell me what’s wrong.”
Her initial uneasiness fading, Mila relaxed in his hold. “Asch told me that he wants to have a baby. I told him no, but I’m afraid if I don’t, he’s going to resent me.”
The walk back to the den had been uncomfortable. Asch hadn’t said he was upset, but he hadn’t needed to. She was always sensitive to the moods of her mates, and she knew without a doubt that he was disappointed with her.
“Did you explain why?”
She frowned. “I told him I wasn’t ready, and that I don’t think I’m a good mom as it is.”
“Did you tell him how you feel about Dawn?”
Mila felt her eyes begin to prickle again. She squeezed them shut, determined not to cry again.
“No. I haven’t told anyone except for you.”
Talon’s gold gaze was full of compassion. “It doesn’t matter. They should respect your decision. The way they treat you, it isn’t fair. You deserve better.”
It was nice to hear someone echo the sentiment she often felt, but Mila realized that, justified or not, she didn’t like the sound of anyone speaking poorly of Asch and Caim. Maybe she did deserve better than Asch and Caim. Maybe they deserved better than her. But she didn’t want anyone but them, and the thought of anyone other than her by their side made her blood boil.
“They aren’t perfect, and neither am I,” she told him. “But for better or worse, we’re mates.”
Talon pressed his lips together, and then said, “If I were your mate, I would always respect you, Mila.”
Whoa, she thought and leaned away from him. Where had that come from?
Trying not to overreact, she said, “Well, you’re really only hearing my side of the story. I’m sure if you were friends with Asch or Caim, you’d probably think—”
Talon silenced her ramblings with a swift, hard kiss.
Shock paralyzed her as Talon’s mouth moved over hers, confident and determined. In her stupor, Mila asked herself
the gut-wrenching question: Was this my fault?
They had been friends for months. She had made a big effort to get to know him, and in the process, he had gotten to know her as well. Somewhere along the line, had she given him the impression that she was interested in him?
Talon pushed her down onto the furs and covered her with his heavy body. The action snapped her back into reality, and her hands went to his chest. She tried to push him, gently at first, and then when he didn’t budge, she pushed more forcefully.
She thought for sure it would be enough to get him to back off, but Talon just growled and bore down on her harder. When his erection jabbed at her pelvis, she felt physically ill. She tried to knee him in the groin, but his legs had hers pinned firmly to the ground. Fueled by desperation, she balled her hand into a fist and punched him as hard as she could, right in his throat.
Talon recoiled sharply, one of his canines nicking her bottom lip in the process. Her heart slammed against her ribcage as blood pooled in her mouth.
For a split second, the young alpha looked indignant. Then, he took in her appearance and his expression melted into one of shame and regret.
He tried to touch her cheek, but she flinched away. “Mila, I …”
Not in any mood to hear his excuse, Mila shoved at his chest again. She was startled when he went flying backward, and she gaped down at her hands. When she looked back up, she realized what had happened.
Asch slammed Talon against the wall, fury etched into the fine lines of his face.
In a thunderous voice, he said, “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
9
Mila had never seen Asch so angry before. His eyes blazed with a white-hot intensity that had her anxiety mounting, even though his gaze was focused solely on Talon. With his hand wrapped around Talon’s throat, Asch pinned the young alpha against the wall.
Whether it was because he recognized that he was in the wrong, or because he knew Asch was stronger than him, Talon didn’t fight back. Mila suspected that his submissive posture was the only reason Talon was still alive.
