A World To Lose

by Frances Ellen

  Sophie was glad to have been invited to the meeting. Just because she wasn’t cleared yet for missions, it didn’t mean the Small Council didn’t appreciate her input. Now that her brothers were in Brazil, the meeting made her feel like she wasn’t completely useless.

  Footsteps sounded on the stone walkway, and she opened her eyes. About thirty feet to Sophie’s left was a staircase that led to the walkways below. The sandy, blonde hair was the first thing Sophie saw of Jacob Henderson as he walked up the stairs. On reaching the top, the boy hesitated as he saw Sophie leaning against the wall.

  “Sophie,” he said, surprise in his voice.

  Sophie watched Jacob as he walked slowly towards her. She had never liked him much. He was never unkind to her, but he always made a point of getting under her brothers’ skin. Especially Sky’s, for some reason. Aside from that, he always walked around like he owned the place, very cocky as he smiled his crooked smile, which made his pale brown eyes light up. He had girls following him wherever he went; though, to give him his due, he didn’t take advantage of them in the way Sky did.

  “What are you doing here?” Sophie asked, not unkindly.

  “I er, come here sometimes,” Jacob said. There was nothing of the arrogant air around him now. Rather, there was something calm and peaceful about him, as if he’d let down that cocky shield; it revealed a somewhat sad serenity underneath.

  “Your parents?” Sophie asked. Jacob was an orphan. He had lived in the castle for as long as Sophie could remember. All Affinite orphans came to live either on Saluverus, Viria or Auro, the three undetectable islands created by Queen Aiyana.

  Jacob came up beside Sophie and placed his hands on the stone wall. He looked out over the Norwegian Sea as he nodded. “Yeah.”

  “I’m sorry,” Sophie admitted. She had never seen Jacob like this.

  Jacob shook his head as if dismissing her condolences. Sophie doubted he even remembered his parents much, considering how young he must have been when he lost them. Saluverus was the only life he’d really ever known.

  He turned his head towards her and searched her face. “Are you all right?”

  Sophie smiled slightly. “You don’t have to pretend to care, you know,” she said, remembering the crappy interactions he’d had with her brothers. Sophie reminded herself of how much Jacob wanted to be an Aster, and how she or one of her brothers would have to die for him to have a chance at becoming one.

  “I do care,” Jacob said, turning his gaze back to the Sea. There was no offence in his words. “Though that might be hard to believe.”

  “You’re horrible to my brothers,” Sophie pointed out.

  Jacob turned his head to look at her again. “I’m never horrible to you.”

  “We’re family. If you come after them, you come after me, too,” Sophie said sharply.

  There was a hint of a smile on his face. “That’s nice.”

  Sophie felt a pang of empathy then. Even though her “real” family didn’t live on Saluverus, but in England and Canada, Sophie had never once felt alone. The other Asters were her family.

  The orphans on Saluverus were well taken care of, Sophie knew that much. But did they ever have the feeling of having a real family? Did the orphans come together and become a make-shift family like the Asters had done?

  Sophie looked at Jacob and saw the longing in his eyes as she had spoken of the Asters being like her family. She realised then that probably no one on the island had ever seen him like this; so open. Sophie wondered why he was showing this side of himself to her. The two of them had never really had a long conversation, since she was mostly in the company of her brothers, and they and Jacob never hesitated to say something to get on each other’s nerves. Sophie felt bad for the boy now, but she still didn’t fail to remember.

  “It’s also no secret you want to be an Aster,” Sophie said.

  “Not just an Aster,” Jacob said.

  For a moment a wave of panic soared through Sophie’s body. Did Jacob know that there was that tiny chance the Small Council could be looking for an Affinite to get the Queen’s magic? Then Sophie shook herself. No, no one outside of the Asters knew. And no one, not even Jacob, could possibly dream of the Queen’s death, just in case the unlikely scenario would arise that he might become King himself.

  “Do you know why I train the way I do?” Jacob asked.

  Sophie gave him a pointed look. Her silence was enough of an answer.

  “If the opportunity would arise to become an Aster, I would take it yes. But—” Jacob said as Sophie couldn’t hold back rolling her eyes, “—not for the reasons you might think.”

  Sophie let him go on. This was the most honest she had ever seen him. She still wondered what was in it for him to tell her these things. Sure, he had flirted with her from time to time, but Sophie had never taken it seriously. She always thought he’d just done it to annoy her brothers some more.

  “I wanted to fight alongside her,” Jacob said. “If I couldn’t be an Aster and fight with her the way you all would’ve done, then I wanted to be like Jackson and Percy. I wanted to be that one Affinite soldier the Queen trusted beyond anything.”

  “You could still be that for the Asters,” Sophie said quietly.

  Jacob shook his head. “No, I can’t. It’s not what I trained for. It’s not who I trained for. It was never about the Asters. If I had the opportunity to become one, I’d jump at it because it would bring me closer to who I wanted to serve and fight for. Anyway… it doesn’t matter now.” He paused, and then said quietly, “I haven’t been here in a while, you know?” After another pause he shook his head, as if to clear away that line of thought, and continued in his original tone. “I was so sure of myself.” He paused a third time and corrected himself, “I still am, don’t get me wrong. I’ll make the best soldier.”

  A small grin appeared on his face, and Sophie couldn’t help but do the same, all the while shaking her head. He was right, though. He would make one of the best soldiers. Aside from all his arrogance, he trained harder than any Affinite the Asters trained with. And they had all just thought he was preparing himself for the day he might be asked to become an Aster. He was of the proper age, and there was a secret list for who could be chosen for the Transfer of Magic. Sophie didn’t doubt that Jacob was somewhere near the top.

  “You would make quite a decent soldier, yes,” Sophie admitted.

  “Quite a decent soldier? Come on, you know I’m better than that,” Jacob said, exaggerating his offence, his brown eyes sparkling.

  “I don’t want to feed your ego,” Sophie remarked, trying to hide her own smile and how much she was enjoying having a conversation where they weren’t talking about how she was doing. Jacob treated her like a normal person, instead of some fragile piece of glass that could shatter at any moment.

  “Oh, you don’t have to worry about feeding my ego. My ego is pretty decent sized already.”

  Sophie laughed. “I have no trouble believing how true that is.”

  The two of them laughed for a moment before falling silent. The sun had nearly set and the lanterns hanging on the walls and inside the crypts had magically turned on, the fires within them crackling softly.

  “So why did you come today?” Sophie asked.

  Jacob frowned at her.

  “You said you hadn’t come for a while,” Sophie clarified.

  Jacob shook his head. “I don’t know. Everything I trained for… Now that she’s gone, I’m not quite sure of anything at the moment. It’s like the lights have been turned off and I’ve been left in the dark. And I’m just waiting not to feel lost anymore.”

  Sophie caught her breath. He understood. Sophie hadn’t expected it to come from Jacob, but he understood. Better than anyone how it felt that the Queen had died. Sophie felt lost, too. She’d given herself into her magic because she couldn’t stand the feeling of being so lost. She’d almost given her life, hoping to prove that what had made her feel this way wasn’t true. That the
Queen – that Gayle Mendosa – might still be alive. And everything Jacob had done; everything he had lived for, was for Gayle, too. What would happen to him now that he had lost that one focal point? That one thing that motivated him beyond anything else?

  “You just need a distraction; something else to fight for. You will find your way out of the darkness eventually. Just keep fighting,” Sophie said.

  Jacob glanced at her bandaged hand. Without even realising it she had started rubbing the bandages again. It suddenly made her feel very self-conscious. “I will if you will,” he said quietly.

  Sophie stared at him. Jacob offered her a smile before sighing and leaning down on the stone wall on his forearms. He was now at the same height as Sophie, their faces at the same level. He turned his head to face her.

  “How do you think she died?” he asked her.

  Sophie closed her eyes for a moment. She’d thought about that night a hundred times, imagining every possible way Gayle had lost her life. For only a moment she would have witnessed the magical world she had always been a part of but had never known, before it was all ripped away from her. “Alone,” she breathed. “Alone and afraid.”

  Jacob let out a long breath beside her. “I can’t think of a worse way to go.”

  Sophie shook her head. Neither could she. For what worse way was there to die than not knowing who you are and why it was the end?

  “Our darkness is nothing compared to hers,” Sophie said softly. “She’ll never come out of hers.”

  Jacob looked at her again. “What about you? Have you found your way out?”

  “Not yet,” Sophie admitted. “But I’m less lost than I was before.”

  For a moment Sophie worried that she’d steered the conversation right to what she didn’t want to be talking about. Almost every conversation she’d had recently was about how she was feeling, that she needed to be careful, that she needed to take things slowly for a while. Every single person she talked to would have this worried look in their eyes, ready to catch her in case she broke again. But they didn’t get it. The worst was behind her now. She wasn’t going to break again. She would be sad for a while, yes. She would feel lost for a while still, yes, that too. But she wouldn’t break.

  “You don’t seem so lost to me,” Jacob observed. At his words, a weight lifted off her chest. One person. At least there was one person who didn’t treat her like she was damaged and a danger to herself. She suddenly realised she wanted to be around that more; around someone who treated her like a normal person.

  Sophie smiled at the boy who understood her. He probably opened up to her because she understood him, too. There was something strange about that, and yet it was extremely comforting.

  Before Sophie knew what she was doing, she was already leaning towards him. She pressed her lips against his. For a split second he didn’t react, but then he leaned into the kiss, too. He stepped closer to her and his hands were in her hair before she even realised what was happening.

  Then, before it became anything too intense, Jacob pulled back. Even in the illuminated darkness Sophie could see his cheeks were flushed and there was a glaze over his light brown eyes.

  “What’s wrong?” she asked softly.

  Jacob breathed once. His hands were still in her hair and his face was still so close to hers. “I don’t want to be just a distraction,” he breathed. “I don’t want… I want…”

  Sophie placed a hand on his chest, and felt his heart hammering underneath. She could feel him tense the second she touched him. “You’re not a distraction, Jacob,” she told him.

  Jacob smiled slightly and whispered, “Call me Jake.”

  “Okay,” Sophie whispered.

  Jacob’s eyes sparkled in that way that made her heart beat faster. “Okay.”

  And he kissed her again.

  The next morning the Board Room was filled with people. Not only was every member of the Small Council there, including Percy Kelly, but every Ceder and Elder was there as well. Ceders became Elders the moment a third generation was born. Aside from Diana Griffiths, only Sky and Nathan’s grandfathers were the other Elders left alive.

  Sophie stood in between her mother and grandmother near the window, looking out over the island as they waited for Madeleine to ready herself for the final tracking spell she was to cast to find Gayle’s bones. At this point the hope that she was still alive, but behind some magical barrier blocking their spells was gone. Now all they hoped for was if they could possibly still find her bones, which would then lead to the highly charged question of what to do if the Transfer of Magic spell could work on them.

  The table and chairs had been moved to the side, and a large circle of salt had taken its place. Madeleine knelt inside it, a map of the area of the Amazon Rainforest near Gayle’s hometown spread out in front of her. At the top of the map stood a small dish filled to the rim with the blood of the four male Asters of Sophie’s generation. Because they were still in Brazil and couldn’t help with the spell, their blood would have to do. A candle stood in the dish.

  Madeleine straightened the map in front of her, before looking up and holding out her hand. Sylvia leaned in closer and handed her a lighter and the last remaining vial of Gayle’s blood, provided by Cara and Tomas on the night that it all went wrong. At the same time, Sophie stepped forward, together with the other three Ceders and the three Elders. They created a circle around Madeleine and linked their hands together.

  Madeleine looked up at Katherine. “Ready,” she said.

  Katherine nodded and closed her eyes. As she started whispering the spell to lend Madeleine the strength of everyone around her, Sophie saw her mother’s Band glow golden. Sophie’s right hand, which was holding her mother’s, started to warm, and soon enough her own Band started to glow golden as well. On Katherine’s other side stood Diana, Sophie’s grandmother. Her Band glowed golden, too. As Sophie looked around the circle, everyone’s Bands started glowing their distinct colours, one by one.

  After finishing the spell, Katherine opened her eyes and looked straight at Madeleine. Without even using her own magic yet, Madeleine’s Band turned from black to a glowing blue the colour of the sky. The moment this happened, Madeleine first took the lighter and lit the candle in front of her. Then she opened the vial of Gayle’s blood. She held her eyes open as she murmured the words to the spell that specifically tracked a dead body. Madeleine tipped the vial over the candle, causing a single drop to fall out and into the flame.

  There was a bright flash. Sophie closed her eyes instinctively against the light. When she opened her eyes again, she looked down at the map in front of Madeleine. There were a few glowing sparkles near where Sophie knew Gayle’s hometown was, but they died down almost immediately. If there was a dead body to be found, or even a few bones, the sparkle would have remained at the place Gayle was killed for a moment, before moving to the place the body was now. But the sparkles didn’t move; they slowly died away. There was nothing to be found.

  Sophie heard someone outside of the circle of three generations of Asters sigh disappointedly. Madeleine dropped her hands by her side and blew out the candle. Everyone in the circle let go of each other’s hands.

  Behind Sophie, Sylvia cleared her throat. “It was a fool’s hope,” she said.

  “It was still hope,” Katherine said.

  Sophie looked up at her mother and remembered something she always told Sophie when she was a little girl.

  When all seems lost, don’t give up on hope. Sometimes hope is all you have left.

  Her mother had still had hope. Maybe not that Gayle was alive, but that her magic didn’t have to die with her. Now that hope was gone, too.

  Axel turned to Percy. “Ready the troops. The Queen’s Case will start their investigation the day after the Memorial.”

  Percy nodded and left the Board Room.

  “Is it necessary to research the exact manner of how she died?” Sky’s grandfather, Harrison, said. “What will it bring us but
more sadness that we couldn’t save the poor girl?”

  Axel kept his voice quiet and respectful as he answered the oldest Elder. “Whatever we come to learn will help us when we need to face the new King again. It is no longer about Gayle, but about preparing our Asters for the future. We know too little about him.”

  Harrison Mayne inclined his head but said nothing more. Sophie wondered if this was a good enough explanation for him, or if he knew that questioning the Ambassador further didn’t have any effect on the plans that were already set in motion.

  “We need to move on,” Sylvia said. She walked over to a bag lying on the corner desk and pulled out another vial of blood. She handed it to Madeleine, who was still kneeling within the circle of salt. Sophie knew that this vial contained the blood of both Cara and Tomas Mendosa. A spell cast a few days earlier had indicated that their bodies could still be found. Gayle’s body must have been incinerated for not even her bones to be able to be found. Why the King hadn’t done the same to Cara and Tomas, Sophie didn’t quite understand. Perhaps he didn’t think an extra two Asters would be a threat. Killing Gayle seemed to be his main priority.

  The three present generations of Asters locked hands again. Katherine once again recited her spell to connect the powers of everyone in the circle, and one by one the Bands on everyone’s wrists started to glow. Madeleine’s glowed last. She lit the candle once more, all the while murmuring the words to the tracking spell, and let a few drops of blood fall into the flame.

  There was a bright flash again, but this time when Sophie opened her eyes, the sparkles on the map in Brazil remained. First the sparkles came together to form one little bubble of light, and then it began to move east and north. Sophie expected as much. At a certain point, the bubble would pause and remain at a certain spot. Because the map was pretty detailed, it wouldn’t take the Bone Recovery team long to find the bones.

  The light bubble started to slow down, but, to Sophie’s surprise, it never stopped. Instead, the bubble split into two, both of which split again. And again and again until there were tens of tiny glowing sparkles covering a significant area of the Amazon Rainforest.