The Bondage of Love

by Catherine Cookson

  Letting this pass, Len said, ‘As her ma there’—he jerked his head towards Annie—‘told her some long time ago…well, since she came out of that mad gear and began to dress like a woman, or a young lass, which she still is; well, Annie told her that she should mind her manners and alter her ways. But no, she wasn’t going to change for anybody. And yet, there’s been a difference of late, hasn’t there, Annie? We’ve noticed it, haven’t we?’

  ‘Yes. Yes, we’ve noticed it,’ Annie said. Then, as she sat down on the bench at the end of the table, and looked towards Willie, she added quietly, ‘Your mother won’t like it; I mean, your news, will she, lad?’ she said.

  ‘Oh. Oh.’ Stumped by the question, Willie shook his head before saying, ‘She likes Daisy, she does. She does. And more so lately. I mean, she couldn’t help but like her, because she’s really beautiful now, the way she dresses, and…’

  ‘Yes, lad,’ Annie cut in, ‘she has changed in that way, and she has quietened down a lot, I must say that. But still, there’s a big void, isn’t there, twixt your family and us? And don’t come back, lad, and say, oh, today there’s no class business any longer. Well, that’s just wishful thinking by kindly people: you know and I know there’s still them and us. And being human beings there always will be. It makes me sick to hear some of them yarping on. We’re all equals, they say, but they live up Brampton Hill and around the better quarters and in the houses that your da has been building. Oh, they are packed with them.’ Annie smiled now. ‘And what gets up my nose, there’s a lot of Labourites among them, pushing education for the working classes. I thought that was already there, if they wanted it, in these comprehensive schools. Why then do they send their bairns to private schools? But there, God provides but the devil decides where to divide. Still, as has been proved and in this house an’ all,’ she now smiled at Willie, ‘it’s up to the individual. In all ways it’s up to the individual. But one thing I’m going to tell you, Willie, no matter how my Daisy dresses, or what extra she puts into her head, and let me tell you she’s put in a lot lately, as you’ll find out, don’t think it’s going to change her character. She’s too strong that way. She’ll always remain herself. And it’s a pity in some ways, because she’ll say what she means and upset people. But then you know all about her. Oh, yes, you know all about her by now. So, I’ve said me piece. It isn’t often I get a chance.’ She now nodded towards her husband, then added, ‘But I’ll say this one thing: I don’t blame them who’ve gone to live in your da’s fine houses, no, not if they have the money, because,’ she laughed now, ‘I wouldn’t mind going to live in one meself.’

  At this Len said, ‘Talking about those fine houses, it’s a pity they’re just on finished. But what a stroke of luck, for this family anyway, that not many will be stood off now that your da’s got those fields at Grey’s Farm.’

  Willie nodded from one to the other, saying, ‘Oh, yes, he is pleased. It was a long fight, but what pleases him most is, as you say, that he’ll be able to keep on most of his men. It always worries him when he’s got to stand anybody off.’

  ‘Well, he’s keeping our three on, and I thank God and him for it. I do really,’ said Len, ‘especially Harry, for he must have been the last employed there, and it’s generally last in first out. Anyway, lad, I can tell you he’s made a difference to this family. Our lives have changed and, I’ve got to say it, for the better. Oh, aye, for the better. And there’s our Mike, I never thought he’d fall for a lass, or a woman in this case, for there she is, nearly five years older than him. But he’s clean gone on her. Now he’ll be the next one to move out. But strange, of all of them, it’s him that wants to do it properly and get married. And what d’you think? Our Danny’s wanting to stay on. He wants to go to the technical college and be an engineer. Well, I say, good luck to him. But just a few years ago that wouldn’t have happened, simply because we couldn’t have afforded to keep him there in clothes and things. And you know something, Willie, lad?’ Len bent towards Willie now and in a conspiratorial whisper said, ‘It was our Daisy who put that into his head, and she said she herself would see to whatever had to be spent on him, you know, in clothes and things. Thick as thieves those two. Our Sep would have been the same, but he didn’t have the chance. Sep’s a bright fella and—’

  His voice was cut off now by Annie, saying to Willie, ‘How is the young lady getting on? Sep doesn’t say much, but now and again he speaks of her.’

  ‘Oh, she’s getting on splendidly. Well, I say splendidly: in one way she’s almost back to her old self, yet in another, she never wants to leave the house. It’s a form of agoraphobia, and she always wants to be near my mother or my grandmother, or with the children; that is, our friends’ two children and my sister Angela. At these times she seems entirely happy. Again, I just say not quite, because, although she now can suffer being near a male, she’s still not quite at ease with us, although she doesn’t shudder when we go near her. But, you know, Sep was the first to play table tennis with her. I was very peeved about that.’ He smiled deprecatingly. ‘I thought I would be the one to get her to play. But no. Then one evening…well, Sep got up and handed her a bat and said, “I’ve got no need to show you how to play, have I?” She didn’t answer but she went to the table and she played with him. And we all sat there amazed. And she’s even played tennis outside a number of times with him.’

  ‘Oh, aye. Oh, aye.’ Len threw his head back now and laughed loudly. ‘He had a job to hide that racket. He brought it in in brown paper, and all kinds of things. But the lads chipped his ears off. Still, he took it in good part. But just think; one of my crowd playing tennis. Well, that’s another thing I’ve got your father to thank for. Oh, aye. ’Cos Sep’s got a different outlook on life…well, he’s more like Mike, thoughtful like. He’s the kind of fella who won’t talk unless there’s something worth talking about. You know what I mean? But, oh, I’m glad to hear the lass is improving. Does she never leave the grounds?’

  ‘Oh, yes. Yes. We got her to the pantomime earlier in the year. And she’ll go for drives in the car. But my mother or grandmother have to be with her. And you know, she never laughed, well, she didn’t even smile for months. And then,’ he nodded, ‘it was one Sunday tea and Daisy was at her best. I can’t remember what she said, but it caused Mamie to splutter into her tea. And then the whole family was laughing with surprise, and relief, in a way, because there she was, smiling, the while she looked at my mother saying, “Sorry. I’ve spilt my tea.” And when Dad said, “Well, let’s all spill our tea,” she then started to laugh again. It was a queer sensation to hear her, like someone coming back from the dead. And last weekend she spoke to Dad. She opened up a short conversation with him. It was while they were in the nursery and it was about Angela’s modelling. You know, she’s very good at modelling animals. And I understand, she talks to Sep quite a bit. But she doesn’t to me and I get peeved about that too.’

  Annie laughed as she said, ‘Oh my! Willie, I couldn’t imagine you getting peeved or losing your temper.’

  ‘Oh my! Mrs Gallagher, I’m noted in the family for flying off the handle. You ask Katie.’

  ‘Well, in that case, laddie, Daisy’d better look out, hadn’t she?’

  ‘She had, Len, she had.’

  ‘What had she better do?’ The door from the passage had opened and there appeared a tall young woman, with no vestige of the punk remaining. Her dress matched her coat, which was of a soft grey material.

  The sight of her made Willie draw in a sharp breath before he exclaimed, ‘Oh! That’s lovely. When did you get that?’

  ‘Oh, a week or so ago.’

  ‘And you never said!’

  ‘Why should I?’ There was a vestige of the old Daisy in her manner and tone. ‘Look at this inside.’ And when she opened the front of the coat Willie said, ‘Good gracious! It’s a soft gold colour. It’s most unusual.’

  ‘Of course it is. Of course it is.’ She now spread her arms wide and turned slowly
about, saying as she did so, ‘It was a Paris model.’ She stopped. ‘Look!’ She now pulled the neck of the coat back, saying, ‘Read that.’

  When he read the tag, he said, ‘My, my! Did she keep this to one side for you?’

  ‘Of course she did. And, as she said, this suit would turn a weed into a flower…’

  ‘What’s she talking about? You’ve never been a weed.’

  ‘Oh, I was, Da. Oh, I was. A colourful one, but nevertheless, a weed. Well, that’s how she saw me; and not only her.’ Now she turned to Willie and repeated, ‘And not only her, sir. Am I right?’

  ‘No, you’re not right. It was a poor simile, she should have said—’ He paused now and his head bowed slightly to the side and towards her as he said, ‘She should have described you as a daisy being turned into an orchid.’

  ‘Go on with you!’ She pushed at him, and he caught her hand, and as he held it he looked into her face and said flatly, ‘You’ve got too much make-up on.’

  ‘What!’ She tugged her hand from his. ‘I haven’t got too much make-up on. Now you stop it!’

  ‘I’m not going to stop it; you’ve got too much make-up on. Hasn’t she, Len?’

  Len put his elbow on the table and rested his head in it, his hand smothering his laughter. He muttered, ‘Now, don’t bring me into it. I lost that war years ago. There’s no fight left in me.’

  ‘Well, there is in me.’ Willie was nodding at Daisy now. ‘You have no need to emphasise your eyes with that black muck. You’ve got long lashes to begin with. As for the marks in the corners, you don’t want to look Chinese, do you? You’ve got round eye sockets, not oval ones. And your pink lipstick would go with your suit, but not that red.’

  Her pale creamy skin was now flushed and her voice was the old Daisy’s as she said, ‘Why I don’t slap you across the mouth, Willie Bailey, I just don’t know. But I will one of these days.’

  ‘Daisy!’ Her mother’s voice was harsh, and Daisy turned on her, crying, ‘Well, Ma! I haven’t got half as much on as I used to.’

  ‘Well, that’s still twice as much as you should have. And Mr Willie is right.’

  ‘Oh Ma! And another thing when I’m on, stop calling him Mr Willie; he hasn’t got a title.’

  ‘Well, in my eyes, he has, lass. He’ll always be Mr Willie to me.’

  Daisy now turned on Willie, crying, ‘You cause trouble in this house, you know. You have for a long time. I’ve kept it to myself, but you’ve caused trouble.’

  There was a serious expression on Willie’s face as he turned from her and looked, first at her mother, then at her father; and Len, still laughing, shook his head and said, ‘The only trouble you’ve caused in this house, lad, is in improving her. And if anybody on God’s earth wanted improving, it was her. Not so much on the inside, no, but definitely…what am I talking about? Yes, she wanted improving on the inside, and it’s taking place if she’d only let it.’

  ‘I’m going to get out of here.’

  ‘Well, I’m not.’ Willie now sat down on the chair Daisy had vacated; then, looking up to her, he said, ‘Not until you take some of that coal dust off.’

  As she stared down at him, her face crumpled and then it looked as if she were about to cry, and he jumped up and took her by the shoulders as he exclaimed softly, ‘Oh, love, love! It’s mostly in fun.’

  ‘No, it isn’t. You mean it, don’t you?’ Her voice was soft and had a break in it. And she was talking as if her parents weren’t standing viewing her. And after a moment, he said, ‘Yes. Yes, I do, because you’re so beautiful without it…well, just a little. And you are beautiful.’

  There was dead silence in the kitchen for a moment, and then there was a quick movement that could have been the outcome of ju-jitsu practice: Daisy released herself from his hold and stalked out, and presently her high heels could be heard clicking up the stairs. And Willie, consternation on his face and in his voice, said, ‘I shouldn’t have gone for her like that.’

  ‘Yes, you should, Mr Willie. Yes, you should. You did right; and to be truthful, her face did spoil that lovely outfit. It is a beautiful outfit, isn’t it? I’ve never seen anything like it in my life.’

  ‘Yes, it is. And’—Willie sighed—‘she doesn’t need make-up, does she? Not a lot, just a touch here and there. She’s got a lovely skin and lovely eyes, and…well, all you can see is…’ he sighed.

  As Len looked at Willie he recalled the day that this wild daughter of his had come home one dinner time and asked them for advice on her first, second and third choices. Thank God she had come to her senses and had picked on this young fella, who, socially was as far above her as was a star, and yet there was no-one more down to earth than him. She was lucky, and he knew that at bottom she was aware of it, and, if he knew anything more, she was very much in love with him.

  As Annie was saying to Willie, ‘She fell on her feet when she found that shop,’ the door opened and there stood Daisy.

  Her face looked clean as if she had just washed it: her lips were a pale pink, and there was a thin brown line pencilling her eyebrows; there were no black marks at the end of her eyes and just the ends of her lashes were touched with mascara.

  Willie immediately went to her, but he didn’t speak, he bent towards her and kissed her gently on the lips. And it was a matter of seconds before she pushed him away, saying, ‘You do the daftest and most embarrassing things, Willie Bailey.’

  ‘Yes, I know I do, Daisy Gallagher. And that makes a pair of us.’

  ‘Well, now we must be off else we’ll miss that bus again.’

  Daisy now moved towards her father and, touching his cheek with her finger, she said, ‘Bye-bye, Da. See you the morrow night.’

  ‘Bye, lass. Have a good time. Well, you always do.’

  Her mother was standing near the front door. She did not touch her cheek, they just looked at each other. Then Annie said almost in a whisper, ‘Don’t let your suit down, dear.’ And Daisy’s voice was as low as her mother’s as she answered, ‘Don’t worry, Ma. I’ll live up to me suit the day, and more. You don’t know the half of it. You will the morrow night.’

  For a moment Annie looked puzzled before she said, ‘Go on with you. Go on with you.’

  It was a five-minute walk from the bus to the beginning of the drive. And once inside the gates, he stopped her and, pulling her into his arms, he said, ‘You know something, Daisy? I’m bursting out all over with love for you. I want to shout, yell, dance, play a tom-tom.’

  ‘Oh, Willie. You know, you are daft. I’m not worth all that. I really am not; I know myself, and I’m not worth all that.’

  ‘Leave it to me to gauge what you are worth. I’ve had long enough practice, haven’t I, during all your stages? From your colourful roots stage, through the transition period when your upper half was spoilt by your lower half, with woolly stockings and shoes like clogs, then into your dressy stage. And the only thing that spoilt that was your face, your beautiful, beautiful face’—he now cupped her cheeks in his hands—‘ruined with make-up. But now you are as I’ve always known you could be, complete.’

  ‘Ladylike, is that what you mean? Because if you do, you’ve put your money on the wrong filly, Willie.’ She laughed here, then repeated, ‘Wrong filly, Willie.’

  They stared at each other in the dim light coming through the sun-dappled trees of the avenue, and when he asked softly and simply, ‘Do you really love me?’ she put her arms around his neck. She didn’t fall against him, but leant back from him, saying ‘When you know what I’m doing for you, that’ll be your answer.’

  ‘You’ve got something up your sleeve, haven’t you? You’ve been hinting at it for days.’

  ‘Weeks, months.’

  ‘Weeks, months? What d’you mean?’

  ‘Oh, you won’t be kept in the dark much longer.’

  ‘I shouldn’t be kept in the dark at all. Now come on.’

  ‘Look,’ she took her arms from his neck and drew herself from his embrace, sa
ying, ‘we are going to drop a bombshell in that house at the top of the drive. Oh’—she shook her head—‘they know what you think about me, and they guess what I think about you. But they also know, at least some of them do, that these things fizzle out. We are young, foolish, we don’t know our own minds. Oh yes, some couples of our age have got three bairns now and a fourth browning off in the oven. But as for engagement or marriage between…’

  He thrust her from him, then pulled her quickly into his embrace again, and his body was shaking with laughter as he said, ‘I’ll remind you of that some day when our fourth is browning off in the oven.’ And at this her own body shook now and she leant against him, and then she muttered, ‘Oh, Willie, Willie,’ his mouth sought hers and he kissed her long and hard. And now he whispered, ‘And I can’t see us waiting for the next five years. Can you?’

  ‘Yes. Yes, I can.’ Her voice was a hissing whisper now. ‘For who’s going to keep us in the way you have been accustomed to? My stipend,’ she stressed the word, ‘won’t do much towards it, and we’re not living on your folks. Get that into your head. Anyway, come on. I’m dying to get to the house.’

  His face came close to hers again and he said, ‘Dying to get to the house? What for?’

  ‘You’ll see, you’ll see.’ And now she hurried away leaving him to pick up her case again and to hurry after her, the while muttering, ‘There are times when I could shake you.’ She answered, ‘Yes, and there are times when I could put you on your back, and not in fun either.’

  ‘I’d like to see you doing that, Daisy Gallagher.’

  ‘You will one day, Willie Bailey.’

  And then they were on the open drive before the house. And there was Fiona standing at the top of the steps and Bill was about to get into his car; but seeing them, he called, ‘Oh, you’ve got here then. Good! Good!’ He slammed the car door before adding, ‘Come on! I’ve got something to show you.’ And he began to walk towards the courtyard and the garages.