by Kari Gregg
“Life isn’t fair.” Kenneth’s hand clenched. “Neither is death. After losing Ian, none are more aware of that ugly truth than you are.”
“Death isn’t fair, but it doesn’t have to be agonizing and horrific.” Jamie thumped his chest with the flat of his hand. “We can see to it that, this time, for Da, dying isn’t painful and terrible.” His shoulders slumped. “I realize our relationship isn’t anyone’s dream of what forging the bond with a mate should be. I’m sorry for that, more than I can say.” Having mated with Ian, Jamie recalled with perfect clarity the magic of mating the one fated for him and he regretted the absence of that for Kenneth. Jamie may not love him, but he didn’t wish him ill. Far from it. “I’m trying to find a way to make us work that causes as little harm to Da—and us—as possible. The intimacy of tying might push us, as a couple, forward. Because I feel like we’re stuck. My every step is invariably followed by several in retreat.”
Kenneth edged his chair back from the desk and stood. Facing Jamie, he grasped Jamie’s fingers and gave them a gentle, affectionate tug. “Patience, Jamie. We’re coming along. I swear to you we are. You only need more time.”
“He’s in agony.” Jamie gulped back his tears. “I was with Ian when he breathed his last. Someone must told you that.”
“They did.” He drew Jamie into his warm embrace. “Your da told me what happened, took me to the spot.”
“You saw his blood staining the stone, but what Da didn’t tell you is the cat didn’t just kill Ian. The animal toyed with him, shredded him piece by piece, one slow sharp swipe and bite after another.”
Eyes glittering with compassion, Kenneth stared at him. Refused to look away. “Your father didn’t need to tell me. I personally examined the site and noticed the signs, including the blood trail Ian left on the granite and several disturbed areas where he must have fought the cat.”
“A pack regularly ranges throughout its land, if nothing else to refresh territorial markers warning encroachers away, but neither Burnt Fork or Bitter Creek was near the mountain pass that day. Nobody heard his cries. No one was there to help him.” Jamie blinked back tears. “I wasn’t.”
“You were where you should have been, at your den training the pack kids. The attack wasn’t your fault. Ian’s death wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was an accident. Pure dumb luck.” Kenneth sucked in a shaky breath, his jaw clenching with the emotions he choked back. “Fate.”
“He wasn’t discovered for hours.” Jamie shivered. “By the time I reached him, Ian was too weak to talk. He was barely conscious, breathing shallow and choppy, but the bloodied stubs of his fingers and the gouges on his forearms spoke for him, told me of how hard he fought and how dearly he suffered.”
Drawing Jamie against his chest, Kenneth kissed the crown of Jamie’s head. “I’m sorry.”
“I swore then that if prevention was within my power, I’d never let another creature suffer like that again.” Jamie burrowed into Kenneth’s reassuring bulk, allowed the comfort. Wallowed in it. He tipped his chin up to stare into Kenneth’s eyes. “Da is suffering.”
“He isn’t in pain. Some human medications are ineffective with shifter physiology, but opioids cross the species barrier. The drugs disorient him. He sleeps a lot, but he isn’t suffering.” Kenneth kissed Jamie’s forehead. “He didn’t endure two years of cancer to rush you at this late stage.”
“Suffering isn’t limited to physical pain. Despite human medical treatments and Lisa’s hovering, the pack healer’s, and yours, he’s hurting. You’ve made him comfortable, but he isn’t happy. That’s no life to wish upon an enemy, much less a parent, even one as lousy as Da. I can’t watch anyone else die in misery. Won’t.” Jamie dared to life up to brush his lips over Kenneth’s chin. “You’re worried I’m not ready to mate, but I am.”
Kenneth snorted, but he caressed Jamie’s flanks in long strokes. “We barely know each other.”
“Mating happens that way sometimes. In all your travels, you didn’t witness how fast the bond can be sealed?” Jamie lifted his hand to cup Kenneth’s cheek, trembling at the scritch of Kenneth’s stubble against his palm. “Ian is dead. I loved him. I always will, but he’s gone and never coming back. Clinging to his memory is painful, lonely. I don’t want to live in the past anymore.”
“I’m not going anywhere. We have time,” Kenneth said, voice low, but he angled his jaw to brush a soft kiss over Jamie’s mouth that made Jamie’s toes curl and his heart thump.
Jamie traced the seam of Kenneth’s lips with his tongue. “Don’t you want me?”
Groaning, Kenneth tightened his grip, pulling Jamie closer.
“I know that you do.” Jamie nestled into Kenneth’s broad chest, smoothing his hands down the firm muscle under Kenneth’s flannel shirt. “And I want you.”
Faster than Jamie believed possible, so quick and steely Jamie’s dick perked with interest, Kenneth grabbed Jamie’s wrists to halt the caress. “You want me tonight, but you’re still fighting it. What about tomorrow?”
Experimentally tugging against Kenneth’s tight grasp, Jamie smiled slow and sexy when he couldn’t budge Kenneth. Ian would’ve freed him at any hint of Jamie balking, but not Kenneth, not Jamie’s new mate. Ian had been born a beta, like Jamie, a caretaker and a nurturer always happy to give support wherever support was needed, but not comfortable in a commanding role. Jamie had never mourned that lack in the mate he’d given more than ten years of his life to and had loved to the depths of his soul, but with Kenneth warm and solid against him, neither could Jamie deny the trickle of lust pushing through him at having one who would not bend and yield easily in his mating bed. Since Kenneth retained his grasp on Jamie’s wrists, Jamie lifted on the tip of his toes to plant a sly kiss on Kenneth’s temple. “Tomorrow, we’ll have sealed the bond.”
“You don’t know that.” Kenneth scowled, though the hard ridge pressing against the fly of his jeans spoke eloquently of his desire.
“I do.” When Jamie tugged at his hands again, Kenneth reluctantly released him. Jamie twined his arms around Kenneth’s neck, diving his fingers into Kenneth’s dark hair at his nape to relish the softness, straight while Ian’s had boasted curls prone to tangling. “I’m tired of fighting this mating. Fighting you. I want our future and I want it now.”
Kenneth groaned low in his throat, frustrated lust etching his harsh features. “You aren’t ready.”
Jamie disagreed. He thrust his hips forward, grinding his stiffening dick into Kenneth’s crotch to prove his avid desire. “I am,” he whispered, angling his head to tease Kenneth’s lips with his own. “I need you. Take me, my mate. I ache for you.”
The growl that rolled out of Kenneth’s chest spiked Jamie’s pulse and he enjoyed a scant moment of terror mixed with victory before Kenneth’s mouth took his in a dizzying, hungry kiss. Kenneth didn’t ask entry. His tongue stabbed into Jamie’s mouth, seeking and exploring. Claiming Jamie for his own. Jamie eagerly met the wicked dance of Kenneth’s tongue, shivering at the slick slide as Kenneth’s arms wrapped around him. He loved the feel of Kenneth’s solid body on his, craved the ruthless crush of Kenneth’s grasp on him. After Ian’s death, Jamie initially hadn’t managed the slightest interest in sex even when he caught Kenneth spying from the Burnt Fork side of the woodlands. His cock hadn’t hardened. His blood hadn’t heated. For a long time, Jamie had moved through the duties of his every day as an automaton, numb, as dead inside as his lost mate.
Kenneth’s presence on the fringes of Jamie’s life guaranteed that wouldn’t last.
Still, Jamie had struggled against emerging from his grief. He hadn’t welcomed the return of his ability to feel anything beyond the pain of mourning Ian and had wept bitter tears at the stirring of his cock, the signs of arousal proving Momma’s prophecy at Jamie’s birth would be fulfilled. He’d hated the future mate who had provoked his renewed physical awakening. Hated himself.
He’d nevertheless healed. He’d grown stronger and steadier. Maybe
if Kenneth had pushed then, Jamie would’ve fought him as he had once fought Da, but Kenneth had never approached him, close and carefully observing without ever intruding. Waiting.
Always waiting.
Jamie had waited too. Someday, he’d known the hurt wouldn’t tear at his sanity or claw at his guts as fiercely. His grief would eventually relent. During his blackest lows, when his next breath felt like too much of a chore and the craving to join Ian stabbed sharpest, Jamie clung to the knowledge that at some point, he’d be whole again, that he might even learn to smile once more. Be happy.
That time was now. Jamie sensed the door swinging wide as surely as he felt--and treasured—the ferocity of Kenneth’s kiss and shuddered under the possessive stroke of his hands. He hadn’t lied. Jamie was ready, finally, to open up to another, to share himself, and not with just anyone. With Kenneth. It had to be Kenneth. Jamie wanted no one else. That letting Kenneth in also necessarily returned him to the pack that had betrayed him didn’t matter, not yet, not while Kenneth’s panting breaths echoed in Jamie’s ears and the glide of Kenneth’s fingers over the upper curve of Jamie’s ass made him shiver. They’d deal with the rest later, he and Kenneth, together.
Tonight was about the two of them.
Eager and wanton, Jamie angled his jaw to deepen their kiss. When Kenneth growled again, the vibration in Jamie’s mouth set him to trembling and he clenched his fingers in Kenneth’s hair to urge him. Not that Kenneth required encouragement. His mouth was voracious, the twining of their tongues as they both surrendered enthralling. Jamie let go of his misgivings, fears, and worries. Who could consider such things when the magic he had been certain died long ago slowly stirred, as though emerging from hibernation after Jamie’s winter of grief? He felt alive, every part of him seeming to wake up and cry out for more of Kenneth’s kisses, more of his touch…just more.
Still eating at Jamie’s mouth, Kenneth backed him toward the bed they’d shared. When the backs of Jamie’s knees met the mattress, Kenneth guided him down to the blankets, stretching out atop him. Jamie spread his legs to create a cradle for Kenneth’s hips and when their groins touched, they both moaned. Senses spinning, Jamie ground into his mate despite the clothes separating them. “Shh, hush,” Kenneth murmured, reaching down between them to fumble with the snap and zipper of his jeans, then freeing Jamie’s dick from his pants.
Jamie gasped at Kenneth’s warm grip surrounding his length and his thoughts whirled at Kenneth’s skillful strokes. Jamie dug his heels into the mattress as the pleasure built inside him, a wicked tingle at the base of his spine indicating he wouldn’t last. Couldn’t. “Kenneth,” he said, voice husky with equal parts warning and appeal.
“Let me take care of you.” Kenneth released Jamie’s dick despite Jamie’s protesting whimper, but only to move into place. He wrapped his large hand around both his cock and Jamie’s. Shuddering, Jamie arched his back and fought toward his release. Eyes glittering, Kenneth pumped his fist. He mashed their cocks together deliciously. He dove down to claim Jamie’s mouth, swallowing Jamie’s moans as pleasure built and built and built.
So long—years—since Jamie’d had sex, Jamie knew he wouldn’t hold back. Couldn’t. He dug his fingers into Kenneth’s wide shoulders as Kenneth’s wondrous stroking drove him out of his mind. Jamie wanted everything, Kenneth’s touch, his taste, the sounds he made as he too raced to completion. Jamie welcomed the push of Kenneth’s tongue past his lips and shook at the passionate play of Kenneth’s kiss. Jamie’s muscles tensed, his orgasm gathering.
Jamie groaned into Kenneth’s mouth as semen shot from the tip of his cock, landing in ropes across his shirt. Cum dribbled down Kenneth’s fist, slicking the way, but Kenneth didn’t follow Jamie into bliss. Instead, the pace of his strokes slowed. Though Kenneth’s chest heaved, the erotic attention of Kenneth’s mouth gentled. “All right?” he murmured when he lifted up, his dark stare intent and assessing on Jamie.
Too rocked by his release for such mundane things as speech, Jamie could only nod and warmth burst inside him at Kenneth’s answering smile. “Good,” his mate said, then reached for Jamie’s shirt. He eased it over Jamie’s head and had already begun working on relieving Jamie of his pants by the time Jamie stapled enough brains into his skull to remember to strip Kenneth as well. Pity his fingers didn’t want to work. He pawed at Kenneth’s flannel shirt, fumbling with the buttons until Kenneth brushed his hands aside to shakily unfasten the shirt himself.
Eyes wide and black with his lust, Kenneth shrugged out of soft flannel to reveal tan skin matted with thick black hair the same shades as the pelt of his wolf, his broad chest tapering to a flat abdomen and lean hips. Jamie yanked at the denim, suddenly desperate to rid them both of their clothing so that nothing separated them. He craved skin on skin, needed the feel of his mate’s body against his own more than his next breath. “I want—”
“Me too,” Kenneth said on a low rumble, already shoving his jeans down. He planted his palm at the center of Jamie’s chest and gave a small shove, urging Jamie to the mattress, flat on his back when Jamie would’ve gladly scrambled to all fours. “No, like this.” Once he kicked off his jeans, he settled over Jamie again, his weight a thrilling burden holding Jamie exactly where Kenneth wished him to be.
Kenneth’s mouth descended on Jamie’s, hungry, almost violent in Kenneth’s desire. Thought Jamie’s arousal had been tempered, his craving for his mate quickly rekindled. Jamie traced his palms over the silky skin of Kenneth’s shoulders. The muscles bunched under Jamie’s fingertips, enthralling Jamie. Living alone in the Between, relying almost exclusively on himself, Jamie both had worked hard every day, the results of his labors writ in the sleek muscle of his body, but Jamie was no alpha. Kenneth’s muscles were bulky, his strength exponential compared to other wolves.
Jamie shivered, excitement coursing through him at the notion of all that strength pouring into him. Their kiss explosive in intensity, Kenneth explored Jamie’s body, an elbow braced next to Jamie as Kenneth’s hand skated across Jamie’s chest to pause and pluck at Jamie’s sensitive nipple. The nub beaded as Jamie groaned, thrusting his hips up and into Kenneth’s still jutting cock.
He wanted that dick inside him. Now. This very moment. He needed Kenneth’s teeth in his nape, the smell of their sex lingering in his nose. Kenneth’s kiss consumed him and Jamie was eager to be taken. Moaning in protest when the pinch and rub on Jamie’s nipple ended, Kenneth flung out an arm to grope at their bedside table, Jamie glared at Kenneth. “Don’t stop,” he said, the words throaty, almost a snarl.
Smile feral, Kenneth shook his head. “I’m not.” He fumbled inside a drawer and withdrew a bottle of lube. “Just getting you ready for me, sweetheart.”
Huffing out an impatient breath, Jamie dipped his head to lick and nip at Kenneth’s throat, an elicit tremble sweeping over him at the snick of the bottle opening. Jamie bent his knees and raised them to hug Kenneth’s hips. Frustratingly, Kenneth traced the crack of Jamie’s ass with his newly slick fingers once, twice, then a third time before pressing one to Jamie’s hole. “Patience,” Kenneth said as Jamie wriggled to try to work the finger inside.
“Enough teasing.” Jamie glared at him. “I want you.”
Kenneth’s kiss swollen mouth quirked. “Yes, your majesty,” he said and finally popped a finger into Jamie’s ass.
Writhing, Jamie groaned. His spent dick twitched, Jamie’s blood racing to fill it as Kenneth pumped in and out of Jamie’s hole, spreading the lube. Jamie’s ass burned. He tipped up his hips, though, and with Kenneth’s next stroke, Jamie saw stars. “Oh, Goddess,” he moaned, head falling back to bare his throat as Kenneth’s touch lit up Jamie’s prostate in earnest. “Fuck me.”
“Knew you’d be like this.” Kenneth chuckled and added another finger to Jamie’s hole while he licked a line up Jamie’s chest to his neck. “Hot. Burning me up.” Then he hissed when Jamie wrapped his hand around Kenneth’s hard length.
Jamie swept the
head of Kenneth’s cock with his thumb, spreading out a thin drop leaking from his mate. “In.”
Kenneth gritted his teeth, the muscles of his neck cording under Jamie’s voracious mouth. “Don’t want to hurt you.”
“I won’t break.” Closing his teeth on the tender skin, Jamie growled. “Claim me.”
Shaking, Kenneth pushed a third finger inside Jamie’s ass, which stung, but not enough to thwart Jamie’s passion. “Bite me,” Kenneth commanded.
So Jamie did. He sank his incisors high and deep into the meat of his Kenneth’s throat, Jamie’s gut knotting at Kenneth’s pained grunt as the first mating bite snapped their bond tighter. In an instant, Kenneth’s arousal became Jamie’s and the desire swamping Jamie crashed through Kenneth as well, sweeping them both into a maelstrom of shared greed and lust. With a husky snarl, Kenneth yanked his fingers from Jamie’s ass and wiggled to move into position.
Panting, Jamie gulped at his mate’s blood as Kenneth shoved away Jamie’s hand to line up with Jamie’s hole. He thrust forward and a frantic keen locked in Jamie’s lungs when Kenneth slid into him. Hard as flint, stretching him wider and wider, Kenneth shoved into Jamie’s ass with a groan that resounded in Jamie’s ears like a symphony.
“C’mon,” Jamie said, mouth wet with Kenneth’s blood. Ignoring the discomfort, he wriggled, struggling to draw Kenneth’s cock deeper still. “Fuck me. Hard. I need it.”
Stare turbulent with his passion and his delight, Kenneth shook his head. “Relax.”
Jamie didn’t want to relax. He wanted Kenneth plunging into him, his flinty hard cock driving him up and up and up into bliss. Losing himself in Kenneth and the passion they created together consumed caution, wisdom, everything else, but Kenneth kept his thrusts shallow, easing into Jamie’s ass by slow inches that frayed Jamie’s already splintering control. He whined in entreaty when Kenneth finally bottomed out, his dick like a steel rod in Jamie’s ass, the stretch amazing and frustrating and beautiful all at once.
