by Kasey Krane
And I hoped, for their sakes, that they noticed the matching wedding rings on our fingers. She belonged to me. At least for a little while longer.
Marley sat across from me, sipping the red wine that lightly stained her chocolatey lips. A candle flickered between us and her face was aglow.
We made small talk about our preferred cuisines, but when she drew in a deep breath I knew she wanted to bring up something more serious.
“Colin, I just want to say that I’m very grateful to you for what you shared with me. About your mother and your family.”
I shifted in my chair but she refused to look away from me.
I didn’t want to discuss my mother again. I didn’t want to open up old wounds that night.
“And I meant it when I said you’re lucky to have the kind of family you do.”
I nodded.
“Because I never experienced it. That kind of family or the kind of connection,” she continued.
I said nothing, but I wanted to hear more.
Marley played with the corners of the table cloth and drank some more wine.
“I…my parents were…they fought a lot when I was growing up. It wasn’t a happy family situation. They blamed each other for being miserable, and fought over me and tried to pit me against each other. It was…not easy for me.”
Her eyes looked dense and like they might fill with tears at any moment. I leaned over the table towards her, feeling the urge to reach for her and hold her in my arms. But I figured maybe she didn’t want that.
She wasn’t really saying it to gain my sympathy was she?
She was telling me something personal about her childhood because I’d shared something personal about mine.
“How are they now?” I asked.
Marley sniffed and shrugged, acting like what she was about to say didn’t bother her. But I could see it in her eyes, her voice was shaking.
“They died. Just a few days before my father was supposed to move out of the house so they could proceed with the divorce. They were driving together to see me at college and their car spun out of control and hit a tree.”
My fingers on the table shook and I hoped she didn’t see it. I felt like I’d been punched in the gut.
I could sense her eyes on me. She watched me closely and I tried to get myself together before I looked at her again.
“Colin, are you okay? Is it something I said?”
I wolfed down some of the food on the table in an attempt to buy more time.
“I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong. I just don’t know what to say to you. I’m not very good at finding the right words of consolation.”
She smiled wearily. “You don’t have to console me. I’m all right. I’ve had enough time to go over every detail of my childhood, and my relationship with my parents and their death. I’ve overanalyzed everything about myself.”
“Is this why you reacted with such panic when you discovered we got married?” I asked.
Marley sipped her wine and settled back in the chair.
“Yeah, maybe. I never wanted to put myself through it. What my parents did to themselves.”
“You think all marriages end the way your parents’ did?”
“Yeah, most of them do. I’ve done my research, I’ve seen the statistics. There’s no such thing as a happy blissful marriage.”
She rolled her eyes and looked away from me. I could see the bitterness pouring from every cell of her skin. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d met someone so jaded about marriage.
“I guess you’re right,” I commented.
“You agree with me?” Her eyes were wide.
“I agree that relationships are usually doomed. Marriages are a gamble. I have seen a couple of happy ones but they’re probably just the exceptions to the rule.”
Marley nodded.
“Besides, it’s not like you could ever truly know how happy those people are in their marriages. Everyone puts on a show for the world.”
I stared at her, trying to push out all the other thoughts and memories swirling in my head. Was this really how she felt about marriage? Was it completely off the table for her? Was she going to spend the rest of her life fueled by one-night-stands because she couldn’t put herself through a serious relationship?
Our eyes met and I snapped out of it.
What the fuck did I care how she chose to spend the rest of her life?
“What about you, Colin? Are you ever going to marry someone? For real.”
I poured the remaining wine into my glass and sucked it down quickly.
“No. It’s not for me either,” I replied.
“Then we are the unluckiest idiots in the world for ending up together,” she said with a laugh.
Twenty-Three
Marley
Colin was on top of me.
I was hanging off the edge of his bed with my legs up in the air and wide open where he’d wedged himself. He held my knees tightly, spreading my thighs apart while he thrust himself inside me repeatedly.
With each thrust he made a deep grunt. His face hovered over me, his eyes were narrowed and dark while he took over my body, filling me with his thick hard cock.
I had my arms spread out, my hair was like a halo around my head. I stared at him, looking deep into his eyes while he fucked me hard. Slow at first, and then rough and quick.
When he was close to coming, he rubbed my swollen clit with his thumb. My eyes rolled and my toes curled. He knew exactly how to touch me. How to make sure that I came along with him.
“Come for me baby,” he groaned as he continued stroking my sensitive throbbing clit. His cock dove deep into me. I reached for him, tracing the sharp muscles of his abs and his wide chest. His biceps were pumped, his neck looked thick and strong.
He was the finest specimen of the male species I had ever set my eyes on. I could lick him and lap him up like a melted ice cream.
Very soon, he hit the spot and I felt myself tumbling forward. I came with force, groaning and moaning with pleasure while my hips rolled to the rhythm of his thrusts. He came too, shooting deep inside me and filling me with his cum.
I could feel his sticky smear on the insides of my thighs. He pulled out with a flourish and fell down next to me on the bed. Only just a little out of breath.
Colin could keep going all night.
He reached over and patted my big swelling breasts.
“You have any idea how good of a fuck you are?” he said with a grin.
I should have taken it lightly—we had fun that night. He made me feel great. He bought me presents and took me to a fancy restaurant.
But the only question that popped up in my mind was—was that all I was good for?
I pretended to be exhausted and rolled over and got in under the covers. I sensed him get off the bed and go get a glass of water while I kept my eyes shut. I didn’t want to talk to him anymore for the night. I hoped sleep would come quickly so I could just switch off. So I could spend a few hours without my head being filled with thoughts of him and how comfortable I was getting in my surroundings.
The dinner and our ‘date’ had just made everything worse.
It had given me a glimpse of what it could be like if we were an actual couple.
It turned out that I couldn’t really sleep at all. No matter how hard I tried, sleep evaded me.
Colin slept soundly beside me, spooning me with his arm around my waist. All night, I stayed awake listening to his soft but heavy breathing in my hair.
My mind whirled with thoughts of us together. How good we looked when we stood together at the mirror before dinner. How people turned to stare at us at the restaurant, no doubt admiring how good we looked as a couple.
Then, there was the matter of his family. Even though I couldn’t brag that I’d spent a lot of time with them. I really liked what I saw. His sister and sisters-in-law were fun to be around, and they made me feel like I’d known them forever.
Even his brothers who I�
�d expected would be hostile towards me, were not. They were strangely accepting. They made me feel like I could rely on them if I needed to. Just the way Colin made me feel too.
But I had been trained to mistrust them. I had been told that these were evil criminal people. The reason I was here in New York, collecting evidence against the family was because I was trying to bring them down.
Colin tightened his grip on me, sleeping peacefully while my thoughts went around in circles repeatedly.
I wanted to scream. I wanted to scratch at the walls with my bare nails. Do anything to make these thoughts stop.
I knew I had feelings for this man I was lying next to. The man who had his arms around me and kept me warm at night. The man whose ring I had on my finger.
I was sleeping with the enemy—and I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. I was with him because I was falling in love with him, but there were secrets I was keeping from him.
I had come so close to walking away.
Maybe if I’d hurried and left the apartment when I still had time, Aldo Baron and his men wouldn’t have stormed in and locked me in. Maybe then, I would still have had a choice. I could have been back in Las Vegas, away from all this.
Instead, I was lying naked next to him while I had already agreed to work with Aldo.
He knew exactly who I was. He knew what I had been doing. He’d been watching us and looked into my background, putting two-and-two together. Aldo put me in a position I couldn’t back out of.
And maybe I should have been happy to work with Aldo so we could join hands in bringing down the Dohertys.
But I wasn’t happy.
None of this brought me any joy.
Somewhere along the way—I had lost all interest in doing my job, and now I wondered if I would make a good wife instead.
By the time the sun rose and Colin woke up, my head felt heavy and I hadn’t slept at all.
He leaned into me, covering the side of my face with kisses and snuggling into me.
This reinforced the idea I battled all night—what the heck were we doing here? Were we falling into some kind of messed up domestic bliss that would suck me in? That would make it impossible for me to get out?
What did he even want from me?
I knew what I wanted from him—information. What did he think I was doing here? Was I just a sex toy to him?
For him to play with and use for as long as he wanted? And once he was bored with me, would he just throw me away?
I was cold with him and didn’t reciprocate the hugs and kisses he showered on me this morning.
He must have sensed something was wrong because the previous night after our dinner, we had amazing sex and everything seemed normal.
“Why don’t you stay in bed this morning and I cook you breakfast?” he suggested, jumping out of bed.
I sat up, pulling my limbs up and feeling exhausted. Maybe I would have thought more clearly if I just had some sleep.
I said nothing while he whistled a tune under his breath. I watched him put on his jeans and then go to the kitchen, leaving me naked in bed.
I was still fuming.
I was furious with myself for being such an idiot.
For falling for a man who was clearly using me. Wasn’t I using him too?
But that wasn’t important, because I was trying to do the right thing, right? I was trying to fight crime.
By working with another criminal?
I couldn’t justify it even to myself—no matter which way I tried looking at it. Everything felt wrong.
My career and my work had been the center of my world for years. This was what I had worked towards. And by developing feelings for Colin, I risked throwing it all away.
For a man who didn’t give a shit about me?
For a stranger I didn’t even know?
For a guy who was a criminal, who belonged to a criminal family?
What was wrong with me?
I could hear Colin in the kitchen as he cracked eggs into sizzling hot pans. He was still whistling happily, like he didn’t have a care in the world.
I didn’t like feeling this vulnerable. I didn’t like wanting this illusion we had created for ourselves. This relationship wasn’t real. This marriage was a mistake. He didn’t actually care about me.
The dress, the shoes, the restaurant—it was all a means to an end. To get me in his bed for another night.
And now, I was boiling over. I didn’t know who I was more mad at—at Colin for using me, or at myself for falling for it.
Just as promised, Colin brought over a tray of food along with a large mug of coffee.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t have any of the fancy stuff you’re used to, but it’s hot and strong,” he said, pointing to the coffee on the tray.
He bounced into bed beside me, placing the tray between us, expecting me to be as excited about the food as he was.
There were fried eggs, sausages, buttered toast and coffee. Pretty impressive for a guy who didn’t furnish his loft because he didn’t give a damn.
While Colin started eating, I didn’t touch the food. I couldn’t bring myself to. I wasn’t hungry and was too tired and pissed off with the world.
“What’s the matter? You don’t eat meat or something?” he said with a laugh. He knew it wasn’t true. He’d seen me eating meat already.
“Have you spoken to your lawyers?” I blurted before I could stop myself.
Colin narrowed his eyes, looking a little surprised.
“About the annulment. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. You said you’ll look into it as soon as you got back. It’s been a couple of days, I haven’t seen any documents I have to sign.”
He put down the toast that was in his hand and wiped his mouth with the back of his arm.
“No, I haven’t spoken to the guys yet, but I’ll get on it. I’ve been…busy.”
His tone had changed. I could sense he was annoyed.
I rolled my eyes.
“And you won’t even tell me what you’re busy with,” I snapped.
“I can’t talk to you about the business, you know that already.”
“Yeah, whatever, just talk to your lawyers then.”
“Why? What’s the fuckin’ rush? You said it yourself, you have nothing to go back to,” he said.
I stared at him with my mouth hanging open. I couldn’t believe he actually said that. After all my honesty, he was going to use my own story against me?
He saw it in my eyes and got out of bed—choosing to not be near me anymore.
I was still too shocked to say anything as he dressed himself.
But eventually, I managed to find the words to express myself but I was all choked up.
“What makes you think I have nothing to go back to? Just because I lost my job and my parents are dead—you’ve decided my life isn’t my own? That you can just do what you want with me?” My voice was a deep hiss. Colin refused to even look at me as he buttoned up a shirt.
My chest heaved as I tried to hold back the tears.
This was exactly the reason why I never opened up to people. This was why I could never trust anyone with the truths about me.
Colin was leaving. He was just about to walk out of the apartment. But he stopped to say one last thing to me.
“Why don’t you try being honest with yourself for once, Marley? You’re the one piggybacking on my life. You’re the one who suggested coming here to New York with me because you didn’t want to be in Las Vegas by yourself. I’m not the one using you. You’re the one who doesn’t have anything better to do.”
After that, he was gone and I knew there was no point trying to stop him.
Twenty-Four
Colin
I got on my bike and decided to just drive. I just wanted to keep riding until I had nowhere else to go. Until I had forgotten about Marley and the way she had looked at me—like she couldn’t believe she had woken up beside me. Again.
The previous night was per
fect. I thought I had done all the right things. I thought we had a great time and we fell asleep in each other’s arms. But she woke up with the sudden realization that too much time had passed. She was bored of me. She had no use for me anymore.
What was I thinking?
Why did I allow myself to slip into a place of comfort with her?
I was the idiot. It hadn’t even been a week, and somehow, I’d managed to convince myself it could mean something. Just because we were having fun, and just because my family had warmed to her—I thought Marley and I could actually make the marriage work.
I allowed myself to entertain the idea that maybe it hadn’t been a stupid mistake after all.
But it was just a joke to her.
She came to New York because she wanted to have some fun and kill time. While I was over there, trying to figure out if she was in the process of changing my life forever—she was just playing a game.
My knuckles turned white when I gripped the gears so hard, swerving in and out of rush hour traffic. I didn’t even hear the horns blaring at me. I just wanted to forget about her. I wished I’d never met her.
Every other chick I ever took, I was the one with the upper hand. But Marley had played me at my own game. She had defeated me and I was a sore loser.
And the more I tried not to think about her, the more I thought about Tina.
The last time I ever felt like this—angry, confused, shattered, heartbroken, was when I lost Tina. And I made a promise to myself that I would never allow myself to be in that position again. I would never be that weak.
Once was enough. I’d learned my lesson.
But apparently not.
Marley forced me to drop my guards. She made me see what a different life could look like and I fell for it.
I had an excuse for falling for Tina—I was very young. I was naive. I was an idiot.
What excuse did I have for falling for Marley?
