Could involving himself with Shalin only lead to hurting her more than anyone else because she truly was innocent? He hated the thought of hurting her and hated the thought of never lying with her even more.
So focused on his thoughts and feelings—something Ailean rarely paid attention to for more than three seconds at a time—he didn’t notice Black Heart’s growing nervousness until she bucked suddenly. Ailean placed his hand on her flank, felt the tensing muscles. He crooned to her softly while he slowly, carefully stood. It wasn’t like Black Heart to be so jumpy around him. He’d ridden her and many from her line into local battles when he’d fought as human. She’d never balked before, although she could smell what he was.
“What is it, girl?” he asked softly. “What has you so nervous?”
“Is she for tonight’s meal?” that sweet, innocent voice asked.
And Black Heart kicked at the stall door, forcing Shalin to back up.
“Hmm. She may be tough of hide, Ailean,” Shalin said in all seriousness. “She’ll be hard to chew.”
Ailean quickly stepped in front of Black Heart before she could knock down the stall door. “Ssssh,” he sang softly. “It’s all right.”
Once he had her relatively calm, he glanced over his shoulder at Shalin, forcing himself to ignore how beautiful she looked in another one of his cousin’s gowns, this time a deep blue. Like before, it was too big for her and kept falling off her shoulder, giving just enough to tantalize and tease but still hold everything back. “She’s not dinner, Shalin.”
“She’s not?”
“No.”
“Then what are you doing with her?” she asked, honestly confused.
“Grooming her.”
“For what, if we’re not going to eat her?”
“Because I like to.”
“Oh.” Shalin looked down the long rows of stalls. “What about that one?” She pointed at Dragon’s Gold. “She looks like she’d be tasty and enough for two.”
Dragon’s Gold, only a few feet away, jerked back and kicked her stall door.
“Shalin!” he snapped, startling her attention back to him. “We don’t eat horses here.”
“You don’t?”
“No. These are working animals. Just like the dogs.”
“Aren’t you running out of food options?”
He couldn’t help but chuckle. “We make do.”
“I see.”
She wandered off, glancing into each stall.
Ailean took a moment to brush his hand over Black Heart’s snout. “It’s all right, girl. It’s all right.”
Black Heart clicked her teeth together and motioned with her head. Ailean looked up in time to see Shalin open one of the stalls and step in.
“Gods, Shalin! Not that one!”
Ailean shot over the stall gate, not able to take the time to open it, and charged after the dragoness. He stumbled to a stop when he found her petting the enormous pitch-black horse inside.
“I can see why you enjoy this,” she murmured. “It’s quite soothing.” She looked up at him. “What’s his name?”
“Nightmare.”
“Hmmm.” She ran her hands through the horse’s long mane of hair. “He’s not as clean as the others and his mane’s a mess. Why?”
Ailean smiled at the accusation in Shalin’s voice and crossed his arms over his chest. “That’s because no one else has ever been able to get near him except to give him a little food and water. He’s known for having broken more ribs, arms, legs, and heads than any other horse in my province. He’s mean, cranky, and foul-tempered. No one trusts him and we think he enjoys hurting people. Hence the name Nightmare.”
At his words, Shalin shrugged. “He seems to like me well enough.”
“That he does.”
“I’ll clean him myself, then.”
“Shalin, wait—”
“It’s not fair. All the others tended to and not him.” Shalin grabbed a bucket and headed out to get water. “I know what it’s like to feel like an outsider among your own,” she said so softly he almost didn’t hear her.
“I’ll take care of him,” she said again before disappearing out the stable door.
Ailean watched her go. It still astounded him Shalin was born a royal. She never acted like it.
And perhaps Nightmare wasn’t as big a bastard as they’d all originally thought if Shalin found some good in him. Ailean almost believed that too, until Nightmare reared up on his hind legs and brought his forelegs down on Ailean’s chest, sending him flying back into an empty stall. A human might have been killed, but—like Black Heart—Nightmare knew exactly what Ailean was and how much he could take.
As Ailean tried to get his breath back, Shalin reappeared with a bucketful of water and one of the stable boys to assist her. She glanced down at him.
“What are you doing?”
When he didn’t answer, mostly because he still couldn’t, she shook her head. “So lazy, Ailean the Wicked.”
6
It took her several hours to groom the horse to her particular standards. In the time it took her to do one, Ailean and the stable hands had done all the others. And while she groomed the horse, her puppy ran around and around until he’d drop wherever and sleep. Only to snap awake a little while later and do it all over again.
In all honesty, Shalin had never been so entertained before while doing absolutely nothing. She and Ailean never really spoke unless they asked each other specific questions, and yet she thoroughly enjoyed his company.
“You doing all right over here?”
She smiled as she ran the brush through Nightmare’s mane, yet again. It took her hours to get all the brambles and things out of it, but it was worth it. “Aye.”
“It shines.”
She patted the horse’s neck. “As it should.”
Ailean pulled open the stall door. “You missed dinner.”
Surprised, Shalin looked up. “I missed dinner?”
He nodded. “You’ve been out here hours. Didn’t you notice you’re the only one left in here?”
“I guess I missed that.” Her fingers slid easily through the horse’s mane. “Such a simple task and yet so…soothing.”
“Are you hungry, Shalin?”
“I am.”
“Then come. Madenn has food for you.”
Shalin stroked Nightmare’s forelock, which fell across his forehead. “He’s a fine horse, Ailean.”
“He’s your horse now.” When Shalin only stared at him, Ailean shrugged. “No one else can handle him, Shalin. No one else wants him. I tried to sell him once and he nearly bit the man’s hand off. You are the only being who has ever been able to get this close to him. He’s chosen you, so you might as well accept it.”
“I can’t take your horse.”
“He’s not my horse. He hates me. He’s always hated me. And to be honest, I hate him, too. It’s a mutual hate.”
“I don’t understand you.”
“You sound like my kin. They never know what to make of me, either.” He held his hand out. “Come on, then. He’ll still be here in the morning.”
Shalin nodded and patted the horse’s neck. As she walked out, the puppy charged past her and out of the stables.
“Where does he disappear to?”
“To play with his brothers and sisters. He’ll return when there’s food.”
Ailean locked the stall door, and together they walked out of the stables.
“The rains stopped,” she said, feeling the need to say something.
“Hours ago. You really do get lost in what you’re doing, don’t you?”
He didn’t sound mocking, merely curious. “There’s always noise and such at Devenallt. In order to get any work done, I’ve had to teach myself to shut it all out. To focus only on what’s important.”
“That’s a fine skill. No wonder you handle my family so well. You simply ignore them.”
Shalin laughed. “If it works. But I’m sure you have
the skill. When you’re in battle.”
“In battle I become aware of everything. I can’t afford to shut anything out except my own fear.”
“You don’t seem afraid of anything, Ailean.”
“I have fear. Anyone with sense has fear. You simply have to focus it where it’ll do the most good.”
“That first night we were here, your kin talked of going to Devenallt Mountain.”
“They did.”
“To—if I remember correctly—raid it.”
“Aye. That was what we in the family call a Twin Battle Plan.” At Shalin’s frown, Ailean elaborated. “Anything that requires us to go into the most impenetrable fortresses in the land and kill everyone not friend is called a Twin Battle Plan. Because the twins are usually the ones who suggest it.”
“There’s a reason they’ve never been invited to Devenallt Mountain, isn’t there?”
They paused at the steps leading into the Great Hall. “The Twins make the royals nervous. They’re short on temper and long on bloodlust. The royals want them to fight their battles but they live in fear of having them around. Since my cousins care nothing for politics, they stay away. It makes no difference to them.”
“Does anyone among your kin care about politics?”
“Only Bideven. But only enough to help when any of us get into trouble.”
“And you?” she asked, smiling up at him. “Do you care about politics?”
“Not even a little.” Big fingers brushed across her cheek. “Dirt,” he explained.
With a nod, Shalin walked into the Great Hall, desperately trying to ignore the way her skin tingled where Ailean had touched her.
Ailean paced the length of his room again. Since he’d knocked the wall out of three rooms to create it, this was no short trip.
For two hours he’d tried to sleep. For two hours he’d tossed and turned and masturbated until he feared his hand would fall off. Yet nothing could alleviate the burning, clawing need he had at the moment.
And Ailean wished with all his heart that this need was merely sexual. That all he wanted from Shalin lay between her thighs. But he wanted more than that. He wanted to sit and talk to her again. He’d never been so at ease with anyone not blood, and he never had to yell over her to be heard. She listened to him and that meant more than anyone could realize.
“This is ridiculous,” he told the air. “I’m a grown dragon. I can do as I like.” And they would only talk. Like they had the night before.
Confident in his intent, Ailean stormed to the door, snatching it open—and froze.
“Good evening, brother,” Arranz said calmly. He sat in a chair just outside Ailean’s room, cleaning his weapons.
“What are you doing?”
“Just…keeping watch.”
“Keeping watch outside my room?”
“This hallway, brother. Danger is everywhere. Even you. You’re in danger, too, Ailean. We have to be ever vigilant with you as well as Shalin.” Arranz looked at his brother, all innocence and naïveté, which Ailean knew for a fact was nothing more than centaur shit. “But Ailean, where are you off to so late? Is there something you need, brother? Something I can get you?”
Ailean’s eyes narrowed and Arranz grinned.
“You have money on this, don’t you?”
Arranz went back to wiping his weapon down. “How you think of me, brother. As if I’d bet hard-earned gold on something like this.”
Snarling, Ailean stepped back into his room and slammed the door shut. He hated his kin.
Hated. Them.
Shalin jumped when a door slammed. Biting her lip, she charged across the room, sliding to a stop in front of her own door and placing her ear against it. She listened but could hear nothing that would lead her to believe Ailean made his way to her room.
Damn the gods! Why were they torturing her so? Putting her in arm’s length of her greatest desire but keeping it just out of reach.
And the gods did not give her the kind of bravery that would allow her to march out of her room, down that hall, and to Ailean’s chamber. To demand he take what she offered.
Instead she waited in her room like a frightened mouse, hoping someone would put the cheese before her.
Gritting her teeth, Shalin paced back to the window, the puppy stumbling behind her.
Would her life always be this unfair? This brutally cruel? Would she ever get what she truly wanted or would she always yearn for what she could never have?
“Do the gods have some vendetta against me, little one?” she asked as she picked up her puppy and held him close. “Some vendetta against my ancestors that I’m unaware of? Or do they simply enjoy toying with me?”
Since Shalin came from a most boring line of dragons, she felt quite confident that the gods merely toyed with her.
“Bastards,” she muttered before heading to her bed.
7
Shalin had not slept well. She’d pretty much done everything but sleep. She’d read. She’d tossed and turned. She’d played with the puppy until he fell asleep. Now all she wanted to do was spend some time with her horse.
She walked down the stairs and into the Great Hall.
“We need to get you a dress that fits,” Arranz said in lieu of a proper greeting. “And some boots.”
“Are you done?” And her clipped words had Arranz staring at her.
“Is there a problem?” he asked.
“No. Not at all. Feel free to comment on anything. My hair all right with you? My face? Anything else I can fix to your satisfaction?” When he didn’t answer, Shalin looked at the rest of the Cadwaladr Clan. “Truly. Feel free while I’m standing here to comment on anything you like. No?”
Unable to stop sneering, Shalin grabbed a loaf of bread and walked out to the courtyard.
Ailean walked into the Great Hall. He passed by his kin, the lot of them nearly filling the room, grabbing a loaf of bread from the table. Before he went outside, he stopped and asked, turning back to his kin as he did so, “I need to train. Anyone up for—”
In the ten seconds since he’d started to ask his question, all but three of his kin remained. The twins stood.
“We’ll—”
“Sit down,” their mother ordered. And they both obeyed. She remained the only being on the planet who had full control over them. “What’s going on with you two?” Deniela asked Ailean.
“What are you talking about?”
“That sweet, innocent dragoness—”
At Ailean’s snort, Deniela’s eyes narrowed, and he held his hands up, indicating she should continue.
“She was in a foul mood and I’m blaming you.”
“How is it my fault?” Although deep in his soul, he prayed it was his fault. He shouldn’t be the only one not sleeping.
“She’s an innocent, Ailean. Don’t play with her.”
“I haven’t. And she’s not an innocent.”
“She’s probably a virgin.”
“Don’t be daft.”
“Have you asked her?” Deniela demanded. “Maybe you should before you set your sights on dirtying her up.”
“I have to say, Aunt Deniela, that I don’t appreciate you suggesting her being with me would dirty her up.”
When the old cow only stared at him, he walked out.
Shalin glanced up and that’s when she saw Ailean staring at her—again. She’d found him doing it several times since he’d walked in to groom the horses a few hours before. Finally, unable to stand it anymore, she asked, “Is something wrong?”
“No. Why do you ask?”
“Because,” she said, focusing back on Nightmare, “you keep staring at me.”
“Sorry.” But he didn’t stop staring.
“Ailean,” she finally said, “you haven’t done anything wrong.” In fact, he hadn’t done a damn thing and she’d gotten tired of waiting for him to.
“I know that.”
“Then why do you look like you’ve ravished me and left me pregnant
like some human?”
“No, I don’t.” He finally grinned. “There’d be much more running away involved.”
She petted Nightmare’s neck. “I appreciate your family’s desire to protect me, but I don’t need them to protect me from you.” She forced a smile. “I’m sure when this is all over we’ll be the best of friends.”
“Friends?”
Shalin’s lip curled. “Is there a reason you snarled that?”
“Are you a virgin?”
Rearing back a little, Shalin wondered at the abrupt change of conversation. Her anger sliding away from her in seconds. “Sorry?”
“You heard me.”
“I…uh…”
“Yes or no.”
“No. But I’m not sure it’s—”
“You sure?”
“Am I sure? Am I sure I’m a virgin or not?” She stepped away from Nightmare. “Is there something wrong with you? Mentally?”
“Yes. Or. No.”
“Yes. I’m sure that I’m not a virgin. I haven’t been one for quite some time although it’s none of your damn business.”
“No reason to get snappy. It was a simple enough question.”
“I don’t get snappy. Now if you’ll—”
“Ever been with anyone while human?”
Shalin let out a long breath. “Why is this conversation getting stranger?”
“Answer me.”
“You want me to answer you? Fine.” Placing her feet in between the slats of the stall gate, Shalin rose up so she could look him right in the eye. “Here’s my answer. No. I’ve never been with anyone while human. But after reading those books about you, I’ve always thought if there was anyone who could show me how good it could supposedly be, it would be you. Little did I know at the time that you were insane!”
Ailean carefully wiped off the bit of spit that hit his eye when she’d hissed that last part at him. “Good, because—”
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