by Lani Forbes
Chapter
45
Ahkin smiled encouragingly at Mayana and waved his hand toward one of the naguals sitting to the right of the throne. He saw panic flicker in her eyes, so he gave her another quick kiss.
“Don’t worry, Mayana. Toani just thought it would be a good idea for you to lead us in the sacrifice before dinner, that’s all.” He tried to force as much reassurance into his voice as possible.
“As the spiritual leaders of the empire, we will have to do this sort of thing all the time. It’s not any different from what you do at home during your family’s bloodletting feasts.” He shrugged to show her she had nothing to be afraid of.
Mayana’s eyes darted to his face, to her father’s, and then to the daughter of Pahtia.
The daughter of Atl trembled like a cornered animal. Poor thing. She would get used to the pressure of large crowds eventually. He rubbed a reassuring hand over her upper arm as the nagual rose to his feet.
“No, really, my lord, I think it would best if you …” Her voice was quiet and frantic, and Ahkin had to lean in to hear her.
“I know there are a lot of people, but I know you can do it. As long as the blood gets into the fire, there isn’t anything else that can go wrong. I promise.”
“What am I sacrificing? A bird?” Mayana’s gaze darted around as though looking for the beast, and Ahkin’s heart wrenched at the pain on her face. Why was she so upset? Was she really that nervous?
“No, it’s the day of the—”
“Dog?” Her pupils contracted with fear as her eyes took in the smooth dark-haired body of the beast the nagual summoned into the room.
Her chest heaved with shallow breaths and she wiped her hands on her skirt. She looked like a young warrior about to enter his first battle.
The nagual directed the dog to sit at her feet—its head only reaching her hip. A fat pink tongue lolled out of the side of its panting mouth.
Ahkin studied her face and suddenly worried that she was going to be sick. Her normally flushed cheeks were pale, and when she took a step forward, her legs shook beneath her.
He chanced a look at her father, to see if he was worried for her health as well, and to his surprise the lord of Atl appeared just as frightened as his daughter. The man’s hands were balled into fists and his eyes bulged as he stared between the dog and his daughter.
Mayana’s eyes rose to her father’s face again and filled with tears. Ahkin didn’t understand the reaction the lord of Atl gave her as he clenched his jaw and mouthed what looked like “please.” It was as if they were having a private, entirely silent conversation.
Ahkin let himself focus on her brothers, all of whom became suddenly preoccupied with their sandals. The daughter of Pahtia fanned herself with a chubby hand as though about to faint.
Confusion and doubt crept into his consciousness like a silent hunting spider. Something was not right.
“Do you need a blade, daughter of water? Do you have your own or shall I provide one for you?” Toani practically sang with mirth, his eyes dancing with amusement. Ahkin stiffened. Whatever was going on, Toani seemed well aware of it, and worse than that, he appeared to be savoring it.
“I—I—have my own.” Mayana gave her head a little shake and leaned down to pull a blade with a jadeite handle from the feathered cuff around her ankle. Ahkin couldn’t help but admire the regality of the deadly-looking weapon. It would do the job nicely.
Ahkin released a breath as she tightened her grip on the blade and crouched down low. Thank the gods she was going to just get it over with. This shouldn’t be such an ordeal. Mayana ran her free hand over the dog’s head, scratching behind its ear. The dog closed its eyes lazily at her touch. The tenderness in her gaze as she looked at the dog pulled at something inside his chest. The image of his mother flashed before his eyes, though he didn’t understand why. Suddenly, there was a small part of him that didn’t want her to kill the dog, but such a feeling was heresy. He silenced it immediately.
The lord of Atl shook his head, and Toani leaned forward eagerly.
“Let us begin, my dear. The food is waiting.” The priest gave her a smile that did not reach his eyes.
Mayana gave a small nod and slowly raised the blade toward the soft skin under the dog’s jawline. She continued to run her fingers over its head. The beast was completely oblivious to the fate that waited inches from its neck.
The blade paused. Ahkin’s fingers twitched, aching to grab the blade from her and finish the sacrifice himself. Why was there so much tension around this single act? It was a basic meal sacrifice. It should be over by now and he should already be enjoying the spiced deer meat that filled the hall with its tantalizing aroma. Mayana should be sitting by his side, enjoying the meal and their coming future along with him.
Mayana lifted her eyes to meet his. They were swimming with tears and she bit her lower lip in a pleading gesture. Why didn’t she just do it?
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice trembling as much as her hand holding the blade.
“What—Why are you sorry?” Ahkin looked to the lord of Atl, who now pitched himself forward with his head in his hands. “Just do the sacrifice, Mayana. Please.”
“I can’t.” The tears spilled over and she lowered her gaze to the dog, still scratching its ear. She rose to her feet and lowered the blade to her side.
“I don’t understand. Do you feel sick?” Ahkin could feel the heavy stares of the crowd upon them.
“She’s not sick. She won’t do it, my lord.” Toani ripped the blade from her hand. “Just as I expected.”
Ahkin did not like to be made a fool. He already felt like enough of one on his own. “Obviously everyone here seems aware of that fact except me, and I demand to be told what’s going on. Now.”
“My prince, I tried to tell you this morning. This deceitful creature had her claws so deep into your heart that you were not willing to listen. I knew that showing you would be the only way to convince you of her heresy.”
Toani glared at Mayana. To his surprise, Mayana did not cower under his stare. Instead, she defiantly lifted her chin and met his gaze. Tear trails still glittered on her cheeks, but she said nothing.
“Mayana,” Ahkin’s voice turned pleading. He needed her to deny whatever Toani was accusing her of. “Please. Just show him—”
“I can’t, my lord. I … I don’t believe in the sacrifices.”
Ahkin took a step back as though she had slapped him. Perhaps that would have been less of a shock. Angry hissing voices filled the hall like a violent wind. “How can you not believe in the sacrifices? They are commanded by the gods.” His voice rose despite his efforts to remain calm.
“I don’t believe they are, my prince. I believe that the codex that details the rituals was written by men and not the gods.”
Toani pushed himself in before Ahkin could respond.
“This heretic questions the validity of our texts, and her actions jeopardize the safety of this empire and the lives of all who live within it. I told you before, I cannot allow such a demon to lead this empire by your side.”
Ahkin slowly began putting the pieces together. She had refused to allow the sacrifice of the jaguar, she had asked to spare her friend from the sacrifice that would bless his reign. Her family’s reaction to the dog sacrifice. It all made sense. How could she not have told him something so vitally important? How could she have let him believe she was devoted to the gods? She wasn’t devoted to them at all. She blatantly disregarded their holy instructions. The instructions his mother had followed to the point of taking her own life. She had lied to him.
Ahkin took several steps back. It was as though he was seeing her clearly for the first time.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” The room was just the two of them again, only this time, his feelings toward her could not be more different.
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“I wanted to, I just—” She reached out a hand to him. The tenderness and heartbreak in her eyes made his stomach turn. How dare she act heartbroken. Her heart was not the one shattered by this revelation. The worst part was that he had been questioning the rightness of his mother’s death since it happened, fighting his own hesitation with it, convinced the gods were punishing him for his lack of faith in the rituals. And here she was, not attempting to silence the doubt as he did, but fully embracing it.
“You just knew I wouldn’t choose you? Is that why you lied to me? You were trying to save your own life?” Was he shouting? He should probably be showing more decorum than this.
He saw it now. He saw what Toani had been trying to tell him this morning. He was in love with the idea of Mayana, not the Mayana who stood before him.
“I have had my own doubts at times, Mayana. But I have pushed them away for the sake of the empire. To do what is best for my people. But you? You embrace your feelings, no matter the cost to anyone else. That is selfishness that I never thought you were capable of. I don’t even know who you are.” He had been a fool. A fool for not seeing the truth about her, a fool for falling into the trap of first love. Maybe the lord of Millacatl had been right about him after all. He was a young, inexperienced child. He should have made a decision based off politics and logic. How could this have happened to him?
“That’s not true. I have been nothing but myself with you. Aside from my beliefs about the rituals …”
“And I am supposed to believe you?”
“Yes.” She stomped a foot. “Every moment we’ve spent together, I have adored your strength and intelligence—”
“Stop.” Ahkin turned away from her. He could not hear her say these things. Not in front of so many spectators. She didn’t believe in the rituals. She didn’t care that they protected the entire empire. A sick wave of nausea rolled through his stomach. “You are essentially saying the rituals do not matter. The rituals that my mother followed when she took her own life. Are you saying that was unnecessary? Are you saying her death was pointless?”
Mayana let out a sound like a whimper, agony written across her face.
“Ahkin.” Metzi was beside him, her smooth hand upon his shoulder. “Please, calm down. She fooled us all. It’s not—”
“She didn’t fool us all. He knew.” He waved a hand at Toani. “She obviously knew.” He pointed toward the terrified-looking daughter of Pahtia, glimpsing a triumphant smile on the face of the animal princess as well. “Only Ometeotl knows how many others saw the truth that I did not.”
“Ahkin, please, let me explain.” Mayana fell to her knees before him with her palms splayed.
“I do not want to hear anything more you have to say. You deceived me. You made me think you were something you obviously aren’t. You made me fall—” He couldn’t let his heart go there. “I need some air.”
He threw off his sister’s hand and pushed past Toani and Coatl, who had both moved toward him.
The room suffocated him with its heat. He needed to get outside, away from staring eyes and deceitful young women. From the shame crushing his very insides. He couldn’t even bear to look at Yaotl. How ashamed of him would the general be? Would everyone be? He had let Mayana get into his head, and it had nearly cost him everything.
Ahkin slammed a fist through a curtain and a servant carrying bowls of pulque squealed and tumbled to the floor. Sticky liquid covered the floor and his feet, but Ahkin kept moving. He didn’t even mutter an apology.
Where should he go? He couldn’t go to the gardens. The memories of their time in the bathing pools stung like salt in a wound. He wished he could speak to his father, but Emperor Acatl was gone. He couldn’t give Ahkin counsel anymore. He couldn’t guide him down the right path. He couldn’t even ask his mother to explain the infuriating ways of women.
His feet carried him toward his father’s tomb. He hadn’t even realized it was where he was going until he stood before the elaborately carved pyramid structure beside the Temple of the Sun. He pushed aside the heavy entrance stone and stepped into the darkness. The sun had yet to set for the evening, though it was still too low in the sky, so Ahkin sliced a small cut on his finger and bent the light to follow him in.
The beams of late-afternoon sunlight clung to his hands as if he were holding a torch. He stopped before the sealed entrance where his father’s body lay. He didn’t want to speak, didn’t want to do or feel anything at all.
Ahkin slumped against the door to the tomb, letting his back slide down against the hieroglyphs carved into the surface. He wished his father was still alive. He wanted to let him handle the situation with the dying sun, the Miquitz capturing captives, the skeleton priest. He wanted his father to tell him who to marry so that he could just obey and not worry about making the decision for himself.
And his mother. She would know how to comfort him. But instead, she was gone because of the very rituals Mayana was proclaiming were not right. Why did that small part of him sing in agreement? Blasphemy. It was blasphemy even to have such a thought.
Ahkin leaned his head back and slammed it against the stone. He had no idea how to proceed. Part of him wanted to hide in the tomb forever and just let the sun die, but he knew he couldn’t. He had wanted Mayana to stand by his side through everything that loomed before him. She was supposed to be his source of strength—his reason to keep fighting.
Maybe he wasn’t strong enough to be the emperor. He obviously wasn’t strong enough to raise the sun properly. How would he ever be able to father children and bring them up to do a job he couldn’t even do himself? Weak. He was weak. And foolish. Too foolish to see that she wasn’t even being honest with him. And yet, despite it all, he still loved her. That part of him that knew it was wrong for his mother to take her own life called out in kinship with Mayana’s soul, and it terrified him. He wasn’t even strong enough to silence his heart which still screamed for him to run to her.
Perhaps it was best Mayana never discovered how weak and foolish he truly was. For once, he was grateful his parents weren’t here to see him fail.
The Chicome deserved so much better.
Chapter
46
Still on her knees before the throne, Mayana stared down at her open, empty hands. Ahkin was gone and the silence in the room screamed a thousand accusations at her. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t kill that dog that looked so much like Ona. And her father had been there. Her brothers. Not only had she humiliated herself in front of the entire empire, she had humiliated her family along with her.
When she lifted her eyes, she searched for her father’s face. He wouldn’t meet her gaze, and she could tell it was deliberate. Instead, he was gathering her brothers to lead them out of the banquet room. They were leaving. She was already dead to them.
Panic rose in her chest like water filling her lungs. She would never see them again—this was the last time, and she needed to say goodbye. To apologize. To tell them she loved them one last time. Even Chimalli kept his eyes on the floor as he followed their father out toward the courtyard. Only Tenoch met her gaze, and the pain and heartbreak within them as Chimalli dragged him forward by the hand shattered her heart into a thousand tiny pieces like volcanic glass.
“I’m sorry,” she mouthed to him. His face crumpled into an anguished sob as he disappeared behind the curtain.
“You have brought this on yourself, demon woman.” Toani’s cold voice raised the hair on her arms. Mayana got shakily back to her feet. She would not respond.
She had to find Ahkin to explain. The sun had not yet set. There was still time to find him. But where would he go?
Metzi had stepped in front of the throne and held her arms aloft to demand attention.
“This afternoon’s feast will be postponed. The food will available in the courtyard and will be properly blessed with a sacrifice if you c
are to take some before returning home. We look forward to seeing everyone at the games tomorrow morning, where we will be sacrificing several of our Miquitz captives.”
Mayana barely registered her words. They were doing a human sacrifice tomorrow morning? She would not enjoy watching that, but she had more pressing matters to address. She must convince Ahkin to forgive her. She had to get him to listen. She cared about him far more than he realized, even more than she realized until he turned and left her on the floor.
The anguish she now found herself in had less to do with losing her own life than with losing him. Of course, she was terrified of the idea of being sacrificed, but she couldn’t imagine Teniza, or Zorrah, or anyone else in his arms. Pressing her lips against his …
No. Absolutely not. He could not choose another princess. Her heart belonged to him now and she knew his belonged to her too. He just needed to see that not everything about her was a lie.
“Move along, daughter of water. Slither back into your hole and wait for fate to claim you.” Toani dismissed her with a wave of his hand as the masses of people clambered to their feet.
“You fought for what you wanted,” Mayana said to him, defiantly lifting her chin. “And so will I.”
The priest narrowed his eyes at her but said nothing. Mayana strode past the other princesses without looking at them. She would not be ashamed for being who she was, and she wasn’t going to let them make her feel that way either. The hundreds of eyes in the room burned into her with condemnation, but she would not take that condemnation into her heart.
“Mayana …” Yemania’s soft, panicked voice reached her ear, but Mayana ignored her. She didn’t have time to explain. She wanted to find Ahkin and she wouldn’t stop until she did.
Stumbling out into the courtyard bathed in golden orange light, Mayana squinted toward the dying sun, trying to think of where Ahkin might go. The gardens, maybe? Ahkin had said he needed air. Her feet propelled her toward the back of the palace.
