by Kait Nolan
“I’ll just be over here.” Mitch sank into the visitor’s chair.
As soon as the door to the exam room shut, Tess scooped up the drape and slipped behind the curtain to change. She was acutely aware of Mitch on the other side. She couldn’t decide if it was better or worse to have him here. It was one thing to talk abstractly about the possibility of miscarriage. But somewhere in the midst of the eleven thousand questions about her medical history and his, she’d started to worry about what they’d find out on this visit. Whether this pregnancy was viable or not, it changed things between her and Mitch. There was no going back to the way things were before, and that scared her to death, making her wish she’d confirmed things for sure before bringing it up and bought them a little more time to be…just them.
Feeling self-conscious, Tess clutched the edges of the drape together like a wrap skirt and circled around to sit. The crinkle of paper and creak of vinyl was too loud in the exam room. Rearranging the drape across her lap, she was acutely aware of her bare butt against the paper. Really, nobody should have to face life-changing news without pants. She didn’t know what to say. Small talk hardly seemed appropriate right now. So she stewed in silence, thinking of her mother.
What had she felt in this moment? Was she scared? Angry? Had she been excited, despite the less than auspicious circumstances of her pregnancy? Tess realized she didn’t even know if her dad had been at that appointment, if he’d even known about her yet. She definitely hadn’t been planned. They’d already been on the verge of breaking up. And then Tess had come along and they’d gotten married instead because Mom came from a good Catholic family and her dad had an iron-clad sense of duty. And now here she was, twenty-six years later, as history repeated itself. Like mother like daughter.
Her chest went tight.
The scrape of the chair had her looking up. Mitch dragged it beside the exam table and sat again, reaching over to fold the hands she’d been wringing in his.
“Look at me.”
She lifted her head to meet his clear, steady gaze.
“Everything is going to be fine.” His tone held conviction and maybe a promise.
Tess wanted to relax, wanted to trust him. But she couldn’t let go of the fear. What if it’s not?
The door opened and the doctor came in. A petite African American woman, with short, natural hair, shot through with gray, and fathomless dark eyes behind wire-rimmed glasses, Gloria Jenkins radiated calm. Tess felt like maybe she’d seen everything in her thirty years of practice and would know what to do. She really wanted somebody who knew better to tell her what to do.
They made introductions all around.
“This is your first child?”
Tess found she couldn’t actually speak, so she just nodded.
“Okay. The initial tests look good. I’ll get through the physical exam as quickly as possible, and then we’ll do an ultrasound to verify how far along you are.”
“Do you want me to step out?” Mitch asked.
Did she? This was a weirdly intimate thing. And yet there was no part of her body he hadn’t seen before. If he let go of her hand, she might start freaking out again. Tess shook her head, and he squeezed her fingers.
She scooted to the end of the exam table and stared up at the ceiling. It wasn’t much different from her annual gynecological check-up, except for the fact that Mitch was here. He watched her face, not what was going on down by the stirrups. Ever the gentleman.
“We should start talking about names,” he said.
“Names?”
“Sure. I’m partial to Delbert Bodine for a boy and Orpha Louise for a girl.”
Tess stared at him in horror. “If you’re serious, Mitch Campbell, I’m walking away from you right now, pants be damned. You can’t be trusted.”
He cracked a grin, the corners of his eyes crinkling. That smile did something to her, unraveling some of the knots of tension.
“You’re evil. You know that, right?”
“Gotcha thinking about something else, didn’t it?”
For all of twenty seconds anyway. “Sneaky man.”
Dr. Jenkins rolled over the ultrasound machine. “With the date of your last period, you should be right at eight weeks along, so we’re going to confirm that.”
Tess moved to lift up her shirt.
“Oh, no honey. This early the baby’s too small to see on an external sonogram. It’s about the size of a raspberry right now. We’ll be using this transducer to do an internal one.” She held up a sort of wand that looked for all the world like a dildo. The condom on it didn’t help that impression.
“Um.” Tess didn’t know what to say.
Mitch made a small choking noise, as if holding back a laugh.
Dr. Jenkins chuckled. “Yeah we get that reaction a lot. Lie on back now. You’ll feel a little pressure.”
Tess jerked, everything in her going tense again at the alien sensation.
“Just try to relax now.”
She took a few deep breaths, aware she was clenching Mitch’s hand like a vise.
He pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. “You’re doing great.”
God how could he be so calm? Did he not realize the enormity of all of this?
Shapes appeared on the monitor. Dr. Jenkins made a few adjustments.
“Ah, here we go.”
And there it was, in stark black and white. A distinct baby-shaped thing. With feet! And an actual face. Or the profile of one, at least. Something was moving. A rapid little flutter that said, Hey, I’m alive.
“Mitch.” Tess could barely do more than whisper his name, but he squeezed her hand tight.
“Ho-ly shit,” he murmured.
Dr. Jenkins pointed to the fluttery bit. “That right there is the heartbeat. Good and strong.”
“It’s so fast,” Tess said. “Why is it so fast? Is something wrong?”
“Fast is totally normal. You have a healthy baby here.”
“Healthy baby. Okay. Okay.” The relief flooding through her was staggering. Healthy baby. With everything else going on and all the terror over the changes, she hadn’t even realized how worried she’d been about that. There was a part of her—a small, selfish part, that had wanted this situation to take care of itself. To just wake up and have it over. A bad dream.
But this wasn’t a problem. It wasn’t a mistake. It was a child. Her child. And maybe she was taking a little while to get on board with that, but she was in it now. They had a healthy baby and they were doing this thing.
She just had to figure out if they could actually do it together.
Chapter 11
Mitch stared at the ultrasound as Dr. Jenkins pointed out various features and talked about different signs of the baby’s stage of development. That was a real, live baby in there. His baby. That little lima bean was his son or daughter. It kinda looked like a big-headed alien at the moment, but it was distinctly headed toward human-shaped. A freaking miracle.
He and Tess had done that. They’d made that, despite all the odds. It had to mean something, didn’t it? Like the hand of Fate ensuring they’d be together. How could they not? All the stars were aligning.
Mitch wanted to hug Tess. To kiss her. In truth, he wanted to make love to her all over again. But when he shifted his attention to her, wanting to share the bubbling joy, she didn’t look at him. He couldn’t read the expression on her face as she continued to stare at the screen. She wasn’t saying a word. She’d loosened the stranglehold on his fingers after Dr. Jenkins declared the baby healthy, but he couldn’t tell if she was really tuned in to what was being said or not. So he was the one who finally released her hand to take notes and ask a thousand questions. He made lists of things to research, topics he and Tess needed to discuss and decide. The recommended reading alone was staggering. It would be the most he’d studied since he got out of grad school. And all the options for genetic testing… Dear Lord. They had seven months to do what felt like seven years’ worth of pl
anning.
“Do you have any more questions?”
Mitch shot Tess a look, but she was still staring at the now blank screen. “I’m sure we’ll think of many, many more, but for now, I’d say we’re at information overload.”
“It’s a lot to process. Make yourself a list and bring it back when I see you in four weeks. If you have any problems, you can always call my nurse. She’ll get me if it’s anything worrisome. But all I see are signs of a healthy pregnancy, so I don’t expect you’ll need to.”
“Thank you, Dr. Jenkins.”
If she thought it was weird that he’d done almost all the talking, she didn’t let on. Tess roused herself enough to thank the doctor when she handed over the sonogram. Then they were alone. Tess slid off the table and went behind the curtain to dress.
Not knowing what else to do, he started talking. “That was…amazing. Mind-bogglingly awesome.”
Nothing.
“I know you’ll want to keep this on the down low for a while longer, so I figured we’d run by a pharmacy here to pick up your prenatal vitamins. And we might as well hit up a bookstore to grab some of these books the doc suggested. It’s a minor family sin to buy books anywhere but at Inglenook, but under the circumstances, I think we can make an exception.”
Still, Tess said nothing. Unease began to creep in. Why wasn’t she talking?
The curtain slid back. Tess’s gaze was fixed on the sonogram picture in her hands. When she lifted her face to his, her big brown eyes glimmered with a sheen of tears. Even as she took a step forward, the first one slid down her cheek.
“We’re having a baby.” The words were a raw whisper.
Mitch’s gut clenched. Not tears. Anything but tears. He didn’t know how to fix this for her. Didn’t have a clue how to suppress his own happiness at the very thing she thought ruined her life.
Then she smiled, and it was like a sunrise lighting up her face. All the dark and dread and anxiety that had been haunting her for days faded. And Mitch realized that it hadn’t been upset keeping her quiet. It simply hadn’t been real for her yet. Not until this moment.
“We’re having a baby.” Grinning, he gave in to the jubilation and scooped her into a twirling hug. She was laughing as he set her on her feet, and he was struck, hard and fast, as he had been that night he’d seen her on the little pub stage. She was so beautiful, so perfect, and now, so his.
I love you.
The words hovered at the tip of his tongue. But he stayed them, as he’d stayed them countless times since she’d walked back into his life. He’d told himself it was too much, too soon. She’d bolted from what was between them before. He hadn’t wanted to scare her. But if he told her now, would she think it was only because of the baby? Would she understand that he’d loved her all along? Would she believe him? He didn’t know, and until he did, declarations had to wait.
Wanting to keep that smile on her face, he laced his hands at the small of her back. “How about we go get those vitamins, pick up the books, and then maybe think about checking out furniture for Topenga Marie’s nursery.”
“Topenga Marie?”
“Or Cletus Clyde. I’m flexible.”
“What you are is incorrigible.” But she was still smiling as she leaned in to kiss him. “I was thinking more like Balvenie. Because I’m reasonably sure that distillery tour may be why this baby exists.”
He considered. “You know, that’s not actually half bad. We could do the whole nursery in plaid.”
“With fuzzy sheep and Highland coos.” She giggled at her own terrible Scots accent.
“And a night light made out of a whiskey bottle?”
“That might be taking the theme too far.”
“We can negotiate.” He could think of a whole host of fun ways to settle terms.
“For now, let’s get the vitamins and the books and go home. I want some time to sit with this whole thing and get used to the idea.” She pressed a kiss to his cheek and rose to her toes, so her breath tickled his ear. “And I’d really like to reenact that afternoon after the distillery tour.”
Already hard, Mitch turned toward the door. “Check please!”
“You got me baby-themed washi tape.” Tess had to force the words past the lump in her throat.
“I did. And since we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl, I went with both. Do you know how expensive that shit is? I can buy you like eight rolls of 2”, high-quality painter’s tape for the cost of one of those little bitty things!”
Tess clutched both tubes of decorative tape to her chest and thought her heart might just explode for love of this man. She had no idea how he’d managed to sneak that by her when they picked up all the books. “Thank you.”
He drew her in, wrapping his arms around her. “I know how hard all this is for you. I know this isn’t much, but I just wanted to do something to make you smile.”
It was tape. It didn’t fix anything, didn’t make the situation any less stressful. But he’d remembered and he’d thought of her. And that, more than anything he’d said since he found out, made her feel less alone.
“Mission accomplished. Let’s go home.”
The whole drive, Tess listened to Mitch throw out more awful names as he talked about plans for the nursery and a life of little league and dance recitals, Christmas mornings and family traditions. He was legit, no faking, ecstatic about this baby. She still couldn’t quite wrap her brain around that. But neither could she stop herself from getting kind of excited herself about this Norman Rockwell life he was painting. He didn’t bring up marriage again, and that was a relief. Right now he was focused on the baby and the future. And that future included her at every turn. Tess was too practical to believe it would unfold exactly as he envisioned. But maybe…maybe, she and Mitch stood a chance where her parents hadn’t. They certainly hadn’t started out with this much joy at the prospect of family. Letting herself believe that, having some hope—dangerous though it was—lifted an enormous weight off her heart.
She’d thought he’d forgotten her request for that reenactment, but they’d barely made it inside before he backed her against a wall and took her mouth, his hands already beneath the hem of her shirt, tugging it up. He broke the kiss to strip it off, and she yanked at his shirt to do the same. They bumped through the kitchen, kissing, touching, taking, leaving a trail of clothes in their wake. When Mitch would have driven them up the stairs, she dragged him into the living room. The sofa was closer, and after all, once the baby came, it would be harder to give in like this wherever, whenever they felt like it.
Naked, they tumbled onto the couch, and nothing had ever felt as good as the weight of all his warm skin against hers. His hands were everywhere, stroking her to a fever pitch. God, she loved his hands, loved the hard body beneath hers, loved what he could do to her. Needing him inside her, she moved to straddle his hips, until his cock nudged her entrance.
“Wait,” he croaked. One hand flailed toward the floor, where they’d left his pants. Condom.
Tess, cupped his cheek. “I think that’s a little like shutting the barn door after the horses are already out.”
He paused. “Sure?”
“I need you. Just you.” She kept her eyes on his as she sank down, slowly taking him in. She watched emotion and pleasure bloom in his eyes as he murmured her name and knew this wouldn’t be the fast, frantic coupling she’d imagined.
He drew her down for a kiss, seducing her with his mouth as she began a slow, steady rhythm. So much of their lovemaking had been flash and fire, always with that edge of desperation because their time had been finite. But this…there was patience here and a trust that there was time. There was a future. Together. Years to learn and grow and love. So she gave herself over to the dream, to him. Patience mated with passion, driving them both higher, longer, until she cried out from the joy of it and he emptied inside her.
Slumping boneless and sated on his chest, her heart was full to bursting. I love you. I love you. I lov
e you. The words wanted to spill out like the music of a full gospel choir. But she held herself back, not wanting to hear a reflexive response that was really just about the baby. Instead, she set out to lighten the mood.
“I wonder if on-purpose conceptual sex is that amazing.”
Mitch stroked a possessive hand over her ass. “I don’t know, but I vote we find out.”
She propped up enough to give him the side eye. “That ship has sailed. Or was it so good that you forgot where we spent the afternoon?”
His grin made her heart pinch. “For right now I know, but I never imagined having just one kid. I mean, Ephegenia Doreen needs a brother or sister. What about you?”
Were they really having this conversation? Well, if not now, then when? If they were building a life together, the question of how many kids was relevant. “I hadn’t ever given it much thought. I’m an only child, so that seems normal to me. But I can see how multiples would be normal for you. Let’s see how we do with Bertis Lamont before we go all Cheaper By The Dozen or whatever.”
He snickered. “We’re gonna do great.”
“I’m glad one of us is confident.”
He rolled, toppling her from her perch to tuck her against his side and lay a hand on the slope of her belly. “I can’t wait to see you get all round.”
Wincing at the image and not at all enthused about the idea of a preggo body—the women in her family tended to pack it on during pregnancy—she just looked at him. “Seriously? You’re looking forward to me turning into a waddling cow?”
“First off, there is no possible circumstance under which I won’t find you sexy. Second, there’s something really primal about seeing your woman pregnant. I mean maybe it’s all caveman biological imperative or whatever, but it’s sexy as hell.”
She should not find that caveman attitude appealing. But she did. Maybe it was that casual, possessive way he’d called her his woman. She wanted to be his woman. She wanted to be his everything. “Hang on to that thought for when my ankles are the size of an elephant’s.”
