by Ford, Brynn
I bit the side of my thumb and tried not to stare at my phone screen while I waited for his reply. It came through after just a minute or two.
LAW: It can mean whatever you want it to mean. We can make our own rules, Blue.
DESI: I’m curious.
LAW: I know you are.
LAW: Come over to my place tomorrow. We can try a little something together.
DESI: I don’t want to cheat on Vaughn. Do you understand that? I don’t want to have sex with you.
LAW: Is that so? Then why don’t you tell me what you DO want?
DESI: Pain.
DESI: Freedom.
DESI: Distraction.
LAW: You want to surrender control.
DESI: Yes.
LAW: You want to free your mind from the emotional burdens of your life and surrender it all to sensation.
DESI: Yes.
LAW: And you want me to choose and grant you those sensations at my will.
DESI: Yes.
LAW: I can give you that. I want to, believe me.
LAW: But you have to answer a question first.
DESI: What?
LAW: Why me and not your husband?
I hesitated in reflection, not sure that I had a clear or sensible answer to that. I knew I didn’t have a sensible answer to that. But nothing about me was sensible at the time and there was something liberating about neglecting to consider the consequences of my bad decisions. It was also terrifying. Everything about it was wrong and I knew that. But knowing the decision was bad wasn’t enough to stop me from making it.
DESI: I don’t know how to answer that, Law.
LAW: Try.
I took a deep breath and typed, letting my fingers spill out whatever truth I didn’t know was buried in my own mind.
DESI: I had sex with Vaughn tonight but I didn’t come. I faked it. I
feel like shit about it. But I didn’t feel worthy of it. I can’t ask him for
what I want because I don’t deserve it. But I want the freedom Ris had. I want pain and I want to forget, even if it’s just for a short time. I just don’t think Vaughn will understand it. I don’t think I can ask him for that. He wants to protect me and keep me safe.
LAW: So do I. But I can still do that while painting your ass red with a belt.
Oh, God.
That did strange things to my insides. Strange, bad, wonderfully gratifying things. I felt instant shame for continuing this conversation any further.
DESI: I don’t want to talk about him, okay?
DESI: If we do this, I have some conditions.
LAW: I’d be concerned if you didn’t. Pleased, but concerned.
DESI: First, clothes stay on.
LAW: No.
LAW: I need bare skin to give you the pain you want.
LAW: Can you compromise for going down to panties and bra?
My stomach flipped at the mention of my unmentionables.
DESI: Okay. I can do that.
LAW: What else?
DESI: I think it goes without saying that what’s underneath my bra and panties is off limits.
LAW: It does not go without saying. It absolutely needs to be said. I don’t make assumptions when I play. Direct and clear communication is necessary.
DESI: Fine, then I’ll say it. Tits and clit are off limits.
LAW: You have a dirty mouth, Blue. Can I call you and listen to you say that out loud?
DESI: No temptation. I don’t want you trying to seduce me or change my mind about the no sex thing.
Moments after I pressed send, my phone started vibrating with his call. He was calling me.
“Shit.”
I should have just ignored it and insisted on texting, but for some stupid reason, I answered.
“Hello?” I said as if I didn’t know who was calling, which obviously wasn’t true.
I stood and moved toward the door, quickly and quietly grabbing my keys before exiting our apartment. I shut the door softly behind me and stood just beside it in the hallway.
“That’s not entirely feasible, Blue.”
“What?” I had suddenly forgotten what was in the last text I'd sent to him.
He continued on without missing a beat, “Temptation is part of the game. So I can’t promise you that I won’t be tempting. Because I really can be quite tempting. But I can promise you that I’ll maintain control and won’t allow you to break your own ‘nothing sexual’ rule.”
“How do I know that?”
“Because I’m in control of everything. That’s what you give me by doing this. Complete control.”
“But see, that’s what I’m afraid of. How can I trust you?”
“Can you ever really trust someone else?”
“What kind of ridiculously cliché answer is that?”
“An intentionally vague one. Listen, I get it. I respect that you won’t let me fuck you, that you won’t let me make you come. That’s your husband’s responsibility, not mine. Belonging and ownership are kind of a big deal in my world. So I promise you, Desi, I get that.”
I slid my back down the wall and sat on the floor, “So what do you get out of this? Why do you even want to do this with me?”
“What do I get out of this,” he repeated it as a statement, sounding as though he were tasting the words like a first sip of perfectly aged wine, “I think it’s obvious that I want you.”
I chuckled, “No shit. But you can’t have me in the way you want.”
“I think we’re clear on that point, Blue. I think there is so much more strength inside you than you tell yourself. I think you’re worth far more than you let yourself believe. I want to push you past your limits until your shell cracks and the real you finally emerges. I want to be the catalyst for your transformation. That’s what I get out of this. I think you’ll be a fun little challenge for me. Come over tomorrow. Let’s play a little bit. I’ll go easy on you.”
I felt oddly defensive and got a little bit snippier than I intended, “I don’t need you to go easy on me.”
“You’ve got a bit of an attitude, you know that?”
“Asshole.”
“Watch your tone. We’ll have to work on your manners first.”
“Who needs to work on their manners? Jesus Christ,” I was certain my eye roll was audible.
“Blue,” he said sharply, “Please come over and talk to me that way tomorrow. My hand is literally twitching to swat your ass right now.”
“Stop,” I didn’t mean it, but tried to sound like I did.
“You know that’s not the safeword, sweetheart.”
“You’re incorrigible.”
“Incorrigible? Really?”
“Yes, really.”
“That may be true. In any case, do you wanna do this with me or not? My fragile ego can’t take much more of this indecision.”
We both laughed at that.
“So are you coming over tomorrow?” he asked.
“Okay,” I finally said, “I guess we can try.”
“That’s the spirit.”
Chapter 12
Desi
Law and I planned to meet mid-afternoon at his place. I could’ve insisted on doing this at Black Ties in the evening with lots of people around, but I didn’t want to be out late again for the second night in a row. I knew it would make Vaughn suspect something.
Maybe that would’ve been safer, to do this in public. Hopefully, I wasn’t just a part of some elaborate plan that Law had hatched to lure me to his place, kill me, chop me up, and spread my body parts across state lines just for fun. The risk of that wasn’t nearly as scary as the emotional pain I was hoping to overcome by doing this.
I didn’t want to do this at Black Ties. The overwhelming sexual energy there was consuming, and I didn’t want to risk its effect on me. This was something that needed privacy, at least for the time being.
The address he gave led me to a nice area of the city. It wasn’t the exceptionally privileged one percent that live
d here, but this area was known for being just a little bit more than comfortable. This neighborhood was desirable, but also attainable, if you didn’t have the expense of children, that is.
I found his building and checked in at their security desk on the main level. It was new, modern in style. Everything was clean lines and polished perfection.
Just like Law.
Security called up to let him know I was there and the guard walked me to a locked elevator with gold doors. He used a swipe card to gain access and the doors parted immediately. We stepped on and he used the swipe card again before selecting what I assumed was the top floor. It was the only floor without a number. Instead it was labeled PH.
Penthouse.
He’s probably a child abductor, tricking young girls into coming to his apartment for photographs with the promise of modeling fame and glory, only to tie them to the bed and never let them go.
Clearly, I didn’t have a care for my own safety, since I wasn’t turning to leave.
“There’s only three Penthouse apartments on the top floor,” the guard told me, “When you get off the elevator, it’s on your right. Number 1603. Have a nice day, ma’am.”
I thanked him as he got off the elevator and let me ride on my own, lost in nervous anticipation and natural curiosities about peeking into the life of this fascinating man.
When the elevator doors opened again on the Penthouse floor, I turned right and there he was, standing in the doorway to his apartment, leaning casually against the doorframe. He was waiting there for me and pushed off when he saw me coming toward him, grinning broadly.
Walking right up to me, Law wrapped his arms around my shoulders in a warm hug. It was brief, but he kissed me on the cheek before pulling away.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
Being near him made me nervous.
So, so nervous.
Fun nervous.
I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, suddenly glad I’d worn it down so I had something to fiddle with when my nerves got the best of me, “Hey.”
He held me by the shoulders at arm’s length. Narrowing his eyes at me, the corners of his lips turned up in amusement.
“You’re nervous.”
“Guilty,” I smiled.
“If it helps, I can tell you I’m nervous, too.”
“No, you’re not,” I called his bluff.
He conceded, “No, I’m not. Excited, but not nervous. But to be fair, you’ve never done this before. I’m an old pro,” he winked.
“Gee, that really helps make me feel more comfortable about this,” I said with a sarcastic tilt of my head, “Thank you.”
He grinned and licked his bottom lip, clearly charmed by my snark, “Oh, this will be fun. Promise. Come on in.”
I followed him inside his apartment and he shut the door behind us.
“Holy hell."
I gawked at his amazing home, but went straight for the giant picture window that basically served as the entire outside wall. I knew we were sixteen stories up, given that the last numbered elevator button before Penthouse was fifteen. But I had no idea there were apartments with a city view this incredible in this neighborhood.
“Amazing view, right?” Law spoke my exact thoughts out loud.
“Your apartment is fantastic!” I told him enthusiastically.
“You literally haven’t seen any of it yet, you went straight for the window.”
“What else is there to see?”
I turned around to find him standing near a large dining table I’d cruised straight past on the way in.
The contemporary kitchen was directly behind him, open to the dining area. It was all stainless steel and smooth, black cabinets. It was galley style, in a sense, except it wasn’t enclosed. Instead, there was a long kitchen island with five chrome bar stools lining the outside edge.
Somehow, I’d stepped down into a sunken living room in my haste to check on the view without even noticing the small descent. Two steps delineated where the living room began, and it was vast. It spread all the way across the window wall to a black, spiral staircase at the other end, luxuriously highlighted by a grand piano and fireplace. On the side where I stood, near the dining table and kitchen, was a seating area with a black leather couch and matching armchairs. There were end tables in between, but no coffee table. Instead, just a soft, furry gray area rug filled that space.
Noting the piano, I asked, “Do you play?”
“God, no. I’m musically challenged. I’ve just found that women think I’m less intimidating if they think I can play. Thus, there’s a piano in my living room.”
I laughed, “Brilliant,” gesturing around the space with my arms, I added, “Your whole vibe is very fifty shades of –”
“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” he grinned, cutting me off, “I’m so much better than that.”
“I mean, I guess we’ll find out,” I joked, and in doing so, somehow managed to flip on the switch for awkward tension.
It didn’t seem to bother Law.
He pulled out a chair at the dining room table, “Come sit.”
His energy was shifting slowly, cautiously. One look at him and I knew he wanted to get right to business. He was taking it slow on my behalf and I could sense he was struggling. I swallowed and walked to him, noting his domineering presence as he stood tall in front of me.
Law was perhaps an inch or so shorter than Vaughn, but he still loomed far above me and held more of an authoritative aura. Law was lean where Vaughn was broad, though both men had strength and muscle.
I slowly lowered myself into the chair he held out for me.
Law stood behind me, close, and I could feel the heat of him as he circled to stand near my left shoulder. He put a hand on my head and stroked down the length of my hair before bending over me to place a chaste kiss on the top of my head.
What am I doing here?
What the fuck am I doing here?
“You reviewed everything I sent you, yes? Any other questions? Concerns? Problems? I know you’ve hardly had any time to think it through. Negotiations are usually days, sometimes weeks long, but I seem to keep bending the rules for you. Like I told you before, I won’t jump in full force today.”
He was referring to files he’d emailed me last night listing things he wanted to do with me. I guess he had a standard agreement already drawn up that he’d use as an initial point of negotiation with new submissives. That's what this game was.
The dominant and his submissive.
The sadist and his masochist.
Obviously, this wasn’t his first rodeo. But it was mine. I had read through the document he sent me. I added some things, deleted a lot of things, and sent it back to him before coming over.
“I’m good with it. I mean, I can always just use a safeword if I change my mind about something. Right?” I turned my head to look up at him, needing eye contact for confirmation.
He smiled down at me, “Yes. Always. I want you to feel comfortable and safe.”
He was rolling up the sleeves of his pristine, white button-down shirt that he wore tucked into his tailored black slacks, “Are you consenting to start this with me now, Blue?”
I hesitated briefly, then committed, “Yes."
In one swift motion, Law reached out and wrapped his fist around the length of my hair, pulling back hard. I yelped as he angled my head back, forcing me to look up at him. My hands covered his on instinct, pulling at him, wanting to get some relief from the strain against my scalp.
Law bent down over me and his expression had shifted abruptly to no-nonsense. He lowered his face so close to mine that I could smell the cool mint breath from his freshly brushed teeth.
“Rule number one, Blue. You respond to every question and command as soon as it’s given, and you always address me as Sir. Yes, Sir. No, Sir. Thank you, Sir. More, please, Sir. Do you, understand, Blue?"
My pulse was rising, “Yes, Sir."
Law’s gaze cut through me as
he smiled pleasantly, “You’re a good girl, Blue. Rule number two. It’s very important that you’re honest with me. If I ask you a question, I want a truthful answer, no bullshit. If you’re not honest with me, I can’t trust you. I will always be brutally honest with you, so I expect that you'll do the same. Do you understand, Blue? "
I swallowed, “Yes, Sir.”
His grip on my hair slackened just a little, “Good girl. Now tell me, how was your day, Blue?”
It seemed like an oddly placed question yet my response was automatic, “It was fine,” he yanked my hair again and I realized my mistake immediately, “Shit. It was fine, Sir.”
“You just broke two rules at once. Tell me the truth about your day, Blue.”
I bit my lower lip. It was evident how easily he saw through my bullshit. Somehow it felt freeing to know that I couldn’t fake my mood with him. He knew what I was feeling before I felt it myself. At first, that made me wonder just how transparent I must be, but I knew that wasn’t the case. I’d been closed off, reserved, distant, simply not myself. It was soothing, in a way, to have Law demand my truth so adamantly. The realization affirmed for me how much I needed this.
“My day was terrible, Sir. Truly awful,” I answered honestly, then added another quick, “Sir,” at the end, not exactly sure about whether it was needed.
His eyes softened and he released his grip on my hair entirely. He offered sincerity in his tone.
“I’m really sorry to hear that. I hope our play time this afternoon will prove to be the stress relief you’ve been hoping for. I’ll do my best to make that happen. Have you eaten today?"
“No, Sir.”
He pursed his lips, “Can’t have that. I need you well fed. I can’t take from you if you don’t have the strength to give,” he walked away, leaving me to sit and wait in my chair as he crossed the open space to the kitchen.
