by Ford, Brynn
"I'll give you what you need if you give me what I need."
"Of course, V, just tell me."
"I just need you, babe. I need you to let me in instead of shutting me out and running away. I need to know all of you, even the parts you don't think I'll understand or like. And I need to know you're mine forever. That you won't ever mess around on me again. I need to know that you'll love me unconditionally. I need to know that you'll forgive me for not being there for you when you were screaming on the inside, when you needed me to step up and take control."
He guided me closer to him and I lifted my leg to straddle his lap, settling my weight on his strong thighs. I nodded slowly before leaning forward to rest my forehead against his.
"Everything you need from me, Vaughn, it's yours. I'm yours. I know words aren't enough when I fucked up so badly, but I don't know how to show you that," I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, "Teach me how to show you I'm yours, V."
I opened my eyes and watched his smile spread slowly from the corners of his mouth, his face brightening.
"I'll teach you everything you need to know, Holly Blue."
Chapter 25
Vaughn
I was grinning like an idiot all Monday morning at work. I could never have guessed that our weekend would turn out the way it had considering it was just Friday when I'd confronted Desi at Black Ties for sneaking around with Law.
I was happy.
Desi was happy.
We had a lot of work to do on our relationship and a lot of learning about this new dominant-submissive dynamic we wanted to try. But for the first time since Lucy died, I felt excited for our future, and that was something.
That was enough.
It felt like the early days, when she and I first met, when we were first getting to know each other and falling in love. We'd both changed from tragedy and from our grief, but we were still Desi and Vaughn Cooper. We were surviving, on our way back to thriving, and I simply couldn't get my girl off my mind. So I started texting her around 9am.
VAUGHN: I was thinking I should bring you to work with me sometime.
DESI: Why?
VAUGHN: So I can bend you over my desk and fuck you.
DESI: OMG, Vaughn, you are so bad.
VAUGHN: Are you biting your lip right now?
DESI: …
DESI: Maybe.
VAUGHN: You are.
VAUGHN: Where are you?
DESI: At home. Why?
VAUGHN: Do you have a yoga class?
DESI: In a couple hours.
VAUGHN: Good. You'll have PLENTY of time.
DESI: Plenty of time for what?
VAUGHN: To get off.
DESI: Oh, God. What are you trying to do to me?
VAUGHN: Make you come. Are you wet?
DESI: S
DESI: T
DESI: O
DESI: P
VAUGHN: N
VAUGHN: O
VAUGHN: Take off your panties, Blue.
DESI: Seriously?
VAUGHN: Seriously.
VAUGHN: Do it.
VAUGHN: NOW.
It was a couple of minutes before she texted me back and I took the opportunity to close and lock my office door. Things were slow today, Milo was off work taking Hazel for a check-up with their obstetrician, and I wouldn't be missed by anyone if I spent some time sexting my wife behind a closed door.
DESI: Okay, V.
DESI: Where do you want me, V?
VAUGHN: Did you take off your panties like a good girl?
DESI: Yes, I'm completely naked for you, V.
My pants were already starting to feel a little too tight. I was a push-the-limits kind of guy, but I wasn't all that interested in jacking it in my office at work. This was for her. I'd get mine from her later.
VAUGHN: On the bed, Blue.
DESI: I'm there.
VAUGHN: Your hands don't touch your body until I say so, understood?
DESI: Understood, V.
VAUGHN: Where do you want to touch yourself first?
DESI: I'm curious, V. Do you already know the answer to that question?
VAUGHN: Yes. You know I do.
DESI: I want fingertips across my nipples.
VAUGHN: Do it.
DESI: Thank you, V.
I gave her a minute to please herself, hoping she actually did. Of course, I knew she would because I'd recharged her sexual need this weekend and she liked me dominating and directing her.
DESI: Can I ask you something, Vaughn?
It surprised me that she seemed to step out of the moment, reverting back to calling me Vaughn instead of V. I knew it must be important and she sparked my curiosity.
VAUGHN: Ask me anything, babe.
DESI: Will you tell me your darkest fantasy? Something you want to do with me that scares you. The desire that makes you afraid you'll lose yourself or scare me away. I want to know what it is.
I certainly hadn't expected that and it caught me off guard. I didn't really know how to respond. I had a few dark fantasies that might scare her but I was afraid to tell her. Things were going so well and I didn't want to go backward by pushing her away with details of dark and deviant things I wanted to do with her. Though I knew she responded positively to roughness, I didn't know what she would think of my wicked ideas. But she asked and in the interest of continuing to build back our trust in each other, I would tell her everything she wanted to know.
I had an interesting idea.
VAUGHN: Why don't you let me try it out on you here, in text?
DESI: Like a sexting role play?
DESI: Yes, please (I'm definitely biting my lip now).
I shook my head, smiling at how fucking adorable and sexy she was, even through text messages. I could just picture the way she said that. I wanted to pull her bottom lip from her teeth and capture it between mine instead.
VAUGHN: Let me set the scene for you.
VAUGHN: Late at night, you're walking home by yourself.
VAUGHN: You notice someone following you, but shrug it off. The guy is wearing dark clothes and you can't see his face with the hood on his sweatshirt pulled up.
VAUGHN: He follows you right to your apartment building door and when you unlock it, he forces himself inside with you. There's nobody else around to help you. He grabs you by the back of your neck and slams you hard, face first, against the wall. He pulls a knife on you and tells you he'll kill you if you don't cooperate.
VAUGHN: That man is me.
I paused after pressing send on the last message. Seeing it in writing sent my pulse racing, not just because this fantasy got me hard, but because I was nervous for what Desi thought. I waited, hoping she would reply. I didn't know what I expected her to say. She might tell me to stop right there, not wanting to know the rest of this sick fantasy. She might tell me to go on but silently judge me behind her phone screen.
DESI: Shit.
DESI: I don't move, afraid you'll cut me.
DESI: I beg you not to hurt me.
DESI: I tell you there's money in my purse and you can have it.
Fucking hell.
She's playing along.
I swiped a hand over my mouth, shocked at her response. I hadn't scared her yet and I was anxious to see how she responded to the rest.
VAUGHN: I don't want your money.
DESI: What do you want?
VAUGHN: I spin you around to face me and press the tip of my knife to the hollow of your throat.
DESI: I'll give you whatever you want, just don't hurt me.
VAUGHN: Don't tell me what to do, I'm in control here.
VAUGHN: I grab you and drag you toward the back exit, kicking and screaming.
DESI: I'm not going anywhere without a fight. I won't let you take me.
VAUGHN: You don't have a choice.
VAUGHN: You're still screaming at the back door when my friend pulls up in his car and pops the trunk.
DESI: NO.
There was
a long pause before she responded again. I feared she saw what was coming and she couldn't stand to read more.
DESI: I'm not letting you put me in the trunk. You and your "friend" are gonna have to hurt me to get me in there.
I smirked to myself.
I fucking love my wife.
VAUGHN: My friend grabs your hands and yanks them behind you while I slap my hand over your mouth to shut you up. He ties your wrists together with rope. I pick you up and toss you in the trunk and tell you to shut the fuck up.
DESI: I'm fucking screaming.
VAUGHN: And I'm closing the trunk and driving away.
DESI: Where are you taking me?
VAUGHN: Out of town, to an old, abandoned warehouse miles from anyone who could hear your screams.
VAUGHN: We take you inside and I toss you on an old mattress we brought in and left on the floor.
DESI: I know what you want with me now.
DESI: Don't touch me. I won't let you.
DESI: I'm scrambling to get away.
VAUGHN: My friend flips you onto your stomach, holds your head to the mattress by the back of your neck while I take off your pants.
DESI: I scream and cry and tell you to stop.
VAUGHN: I won't stop, Desi.
DESI: I don't really want you to.
DESI: Vaughn.
She pulled us out of the fantasy for an even better reality.
DESI: I love your dirty fucking mind.
DESI: I'm so wet for you right now.
DESI: I'm touching myself.
DESI: I wanna feel the cold metal of your knife on my skin while you
fuck me from behind.
"Holy shit," the words tumbled out of my mouth.
My wife is just as fucked up as I am.
VAUGHN: I fucking love you.
DESI: Are you alone? Are you touching yourself? Please say yes.
VAUGHN: No. This is for you, babe. I'll take what I want from you later.
DESI: I want you to take me NOW.
VAUGHN: I said later, Blue.
VAUGHN: I have to get back to work.
VAUGHN: Go stroke your wet pussy until you come. No toys.
DESI: Yes, V. Anything you fucking say, V.
Chapter 26
Vaughn
It was Friday and I would unashamedly admit that I was a kinky bastard excited to take my wife to a sex club.
While I wasn't exactly thrilled that we were going as guests of her ex-side guy, I'd grown quickly in the understanding that things between the two of them were done and over. Everything was out in the open. Desi and I knew what we wanted now and we were well on our way to being a happy couple again.
As much as I wanted to believe that Law was just the piece of shit motherfucker tempting my wife to cheat on me, I had to respect him for the way he manned up and took responsibility for his part in all of this. Not only that, it turned out that he might actually be a halfway decent guy who could teach me a thing or two.
We'd had a few phone conversations throughout the week. As bizarre as it seemed, he was smart and had a lot of insight about my wife that helped me to understand her better.
I hated that.
Fucking hated that.
But I would've been a fool not to take good advice for what it was, regardless of who was giving it. In another life, I might've actually liked the guy. At the least, I appreciated the competitive energy his existence stirred up. I really enjoyed winning.
I arrived at Black Ties about an hour later than we had planned, held up by my sister. She was home alone and thought she was in labor that afternoon. Milo was just landing at the airport, returning from a business trip, so I took her over to the hospital until Milo could get there. When he arrived, they were just discharging her for false labor. I think it was wishful thinking on her part, but she still had a few days until her due date on Christmas Eve. Understandably, Desi had a hard time wrapping her brain around coming with me to the hospital, so I told her to stay home and get ready and I’d meet her at Black Ties as soon as I could.
I chose to wear the same navy blue, tailored suit that I’d worn to marry Desi and put on the silver skull cufflinks that she had bought me for our wedding. I secured my blue silk tie with the matching skull tie clip and chose suspenders instead of a belt. It was a signature look of mine that, for whatever reason, really got Desi going, so I wasn’t about to miss that opportunity.
There weren’t many people there when I arrived, so it was easy to spot Desi. Though even if the room had been full of people, I would’ve spotted her just as easily.
She was wearing her wedding dress and it did strange things to my heart, strange, wonderful things. Seeing her standing there near the bar in her pink champagne colored dress set my skin on fire with the need to be close to her. She was stunning, just like the day I’d married her.
Just like the day I’d met her.
Just like every day I’d ever laid eyes on her.
I was immediately and unashamedly drawn to check out her tits where the floral lace bodice served as a push-up, really amplifying her cleavage. The satin cream belt tied around her waist divided the bodice from the tulle layers of her skirt that floated out around her body in a soft circle, stopping just below her knees. Desi would never have gone for a traditional full-length gown.
She looked up and saw me just then, watching her. She gave me a once over in equal measure as we sized each other up from across the room. I had a memory of crawling beneath that skirt on our wedding day as soon as she sat down on the couch. I’d made her come on my mouth with the delicate tiers of fabric rustling all around my head. I had an itch to hoist her sexy ass up onto the table behind her, flip that skirt up, and taste her and it was so hard not to scratch it.
I strode toward her with intent and it was only as I approached that I noticed a man sitting beside her at the bar.
Law.
But I ignored any ill feelings I still harbored about that whole situation as Desi bit her lip and moved toward me at an equal pace.
When I got close enough that I knew she could hear me, I commanded, “Kiss me, Blue.”
One more step and I reached out to snatch her by the wrist, yanking her into my embrace. I bent my head and covered her mouth with mine, wasting no time with slipping my tongue inside to taste her. My hands held firm to her waist as I dipped her backward. She bowed with me from the force of my kiss and her fingers found my perfectly trimmed beard. She clawed at the dense stubble, holding my face to hers as if she feared I might stop otherwise.
We stayed like that in the middle of the bar, time and space around us fading into the background. I didn’t stop kissing her until I tasted the salt of her tears on our lips. I pulled back, taking her face in my hands, brushing the pads of my thumbs underneath her eyes that were suddenly swollen and damp.
“Why are you crying, baby?”
She smiled at me, shaking her head, “I’m just so happy you’re here with me. That we’re here together and everything’s okay between us.”
I exhaled with love for her that vibrated unsteadily in my chest, causing my shoulders to tremble on its way out of my lungs, “Better than okay, baby.”
Licking her lips, she got straight to the point, “Are you really okay with all of this? With doing this here? With him?”
“Desi,” I reassured her, “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t. You know that.”
She nodded and chewed on the side of her thumb.
“If we’re gonna give this dominant-submissive thing a shot, then we’re gonna learn how to do it well. I want to do this for us, I want to be here.”
Her eyes sparkled with gratitude and I had to kiss her again.
Pulling back, I noticed Law coming toward us. Though I didn’t want to admit it, the phone conversations with him this week hadn't just helped me better understand Desi, but they helped me better understand myself, too. I found my strong reaction to seeing him in person again interesting. A torrent of random and contradictory
emotions flooded my system.
First was the urge to fight, followed immediately by intense rage. Luckily the feeling passed quickly, but unluckily it turned into shame and hurt. Then, it mixed with excited anticipation to take my wife deeper into this club and learn how to do all kinds of dark and dirty things to her.
As I tore my attention away from Desi, I watched the man who had given her something I didn’t even know she needed and I felt it like a blow to the gut. I wanted to place the blame on him for that, but I couldn’t entirely. Desi had to take that blame, too. She had owned up to it with grace. I forgave her easily because she was my girl, forever and always, no matter what.
They may never have kissed, they may never have actually fucked, but they had touched. Desi fucked up on that note, but it didn’t change that she was mine. It didn’t change that I was ready to move on from the nightmare we’d been living and find truly deviant bliss together.
