I was done listening. I heard the story once, and there was no way I wanted to hear it again. She broke my heart when she chose him.
On the way back toward Noah's room, I passed a room with an open door, so I stepped inside. It was her room. I shouldn't have been there, but I wasn't about to leave. I wanted to see who she was, how she lived, what she liked.
Her room was cute but neutral. Since she was alone, I'd expected it to have a bit of a girly look. I don't know why, but I did. It wasn't that way at all. Beige and brown colors filled the room. There were feminine touches around as well though. She had pillows on the bed and a chair with a lamp next to it in the corner. I imagined her sitting there at night, reading as she settled down from her day.
When my eyes came to her dresser, they zeroed in on a picture, so I walked over and picked it up. It was of her and a man. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. I needed to see who he was and couldn't help but want to know who it was that she'd chosen over me. As much as my head told me that wasn't exactly the case, my heart didn't care. He was the one that had taken her away. It should have been me with her, but it wasn't, and that hurt like hell for years.
My eyes scanned him first. There were similarities between us. The color of our hair and eyes were a close match.
“You hadn't really found the exact opposite of me, had you?” I whispered in aggravation.
There were differences too though. While I was muscular, he was thin. His hair was short and styled perfectly. Before the service, mine had been longer and more unruly. Since the service, I'd been letting it grow out, but it was still short. He dressed perfectly for a business man with his suit and tie. I preferred jeans, t-shirts, and boots. I couldn't speak for more than our looks. That was all the picture could tell.
Was he quiet? Was he cocky? Was he loving? Would he have done anything for her? Those were the answers I didn't have. I only knew me. I wasn't quiet. I was definitely cocky, and around her, I couldn't freaking help it. I wasn't loving, but I knew I could be for her. I just hadn't been that way with anyone in my past. Would I do anything for her? I'd like to think so. I punched a boy for her. I had people looking out for her. I had things taken care of, before him anyway. But she was right. I left. Instead of stepping up to her father and telling her how I felt, I left. So, had I done anything for her? No, I hadn't. I'd failed her. One thing was for sure though. That was never going to happen again. She was wrong. I wasn't leaving, not ever.
My eyes moved over to her side of the picture. She was beautiful. She always had been. Her dress fit her body perfectly. It wasn't too comfortable or too elegant. It was a perfect mix of both. She was a perfect mix of everything. The smile on her face as she looked at the camera told me she was happy. He'd made her happy. I should have done that. I should have been the one to make her happy, but I hadn't. He had. He'd been the one to be there for her. Why I expected her smile to be forced, I didn't know. It wasn't like I wanted her to be unhappy. I didn't. Shit! I didn't have a clue what I'd wanted to find in that picture, but what I'd found had been a happy couple. My heart instantly ached for her, for him, for Noah, for what they'd gone through.
“That's my mom and dad,” I heard come from behind me. “I miss him.”
I quickly put the picture down and turned toward Noah.
“I bet you do, buddy,” I said, as I walked toward him and got down on one knee.
“Mommy said he doesn't hurt anymore,” he said, and I felt my heart breaking for him all over again.
“She's right,” I said, as I looked into the eyes of the innocent little boy that had been through so much sadness already.
“She says he's in heaven watching me,” he said.
“I bet he is,” I said. “I bet he's watching to make sure your safe, and I'm sure he's so proud of you.”
“That's what she says,” he said, as I stood up and blinked my eyes a few times, trying to get the wetness that had built up in them to go away. “You want to check out my motorcycles now?”
Just like that, he was moving on. How, I had no idea. He was such a strong little boy. I hoped he knew he didn't have to be. I would have sat and talked to him about his dad. As much as Grace was right each time she called me an asshole, that wasn't all I was. I might not have been happy that Grace had been with him, but he was Noah's father, and that meant a lot. That was the moment I realized that I had to let go of my feelings over her husband. I could still be hurt that she'd been with someone else, but if I was going to be there, I had to think about what her and Noah were feeling. He was important to them, and that was what mattered. He didn't deserve to lose his life, and they didn't deserve to lose him either.
“Uncle Sawyer?” Noah questioned.
“Yeah, I'm ready,” I said, pulling myself from the spiral my thoughts had taken. “Show me these bikes.”
We walked into his room, and the first thing I saw was a picture on his nightstand. It was a picture of the three of them, all with smiles on their faces. I instantly felt even more regretful for thinking she shouldn't have been with him. Of course I didn't want her to be, but if she hadn't been, she wouldn't have her little boy, and I knew he was the one she woke up for every morning. He was her world.
Grace was right, I didn't want kids. I'd always said that. If she had waited for me, would she have missed out on the one thing that brought joy to her days?
“Here they are,” Noah said, as he proudly held up three tiny motorcycle toys. “Aren't they the best?”
“Yeah, Uncle Sawyer,” Ava said. “Aren't they cool?”
“They are pretty nice,” I said, as I looked over the tiny, metal motorcycles.
I turned them around in my hands, not believing what I was seeing. He'd been so excited over what I was holding. They were tiny. There was no detail at all. They were just metal. I knew I had to change that. If Noah wanted to collect motorcycles, I'd get him motorcycles. They'd have detail and bright colors. Shit! They'd at least make some noise.
“There are only three,” he said, watching me look at the toys. “Mommy said we can add one piece at a time. She lets me pick them out when we go to buy groceries.”
That explained it, I thought. They didn't sell the cool toys at the grocery store. That would definitely be getting fixed right away.
“Oh, they're awesome,” I said, as I handed them back to him. “There's no doubt about it. Your mom is right. Sometimes you have to wait for things, even when you don't feel like it.”
“That's what she says,” Noah said, as he scrunched up his face.
I couldn't help but laugh at the look he was giving me. It was like I was just as bad as his mom.
“You want to play a game with us, Uncle Sawyer?” Ava asked.
“Yeah, Uncle Sawyer?” Noah asked, with his dirty look quickly changing into a smile.
“A short one,” I answered. “I want to go check on your moms soon.”
Noah reached into a drawer on his nightstand and pulled out a pack of cards. He took them out of the pack, and in an attempt to shuffle them, they flew everywhere.
“I want to go first,” Ava shouted, and I looked over at her.
“Listen, Princess Ava,” I said, and Noah let out a laugh.
“That's funny,” he said, as he finished picking up the cards and began to attempt to shuffle them again.
“No, it's not,” Ava growled out. “I don't like that name.”
Again, the cards flew through the air, and I couldn't help but laugh.
“Let me show you,” I said, as I helped pick the cards up.
I moved slowly so both kids could see what I was doing, and an excited look appeared on Noah's face.
“I can do that,” he said, as he put his hand out for the cards.
“Go slow at first,” I said.
Noah did as I said and slowly began to shuffle. When he began moving a bit faster, I could see a look of victory on his face, and I couldn't help but feel good for him.
“You're getting it,” I said. “Great job.”<
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“Were our moms really best friends?” Ava asked, as Noah continued to concentrate on what he was doing.
“They sure were,” I answered. “They were inseparable.”
Ava gave me a strange look, and I smiled.
“They were together all the time,” I explained.
“I hope I'm always best friends with Noah,” she said, as she looked at her friend with such a caring look. “I don't ever want to stop talking to him.”
“Did they ever get in trouble together?” Noah asked, and I laughed.
“They sure did,” I said, as I thought back. “There was this one time.”
“Oh, I don't think so,” I heard come from behind me, causing me to jump.
“Damn, you women are quiet,” I said, as I turned to find them both laughing.
“Nothing good was about to come from the rest of that sentence,” Julia said, as she looked over at Grace. “Come on, Ava. We need to get home. You have school tomorrow.”
“Okay,” Ava said, as she stood up.
I quickly helped Noah pick the cards up.
“Can you come back another day?” Noah asked.
“Please!” Ava pleaded.
“Yes,” Julia answered.
“You promise?” Noah asked.
“I promise,” Julia replied.
As we stood at the door, I watched my sister and Grace put each other's numbers into their phones. They hugged as they promised to stay in touch and see each other. Not like they had a choice. Julia had just promised Noah that they'd be back. I was part of that they. I'd make sure of it, I thought. As I stood watching them, I knew one good thing had come out of the night. Two women that truly needed a friend had found one, again.
“Come on,” I said, as I messed up Ava's hair. “We need to get you home.”
“Will you read my favorite story?” she asked.
“Of course,” I answered.
“With the silly voices?” she asked.
“What other way is there?” I replied, as I looked up at Grace and smiled.
I took Ava's hand in mine, and we headed for the car.
“I'll see you two later,” I yelled out, as Julia followed behind us.
“Oh, that's not necessary,” Grace yelled back.
“But it is,” I yelled out even louder, making sure she knew that I wasn't going anywhere.
Chapter 6
Grace
I put my phone in my pocket as I headed up the stairs with Noah. He needed to get to bed, and it was later than usual.
“Isn't Uncle Sawyer great?” he asked.
“Ava calls him that because he's her uncle. You should just call him Sawyer,” I said, knowing that I didn't need Noah getting close to Sawyer.
“I like Uncle Sawyer better,” Noah said, with a shrug.
He'd made up his mind. While I knew saying anything else wouldn't matter, I knew that I needed to keep Sawyer away from him. When Sawyer decided it was time to move on, my son wasn't going to be hurt. I wouldn't let him be.
Noah got ready for his bath while I filled the tub. He had so many toys he played with, and he never left a single one out. Once he was situated, I walked into his room and sat on the edge of the bed. That gave him time to play alone, but I was right there where I could hear and see him in case he needed me.
I looked over at the nightstand and picked up the picture of the three of us. Even after all of the time that had passed, it still didn't seem real. We'd lost an amazing man, a great father.
As I sat there, I thought about Noah calling Sawyer Uncle Sawyer, and my heart broke for my boy all over again. His father and I were both only children, so there were no aunts, uncles, or cousins to love him. His dad's parents were an hour and a half away, and my parents, while they were close, weren't there much either. I wanted him to have a relationship with all of them, but it wasn't easy, not one bit.
I grabbed my phone from my pocket and sent a text to Noah's grandma.
Me: Are you busy Saturday? Would you like to see Noah?
When he saw my in-laws, it was because I took him to see them. I'd offered many times for them to come to us, but my mother-in-law wouldn't have it. As much as I didn't feel like driving that far, I'd do it for my son. Everything was for my son.
Grandma: That sounds nice. I'll see you then.
That was her, short and to the point. I knew that meant noon. It always did. She wasn't the friendliest to me, not since her son passed, but I dealt with her, for Noah.
As for my parents, I was going to prove to them that I wasn't who they thought I was. I was a responsible adult, and I worked damn hard, every single day, to be just that. With my father's birthday right around the corner, I knew I was going to use the opportunity to be the better person. I was going to visit them. I just had to work up the courage to do it before that day actually arrived.
As I held my phone in my hand, I looked at the picture of Noah and me as the background. Between seeing that and hearing him playing in the tub, I smiled.
Then my mind went to Sawyer, and guilt filled me for what we'd done earlier that day. How could I have let it happen? Noah's father had been the only man I'd ever been with. How could I have let myself be with another man? And why had I let that man be Sawyer, the only one that could tear my heart in two when it wasn't even mended yet? I should have said no. I should have pushed him away, but I didn't. Instead, I pulled him closer. I was the one that had wanted it. The worst part was the way he made me feel. When he touched me, I felt things I'd never felt before, and that scared the shit out of me. I felt more guilt than I'd ever felt before, but at the same time, being with him, feeling the way he made me feel when we were together, was all I could think about. I still felt him there. I felt him everywhere. The craziest part, being with him had felt better than I'd ever imagined.
My husband wouldn't have wanted me to be alone. He'd said it more times than I could count. But would he have wanted me to move on already? It had been almost two years. What was the right amount of time? It didn't matter. I'd promised Noah's father that when I found someone, it would be someone that would treat and love Noah just as he would have. That man wasn't Sawyer. He didn't want kids. He'd never wanted them. I needed to put distance between us, and that was exactly what I was going to do. That was my plan anyway.
Chapter 7
Sawyer
Ava had fallen asleep before the story was even over, and I wasn't willing to read it often, so that was saying something. She'd had a long, fun, exhausting day, and I couldn't have been happier for her. That little girl deserved the best, even if it was only the expensive pizza.
I walked into my room in need of a shower. Between chasing Grace home from the store, our ride to my spot, which she seemed to think had become her spot, and the amazing sex, my body was a sticky, sweaty mess.
I reached into my shower, turned the water on, then stripped off my clothes. As I looked in the mirror at my tattoo, my hand rubbed over my scar, and I thought about what my guys and I had been through. I was lucky. Some of my men were not, and that shit gutted me every single day.
As I stepped under the water, I thought about Grace. I was pissed about her being with someone, but I had no right to feel that way. I hadn't exactly been a saint myself. Had I been with women while I was gone? I had. Well, not at first. I truly hadn't, not until I'd found out she was with him. After that, it was no holds barred. I'd drown myself in alcohol and pussy every moment I possibly could. She was what had been getting me through, and once she was gone, I needed something, anything. There were things I'd seen that I couldn't unsee. There were noises I'd heard that I couldn't unhear. There were so many damn things I wanted to forget, but I couldn't. It was all right there. Something had to get me through. Was it wrong to look to alcohol and women? Yes, it was, but it was better than other things I could have done, so I'd accepted who I'd been, and I made the decision to move on from that man.
The moment I walked through my sister's door, I changed. Well, my decisions
did anyway. She needed me, and so did my niece. I was there to help, not to make her life worse, and that was exactly what I would have done if I would have continued down the road I had been on. So, I had spent that month working on my bike, playing with my niece, and helping my sister around the house. The one thing I hadn't done was touched a drop of alcohol, and I hadn't touched a woman either, until that afternoon anyway. There were still things in the back of my mind. I still had the horrible nightmares. They'd never go away, at least that was what some of the guys had told me, but I couldn't let them get me. I had to be stronger than they were, and that was exactly what I was trying my best to do. For that month, I had been doing it for Julia and Ava, but after seeing Grace and Noah, something told me that was about to change.
I stood there, letting the water flow over my body, and she was all I could think about. That afternoon had been like nothing I'd ever experienced before. When I touched her, I felt things I'd never thought I could feel. The softness of her skin was etched into my fingers. The sight of her beautiful, naked body was like something out of a dream. Yes, she'd had a child. No, her skin wasn't perfect, but it was better, so much better than perfect. She was literally a dream come true, a dream I'd had for so many years. My head fell forward under the water and my hand reached down and wrapped around my hard as steel cock. You'd have thought being with her would have satisfied me, but it didn't. Just the thought of her had my dick ready again. I began stroking my shaft from tip to base as the thought of her taste lingered on tongue. Had I been rough with her? I had, but I'd wanted to leave my mark on her. I'd wanted her to remember me, but that had bitten me in the ass. It was me that was thinking about licking her from my fingers. My arm moved to the wall, as I leaned against it. The thought of the sight of her below me as I rocked in and out of her had me stroking faster and harder. I couldn't take it. Just thinking about her had me busting like a teen screwing for the first time. Her name left my lips as shot after shot flew from my cock. I stood, catching my breath, as my head leaned against my arm that was still leaning on the wall.
A Forever Love, Part 2 Page 3
