“You know, Liam. I think your right, and I have to be fresh and on the ball in the morning for all my clients. I think it would be best if you came over tonight, and maybe bring some extra clothes for the next little while too…you know, to save you the trip.”
I let out a laugh, “I’ll be there in a bit, Gem!”
I lock up the house and make my way to Gwen’s place. As I pull up to the house, I notice Ati’s car is in the driveway. Hopefully, she’s talked to Gwen. Making my way in, I head straight to Gwen’s room.
“Hey Gem!” I lean over to kiss her head.
“Hey!”
“I see Ati’s home; Did you two talk?” I asked walking into the bathroom to get ready for bed.
I can hear the sadness in Gwen’s voice, “No, she came in and went straight to her room. I didn’t want to push anything, so I let her be. I called your mom, and she said she had a good conversation with Ati. Apparently, Ati isn’t completely mad at me, more really heartbroken over Ben, and now thinks I don’t understand. Maia says to give it a couple of days then talk to her, but she seems to think Ati will talk to me before then; so fingers crossed.”
As I get into bed, I grab Gwen and pull her into my side. “I’m glad my mom was able to help you out.”
She wiggles closer to me resting her head on my chest, “Liam, you have no idea. Your mom is a godsend.” Her voice is fading off to a whisper, indicating she is falling asleep.
I reach over and turn off the light, then lay a soft kiss to Gwen’s head. “Good night, Gem!”
“Good night, Liam!”
Chapter Nineteen
-Gwen-
With Thanksgiving out of the way and Christmas fast approaching, things have been busy. Ati is still avoiding me, opting to spend her time with Thea and Grace; now leaving Liam and me with more time to grow closer. However, this has created more opportunity for him to bring up more about my past, and myself avoiding it. So, now I’m dealing with his frustration about me still not opening up. I know it’s holding us back, but how do you let someone in to see an awful part of you, when you don’t even know what it is he will be seeing. I’m still so in the dark, about it all. Pieces my mother and uncle had left out keep popping up in my sleep, and I can’t make sense of any of it; I don’t know what is real or what is merely my imagination.
The feelings I have for Liam are no longer a question; they are as real as time moving, is inevitable. As each day passes, they grow stronger, and I fall for him more and more. I can only hope the things I am keeping in, once again, are not going to be the things, which stop me having the life I want.
We are now on our way to his parents’ house for dinner. It’s the quiet moments like these, which seem to be the times I choose to sort it all out.
“Gwen, you’re lost in your thoughts again, care to share?” Liam asks as we are driving away from my house down the dirt road.
“Just taking in the scenery!”
“Of course.” He murmurs under his breath.
I look to Liam, “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Exactly that Gwen, you’re always ‘Just taking in the scenery,’ you never want to share anything.”
“Really…You want to do this now, Liam?”
He shakes his head and runs his hand through his hair as he always does when he is frustrated.
“Forget I mentioned it.” He grumbles, clenching his jaw as if to hold something back he’s not sure he should say.
“I’m sorry!” I whisper.
“I know!” He replies curtly.
When we arrive at his parents’ house, Liam gets out of the car, making his way around to my side, opening the door and helping me out.
He pulls me into his arms, “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be an ass. I just feel like you’re always keeping me at arm’s length and I start to overthink what it means. I want you to let me in, Gem.”
I can’t look into his eyes, because I know he’s going to be disappointed with what he sees. So instead, I pull out of his arms and turn to the house.
“We shouldn’t keep your parents’ waiting.”
I don’t turn back to check if he is following me, I’m too much of a coward right now, to see the look on his face.
***
We are sitting at the dinner table; Liam’s mom has outdone herself. Everything is lovely; of course, I would not expect any less from Maia.
“So, Gwen, how are things with Ati, has she come around at all?”
“Now Mom, you really shouldn’t pry. Gwen doesn’t like sharing stories about herself. It’s like an invasion of her privacy, or some other reason she won’t care to explain. She’s very private with her life, even with her supposed boyfriend.”
Guess he does want to do this here.
I turn to him quickly, shooting daggers from my eyes, in embarrassment, “Really, Liam?”
“What? I needed to make sure my mom knows where your boundaries are; wouldn’t want her thinking she could get close.” He expresses in a sarcastic tone.
I don’t even respond. I stand from the table, tears threatening to spill over and turn to Maia and Aldric, “I’m sorry if you will excuse me, I need to use your restroom.”
“Of course, Love!” Maia replies
I nod in thanks and leave the room. I can hear Maia reprimand Liam for his childish behavior…Good!
I return moments later, and Liam is alone in the Dining room.
“My parents went ahead outback to start the fire.”
I nod in response.
“Gwen, I’m sorry!”
“We seem to be saying that a lot lately,” I reply, still not sure if I can speak to him.
“Can we just do this day over?” Liam asks.
Walking up to him, I look at him briefly, “Sure!” is my only response as I turn on my heels, and walk to the patio to join his parents.
***
We are sitting on Liam’s parents back deck. The night air has a little chill brought in by the December winter night, but the fire Liam’s father had started keeps us warm. As I take in the scene before me, looking to Liam and his parents, I can’t help but feel nostalgic for my mother and wish I could have one last moment with her like this.
Liam’s phone rings, “It’s the station, I have to take this.”
I give him a quick nod, and he walks off back into the house for some privacy.
“Coffee?” Maia asks now standing.
“I could use one, my love!” Aldric responds.
“Gwen?” Maia turns to me, asking.
“That would be lovely.” I go to stand, but Maia stops me.
“Sit back down, Gwen, I can handle it.”
I smile at Maia, and I am soon left staring into the fire with only Liam’s father.
“Are you planning to tell him?” Aldric asks.
I look over to him, “Excuse me?” I reply, not sure of what he is asking.
“About the real reason of why you came to Emerson.”
Without warning, waves of nausea run through, ‘no he can’t know,’ I think to myself. Feeling cornered, I look around quickly trying mentally to map a way out. I hold my breath, feeling the bile start to make its way up, then release once it subsides.
“I’m sorry Aldric, but I’m still not sure where you’re going with this.”
He looks into my eyes with an apologetic gaze, “About ten years ago the father of a friend of mine from University, and a younger woman came to Emerson. They were looking to have a house built right here in town. At the time, I was developing a few new surveys in Gary, but they were adamant they wanted it to be in Emerson. A few months prior, I had purchased a small piece of land right on the outskirts of town that I was sitting on as an investment. I showed it to them, and they decided right there and then it’s what they wanted. Over the next few months, I kept in touch with my friend’s father and the woman. Mostly the man, the woman would come at different times throughout the stages of building, more to make decisions about colors and such. The kick
er came when I completed the house, and the woman came one last time with a request. She wanted me to maintain the house and keep an eye on it, as she would not be moving in any time soon. You can imagine my surprise; I mean who builds a house only to have it sit there empty, but I agreed. They seemed to have their reasons. As the years went on, I kept my word and looked after things. Then out of nowhere, a woman moves in, but not the woman I had met previously. So, I called up the owner, but her number was no longer in service. I then called my friends’ father. He mentioned all was well, and the woman was the daughter.”
I feel the tears building up, and I start to quiver from suppressing a sob. 'Aldric knows!'
“You okay, love?” he asks, aware I have realized what house and whom he was talking about just now.
I give him a tear-filled nod, “You know!” It’s not a question, but he responds anyway.
“I do.”
“How much?” I ask
“Some! When I called Martin, he explained quite a bit; enough to make me understand, that under no circumstance was anyone to know who you were or your whereabouts.”
“Have you spoken to him since?” I ask wanting to know if he is aware of anything else.
“I have, and I want to give you my condolences on your mothers passing.” He says with such sadness in his eyes.
A tear drops down my face, “I never even knew she was sick. I found out three months ago when Mr. Reardon sent an email to my alias account notifying me of her passing.”
I look to Liam’s father as he speaks, “You know you can tell him!”
I shake my head, “I can’t, and even if could, I don’t even know the whole story.” I respond.
“Sweetheart, I look into my boys’ eyes and see a man so deeply in love; he would do anything to keep it. Do you love him, Gwen?”
I only nod in reply.
“Then, to be able to give yourselves to one another completely, you first need to be open and honest with each other.”
Soon as I lift my head, Liam comes out with his mother.
“Sorry, it took so long!” Liam says looking to my eyes. “Gem, have you been crying?”
I clear my throat and smile, and letting out a forced chuckle, “Yes, your father was giving me the, ‘if you hurt my son’ talk. It was so endearing I couldn’t help but shed a tear.” I get out, trying to sound convincing.
Liam looks to his father, “Dad?”
“What, can’t a father look after his boy?” Aldric responds
“Oh, Aldric!” Maia says as she swats at this arm. “The poor girl comes for a nice dinner with our son, and you manage to make her cry.”
I let a real chuckle this time, “Really, it was great.” I give Aldric a thankful smile.
“Gwen, even when you think some one’s not watching over you, remember, as long as you are loved, someone will always be there.” I look to his gaze a little longer and know what he means.
“Well, that was deep! Gwen, how do you take your coffee?” Maia asks. We all let out a laugh, at her obvious attempt to lighten things up.
As I turn to Liam, I see a look of inquisition on his face, but I’m not ready to go there quite yet. So instead, I send him an honest, ‘trust me, it’s all good’ smile, hoping it will keep him content for the time being.
Chapter Twenty
-Liam-
We are back in the car after leaving my parents. “Why don’t we stay at my place tonight,” I ask
“I can’t. Ati’s at home alone.” Gwen replies, with another one of her excuses to mask her avoidance of the real issue. I don’t give in that easy.
“Gwen she’s going to be eighteen, I’m sure she will be fine overnight by herself.”
“No, she won’t Liam.” She shakes her head, “…Never mind, you don’t understand. I can’t stay with you at your place; just spend the night at mine.” she finishes.
“For God’s sake Gwen!” I take a deep breath “…No, you’re right, I don’t understand. You won’t help me understand. You do this because, at my place, Ati isn’t around for you to use the excuse that we can’t discuss things around her. I hate that you refuse to open up to me. Gwen this is me, your boyfriend, asking you my girlfriend to open up to me. Please, Gwen, there is something inside you, and I know you want to let out, but you refuse to and Gwen it’s causing a strain between us.”
“Why do you always have to pry, and push thinking it’s more; it’s not, I just can’t leave her at home alone, Liam,” she says as her voice crescendo’s to almost yelling.
I slam my hands against the steering wheel in frustration, and Gwen jumps. Shaking my head, I take in a deep breath.
“I’m sorry, you’re right! I will take you home.” I final say, exhausted by this conversation.
We remain silent for the remainder of the car ride back to Gwen’s house. When I pull into the driveway, I wait for her to speak, but she says nothing. She merely stares straight ahead, not moving.
“I feel like I’m constantly going in circles with you, Gwen; As if I’m in this alone, the only one trying,” I say breaking the silence.
“I’m sorry!”
“Dammit, Gwen, stop apologizing and talk to me!”
She starts crying, tears rolling down her face.
“Gem, baby, please just talk to me!” I say in a soft whisper.
There’s nothing, once again only silence. We are not going to get anywhere with this tonight. We are far too emotionally tired. I lean over Gwen and unclasp her seat belt, then pull her on to my lap.
“Gem, look at me.”
She firmly hooks both arms around me and buries her face in my neck.
“I love you, Liam!” She says, with absolute certainty in her voice.
“I love you so much, and I am sorry that I am pushing you away, but I need you to understand. It’s not that I won’t open up to you, it’s that I can’t.”
I take a deep breath. ‘Gwen loves me.’ ‘She – loves – me.’ I said those exact words to Emily without meaning them not knowing what love felt like, but with Gwen, I know.
I know, I wake up every morning wanting to taste the sweet flavor of her strawberry gloss on my lips as she greets me with a kiss. I know I want the first thing I see to be her smile, lighting up as she looks into my eyes. I know the thought of not seeing her again sends a sharp pain to my chest. I know that, when I picture my future, she’s in it. She has the lead role; the role as my partner, the person I grow old and raise a family with…I know ‘I love her.’
“I love you too, Gem!”
She brings her lips to mine in a passionate, hungry kiss, and I know without a doubt, this woman is my 'forever,’ but will knowing, be enough to ignore the secrets.
***
At the station the next day, we prepared a release for the media and sent out an advisory to the public to stay alert and conscious of their surroundings. The Chief, along with Peters is issuing the statement the day after tomorrow, so, I text Gwen to meet me for a quick lunch before diving into things.
We are sitting at O’Fallon’s, having ordered our usual and enjoying light conversation.
“So, it’s rare that I get you for lunch through the week, what’s the occasion?” Gwen asks curiously.
“Just wanted to see my Gem, and let you know I may not be around tonight.”
“Work?” She asks with a pout!
I nod, “Yeah!”
“So, are you able to tell me what’s going on?” Her eyes are now showing understanding.
“Actually, yeah, we have been chasing down an escaped convict, a serial killer to be exact. It seems he is heading this way, but we are yet to locate him, so we are sending out an advisory.”
Gwen’s face turns to one of horror, falling completely white, “That sounds bad, Liam!”
“Well it’s not good, be careful, and stay close to home! Everything will be OK. I am going to talk with Thea and Grace, so make sure you talk to Ati.”
Gwen seems lost in her thoughts, “Gem, what are you
thinking?”
She shakes her head, “Nothing, just something I think I remembered, but I don’t know?”
I reach for her hand, “What is it?”
She pulls her hand from mine. “Really it’s nothing Liam, just something I thought I remembered, but I was probably just confused.”
“Gwen, tell me.”
“Liam, no, it was nothing, just let it go!”
“Dammit, Gwen, I’ve had enough of these secrets. I deal with shady people all day in my job, and I don’t need my girlfriend to be one of those people as well.”
“Excuse me! Did you seriously compare me to the people you investigate? That was low, Liam…really low. I think lunch is done; I’ll see you later.”
I don’t stop her. I am so angry with her right now, beyond angry. This thing, where she holds back isn’t working for me anymore. I am done with all the secrets, and maybe it’s time I find out on my own the things she won’t tell me.
I head back to the station, having decided that may be a quick check into Gwen’s life before Emerson, is a good idea. Sitting at the computer, I pop in her name, Gwen Batin, but nothing comes up, and I mean nothing. It’s as if she never existed; I can’t find anything. Maybe looking into Ati will give me something, so, I enter Matilda Batin, there I see plenty, but it’s all stuff I already knew, but nothing about her family. What is going on? How is it possible that there is no information on, Gwen?
After hours of searching, it’s now past nine at night, and I think I am even more frustrated with this whole Gwen situation then I was before. I need to get away from here and forget about all of this.
I head to O’Fallon’s; it’s busier than usual for a weekday. I take a seat at the bar, and not even seconds later, the seat beside me is occupied.
“Well, well! I didn’t think you would be able to come out and play; from what I’ve heard, you are now a kept man.”
The voice sends quivers down my spine, “Hey, Emily, what brings you to Emerson?”
I don’t turn to face her; I keep my eyes ahead on the screen showing the highlights of the game.
“I was in town visiting Flynn, thought I would stop in here for a quick one. I was taking my chance, and hoping that I would see you here.”
Liam & Gwen - Entirely Yours: A Romance Novel (The Adair Series Book 1) Page 19
