by Moira Young
Emmi, c’mon, that’s enough, I says.
The barn man’s brought a Tonton to help. They come runnin towards us. The Tonton’s got a firestick. Stop! he shouts. Don’t move!
Emmi! says Lugh.
She dives fer the hole. Me an Lugh haul her through. We turn an start to run. I did it, Saba! I really did it! she cries.
Yer my girl, Em, I says. Yer the best. Come on now! Run!
We’re runnin an pullin her along by her hands. Lugh one side, me the other.
There’s a crack.
I feel the shot hit her.
The blast throws her forwards. I hold tight to her hand. She goes limp between us. We stumble.
Lugh! I cry.
Keep goin, he says.
What’re you doin? I says.
He’s shiftin her to my arms, drawin his shooter, turnin around to go back. Run! he says. Run, Saba, run!
I scoop Emmi up an I run an I run an she’s heavy so heavy an I don’t dare think I jest run an run as fast as I can with her so heavy, an Nero flyin above us callin out an
behind me Lugh shoots, then he shoots agin
then he’s poundin after us an he snatches Em from me an we’re runnin fer the horses with her clutched to his chest
an I’m runnin beside him an holdin her hand an sayin to her, Em yer okay, it’s okay, but her head’s slack an I know it my body knows it, an her eyes is empty an I know our Em’s dead but she cain’t be she cain’t
an—Please, I’m goin, please oh please oh please, an Lugh’s goin, Shut up shut up gawdamnmit
then we’re at the horses, Webb an Tommo’s set to leave, with the kids on their horses, an Tommo sees Emmi, right away he knows the truth an, No! he cries out, like he’s bin shot too
an the girls, her little friends, they all bust out weepin
an Lugh’s somehow, I dunno how, he’s got on his horse without fer a moment lettin go of Em an now he takes off with her, rides fast through the trees, but not the way he should be, not towards the Lanes
an there’s Tommo sayin, Where’s Lugh goin
an I tell him, Tommo, ride fast, don’t stop
an him an Webb they ride off with the girls an I jump onto Hermes an head after Lugh an
my heart beats Emmi
Emmi
she’s dead
Emmi
Emmi
she’s dead.
Lugh rides like a demon. At first I think he’s jest ridin wild. But he’s headed somewhere fer some reason. I follow over fields, down roads. Plenty see us. None stop us. Two in dark robes at full gallop.
Keep my body tight. Like stone. If my bones, if my blood, if my skin don’t know, then it won’t then it won’t then it won’t be true. Not Emmi, not her, no, never. She’s our light, she’s our hope, Lugh an me.
I cain’t feel. Don’t feel. Won’t feel.
The sky turns dark. The rains come agin. Heavier this time than last. The roads turn to rivers. The fields turn to lakes. I’m soaked to the bone. I don’t feel it. Rain on. Rain me gone from this life.
We ride south fer a time. Then I notice where we are. I know this approach. High River. A creek in a dark rock gorge. With a small Wrecker place on its banks. Me an Jack met here once. I hear its roar before I see it. Bloated by rain, the river’s in flood spate. It runs high an fast, brown with mud.
Lugh don’t falter. He don’t slow. This is where he’s bin headed. He gallops down the slope an I follow.
As Lugh hauls up his horse yellin, DeMalo! DeMalo! four armed Tonton surprise us. They run out from behind the buildin, two on me, two on Lugh.
Why’re we here? I says to him.
They don’t seize him. One guard grabs the bridle as Lugh leaps off, slidin Emmi down into his arms. At gunpoint, the other guard takes Lugh’s weapons belt, but he has to do it on the move becuz Lugh don’t even notice. He’s already walkin towards the doorway yellin, DeMalo! Where are you?
Lugh! I shout. Wait! Stop! My heart pounds danger. He knew DeMalo would be here. But how? Why? This ain’t right. I’m down from Hermes, holdin out my arms, sayin, No weapons, I’m clean, to the Tonton. They check me over quick, then I run after Lugh.
No trouble from them. They’ve had orders. I don’t like this. Not at all. Two of the Tonton follow behind us.
What’re we doin here? Lugh! I says.
We’re through the door.
DeMalo! he yells.
Two at a time he takes the stairs of rusted iron to the room above. It’s a shattered shell with a junk metal roof. A web of rough props keeps it upright. Bare remains of walls an pillars crumble from the iron skellenton. Black firescorch patches the floor. A broke ladder leans aginst a pillar. On one of its rungs DeMalo’s hawk, Culan, huddles hooded an silent. Four great holes gape where windows used to be. Nero lands in one of ’em. He spies the hawk, his old enemy. He caws a challenge. Culan shifts nervously.
DeMalo stands at the room’s far end. Starin out at the rain, at the river below. He turns as we come in.
She’s dead! Lugh yells. He rushes at DeMalo, Emmi limp in his arms. His face seethes. He’s wild with grief an rage. Aware of nuthin but DeMalo. Yer men shot her, he says. A little girl! Look at her, gawdamn you! She’s dead!
I’m draggin at his arm. Lugh, we cain’t be here. C’mon, let’s go.
If my men shot her they must have had reason, says DeMalo.
You sunofabitch, what reason? I says.
She’s a child, says Lugh. What harm could she do? He stops fer a moment, overcome. His chest heaves as he gasps in air. This ain’t how it was meant to go, he chokes out.
Your sister was your responsibility, says DeMalo. If you play the game, be prepared to lose. I did tell you.
I stare at him. The blood pounds in my ears. You told him, I says. When? What game? I turn to Lugh. We rode straight here, I says. You knew he’d be here. What d’you hafta do with this man? Lugh! I shake him. Tell me!
He rips hisself from my grasp. He heads fer a cracked stone table.
I look at DeMalo. I wanna know, so you tell me, right now, I says.
He dismisses the guards with a wave of his hand. His face smooth an blank, as always. Your brother and I met, he says. Just after you’d blown up my bridge. We discovered that we share a mutual interest in traitors. One traitor in particular. Your brother said he could deliver him. In return for a plot of best New Eden farmland.
What’re you talkin about? I says.
A certain rotten apple in my Tonton barrel. A friend of yours, I believe, says DeMalo.
Jack. He means Jack. He cain’t do. Nobody knows Jack’s alive.
Lugh’s bin layin Emmi on the table. Carefully. Like she’s asleep an he don’t wanna wake her. I go to him. What does he mean? I says. What’ve you done?
Nothing yet, says DeMalo. He hasn’t delivered. I’m here at noon, he says to Lugh, as your message instructed. So where’s the traitor? I don’t see him.
Please, Lugh, I says, tell me you ain’t done a deal with this man.
She’d never of bin in that place if it warn’t fer you. Lugh’s breath shudders from him as he tenderly wipes mud from Emmi’s face with his kercheef. Her empty, dead face. She was so desperate to live up to you, she’d of done anythin, anythin to earn yer praise, he says. We should of gone west like I wanted to. Why couldn’t you have a care fer her? He smooths her rain-soaked hair. Why couldn’t you have a care fer me? Becuz of him, that’s why. He’s got you so in his spell, you cain’t think fer yerself, you jest do whatever he tells you. Don’t think I don’t know who’s bin callin the shots. This whole thing, it’s all bin his idea. Well, I’ve seen to him. I’ve seen to Jack.
Jack’s dead, I says faintly.
He looks at me. Give up the lie, he says. I’ve known all along.
I look at him. At Lugh. My brother. My golden heart. He’s betrayed me. As I betrayed him. My skin shrinks to my bones.
He’ll be here any time. As Lugh speaks to DeMalo, his eyes don’t leave mine. Saba’s message t
old him noon.
You sent a message from me, I whisper. With Nero.
I’m a busy man, I can’t wait, says DeMalo. No traitor, no land.
I don’t want yer gawdamn land, says Lugh. I wanna see him hang. He’s ruined our lives. He can pay with his.
The floor seems a long way away. I cain’t feel my hands or my feet.
DeMalo’s back at the window. He stares out. Let’s hope it doesn’t rain tomorrow night, he says. I always look forward to seeing the blood moon.
He don’t hafta say no more.
If you keep on, more people will die. People you care about. Your sister. Your brother. My offer’s good until the blood moon.
Formal surrender. Hand in our weapons. Fer Lugh an the others, safe passage over the Waste to the Low China Pass. No doubt a small army of Tonton to escort them, an bound in chains all the way. But they’ll walk free into the mountains an beyond.
If I marry him. That’s fit. It’s just. I’ll atone every day fer Emmi’s death. I trade my freedom fer theirs. That, at least, I can give them. Since the moment I met DeMalo’s eyes at Hopetown, I knew. Somewhere, some day, somehow, it would come down to him an me in the end.
I’d of thought the red hot would of took me by now. Emmi dead. Betrayed by Lugh. Trapped by DeMalo at last. But I’m calm. It’s like I’m watchin everythin from a distance. Like I ain’t in my body. I know it’s the kindness of shock. I listen to myself speak.
Safe passage fer Jack as well as the others, I says.
DeMalo turns his head to look at me. I need to make an example of him, he says.
Jack too. Them’s my terms.
Terms? says Lugh. What’re you talkin about?
I hear but don’t hear him. I’m starin at DeMalo. I’ve jest realized. It was that turn of his head. Jest like Tommo turns his. Now I’m distant from myself, I can see it so clear. The eyes, so dark they’re almost black. The high cheekbones. The full lips. They are so alike. The silver bracelet on his wrist. It’s the same as Tommo’s, the very same. Of course. They’re father an son. Tommo’s dead father is DeMalo.
How impossible. How unmissable. I couldn’t see it before. I was standin too close.
Saba, says Lugh. What terms?
Terms to save yer life, I says.
All right, says DeMalo. Safe passage for your grubby little band of rebels and Jack.
Safe passage? says Lugh. He’s a traitor. A dead man. We made a deal.
DeMalo an me don’t take our eyes from each other. An I see them to the Pass, I says.
No treachery on some lonely road, he says. All right. Agreed.
What the hell is this? says Lugh. Saba, what’s goin on here?
DeMalo wants me. I believe he wants me unbroken. So he’ll keep this promise. Whatever else happens, Lugh will be safe. An Tommo. He believes his father dead. I won’t tell him otherwise. Mercy an Molly. Ash an Creed. Slim. Jack. I’ll make sure they go far far away from this place. Through the mountains an on. To the chance of a decent life.
Not Emmi though. Too late fer her. This world always comes to blood. I should know that by now.
We surrender, I says.
I accept, says DeMalo.
Surrender? Lugh breathes out the word in disbelief. You what? He grabs my shoulder an spins me to face him. Safe passage fer Jack? He spits out his name, digs his fingers in my arms. There ain’t no safe passage fer Emmi, he says. She ain’t goin nowhere ever agin. It’s his fault she’s dead an yer so blinded by him you cain’t see it. We’d be long gone out West if not fer Jack. We’d be safe an settled an she wouldn’t be dead. He’s stolen our future. He’s kept you here an he’s stolen our future an he’s ruined us. We was ruined the moment you let him in yer life. You think I wanted to do this? Make a deal with this man? I only did it to save you, to save our family. Everythin, all my life, all I’ve ever done is fer you an Emmi. An you’d give safe passage to Jack with our sister lyin here dead? Damn you, Saba. Damn you to hell!
He shoves me hard. I stumble an I fall. Nero caws an flies towards me.
Lugh’s rushin to the door, yellin, I’ll see to him myself!
At that moment, Jack appears. Brought in by two guards. His hands tied behind him. He takes in the scene at a glance.
Here’s the traitor, says one. He shoves him in the back.
Jack staggers forwards. Lugh dives at him. Jack twists aside an hits the ladder. As it crashes over, the hawk, still hooded, panics. His great wings flap. His talons slash at the guards. They cringe, cry out, fling their arms. A wild shot blasts the roof. Rubble showers down.
Stop! DeMalo runs to catch Culan. Stop! You’ll hit him, you fools!
I’m on my feet by now, grabbin Nero, tellin him, Go! As I launch him towards the fray, he screams vengeance on the hawk.
Lugh’s got Jack by the neck, chokin him. He hangs backwards, halfway out the window. But Jack’s fightin. He struggles, scrabblin, off balance with his hands trapped behind him. Rain pours down on them. Lugh’s enraged. Strong way beyond his strength.
I haul at Lugh’s arms. His coat. Tryin to pull him off Jack. I hook one leg an he staggers to the side. Jack tips. I grab fer him. Too late. No! I yell. I lean through the window. He lands in the river. It rages him, swirls him away.
What’ve you done? I shout at Lugh.
He’s on his feet, lookin dazed.
A gun thuds. A bolt slams him in the back.
No! I scream
as his arms fly up
as he twists
an falls
to my arms.
Then we tip
we topple
out of the window
down to the river below.
We hit the water. Lugh on top of me. Down we go
down
down
down.
I hold his shirt tight. We’re wrenched an turned. We’re ripped an tumbled apart.
I’m thrown to the surface. Gasp in the rain. I look fer him. I scream his name, Lugh!
Lost to the roar of the river. His name, my voice, my cry. The current grabs me. Sweeps me away. A stout branch swirls past. I seize it. Agin an agin, it saves my bones as I’m flung towards the rocks of the bank. I shoot over rapids. Outta the gorge into a wooded valley.
Nero screeches above. I look around, frantic. I spot Lugh near the bank. He’s caught in the roots of a fallen tree. Sprawled, face down in the water. Jack’s there too. He’s jest pullin hisself from the river. Lugh! I yell. Now, at last, the red hot kicks me. It rages me, burns me as I struggle towards him. As I fight myself free of the current.
Then I’m there. Grabbin hold. Haulin myself out. Jack’s tryin to drag Lugh free.
Don’t touch him! I yell. Lugh! I’m climbin, scramblin among the tangled roots. Give him to me! I’m grabbin fer Lugh. I’m here, I’m here, it’s okay now, I says. I’m lookin, touchin, checkin him over. There’s some blood where he got shot, not much. An Jack’s helpin me. Turnin him into my arms so he’s laid back aginst me.
Yer gonna be fine, I tell him. An he’s so brave, he don’t make a sound. I hold him in my arms, hold him close. Not a mark on his beautiful face. I kiss his birthmoon tattoo, the same as mine. Look at you, I says, yer perfect. I lace our fingers together. I lay my cheek aginst his. He’s fine, I tell Jack. He’s okay.
I hold him so tight. So tight to my heart. I’m shakin. I’m shiverin.
You’ll never guess, I says. We’re goin to the big water. You an me an Em, it’s all arranged. We can leave right away. If I hadn’t of bin so stubborn, if I’d of listened to you, we’d be there by now. But we’ll git there, I promise, we will.
I hafta stop fer a moment.
I need yer help, I whisper. You see … I made some mistakes an—you always know what to do. You always took care of me. I should of told you before, I should of—please don’t leave me. Please. I cain’t be without you. I dunno how to be without you in the world.
Saba. Jack’s crouched beside us.
He’s sleepin, I says.
Jack kisses my temple. He ain’t asleep, he says.
Emmi’s dead, I says.
I know.
I stare down at the river. Brown water rises, tugs at my feet. Drownin’s easy. So they say. If you don’t fight it. I could slide in, with Lugh in my arms. Before the pain comes. Before it takes me.
He’s gone.
Gone.
My golden heart is gone.
The sound of shoutin comes muffled through the rain.
They’re comin, Jack says. Saba, we hafta run. We cain’t take him with us.
I look at Jack. He’s soaked an filthy. His eyes bloom like stars in his muddy face. The rain sheets down upon our heads.
Find that river you talked about, I says. That stretch of water at the top of the map. Find a boat, like you said, keep goin. I don’t trust him to keep his word about you. The rest of ’em he will, but not you.
Saba! DeMalo’s voice, his men’s voices grow closer. Saba! They’re all callin my name.
You did a deal with him, says Jack.
It’s me he wants. Only me. He always wins, I says.
Jack’s drawn back. I see his face change. As some kinda truth starts to dawn in him.
He didn’t even hafta lift a finger, I says. All he had to do was wait. I did this myself. To all of us.
What deal did you make?
To marry him, I says.
His eyes harden to ice. You bought our freedom in his bed, You’ll pardon me if I don’t thank you. You should of listened to yer brother. Listened to me. Left this place, like we told you to. I always knew you’d funk it at the first deep cut. But I never once thought you’d betray us.
I’m doin this to save you, I says.
I didn’t ask to be saved. None of us did. I thought you unnerstood, he says. What we’re doin here is bigger than any of our lives.
It’s over, Jack.
All that’s over, he says, is you an me.
Then he’s gone. Disappeared to the rain.
Saba! It’s DeMalo’s voice. Urgent. There she is!
I hold Lugh tight to my heart. I slide with him into the river.
Then the pain
—sudden
—ecstasy
