by J. Sterling
She thinks she might have been wrong about me? What kind of lame apology was that?
I almost fucking laughed, but I stopped myself the second I looked into her eyes. She sat there, so open, so vulnerable, and the last thing I wanted was to make her defensive and regret walking in here tonight.
Still hurt, I said, “I know that it can’t be easy for you being a single mom, but why did you think—”
“I know I judged you without knowing you, which is wrong. And I made assumptions based on your job and what I’d seen of you here. I did exactly to you what I hate being done to me.”
Confused, I sat back in my chair, studying her. “What do you mean?”
Sofia sat up a little straighter, as if she was steeling herself. “I’ve always felt like strangers were making assumptions about me because of my situation. When I was pregnant, people checked my hand for a ring. They did the same thing when I had an infant in my arms. I was always being judged unfairly, or at least it seemed like it. And I did the same thing to you.”
“What kind of guy do you think I am? Why do you think I’d be so bad for you?” I asked with a grimace. “For your son?”
“You seem like such a playboy. A lot of women give you attention, and it looked like you enjoyed it. I don’t want a guy who needs attention from other women. I would hate having that kind of life. And I don’t want a role model like that for Matson.”
Before asking Claudia and Jess for their opinion on Sofia, I would have never guessed how my life might look to others from the outside looking in. I knew the kind of man I was, the kind of man I wanted to be, but it wasn’t fair of me to assume that anyone else could see that just from looking. I always put on quite a show at work.
“I’m a one-woman kind of guy, Sofia. I’m not a playboy. I might have gone through a phase at one point, but it didn’t last long. It wasn’t me. I want to settle down. I want a family. I want to find the kind of love my brothers have.”
Her mouth formed a crooked smile before it faded. “I would have never guessed any of that by looking at you. Or by watching you at work.”
“Obviously.” I realized that I sounded like a bit of a dick, so I took my tone down a notch. “Can I ask you something?”
“Sure.” She unclasped her hands and started playing with a pen.
“What are you so afraid of?”
The cap of the pen flew onto the floor and she bent over to pick it up. “I feel like I’m afraid of everything right now. Of falling in love. Of never falling in love. I haven’t had a relationship since I had Matson, really. At least, nothing that ever turned even remotely serious. I’m scared of giving you my heart and having you completely obliterate it. Because I think you could do that, Ryan. I think if anyone could destroy me, it would be you.”
A harsh cough bubbled up from my throat, and I pounded my chest. I hadn’t expected that answer. “It works both ways, you know. You could completely obliterate me.”
“Could I?” She sounded unconvinced.
“Sofia, I’m sensitive. If I haven’t made that clear by now, let me tell you again. I’ve got a soft heart. I’m a hopeless romantic. I want all that fairy-tale bullshit that they peddle to girls. I want it.” I pointed at myself. “Me.”
“I don’t trust easily.” An uncomfortable laugh escaped from her beautiful lips. “Obviously. It’s always just been Matson and me for the last eight years. And my parents, of course. But I have a really hard time letting anyone in. I don’t know how.”
I nodded because that made complete sense. “It’s easier to keep people out, and that’s why you push so hard. Somewhere deep down, you want to see who will scale the walls you put up. I was willing to.”
“Was?” Her eyebrows drew together.
“Still am.”
Her face instantly relaxed. “You are?”
“Hell yes, Sofia.” I pushed out of my chair and stalked around the desk.
“You’re not at all what I thought you’d be, Ryan Fisher.” She batted her eyelashes as she looked up at me.
“I know.”
I smirked at her, then pulled her from the chair and pressed my lips to hers. I probably should have waited until our first date to kiss her, but I didn’t want to wait another second.
Sofia kissed me back, her tongue meeting mine aggressively, momentarily catching me off guard. I thought she might be shy or reserved, yet Sofia was anything but. She matched my intensity, gripping the back of my shirt as I held her tight, afraid if I let go, she might disappear again. She felt natural in my arms, like she belonged there, like she was made for me, and kissing her felt like anything but the first time. Our mouths moved in sync, our tongues tasting and teasing, nipping at each other with lips and teeth.
When she finally pulled her head back, breaking the kiss, I leaned in. I wanted more, as much as I could get of her. Because, dear God, that was perfect.
Sofia pushed my chest slightly and looked up at me through her lashes. “I wanted to ask you before I forgot.”
“Ask me what?”
“On a date.”
My hands slid down her back and rested on her hips. “You’re asking me out on a date?”
“Yes, Ryan. I came here to apologize and make it up to you. I want to.”
I hesitated, not because I didn’t want to go out with Sofia, but because it went against everything I believed in to have her take me out. I wanted to be a gentleman, to be chivalrous. “What did you have in mind?”
“I thought you could come over to my place, and I’d cook us dinner. If that sounds okay?” She bit lightly at her bottom lip, apparently nervous again.
A smile broke free. “Will Matson be there?”
“Would you like him to be?”
“I would, but it’s up to you.” I definitely wanted to spend more time with Matson. He seemed like a cool kid, but that decision wasn’t mine to make.
Sofia stared at the floor, her head moving slightly with the silent debate she was having with herself before she looked back up. “I think it’s probably best if we have a few dates first, just us, before we involve him. I don’t want to confuse him, or have him get attached to you if—”
“If we don’t last,” I said, finishing her sentence for her.
“Yes. I don’t say that to be mean. I just want to protect him.”
She was a good mom, and I respected that. Plus, she said a “few dates,” which meant she had more feelings for me than she was willing to admit.
“I understand.”
A knock at the door stopped our conversation, and Nick peeked in. Taking in our embrace, he said with a smirk, “Hey, man, some crazy dude is out here asking for you.”
“Who?”
“No idea.” Nick shrugged and closed the door.
I narrowed my eyes in confusion, wondering who it could be. “I’ll be right back.” I looked at Sofia, who was still flushed from our make-out session.
“No, it’s okay, I need to get home. My mom is watching Matson for me so I could come talk to you.”
I turned and gave her one last quick kiss on the lips before grabbing her hand. “Okay. I’ll walk you out.”
I led her out of the office and into the chaos of the bar. Derek’s gaze instantly met mine from across the room, and I stopped short in surprise before Sofia slammed into my back. “Sorry, angel.”
Derek’s narrowed gaze trailed down to my hand, still linked with Sofia’s, and his expression shifted from angry to downright murderous. My protective instincts kicked into overdrive as Sofia’s grip on me tightened.
As Derek worked his way through the crowd toward us, I squared my shoulders, keeping my body as a buffer between his and hers. There was no way in hell I was letting him anywhere near her. When he got close enough to talk, I put out my hand to stop him.
“What are you doing here?” Sofia’s voice blew past my ear, and Derek’s mouth formed a devilish grin.
“I didn’t know you would be here, Sofia.” His gaze flicked between her face and mi
ne, as if he wasn’t sure which one of us to maintain eye contact with. “I came here to talk to Ryan. But if you’re here fucking around with him, then who is watching our son? Where’s Matson? Who has him, your mom? Hasn’t she done enough to help you over the years? You can’t even raise our kid properly. Can’t you do anything right?”
“That’s enough,” I snapped, searching the room for my brothers. Frank’s gaze met mine and he raised an eyebrow in question. I gave him a slight shrug in response, knowing that he’d keep an eye on the situation as it unfolded.
“Or what, Ryan? You going to threaten me again?”
He rolled his eyes and something seemed . . . not quite right, like he was on something. Not that I had a lot of experience with people on drugs, aside from the few who came into the bar sometimes, but he seemed off somehow.
“I might,” I ground out, my jaw tight.
“Why did you come here?” Sofia asked again, peeking out from behind my shoulder.
“I told you. I came to talk to your boyfriend.”
“What about?” I asked, clearly annoyed. “And as you can see, I’m a little busy.” I waved my hand around the packed bar.
His laughter sounded demented. “So you’re too busy for me, but you’re not too busy for her. I see how it is. Not a wise move, Ryan Fisher. Not a wise move at all.”
He knew my full name. I guessed it wouldn’t have been that hard to figure out once he knew where I worked, but I was still a little weirded out by it. I was actually more concerned that he showed up here at the bar, though.
“I think you should leave.” My voice dropped to a dangerous low rumble, and I sensed Sofia stiffen behind me.
“Do we have a problem here?” Frank appeared at my side, a towel and glass in hand.
“I was just asking Derek here to leave.”
“Doesn’t look like he was listening,” Frank said to me, and I held back my grin as we continued to talk around Derek like he wasn’t even there.
“Sure doesn’t,” I said, keeping my voice light.
“Did you ask nicely, Ryan?”
“I asked plenty nice.”
“Maybe you hurt his feelings,” Frank said playfully, not looking at Derek.
I shrugged. “He might be hard of hearing.”
“Hate when that happens.” Frank finally turned toward Derek. “Are you going to leave willingly, or would you like some help getting tossed on your ass out of my bar?” Frank took a step toward him, no longer playing around, and Derek threw his hands in the air.
“I’ll go. For now.” He pointed a finger at me. “This isn’t over. And next time I tell you I want to talk to you, you better make time to listen.” He turned to walk away.
“Don’t fucking threaten me,” I yelled at his back before adding, “And stay the hell away from Sofia.”
He stopped, faced us, and mouthed the word no before turning away and walking out the door.
“Who the hell was that?” Frank asked.
“My son’s father,” Sofia answered before I could.
“I’m sorry for that. I’m Frank, by the way.” My brother extended his hand, and Sofia took it in hers.
“Sofia.”
“It’s nice to finally meet you.”
“You too.” She smiled, but I could tell she was still tense.
“Next time you come back, we’ll get you set up with the ladies.” Frank pointed at the table in the far back of the bar where Claudia and Jess were sitting with some of their friends. “That gorgeous brunette is my girlfriend, and the blonde is Nick’s.”
“Thank you, Frank.” Sofia smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes, and Frank walked back to tend bar.
Glancing around, I noticed a fair share of attention focused in our direction, Grant’s included. He looked concerned but I shook my head, warning him to stay out of it.
“I’m going to follow you home in my car. I want to be sure you’re safe, and I don’t trust that guy.” When she swallowed and opened her mouth, I sensed she was about to argue with me, so I stopped her. “Look, Sofia, I know you’re used to being alone and handling things on your own. But that’s not how it’s going to be with me and you, okay? You’re going to try to do things by yourself, and I’m going to fight you on it every time because you’re not alone anymore. We’re giving us a shot, right?”
She avoided my gaze, looking anywhere but my eyes, and I realized that was her tell. She was uncomfortable, maybe enough to attempt to lie.
“Sofia?”
Those gorgeous hazel eyes finally looked directly at me. “Yeah?”
“We’re doing this, right? Me and you?” I asked again, my thumb caressing her hand as I pulled her closer, fully aware we had an audience. I didn’t care who knew, who saw, or who thought what. All I wanted was this woman in this moment with me.
“Yes.”
When she maintained eye contact, I relaxed, knowing I had some of her trust.
“Then you’re going to have to let me in,” I said as I pulled her into a tight hug. “And you’re going to have to get used to me helping you.”
I didn’t know Sofia that well yet, but I knew people enough to know that the ones hiding behind the tallest walls tended to have the largest hearts. They were simply scared of getting hurt. They didn’t hide because they hated love; they hid because they had so much of it to give.
“I don’t know how,” she murmured against my chest. “But I want to try. With you.”
“Then I’m either following you home, or I’m driving you. Your choice.”
She nodded and let out a sigh. “You can follow me. Thank you, and I’m sorry for all of this.”
“Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.”
Although I tried to reassure her, I could see the self-imposed guilt written all over her face. That was going to have to change.
After I gave Nick a quick rundown of what happened, he wanted to shut the bar down so all the Fisher brothers could escort Sofia home, but I convinced him that wasn’t necessary. So, he and Frank practically shoved me outside, wanting to be sure that I didn’t worry about the bar when I needed to be focused on Sofia’s safety.
And I was.
And even though my brothers didn’t know her well yet, I could tell they were worried too.
So This Is Dating
Sofia
I had no idea what Derek was up to, but showing up at Ryan’s bar and demanding to talk to him was more than a little disconcerting. How had he even found out who Ryan was, or where he worked? I had no idea but didn’t have to think too hard. Derek’s family had power and money, two things that could get you any information you wanted.
But why? Why had he shown up here, and what did he want to talk to Ryan about?
Ryan walked me outside the bar, scanning for any signs of Derek before helping me into my car and hopping in the passenger seat.
“I thought you were following me,” I said.
“I am, but you’re driving me to my car first. I don’t want you to be alone. He seemed off, right? Like he was on something, maybe?” Ryan glanced in the side mirror, keeping an eye out for anyone following us.
“I don’t know,” I said because I honestly didn’t. “I haven’t seen him since before Matson was born.” As Ryan directed me, I drove around the bar, making my way to the back lot where he and his brothers parked.
“Why not?”
“His family wanted me to have an abortion. They thought I got pregnant on purpose, and accused me of wanting Derek’s money. He broke up with me the day I told him, instead of waiting until after we graduated like he had planned. I was seventeen and terrified. And I was about to have a baby that no one but me wanted.”
“And Derek said nothing?”
“He and his family fell off the face of the earth. At least, in my world they did. Not a single call, text, or email. I eventually blocked them on social media to avoid exactly this happening, but to be honest, I figured if they hadn’t shown up by the time Matson was two, they never wou
ld.”
“Sofia . . .” Ryan said my name so softly, it almost sounded like he pitied me.
“Don’t feel sorry for me,” I said sharply. “I don’t want or need that.”
“Hey, I wasn’t feeling sorry for you, but I’m allowed to think that story sucks. Because it does.” He was adamant, his tone honest and kind. Ryan cared about me, that much was apparent.
“You’re right. It is a crap story. But it’s only a part of mine. And I don’t feel bad about it anymore. It’s in the past, you know?”
He reached for my chin, gently turning my face toward his. “I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone as strong as you.”
Ryan’s compliment made me uncomfortable. It wasn’t the first time I’d heard those words, but they always sounded strange to me.
My life was what it was, hard times and all. But what were people supposed to do when faced with hard times? Quit? Give up? Those never seemed like real options to me, so I always did whatever I had to do to get by. It never seemed like being strong or brave to me; it had always just felt like life.
“Did I say something wrong?” Ryan asked, his hand on my thigh as I pulled into the gravel lot.
“No. This is all new to me, that’s all.”
“I know. It’s new to me too. I haven’t had a girlfriend in years,” he admitted.
A strangled sound came flying out of my mouth. “That can’t be true.”
“I told you.” He smiled. “I’ve been waiting.”
“You are romantic.”
“Told you that too.” He moved to open his door before stopping. “I want you to park back here from now on. I mean, if you ever come to the bar again.”
I let out a quick chuckle. “If I ever come back.”
“Dammit, Sofia. When you come back, park here.”
“Yes, sir.” I gave him a mock salute.
He leaned back into the passenger seat and gave me a soft kiss. “I’ll follow you. Don’t ditch me.”
I grinned. “I won’t.”
