by J. Sterling
“Huh?”
“When he told you to keep your distance. What did you say?” She pulled out of my grip again so she could look at me. It was funny how she used to avoid making eye contact, but right now it was all she seemed to do.
“I told him no.”
Sofia let out a laugh. “You said no?”
“Yeah,” I said, hoping I sounded as tough and manly as I felt.
“And?”
“He didn’t like my answer.”
A smile spread as she closed her eyes for a moment before cupping my chin. “Well, I loved your answer.”
The words fell from her lips so softly that I couldn’t help but stare. I wanted those lips all to myself. I craved them, desired them. I wanted to taste every inch of her skin, if she’d let me, and I hoped to God she would.
“So you don’t want me to keep my distance?” I asked, wanting her to admit she was falling as hard and as fast as I was.
Her smile dropped. “Not even a little bit,” she said almost sheepishly, as if it was hard for her to say out it loud.
“Good. Because I don’t plan on going anywhere.”
There. More truth and more feelings for her to process. Sofia knew she wasn’t a fling, but she needed to hear it from me. So I planned to tell her everything she needed to hear, as often as she needed to hear it, until she believed me.
“I don’t think I’ll ever want you to,” she said softly.
I lifted her chin until she met my eyes again, wanting to be very clear. “This isn’t temporary, Sofia.”
Her gaze dropped to my lips, and when it rose again, it was filled with heat. “I don’t want it to be.”
When the words I needed to hear left her lips, I cut her off with a hard kiss. There were too many emotions in the room, too many feelings hanging in the air, and I was only so strong.
I needed to feel her, needed to taste her, and when her head dipped back, giving me access to her neck, I knew she was granting me permission to much more—to her body and her heart. I wanted all of it, every single bit of her that she’d allow me.
I planned to be gentle . . . tried so hard to be. But things don’t always go as planned.
Not Going Anywhere
Sofia
Ryan grabbed my ass, now covered only by my silky panties since my nightshirt had ridden up to my waist. My heart pounding, I moved my body on top of his and rubbed myself against him. I wasn’t above dry-humping like a fifteen-year-old, and from the way his hard-on bulged and shifted beneath his jeans, he wasn’t either.
It had been far too long since anyone had touched me the way Ryan was doing, his fingers digging into my back as I rolled my hips, pressing myself against his groin.
When he ground out, “You’re killing me, angel,” I continued my movements, afraid that if I stopped it all might end. The last thing in the world I wanted right now was for that to happen.
I’d never been the type of woman to care about sex. I’d gone lengths of time without a man inside me that made most women shudder in horror. They never understood how I kept it all together when I wasn’t allowing myself to come apart. Matson had always been my priority, and an orgasm seemed like a distant second . . . or fifth to my vibrator, if I was being completely honest.
But in this moment with Ryan, his hands all over me, lifting me higher so he could press kisses against my bare stomach, I wondered how I’d survived so long without it. My body ached to be filled with him, the need building between my legs before spreading through my entire body.
“I want you,” I whispered.
Ryan froze and stared at me. “You sure? Because I’m only asking once. It’s taking every ounce of willpower I have not to take you. I’m so turned on, Sofia.”
“Take me then,” I said breathlessly, and it was all the permission he needed before his grip on me tightened and he flipped us over in one movement.
“You have any idea what you do to me?”
He kissed me before I could answer, and the feel of his weight on me made me moan out loud. Ryan’s muscles were hard, but his skin was soft. His body was chiseled in all the right places, yet his touches were sensitive. He was a contradiction of the best kind, and I found myself craving more of him . . . all of him. My need for him consumed me.
Ryan let out a ragged breath. “God, I want to take things slow, but I’m not sure I can.”
“Then don’t. I need you in me. Now,” I said, surprising myself with how forward I was being.
He leaned back, his lower half still pressed to mine before he hopped up and unbuttoned his jeans. I wanted to be sexy, to take control and tell him I’d undress him, but I didn’t say a word. I lay there, a little breathless as I watched him get undressed, then pull out his wallet and remove a condom from it.
Thank God he didn’t make me ask whether he had one. The last thing I wanted to admit was I wasn’t on birth control since I hadn’t had sex in a hundred years.
He stood there in his fitted boxer briefs, the muscles in his thighs bulging like his crotch. My lips parted as he pulled his briefs to his feet and kicked them off, not a care in the world about where they landed.
“You still okay?” he asked, the condom gripped between his fingers.
“Oh yeah,” I said, staring directly at his cock.
“Enjoying the view?”
He sounded like he was teasing me, but I could tell he was a little self-conscious.
“Hell yes, I am,” I said with as much reverence as I could. It was one hell of a view.
He grinned before moving back to where I waited. I hadn’t moved an inch. Reaching for my shirt, he pulled it over my head and gasped as he looked down at me. I wanted to cross my arms and cover myself until his words hit me.
“You’re so beautiful.”
He kissed my stomach and hips, tracing the faint white lines of my stretch marks with his fingertips. His eyes drank me in, making me want to drown in this man. Reaching for his head, I ran my fingers through his hair, scratching his scalp lightly, and he dipped his head between my legs.
“I have to taste you.”
He gave me no choice as he pulled my panties down and tossed them aside before his tongue teased my inner thigh. Moving closer to my core, he breathed me in before stroking my folds with his tongue.
A moan escaped me, my hands still firmly gripping his head. “Oh God, Ryan.”
He groaned in response, taking his tongue deeper, lapping at me with quick, feverish licks. It darted in and out of me before he moved to my clit, and licked it up and down like he couldn’t get enough. God, this man knew what he was doing, and I felt like I was going to explode. My vibrator paled in comparison to Ryan’s tongue.
I wriggled beneath his mouth, pulling at his hair in an attempt to get him to stop. “In me. Please. Ryan, get inside me now,” I begged, not caring how desperate I sounded.
The sound of the condom tearing open made me grin as his head moved from between my thighs and back toward me. His face glistened with my juices, and a primal need swept over me. He wiped at his scruff with the back of his hand before coming down to kiss me, the taste of me all over his tongue. I’d never done that before, kissed a man after he’d gone down on me, but I was so turned on that all it did was fuel my desire for him more.
My fingertips dug into his back as I spread my legs open for him. Ryan didn’t take his time, and he wasn’t gentle like I’d expected. He plunged into me all at once without warning, as deep as my body allowed. The sound that escaped me was part pleasure, part pain.
“Sofia, you feel so good. So perfect,” he said as he drove into me over and over again.
His shoulder muscles flexed as he moved above me, making my eyes close in response to all the delicious, mind-blowing sensations he was creating. Ryan filled me, reaching places inside me I’d never known existed before.
“What are you hitting,” I asked with a pleasured moan.
“Am I hurting you?” He slowed his pace a little but didn’t stop moving.
“No, it feels amazing. I’ve just never felt it before.”
He smiled at that but didn’t answer. I decided that I no longer cared as he continued to pump his length in and out of me, hitting whatever the hell it was he was hitting.
“Oh God, Ryan, I’m going to . . .”
His mouth cut off my words as he kissed me, speeding up his pace as he gripped my headboard for leverage. He breathed out my name with each push inside me.
“Sofia . . .”
He groaned out my name again, his thrusts hard and rough. It was amazing, and not at all what I’d expected. Ryan owned my body, and it obeyed his every nonverbal command.
When my release hit, it felt like a wave of energy and emotion exploding all at once. Ryan still gripped the headboard as he used it to push into me with all his strength. Three pumps later and he came, his dick pulsing inside me, his hips still working in and out of me so slowly that I thought he might never stop. And I wasn’t sure I would have minded.
He collapsed on top of me, the weight of him practically crushing me as we breathed hard, our chests moving in and out in sync. “That was—”
“Amazing,” I finished for him as he rolled over and pulled me against him.
“I didn’t mean to be so rough. I mean, not for our first time, but I couldn’t help myself. You felt so good, and I was so turned on.”
His apology was sweet, but not necessary.
“I needed it. Just the way you gave it. That’s what I needed,” I confessed, because it was true. I hadn’t realized it before, but I didn’t need sweet and soft tonight. I craved a rough release to let go of all the stress and tension that had been building. “It was perfect.”
We lay on my bed, the sheet tossed to the floor, both of us still breathing hard as we floated down from our mutual high. My head lay on Ryan’s chest, still slick with sweat, and thoughts of Matson walking in and seeing us like this flashed in my mind.
“You’d better go before Matson gets up,” I said softly, drawing lazy circles with my fingers across his abs.
“You kicking me out after having your way with me? That’s cold.” His stomach bounced up and down with his laughter.
“I know. It’s just that I don’t want to confuse him,” I said, starting to overexplain before he kissed the top of my head and I stopped talking.
“I was only teasing. Of course I’ll go,” he said.
“But not forever, right?”
Suddenly, I found myself second-guessing having sex with him so quickly. Maybe I should have made him wait longer, or work harder? As women, we were taught—whether subliminally or not—that our body was our greatest weapon, and withholding sex was the surest way to keep a man coming around. But now that Ryan had gotten the proverbial milk for free without buying the cow, what if that was all he wanted?
My brain knew I sounded crazy, but my heart still worried, the poor thing fragile and vulnerable.
Ryan squeezed me tighter. “Not forever. I’m not going anywhere, remember?” When I didn’t respond right away, he pushed up, cradling my head as he pulled away to look at me. “Do you believe me?”
I avoided looking into his eyes, feeling ridiculous as my heart whined and my mind willed it to pull itself together.
He gave me a worried look. “Sofia?”
“I believe you,” I said, looking into those blue eyes that weakened my resolve. “Or I’m trying to.” I winced, thinking that he would hate my response.
“I’ll take it.”
“But what if Derek gets too crazy and you can’t handle it anymore?” I found myself asking.
My doubts and fears were eating me up inside, roiling around in my mind and making me worry. If Ryan thought he couldn’t eventually handle this, I needed to know now. I had to mentally prepare myself for the possibility that he might walk away at some point. And if he did, I wouldn’t blame him. No one needed drama like this in their life.
“I’m not leaving, Sofia.” He brushed his fingers along my cheek. “Do you hear me?”
I nodded, and he turned my face to look at him.
“Say it.”
In a small voice, I said, “I hear you.”
“Derek can’t do anything to make me want to give this up, okay? Whatever happens, we handle it together. It’s you and me now. We’re a team.”
God, what have I done to deserve this man? Please tell me. I want to be sure to keep doing it so I never lose him.
“A team,” I repeated, but it came out sounding like a question.
“Yup. Partners. Teammates.”
Ryan pushed up off the bed and reached for my hand. He pulled me to my feet and began to get dressed, finding his clothes strewn all over the floor. I pulled on my nightshirt and walked Ryan to the front door.
“Thank you for letting me come over tonight,” he said. “I promise I didn’t plan on letting you take advantage of me, but I’m not complaining.”
I laughed. “Oh, so I took advantage of you, huh?”
“You threw me on my back and started dry-humping me like we could win a gold medal for it,” he teased, making my face burn. “I’m kidding. I loved it. You can do that anytime you want.”
“Go away now,” I said, practically shoving him out the front door.
“I’ll call you later.” He leaned down and gave me a sweet kiss, his tongue exploring my mouth.
My body tingled all over again. Trying to ignore it, I said, “Text me when you get home so I know you’re safe.”
“I think that’s my line.” Ryan winked before walking away.
I watched him swagger toward his car, enjoying every second of the view.
You’re Not Listening
Sofia
Since I’d kept Ryan up until almost sunrise, he slept most of Sunday before he had to go to work.
As much as I wanted to see him, especially after sleeping together, I needed to ease him into our lives carefully. The last thing I wanted was for Matson to feel like some guy had shown up out of nowhere and never left. Even though he asked no less than five times on Sunday where Ryan was and if he was coming over, I felt like the preservation of our mother-son relationship was important and vital.
When I dropped Matson off at school on Monday morning, I thought I noticed Derek’s truck parked across the street, but I couldn’t be sure. Convinced that I was being paranoid, I tried to let it go. But when I mentioned it to Sarin, she convinced me to call his school, just to be safe.
After talking to the vice principal and ensuring that the only people on Matson’s approved pickup list were my parents and me, I hung up feeling somewhat better. Derek showing up at Ryan’s work or mine was one thing, but the idea of him showing up at Matson’s school was a horrible prospect that took my breath away.
I planned to see Ryan during my lunch break, but my boss’s meetings ran over and I couldn’t leave. Being forced to eat lunch at my desk happened sometimes, but I never complained because it meant overtime pay.
I typed out a quick text to Ryan.
Sofia: Sorry I can’t make it. Maybe tomorrow?
He immediately responded, making my heart race.
Ryan: It’s okay, angel. But just for the record, I miss you terribly.
Sofia: I miss you too.
“Texting with lover-boy?” Sarin teased as she passed by my desk.
“Shut up,” I said, knowing that stupid smile I couldn’t control was plastered on my face.
She stopped, turning around to come back and lean on my cubicle’s wall. “Sofia, in all honesty, you deserve to be happy. You know that, right?”
“I do.” I believed that everyone deserved to be happy. I was no exception to that, but I wasn’t sure it was meant for me before Ryan came along.
“Good. Because happiness looks good on you. I bet Ryan looks good on you too.” She laughed before tapping my cubicle and hurrying off.
After work, I was on edge as I walked out of the building and to my car in the parking garage. When Derek was nowhere to be s
een, I thanked God as I got into the driver’s seat.
Derek seemed to be growing more and more confrontational, and fear of what he might do next weighed heavily on me. I found myself constantly looking over my shoulder, expecting him to be around every corner. It was exhausting.
When I pulled up to my parents’ house to pick up Matson, I thanked God again that Derek wasn’t lurking. The same gratitude returned as I parked my car at home and we walked safely through the back door.
“Mama?” Matson tugged at my shirtsleeve.
“Yes?”
“Can we go see Ryan at his work?”
I choked on a small laugh. “Why do you want to go see Ryan at work?”
“Because he hasn’t been here in forever, and I drew a picture at school today. I wanted to give it to him and you said he’s always at work, so I thought we could go there.”
Matson dug through his backpack and pulled out a purple folder. I watched as he opened it, clearly searching for his drawing.
“Here it is!” He sounded so excited as he retrieved the drawing and pulled me toward the kitchen table.
I sat down and he sat next to me, placing his picture on the table and pointing things out.
“That’s Ryan,” he said, pointing at a stick drawing he’d made with big arm muscles, a giant smile, and blue eyes. “Ryan has blue eyes just like mine. And he has a cape on because he’s a superhero. He fights the bad guys. Remember the bad guy from the beach?” He pointed at a stick drawing that had a frowning face.
“I remember,” I said, my heart breaking at the fact that Matson’s villain was his father, and he had no idea.
“That’s you.” He pointed at a stick figure of me smiling with long brown hair. “And that’s me.” He’d drawn himself holding on to Ryan’s waist, the same way he had that day. “Do you think he’ll like it?” His head cocked to the side as he waited for my answer.
“I think he’ll love it. Especially the muscles,” I said with a smile as I pointed at them.
“I think he’ll like the cape best.” Matson rolled his eyes at me before hopping away from the table.
