To Find a God

by Mary Hamilton

  As if sensing a hole in the discussion, Ariessa pivoted. “Lord Rintaur is not here in the Bough. His actions have placed him in a difficult position with our people. But, for now, be content to know that he has not been harmed.”

  The words horrified Marzi. Harmed? How could the empress even think that way and allow her husband to be harmed just because he went to see about their daughter? “I’m sorry, but I don’t understand. Lord Rintaur did nothing wrong.”

  “You know nothing of this, little one. It is not your business.”

  Marzi stared. “I am lost and alone. I know that my father is looking for me. And I know that my mother misses me just like I miss her.” Tears formed in her eyes.

  Ariessa softened. “It is more complicated than you know, Marzi. A love between mother and daughter is only one dimension of a complex set of relationships. I owe a debt of responsibility to my people. I cannot let my personal feelings come before that.”

  “But if you don’t care about your daughter, who will?” She expected to be rebuffed and silenced. After all, she was a child lecturing an adult.

  But the empress didn’t go there. Her voice came as a slow whisper. “I did not say that I do not care. And I know that Lord Rintaur also feels the pain of loss. I merely said that I am obligated in ways that perhaps your parents are not. It does not in any way lessen my grief.”

  “Arien is well. I saw her and Rintaur together. She loves him, I could tell. And she loves you.” Marzi had no idea where that came from. But as sure as she missed her own parents and brother, she knew that the empress and her daughter were not meant to be apart forever.

  Ariessa’s eyes grew misty and she offered a barely perceptible nod. “Yes. Well, thank you.”

  But this still didn’t solve the problem. Marzi tried to navigate back to the issue that had brought her here. “What about Saige? Will you talk to her about the danger of the humans?”

  The empress’ smile carried a hint of sadness. “This talk between Saige and me, that is all very well. But did Valyn happen to mention the others?”

  Chapter 3: Marzi

  Marzi found her way to the archivist’s door. I wonder why Ariessa didn’t answer my question instead of sending me to see the keeper of the records. She knocked at the door and, after hearing no response, gently pushed the door open and tentatively called out, “Hello? Anybody in here?” She was startled by what she saw. This had to be by far the largest tree in the Bough—the immensity of it was daunting—as was the number of books lining the walls of the round room. There was natural light streaming from outside, illuminating a large table in the room’s center, and continuing to shine down a stairwell.

  With no one in sight, she made her way across the room to steps leading down into the tree. The circular staircase hugged the walls, which were lined with full bookshelves. The deeper Marzi went, the more acute the scents. It smelled earthy with a touch of incense and, surprisingly, a hint of cinnamon. She rounded one more level, to the bottom, and nearly crashed into a wizened elf that she could only assume was the archivist. He looked as old as the land itself—she could almost imagine the years of troubles and woes in his lined face—all except for his eyes, that is. They appeared as clear and inquisitive as they probably had been in his youth. His long gray hair was pulled back into a ponytail with a slender piece of twine, and he was eating a cookie.

  Marzi spied a plate full of cinnamon cookies on the desk where the old elf had been working. “Hello, sir… Maw’thryn, is it? Empress Ariessa told me to come see you.”

  “Hello, little one. Yes, yes, I have been expecting you.” He noticed Marzi’s interest in the plate of cookies. He gestured toward the plate and said, “Please help yourself to a biscuit. I do not often get visitors, so I baked these before I left my home this morning just for the occasion.”

  “Thank you, sir.” She picked up a cookie, realizing that she had not eaten since before her meeting with Empress Ariessa and the High Council. Her mouth came alive with the taste of sweet cinnamon and a hint of a nutty flavor.

  “None of this sir business, my name is Maw’thryn. A fitting name—Maw—for someone who works in the bowels of a thing, don’t you think? And what a voracious beast this is!” He chuckled as he whirled in a circle, indicating voluminous tomes, scrolls, and loose parchments. “However, this is not the half of it. I shall show you more later, but you have questions for me, no?”

  “Um, sir…Maw’thryn, that is, how did you know to expect me?”

  “Bah, that doesn’t matter. You came with more urgent queries, did you not?” He gave her a questioning sideways glance as he sat down at the table and helped himself to another cookie.

  Marzi was still taking in her amazing surroundings when she was forced to focus on asking the questions that did matter. She followed his cue and sat down at the table.

  “The empress said something about the others. Could you tell me about them?”

  “Ah, the others. You have met Saige and her cliff elves, no? Well, there is another such group—the frost elves.”

  “Frost elves? Who are they and where do they live?”

  Maw’thryn thoughtfully took another bite of his cookie while considering her question. “They originally lived here, of course. They were, once upon a time, dark elves of the Twilight Bough, like the rest of us. They now reside in the Quel’dethain Mountains, far to the northwest, up beyond Lorrin Pass and the Icethorn Crag, many days’ walk from here. If I knew where my darn maps were, I would show you but, unfortunately, I am reorganizing and, for the moment, nothing is where it ought to be.” He gave her a wan smile, then picked up another cookie, pondering it front and back, before taking a bite.

  Marzi grabbed another cookie, too, and munched on it while thinking of her next question. Valyn, if you’re there, please help me. Is Maw’thryn one I am supposed to share with? Please give me the words. Only silence responded.

  “I’m a little confused. Why don’t the frost elves live in the Bough with the rest—or most of the rest of the elves?”

  “Well, my dear, it seems that quite some time ago there was a falling out among the dark elves, and thus a separation of the ways.”

  “What of the leader of the frost elves—what is he like? Do you know if he receives visitors?” After all, Ariessa and Saige hadn’t been too awful. Things could have gone much worse.

  The old elf donned a brief smile and his eyes cleared and became brighter. ”Ah, now, the leader of the frost elves is named Elondiel and he is an honorable and courageous leader. He is well thought of among his people. As to how visitors would be received, though, I dare not think. I suspect that they do not receive guests readily or kindly, especially uninvited ones.”

  “But if he is an honorable leader, surely he might speak to us, er, visitors. It wouldn’t take much of his time.”

  “Oh, he might talk, but it would be to tell you, or the visitors, to go back from where you came. And that would only happen after you were first imprisoned and interrogated by his captains.”

  Marzi shook her head. “Well, he doesn’t sound very reasonable to me.”

  “I said he was honorable and courageous. I did not say he was reasonable.”

  It seemed hopeless to Marzi. She felt like the archivist was talking circles around her and she hadn’t really learned much new—only who the others were, but not much else. She had many more questions, but time was moving on. She glanced up the stairwell and noticed the light coming down it was fading, and the walls at the lower level were lighting up with built-in glowing blue lights like the plants on the upper levels. So many questions, so many mysteries.

  “Would it be all right if I came back to talk with you another time? I see that it’s getting late and I’d hoped to prepare Lord Lothran’s evening meal.”

  “Certainly, my dear, I should be happy of your company any time.”

  “Thank you. I’m afraid that I must leave the Bough tomorrow and will be gone for a few days. But I will get word to you when I retur
n.”

  “Fine, my dear. And the next time you come I will provide the biscuits if you will bring the tea. As you can see, or imagine, there is no way for me to cook or boil water down here, lest my little warren go up in flames.” He first shuddered and then cackled at his own dark humor.

  As Marzi started back up the spiral staircase, she thought about the old elf’s humor and decided that he was very goofy and eccentric. He must be related to Ran. She chuckled to herself as she continued up and out.

  Chapter 4: Marzi

  Marzi bowed to Ariessa. “Empress, thank you for seeing me this evening.”

  “You are very welcome but what is it that couldn’t wait until morning?”

  “I am sorry to have bothered you this late, but I wanted to let you know that I met with Maw’thryn.”

  “Excellent, I am happy to hear of it. I trust that he was helpful?”

  “Well.” Marzi hemmed and hawed, not sure what to say. “I guess that he was somewhat helpful. He told me of the frost elves, of the split after the war, none of which I fully understand. There’s so much I forgot to ask him though. I guess I still have a lot of questions.” Marzi looked up sheepishly at the empress.

  “We all have questions, but it appears that Maw’thryn left you with a pretty good start. As a matter of fact, I am surprised that he told you as much as he did, especially where the frost elves are concerned.”

  Marzi looked at her, puzzled. What was she talking about? He barely gave her anything.

  “Is there anything else before I say goodnight, Marzi?”

  Marzi shuffled back and forth between one foot, then the other. “Yes, Empress. I also wanted to let you know that I will be leaving for the cliff caves first thing in the morning. And I wondered if you have a message.”

  Ariessa looked steely for a moment, then responded, “No message, thank you.”

  “And also…” Marzi braced herself. “That I will be returning shortly with Saige and her contingency, as well as Ryshara, Ellemareth, and Ran. And I, well, I was wondering what will happen to my friends when we return.”

  Ariessa, in her cool and even voice, said, “You mean, our lawbreakers? I do not know, nor can I make any promises. We will deal with them when the time comes. Good night, Marzi.” She turned and walked toward her chambers.

  Marzi could feel her face heat up as she watched the beautiful, but cold, empress walk away. She was puzzled and hurt, and some part of her felt betrayed. “What’s wrong with these elves?” she asked under her breath as she headed toward Lothran’s house. “Why are they so secretive? Why can’t they just be open and say what they mean? And why are they so cold-hearted? Sheesh.”

  ◆◆◆

  As Marzi began to clean up her and Lothran’s breakfast dishes the next morning, he stood up to address her. “Please do not trouble yourself with those, Marzi, I will take care of them. Although it is still early, it is many hours to the cliffs and you must both go now with all due haste.”

  “Yes, I’ll go shortly, but I wanted to ask you something first. When we return here from the cliffs, what will happen to Ryshara, Ellemareth, and Ran?” Marzi was chewing on her bottom lip, as if to stop herself from saying something else.

  Lothran looked at her with deep sadness. “I am not a seer and I cannot predict the future, but technically, they have disobeyed the rules by which we are governed. The High Council will deal with them upon their return. As concerned as I am for my daughter and her friends, I do not know their fate.” He turned from her toward the window.

  “Anyway, thank you—for your honesty at least. Depending on Ryshara’s condition, we’ll be back in a few days. That is, unless I can convince them not to come back at all.” One last stab at defiance. She reached for and donned her pack full of food, drink, and change of clothing.

  “No, Marzi, they must return. They are elves of the Bough who know that their places and lives are here. They will come back. Just give my own dear girl her father’s love and help keep her safe. I know that you are already good at that.” He flashed her a genuine but tired smile, then switched his attention to Lapis.

  “And Lapis, dear friend, we are once again calling on your assistance. Just travel swiftly and safely back to the cliffs. May Valyn be with you both.”

  Lapis had arisen, listened to Lothran, and then closed his eyes briefly and nodded his head as if in assent.

  Chapter 5: Tovi

  “What do we say to them? What words do I use?” Tovi Gloam furrowed his brow as he stared out into the desert ahead of them. Telling someone that a family member had died was not something he had ever given much thought to. Now he would have to deliver that message.

  Klunk, his stoic ogre companion, continued to set a brutal pace across the windswept desert sands. He spoke over his shoulder without looking back, “The words will come.”

  “From where?” A part of Tovi thought that perhaps the strange voice that had taken to visiting him from time to time would offer some suggestions. But thus far, it too had remained silent on the topic.

  “I don’t know, but they will come.”

  Sometimes Klunk’s simple faith annoyed the young Azyrean. “If they’re going to come, I hope they hurry.” He could not yet see the peaks of the huts in the kraal that was their destination. Still, he had misgivings about just striding in and blurting out the news, “Sorry, but your father is dead.” His stomach roiled.

  “The words will come in their own time. They do not belong to you.”

  Tovi started to object. The ogre’s reasoning made no sense at all. But he decided to conserve his breath.

  The repetitious clomp, clomp, clomp gave way to a Klunk song.

  Bring the sunshine

  Bring the winds

  Bring a day

  to run with friends

  Bring the darkness

  Bring the night

  Bring the moon

  To give us light.

  “My singing is awsie, yes?”

  Despite being winded from the constant running, Tovi laughed. “Your singing is always awsie, Klunk. But where do you get those songs?”

  The ogre never broke stride, but Tovi, from behind, saw him shrug. “Maybe the god of song sends them to me.” And with that, he howled with laughter and he continued his clomp, clomp, clomp across the desert sands.

  The minutes became an hour and then two. The sun had passed overhead and retreated into the west. They trudged steadily toward the north with their shadows lengthening to the east. Growl, the monstrous rock dog that had adopted Klunk, ranged ahead of them and then circled back to check behind them. As the afternoon wore on, he seemed to grow increasingly agitated. He rarely stood still but, when he did, his head turned from side to side as though continuously looking for something that was eluding him.

  “What’s with Growl? He’s acting really funny.” Tovi paused to watch the great dog.

  “I can’t say. But I agree that he does seem to sense something.” Klunk halted and knelt. “Here Growl.” He patted his thigh.

  The animal approached, scanning, left and then right. He finally nuzzled up to Klunk, who offered a strip of dried hare meat. “Something bothering you?” He laid a hand gently on the massive head.

  Growl gazed at the ogre as if trying to communicate mentally.

  Klunk stood and looked around, his eyes narrowed and his mouth drawn into a tight line. “I feel something too.”

  It was at that very instant that a dark shadow swept over the two and cleared out as quickly as it came. Tovi looked to the sky, thinking that it might have been a large bird that passed over, or maybe a lone cloud. But the sky was completely clear, and there was nothing in sight that might have cast the shadow. “What was that?”

  Klunk shook his head as he surveyed the horizon. “I see nothing. But the darkness was here.” He resumed the pace. “We should hurry. We have many steps yet to go and we do not want the sun to rest before we do.”

  Tovi found himself in agreement. The last thing he wanted
was to be stranded out in the desert in the dark with whatever it was that had passed overhead. Squinting, he spotted what he had been looking for earlier. “There. Are those huts?”

  “Yes. I believe that is the kraal that we seek. Come, it is still hours away.”

  Tovi stared ahead as he tried to keep pace with his companion while Growl trotted ahead of them. With every passing moment, the peaked roofs grew more prominent and soon details began to gain clarity. But even as the kraal grew to fill his view, he realized that he still had no words.

  Chapter 6: Tovi

  Tovi stared into the faces of the family in front of him. The kraal chief stood to the side looking down, his hands folded in front of him. The Azyrean cleared his throat as the fear built within him. Klunk had told him that the words would come. But when? And from where? Looking at the older female ogre—the one he knew to be the wife of the fallen one—Tovi saw in her face his own mother. A young girl, who looked to be roughly Klunk’s age, stood beside her mother. And as he gazed at her, he saw his sister, Marzi. And finally, a young boy stood, wide-eyed with his lower lip trembling. In that boy, Tovi saw himself.

  A strange image swept through his mind—he stood along with his mother and Marzi, listening to a stranger tell them that his father was dead. The words came. He straightened his shoulders, locked gazes with the woman, and spoke from his heart. “As much as the words I bring hurt me, I cannot imagine the pain they bring to you. Your husband died three days past. His party was attacked by human invaders. He fell defending others, including me. Had it not been for him, I also would have been killed.”

  The woman nodded, her mouth drawn tight and her hands trembling at her side. The young girl, in contrast to the stoicism of her mother, lashed out, “Why did he have to die to save you? You are not one of us. You are an invader. You should have been the one to die, not my father.” She stood, hands on her hips and glared at Tovi, who suddenly lost his voice.