To Find a God

by Mary Hamilton

  The other animal, though, went down with its belly on the ground as if to bow, its head resting on its front paws. Lapis relaxed.

  The five elves and Marzi stood and watched the encounter. A large sword appeared in Ran’s hand and Rys moved closer to her short bow. But the two animals remained deathly still. The seconds slipped away to become minutes with no movement. Then the visiting wolf walked into the woods and disappeared.

  Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Lapis turned and approached Rys, where a communication seemed to occur between the elf and the wolf. By this time, Ran had returned his sword to its sheath and set it back against a tree. Ellemareth, who had been standing next to the young warrior, eased herself back down to a sitting position.

  Ryshara turned to the group. “This animal brings ill tidings. It was part of the pack that killed the human earlier today. It seems that a group of men have entered our world. They seemed to be making their way to the north, hunting and killing anything in their path as they went.”

  Saryn asked, “Do we know how many there were?”

  “Lapis said that the animal indicated about ten. They wounded one of the wolf pack and then both sides withdrew.”

  “Well, we knew there would be danger. And this would not be the first set of humans that we have encountered, so I am not sure that anything has really changed.”

  “There is one other thing. The animal said, insisted really, that it appeared as though these humans are not in themselves the enemy. It said that they are somehow being controlled by something or someone at a great distance. It does not make any sense to me and Lapis did not completely understand either. But, if this is true, then that complicates things. We would be faced with an enemy that not only is unseen, but neither do we know its nature.”

  Marzi wondered if Valyn would know anything about this. But I don’t know how to contact her. “So, what do we do?”

  Ran smirked. “The same thing we have been doing. We keep watch. We continue northward. And we remain ready for anything.”

  Saryn nodded. “Ran is correct. While this may change the circumstances or problems we face, it does not change what we do in the present.”

  Arien offered her concern, one that no one had previously spoken. “If what the animal says is true, then it could make a difference in how we treat humans that we encounter. If they are being controlled and not acting out of their own malice, then killing them is not the moral thing to do.”

  Ran looked at her with wide eyes. “What? They have come into our world. They have killed elves of the cliffs, your companions. And you want to show them mercy? What mercy do you think they would show us?”

  The confrontation didn’t appear to shake Arien. “Our measure of right and wrong is not determined by what they do. If we are forced to defend ourselves or others, then we may have no choice but to slay them. I am simply saying that, if the opportunity to prevent bloodshed exists, we should pursue that course.”

  Saryn gestured with his hand as though sweeping both arguments aside. “We are getting ahead of ourselves. Our mission is not to search and destroy. We are sent to engage the frost elves. If we are attacked, we will defend ourselves. Otherwise, we will convey word of this to our respective leaders and to the leadership in the Quel’dethain Mountains. There is no point in arguing about it here and now.”

  Marzi was more worried about what was controlling these beings than anything else. After all, she had seen first-hand the comings and goings of Valyn. Could something similar be working on these humans? But, she had to agree with Saryn, for the time being nothing changed. All they could do was proceed with their task. Unfortunately, this new problem layered on top of another that would confront her over the next few days—how to convince Saryn to continue north with the Bough elves.

  Chapter 34: Marzi

  As the party continued northward the next day, the air grew increasingly cold. The pleasant breeze that had cooled them when they departed the Bough began to bite. Marzi pulled her tunic tight around her chest and neck, keeping her head down as she forced herself into the wind. She called ahead to Saryn, “How much farther to these crossroads?” The idea of warmer clothing dominated her thoughts.

  “If we continue at this pace, by sunset tomorrow.”

  Marzi shuddered. At least while marching, she generated enough heat to stave off the worst of the cold. Her mind turned to the impending night and the prospect of trying to sleep in her meager attire with only a thin fabric sheet over her. She tried first to force her thoughts back to the present—the path ahead—one foot in front of the other. When that failed, she conjured up a vision of the roaring fire she knew her companions would build.

  Beneath these worries, though, lurked the dread of the coming confrontation with Saryn. As things currently stood, he intended to part ways with Rys, Elle, and Ran at the crossroads. That had to change, but she struggled to come up with the arguments that she would need to use. Unfortunately, Valyn had been no help since appearing to her in the dream.

  Suddenly, Marzi’s feet slipped out from beneath her and she went down hard on her butt, yelping with surprise and then grunting with pain. “What was that?” She examined the ground where she had been walking. The wet, cushiony moss had given way to smoother ground—with a layer of frozen water over it. She closed her eyes and despair washed over her. I can’t do this.

  “Yes, you can.” Valyn had returned.

  By this time, Arien had fallen back to check on the Azyrean. “Are you all right?” She placed her hands first on Marzi’s left knee and then her right. “Any pain here?”

  Marzi shook her head.

  The hands moved down to her ankles. “What about here?”

  “No.” She wanted to say that her backside hurt, and that she was tired, and she didn’t want to go on. She wanted to camp right there, sit by the fire, and sleep until everything was good again. “Just give me a minute. I’ll be okay.”

  She felt Valyn’s smile. “Yes, you will be fine. You will be more than fine.”

  What frustrated Marzi most was that she was hearing this voice in her head, as clear as she had ever heard anything, and no one else was even aware that Valyn was there.

  “I am always with you, Marzi.”

  Then why won’t you help me? Why don’t you tell me what’s going on? How can we go into, what is it you call it, the teeth of the storm if I can’t find the words to convince Saryn? Hopelessness grew with each question.

  “What makes you think that my answers are any better than yours? Saryn is his own elf. I do not control him. You must find the way to his heart. The words are in you, Marzi. As for everything else, you are beginning to see what I have forewarned of. Darkness approaches and it is more complicated than anyone knows. You and your companions are asking the right questions. Keep to your path. You will find a way.”

  You could at least talk to me.

  “I am talking to you.”

  You know what I mean.”

  “Yes, I do. You, however, must learn to listen. I speak in different ways. The beast that visited you yesterday, do you believe that was random chance? How would an animal know as much as that one did? No, Marzi Gloam of Pangrove, you must learn to listen to all that comes to you. Not just the spoken words, but also events and other signs.”

  Marzi couldn’t think of any more arguments. She was tired, frustrated, and ready to quit. But mostly, she grew weary of these puzzles that Valyn kept throwing at her. With great effort, she repositioned herself on her knees and then stood. “I’m okay. Let’s go.”

  ◆◆◆

  She stared at the dancing flames, sitting as close as she could without her clothes catching fire. “When we get to the crossroads, will the clothes be right there?” Marzi had a hard time accepting that anything resembling civilization could exist out here. During the past two days, she had seen nothing but trees, ground, ice, and a dead human.

  Saryn’s voice floated in from behind her. “Empress Ariessa said only that caches exist
ed and that they could be found in the trees. Exactly where they are or what they look like, I know not. We will see when we arrive.”

  A note of hope crept into Marzi’s heart. “So, if we get there tomorrow afternoon and need to find these things, we’ll stay there overnight?”

  “I suppose so. I do not see the wisdom in striking out in a new direction in the face of dusk.”

  Good. That would give her more time to make her case, whatever that case was. A curious thought struck her. Why did Valyn want her to continue north? Was it to help her friends find their new home? That seemed unlikely. After all, what did Marzi have to offer them? They knew the land better than she. Why spend the extra time going in the wrong direction? Was there something up there that she was supposed to find?

  Marzi turned her attention to her three friends, who sat huddled together on the other side of the fire. They had said little that day. “Rys, how will you know when you are where you’re supposed to be?”

  “I know not. Once we pass the crossroads, we must trust that Valyn will guide us.”

  “But how far is it?”

  “Again, that is not an easy question. The land on the other side of the crossroads is known as the Stormhill Wilds. It is a large area. Our banishment is to that region. I assume that, once there, we can remain wherever best suits us.”

  Ran weighed in with what looked like a forced smile, “We will look at animal tracks. We want to be where the biggest stags are.”

  The explanation gave Marzi a glimmer of hope. “So, really, it might be just a few hours past the crossroads.” Surely Saryn would not object to that distance—less than a day.

  Elle chimed in, “Or it could be three or four days.”

  But all of this still ignored Marzi’s basic question—why was she supposed to go with them? She eased closer to the fire and pulled her sheet tight around her. In the distance, she heard a howl and imagined it coming from a wolf like the one that had visited them. She shivered and lay down facing the fire. Valyn’s words came back to her—listen to all around her.

  Chapter 35: Tovi

  The final kraal lay behind them. The three, plus dogs and squirrel, trudged into the sunrise, not sure where to go next. The experiences in the different villages had been mostly the same. The ogres listened but made no commitments. Some groups, of course, agreed to join the fight if necessary while others verbally rejected the notion of alliances. But most just listened.

  “That was the last one. What now?” Tovi hustled to keep up with the two ogres. River, having fully recovered from his wound, ranged in front of the band while Growl remained by Klunk’s side. Klik, of course, rode proudly on Tovi’s shoulder.

  Klunk called over his shoulder without breaking stride. “You are the bearer of the words. That is for you to decide. For now, I am headed toward Myhrren’s hut so that we can tell him we completed the task. Perhaps he will know what to do next.”

  Suddenly, thoughts of brandy and his previous visit with the withered old man filled Tovi’s head. The smoked meat and sweet cookies were also delicious. “Yeah, we should go see Myhrren. Are we going to stop at your kraal on the way?”

  “Maybe. I will watch the signs. If we are close, we can stop. If not, we keep going.”

  But the desert seemed to look the same everywhere they went—the kraals, the oases, and the endless sand. “How do you know where we are?”

  Kharla offered the response, “The trees change as we travel. To the west, the mountains block the late afternoon sun. The farther to the east we go, the sunshine will grow longer and the plants taller. The closer we get to the mine, the more water pools we find. The sand also changes color. It is more orange in the east. The western sands are tanner and browner.”

  Tovi could see Klunk nod. “You are a good explorer, Kharla. You know the signs.” He called back over his shoulder. “You must listen to her, Tovi, and learn.”

  The young Azyrean smirked. He hadn’t seen any of those differences. He wondered if they were just tricking him, treating him like a kid.

  Klunk set a steady pace—clomp, clomp, clomp across the sand.

  Party gathers

  in the morn

  Across the land

  as day is born

  Far they travel

  long they run

  Sleep at night

  when day is done.

  “Why do you sing?” Kharla shook her head but continued to keep pace with Klunk.

  “Because the songs want to be sung, and they choose me.”

  “That’s stupid.”

  “Tell that to the songs.” He chortled.

  The banter stopped, and the group settled into a steady march. The sun climbed into the morning sky. About three hours into the trek, a now familiar sight—tree tops came into view. Klunk picked up the pace, causing Tovi to break into a run just to keep up. But the thought of taking a break beneath the trees kept him from complaining. After all the hiking he had done, a small amount of running would be easy enough.

  As the trio settled into their respective spots beneath trees, Growl and River scouted the edges of the small oasis and then returned to sit beside the water. Klik hopped down from Tovi’s shoulder and waited expectantly in front of him. The squirrel must have known that there were nuts left in the backpack.

  “If we are going toward Myhrren’s hut and the mines, I would like to stop and see my father’s sleeping place.” Kharla looked out across the desert as she spoke, her voice soft with more than a tinge of sadness.

  Klunk nodded but said nothing.

  Tovi shuddered. He remembered the fight, with the dead ogres on the ground at its end. The experience had ripped at his insides. He wondered what it would do to Kharla. He felt the urge to put his hand on her shoulder, as she had done for him. Instead, he lowered his gaze and avoided intruding.

  ◆◆◆

  She stared down at the pile of rocks, tears in her eyes. Tovi and Klunk stood back, giving her privacy, such as it was. The sun had passed its peak and was falling toward the west. Shadows grew longer with each passing moment.

  “Papaw, I miss you so much.” She knelt and touched the stones.

  Silence enveloped the scene for what seemed to Tovi like an eternity. Finally, Kharla dropped from her kneeling position to sit beside the grave and began sobbing. She looked so alone.

  Tovi stood and crept over to her, sitting beside her. With all the courage he could muster, he put his hand on her shoulder. “Your father was a brave ogre. He fought fiercely. It is because of him that I survived.”

  Her chest heaved as the sobbing intensified. Finally, she wiped her eyes with her forearm and stood. “Thank you, Tovi. Thank you.” She stepped over to the second grave and knelt beside it, touching the rocks as she had done with her own father’s resting place.

  It struck Tovi that this was the first time he had seen her focus her grief on someone other than herself or her father. The grave of the second ogre, at first just a pile of stones, seemed to come alive, issuing a very slight glow in the late afternoon sun. Maybe it was just his imagination, but Kharla sharing her grief for the spirit of the fallen ogre seemed to make things a little better.

  Chapter 36: Tovi

  As the trio entered Myhrren’s hut, Tovi, out of the corner of his eye, saw Kharla pull Klunk back toward the door by the arm.

  She whispered harshly, “You didn’t tell me he was human.”

  Tovi turned and watched the two. Kharla glared. Klunk reached up and scratched his head, eyes squinted. “He is Myhrren.”

  “I know, but he is human.” She pressed with an urgency in her voice.

  Klunk shrugged. “He is just Myhrren.” He turned away from her and toward the wizened old man who busied himself around a small table. “We’ve returned.”

  Myhrren turned and faced the group. “Ah, I see. Welcome back.”

  Tovi stared at the table, set with plates and cups, as though the old man had been expecting them. But there were four settings. “How did you know th
ere would be three of us coming?”

  “I know many things. I heard of your approach. The wind sings to me of your journey.” He chortled and went back to setting the table. “I have food and drink for you. Please, be seated.”

  “Do you have any brandy?” Tovi had fond memories of that pleasure.

  The response came with a gentle smile. “For you, of course.”

  As Tovi and Klunk gathered around the table, Kharla held back, eyeing the old man suspiciously.

  “You are welcome, too, Kharla. I am pleased to make your acquaintance. I am Myhrren and I’m grateful to you for accompanying these two in their travels.”

  She inched forward, with no small amount of hesitancy. “I know who you are.” She glanced first at Klunk and then Tovi, before taking her seat.

  For the next few moments, the silence was broken only by the munching and chewing accompanied by grunts of approval. The date-nut-honey cookies were exactly as Tovi remembered them. He grabbed two from the large plate. After the food, a clear crystal bottle half-full of a deep amber liquid appeared on the table. With cups filled all around, Myhrren lifted his. “To life.”

  Tovi savored the experience—the explosion of taste and warmth in his mouth that migrated down to his stomach as he swallowed, giving him a sense of comfort and well-being. “That’s awsie. Could I have some more, please?” He held his cup out.

  As they sipped on their drinks, Myhrren rubbed his chin and nodded. “You have done well, my friends. The kraals have all been warned.”

  “What do we do now?” Tovi hadn’t really thought much about what came next. He was pretty sure, though, that it didn’t include going home, since Myhrren had not mentioned it.

  “Now we wait.”