To Find a God

by Mary Hamilton

  And in that instant, Marzi knew.

  Chapter 42: Marzi

  Dawn came earlier than Marzi would have liked. Thanks to her new clothing and the fire that had burned continuously through the night, she had slept hard and warm until daybreak. It would have been nice to pull the heavy quilt tighter around her and snuggle in for another few hours. The blanket of gray that had replaced the previous day’s brilliant azure sky offered an ominous threat.

  She stuffed the new bed covering in her pack, which was now straining against the full load. The others went about their preparations without speaking. Lapis stood still, as though silently waiting for the dawdling elves and the sole Azyrean to ready themselves.

  Marzi’s legs trembled under the additional weight—more food, the heavy quilt, and another change of clothing. She awkwardly shuffled over to where Ryshara was making ready. Still feeling pangs of guilt at having kept this from her friends, she offered an apology—something she had spent a lot of time doing over the past couple of months, it seemed. “I’m sorry that I kept this from you.”

  Rys glanced up from her task, her eyes questioning.

  “I mean, it first happened when we were attacked and you were badly injured. And then later, I was gone to the Bough. When I returned, you were up and around but there was lots going on and… well, things were happening so fast.” She shook her head in frustration. All the justification in the world didn’t change the fact that she had not had faith in her friend—the same friend that had, along with Elle and Ran, risked their lives to help her. And now they faced banishment all because of her. “I should have told you. I should have trusted you. I’m sorry.”

  Ryshara shifted into a sitting position and gestured for Marzi to do the same. “You make too much of this. It is, I believe, too early for you, or for any of us, to say what should or should not have been done. It is a heavy burden to have a god speak to you, to charge you such. As you said, she cautioned you about sharing the information with others. Truthfully, any of us would likely have done the same. After all, this is not an everyday affair. Who knows? In the years to come, we may find the time or reason to revisit your decisions. But for today, you are doing what has been asked of you. And, as Arien noted, you do it at the risk of your own life for people who are not your own.”

  Marzi thought about that last line for a moment. “No, Rys, you are wrong about that. You are my people. I have a family back in Pangrove and I hope to see them one day. But no matter what else happens, I will always feel myself at least partly elf. As for the rest, thank you for understanding.”

  “Everyone ready? We need to move.” Saryn shouldered his pack and turned toward the north. Lapis bounded out in front of him and quickly located the hint of a path that led into the teeth of the storm.

  The sky grew heavier and the wind stronger. The fur lining on the hood of Marzi’s new coat fluttered lightly as the cold air smacked her in the face. She had experienced the cold of Pangrove’s winter, but it was nothing compared to this. The ground on which she trod was frozen solid. Frost covered the landscape, leaving a coating of rime on the trees, some of which were evergreen while others had bare branches. Here and there, small white patches of snow obscured everything beneath it. She adjusted the strap across her chest and pulled her coat tighter.

  As daylight brightened the trail, the group trudged in silence. Saryn had acquiesced to continuing north but made it clear that he didn’t agree with it. Arien had supported the course while the others had said nothing. Marzi supposed that, at the very least, they were happy that the company continued north with them rather than turning away from their banishment and heading west.

  At their first rest stop, Saryn approached and queried her. “How far north are we to go?”

  “I don’t know. I told you what Valyn told me—keep our faces into the teeth of the storm.”

  He smirked. “At the risk of sounding negative, if we don’t alter our course to the west soon, we will not find the frost elves at all. You will have to make a decision at some point.”

  And so, this was at the heart of it—who was supposed to decide? Who was the leader? Saryn had filled that role thus far, setting the pace, deciding where to stop and for how long. He made assignments about watches and duties. Marzi knew in her heart that she could never fill that kind of role. She stood and gazed up into his face. “I am not the leader. That is your job. I can tell you what Valyn told me. And as much as I understand, I will share with you as well. But what we do with that falls to you.”

  His face softened. “I apologize if I sounded harsh. The danger of our situation is much on my mind. Our collective fates, as well as those of our people, may well hinge on what we decide. I know that you speak in good faith. Please know also that I accept what you say with that same good faith. But, despite that, what I said still holds. At some point, we are going to have to turn to the west. Currently, the only way I know to the Quel’dethain Mountains is through Lorrin Pass. The farther north we travel, the more impractical that route becomes. So, what I am asking is whether you are looking for something specific up here or just traveling on hope.”

  She felt frantic. He had thrown it back on her again. “Please believe me when I tell you that, if I knew, I would share that with you.” But she knew that to say she had no idea would be a lie. Still, she wasn’t ready to share what she knew and felt in her heart, not yet. “I do think—in fact, I know—that we, all of us, will know it when we see it.”

  “Not a lot to go on.” His eyes narrowed as he considered her.

  She took a deep breath before continuing. “I’m sorry.”

  His gaze wandered. “I see.” He nodded as he turned to the group. “Make ready, we need to move.” He turned again to Marzi with a hint of a smile. “We will just have to trust, at least for now.”

  She shouldered her pack once again, her knees nearly buckling under the weight. “I’m ready.”

  As they took the trail once again, Marzi noticed a few falling white flakes. But the joy and wonder at the delicate white flakes falling from the sky like magic gave way to the reality of trudging through the deepening snow. With each step, she sank deeper into the soft blanket until she found herself knee-deep in cold. By late afternoon, Marzi found it hard to see more than five meters or so ahead.

  She felt the urge to complain, to rail against the misery of trekking in this accumulating mess. But she knew that her companions could do nothing about it so there was little point in giving voice to her frustration. Instead, she continued onward.

  As daylight began to fade, Saryn pointed at a series of depressions in the snow. “There, it looks like someone has been this way, possibly earlier in the day. The snow is beginning to fill the tracks.” He kneeled down and pointed ahead. “Looks like they head in that direction.”

  Ran stood beside him. “Maybe those are human tracks, from the group that came this way earlier.”

  “I do not think so. This looks like a single trekker. Unless they are particularly adept at hiding their numbers by stepping in each other’s tracks, we’d see more signs. No, I suspect only one.”

  “Let’s follow and at least see where the tracks lead,” Ryshara’s voice contained a tinge of weariness.

  The march continued. Less than an hour later, with darkness nearly complete, Marzi discerned a light ahead of them—barely a glow surrounding what looked like the door to a small cabin. The closer they got, the more brightly illuminated the golden glow from the window and outside area of the cabin. Even more welcoming to see was the constant emission of smoke from the chimney.

  Before she had a chance to say anything, Saryn brought the group to a halt and announced, “I think we have found where our mystery walker was headed.” He gestured toward the dark shape of the cabin. “Let us see who is at home.”

  Mounting the single step to the structure, Saryn knocked on the door.

  The door opened, and an elven man faced the group for a moment and then stepped aside, motioning for them to
enter.

  As the party of six stood in the center of the room taking in the wonderful smell of roasted meat and fried bread, and then gawking at a table set with seven plates, Ryshara approached the man. “Lord Rintaur, it appears as though you were expecting company.”

  The lord consort smiled warmly. “I was indeed.”

  Chapter 43: Marzi

  But Marzi had known. The others, all of whom knew that Rintaur had been banished, had apparently not considered that he might be the reason they were here. Even though Valyn had not told her, the Azyrean had been certain. But what did surprise her was that the lord consort himself seemed to have known. He had been expecting them—all six of them, from the look of it.

  Rys stared at the plates on the table, eyes wide. “But, how did you know?”

  Rintaur went about carving slices of meat and putting them on the plates. “It came to me in a dream—Marzi with five companions.” The words came with a smile that accentuated the lines in his now deeply-tanned face.

  ◆◆◆

  “Banishment is not as hard as it may seem.” Rintaur held the platter of bread out to Marzi as he commented. “The stag that provided this meat took under a day to find and prepare, including the butchering and hanging. The roots I gather on my daily walks.” He chuckled. “One must admit, there is little competition for resources up here. The wood for my fire comes mostly from downed trees. And with the severe north winds in this area, there are plenty of those. So, yes, it may look as though I have been busy, but I assure you, I still have much time to reflect and read.” Rintaur indicated a bookcase in the corner—chock full of books.

  Marzi chewed on the bread, which was warm and puffy. “This is different from what we had in the Bough.”

  “Yes, it is. When I first arrived here, there were still fields with rangeweed standing. I confess that grinding their seeds with only stones is time-consuming. But it helps to fill some otherwise empty hours. Besides, I don’t eat bread every day—only for special occasions like this one.”

  The conversation trailed off as they sipped tea and nibbled on talonberry sweet cakes. The smells of smoke and evergreen sap made their way through the heavy aroma of the cooked meat. Marzi took note of the furnishings of the abode—rudimentary wooden furniture, a raised pallet with a pad for a bed, a single chair beneath a window near the bookcase, a large kitchen table for working on, along with ample cabinets, and a large iron pot hanging by a chain over the fire, which burned in the stone fireplace. She suddenly felt tired. It had been a long, brutal day of hiking in the snow. But Lord Rintaur had promised answers and she was determined to hear those before sleeping.

  After the plates had been cleared, the group sat in silence, waiting for their host to speak.

  “So, the question at hand—how did I know you were coming? Truthfully, my friends, I had a dream showing Marzi, and I also felt it, to be sure. In fact, I was as certain of your arrival as I am of my own presence here.” He paused before focusing his attention. “Marzi, I have known for some time that you are special. In what way, again, I do not know. But as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow morning, you were sent to us for a reason. And part of this involves me. I can feel it.”

  The others exchanged glances. After all, the Azyrean had already related to them the contact with Valyn. But she’d never told Rintaur about it. Did he know about her charge? If so, how? “If I may ask, what do you expect of me now that I’m here? We came north expecting something, although I confess we weren’t sure exactly what. And here you are.” She was expecting to find him, but to what end she truly couldn’t say.

  Rintaur remained silent as he seemed to consider his guests. “You have in your party two elves from the cliffs along with the three from the Bough. My first reaction to Rys, Elle, and Ran is that they have also been sent north as a consequence of their actions. But that would not explain Saryn and Arien, although I confess that I am more than overjoyed to see you both. This seems to indicate that there is some effort afoot to bring unity to the elven people. Your presence this far north suggests desired contact with the frost elves of the Quel’dethain Mountains. As for my role, I can only surmise that who or whatever sent you my way knows of my history and connection to the frost elves. After all, Elondiel, their leader, is my cousin.”

  Suddenly it was clear. “And you would be willing to accompany us?”

  “Did Empress Ariessa order this?”

  What about the Empress? She must have known about the connection as well. Sheesh, don’t these elves ever tell the whole truth? “She didn’t exactly mention it. But she did caution me to be alert for opportunities and not to be afraid to act on them, or something like that.”

  Rintaur chuckled. “Yes. I am certain it was something like that.” The smile faded. “Before I answer you, perhaps you can share with me the details of your task. What is it you seek from the elves of the mountains?”

  Marzi looked around at the others, who nodded their assent. “You know, of course, that there are some humans here and that they have attacked elves, both near the cliffs and closer to the ruins. You were there for that attack. We also know of more of them just to the south of here. We seek an alliance between the three groups of elves to combat these invaders, along with others when they come.”

  The lord consort continued, “I see. And you are the emissary?”

  Marzi failed to see the humor. “It’s not something I wanted.”

  “Then why have you been selected?”

  With only a moment’s consideration, she told Rintaur of her contacts with Valyn. “She came to me and told me to do this.”

  “And Saige? Empress Ariessa? What did they have to say about that?”

  Marzi couldn’t help but smile. He was playing her. He already knew the answers. “Just about what you would think they’d say. But I’m doing the best I can. And my friends are helping me.”

  “Yes, I can see that. In that case, Marzi Gloam, yes, I will accompany you. But I do require one condition. I will go as one of the emissaries—even perhaps as a spokesperson when we meet them. You will help us understand Valyn’s intent, but the structure of this party must remain as it is. Saryn leads the group. We must rely on his skills to get us there.”

  Marzi had never felt so relieved in her life. “Of course. That is perfect.” She glanced over to see a look of humble gratitude on Saryn’s face.

  Rintaur turned to the other members. “Is this arrangement acceptable to the rest of you?”

  They answered with nods.

  “Then we are decided. We shall spend the day tomorrow making ready.” He addressed Saryn, “The most traditional route into the Quel’dethain Mountains is through Lorrin Pass to the south and west of here. But that would mean retracing your steps, adding several days. I know a northern route—we can traverse it and go through the Icethorn Crag. The terrain is hard, but with care, we can reach our destination within a two-day trek.”

  After the discussion came to a close, Rintaur rose and gestured around the space. “As you can see, there are few amenities here, but please make yourselves at home. Feel free to select an open spot on the floor for your bed, and there are additional blankets inside that chest. If the rest of you would excuse me, though, I would like to spend some time with my daughter.” He smiled at Arien.

  As the group laid out their pads, Marzi noticed that Elle didn’t seem herself. She had remained quiet all evening and was even paler than usual. “Are you okay, Elle?”

  Ellemareth nodded. “I will be fine.” Without further words, she lay on the pad, pulling her blanket up over her shoulders and turned to face the wall.

  Chapter 44: Marzi

  Groans. She heard groans in the middle of the night. Marzi surfaced from a delicious cozy sleep to a room bathed in half-light from the coals in the fireplace. What brought her out, though, was the sound of moaning from the elf lying next to her. “Elle? Are you okay?”

  Nothing but sounds of pain and misery.

  Marzi sat up and leaned
over. In what little illumination existed, she could see her companion shivering, with her blanket pulled up tight around her neck. Elle’s skin felt blistering hot to the touch. A combination of urgency and indecision grabbed the Azyrean before she eased over and gently shook Arien’s shoulder.”

  “What?”

  “It’s Elle. I think she’s really sick.”

  The elf rubbed her hand over her eyes as though wiping the sleep away. “Let me have a look.” She crawled over on her hands and knees, feeling Elle’s forehead with the back of her hand. “Fever. Bad.” She turned and looked up at Marzi. “I need more light.”

  Candles sat on an open cupboard in the kitchen area. Marzi lit one and brought it over. “Will this do?”

  Arien didn’t answer but immediately started to examine Elle, first the face, neck, head, and then down to the chest. She found what she was looking for when she got down to the legs and feet. “Here it is. It looks like a bite of some kind.”

  Marzi looked closer at the small patch of deep red and blue punctuated with two small black dots. “What did that?”

  “I’m not sure, but it looks like a spider bite.”

  By this time, Ryshara and Rintaur had both awakened and shuffled over. The lord consort moved his head in for a closer look. “Green Ice Spider. They are not uncommon in these woods, but I have never seen one inside.”

  Marzi thought back to when they had retired for the night. “She looked sick last night. And, now that I think of it, she didn’t say much at all after we arrived. Do you think it might have bitten her outside, before we came in?”

  Rintaur stood. “It’s possible. They gather on the low-hanging brush. It may have latched on to her leg as she walked past.” He busied himself looking around the cabin, presumably for any sign of spiders.