by Anna B. Doe
Quentin must have caught me eyeing him because he made a beeline in my direction as I thanked the bartender for the wine refill.
“Hi Naomi, you look beautiful.”
See? He didn’t find me intimidating and I liked that he didn’t beat around the bush. I’d given him a look that told him my intentions, and he’d acted. I appreciated efficiency.
“Thanks. I’ll be ready to take these heels off soon, but they’re cute, aren’t they?”
I put a leg out to display the shoe, angling from side to side to show him that we were on the same page.
“Cute isn’t the first word that comes to mind,” he said, playing right along.
“No? What word comes to mind?” I dropped my leg only to lean a little closer. I was making this easy for him, and that was the point.
A shadow came into our space as Quentin opened his mouth to respond. “Don’t answer that, Quentin,” an all-too-familiar voice admonished.
My eyes snapped to Griffin, whom I’d been desperately trying to avoid ogling all night. With a casual dress policy at work, it wasn’t often I got to see him dressed up. He wasn’t wearing anything special, just a nice shirt with a Christmas tie and fitted slacks that did wonders for his butt. It didn’t matter though, the slightly different attire than what I was used to seeing him in made a little trickle of drool threaten to drop from the corner of my mouth.
Then I caught the dark look in his normally happy bright eyes and recalled what he’d just said. “Seriously, Griff?” I huffed. I was annoyed and maybe a little angry, but it was embarrassment I felt most acutely. Only I couldn’t decide if it was Griff’s intrusion or my flirting with Quentin I was embarrassed about.
“Uh, yeah, I won’t answer that,” Quentin agreed easily. “I’ll catch you later, Naomi.”
He was gone before I could respond.
“What was that about?” I snapped.
“You’ve been drinking. It’s not like you to flirt with coworkers. I don’t want you to make a mistake you’ll regret.” He sounded apologetic and maybe a little embarrassed himself. I supposed I could muster some sympathy. This new dynamic was difficult for him.
“Look, Griff, I know you’ve always seen me like a little sister. I know that if Summer worked here you’d probably act the same way toward her. But you also know that’s one of the reasons she doesn’t work for Brazen.” I was giving him a lecture, but it was necessary and probably overdue. “Summer and I are both adults now. We’ve been adults for a while, actually. You’ll always be family but you can drop some of the overbearing stuff, okay?”
As I spoke, I noticed Griff’s cheeks begin to turn the softest tint of red. I’d never seen him blush and I was confused by the reaction. Was he angry, or what? It wasn’t like Griff to feel uncomfortable or upset by my honesty. He had to know this kind of conversation would come at some point.
Unsure what else to do, I continued, “I’m your employee now, and I need you to treat me like other employees, especially in front of our colleagues. I want to be viewed as a professional at Brazen, not the boss’s little sister.” Maybe this wasn’t the best situation to make my point, me flirting with a colleague, but I had to do it anyway.
“You’re not my little sister,” he practically choked out.
What was with him tonight? “Best friend’s little sister. Little sister’s best friend. Whatever you want to call it.”
I took a long sip of the wine in my hand, wondering if I was overreacting, because Griff was right about one thing – I’d had a bit too much to drink.
He rubbed a hand over his mouth, eyeing me. “It’s hard for me to treat you like any other employee, Naomi,” he said. “You aren’t any other employee to me. I will always worry about you and keep an eye on you. I can’t help it.”
His words simultaneously warmed me and cut me. He loved me, he cared about me. Just not the way I did him.
Placing a gentle hand on his arm, I tried to be understanding, even as he broke my heart. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it and it wouldn’t be the last. “Can you at least try?”
I didn’t want to leave Brazen and work somewhere else. I didn’t want any distance between me and Griff. But I was beginning to wonder how much my heart could take from this man who loved me unconditionally, just not in the way I needed him to.
Griffin
I wish I could fire every punk who hit on Naomi. With mixed Italian and Mexican heritage, mesmerizing blue eyes, and a fit body from regular skateboarding and surfing, there was no denying she was a bombshell. But there were plenty of bombshells in southern California and quite a few who worked right at Brazen headquarters. That was only the first thing to get these punks’ attention. She was also sharp, intuitive, fiercely independent, and possessed the emotional perception of a ninety-year-old. You’d think this would intimidate most guys, and I guess the ones her age didn’t have the balls to approach her. But now that she worked in an environment with men who were five, ten, or fifteen years older than her, it seemed like there was always someone trying to get her attention.
We were at a restaurant in Jay Beach for the Brazen holiday party, and I was struggling like hell not to march over to Naomi, pick her up, and carry her away with me. I’d already made an ass of myself once, and I needed to chill the fuck out. Normally I was the definition of chill, but I didn’t know if I could go on like this. Watching Naomi giggle and laugh with another guy, touch his forearm and lean close to his chest… If I wasn’t careful, I’d break the pint glass in my grip.
We were both standing amongst a group of people, only she was actually engaged in conversation while I was staring at her and ignoring the people around me. I might have gotten Quentin out of the picture for the night, but now she was standing far too close to Nate from marketing. Nate was at least my age, if not older. Yet she was definitely returning his advances, and that made me feel all sorts of odd sensations.
Naomi threw her head back at something Nate said, her hand going to his chest. He placed a hand on her hip, and leaned down to say something in her ear. My breathing became unsteady and a hot ache pierced my chest until I found myself rubbing it, willing it to go away. She had asked me to try to treat her like any other colleague, but she also completely misunderstood how I felt about her.
For someone so perceptive, Naomi didn’t see me clearly. And maybe that was my own fault. Or maybe it was simply because we’d had a certain type of relationship for twenty-three years now and why would she question it?
Nate had a hand on the small of Naomi’s back and they were walking away from the group, toward the front door. A powerful spark lit inside of me and before I could question what the hell I was doing, my feet were moving. It was nearing midnight, and people had started trickling out over the past hour, many of them coupling off. I knew Naomi had just lectured me about boundaries, but the need to stop her was a visceral one, urgent and nearing panic. It was completely foreign to me, not at all in line with the rest of my personality.
I reached them as Nate was helping Naomi into her coat, and it was then I realized I had no plan, no clue what to say. Neither of them were facing me at first and when Naomi turned around, I froze. Our eyes locked and my mouth parted, but no words came out. I wanted to stop her, but she’d asked me not to.
Naomi blinked, and while I braced myself for her annoyance or anger at my presence, I only saw confusion. It hit me once again that this woman was as perceptive as ever, and she knew my actions weren’t lining up with how she’d always thought of me. Hell, I knew how I felt and barely understood why I couldn’t just chill the fuck out and do what she’d so reasonably asked. Back off.
Nate turned around as he put on his own coat, probably checking to see what Naomi was staring at.
“Oh, hey Griff, you calling it a night too?”
I cleared my throat, which was suddenly too dry to speak. Shaking my head, I forced myself to remember what Naomi had asked from me. Her request had been perfectly reasonable, and if I wanted her
to stick around and keep working for Brazen, I had to stop myself from so blatantly disrespecting her wishes.
“No, just on my way to the restroom,” I lied. “Have a good night.”
Against every force inside of me, I somehow managed to walk past them and turn down the hall to the restrooms.
When I got inside and shut and locked the door, I wanted to punch something. Instead, I placed my hands on the sides of the sink and dropped my head. The hot spark that had ignited in my chest region earlier was spreading like wildfire through my veins. It was painful and it urged me to do something, anything, to ease the intensity. But I respected Naomi too much to barge out there and treat her like she was still fourteen years old. She was a grown-ass woman capable of making her own decisions. Yes, she’d had more to drink that she typically did, but she’d been perfectly coherent when she’d lectured me and her eyes were clear just now, even if she’d looked at me with confusion. She was in control.
It was me who was losing control, and I had no idea what to do about it. Even as I’d recognized my feelings for her for what they were over the past couple of years, I’d never considered actually acting on them. I couldn’t. It was wrong.
But as I looked up from the sink and into the mirror, I asked myself, why was it wrong? It wasn’t the age difference, not anymore. Naomi was currently going home with someone around my age, maybe even older.
So what was stopping me?
Naomi
I stared at the spreadsheets and graphs on my computer screen for hours on Monday morning, but it wasn’t the numbers in front of me I was running through my head. No, I was thinking about Griffin. This wasn’t anything new, but usually I could compartmentalize when work was in front of me. I loved crunching numbers and navigating spreadsheets just as much as I loved to skateboard. But this morning, I couldn’t stop replaying the encounters with Griff from Saturday night in my head.
I’d seen something in him at the Brazen holiday party that I’d never noticed before, and I didn’t trust myself with it. When he’d come over as I was leaving with Nate, Griff had looked frazzled and, well, slightly desperate. Griffin Perry didn’t get frazzled or desperate, ever, and seeing him that way shook me to the core. It also made me wonder, was it possible I wasn’t alone in my feelings? Every time that thought popped into my head, I tried to smoosh it down.
I was good at reading people, but when it came to Griff, I couldn’t trust myself. It was entirely possible I was only seeing what I wanted to see. And even if my feelings weren’t one-sided, I had to remember this wasn’t like any other guy. The risk was too high. As someone who loved statistics and probabilities, a self-proclaimed math geek, I couldn’t ignore what was at stake: our best friends, our families, our stability. Telling him how I felt? That first move alone could have disastrous consequences.
Sensing a presence, I looked up from my desk to find the man on my mind leaning against the door frame to my small office. He wore an easy smile, eyes soft with something I recognized as adoration. The kind of adoration he had for Summer, his younger sister. The familiar expression on Griff’s face caused me to drop the distressing risk assessment I’d been playing over in my head, but it didn’t give me much relief. It was replaced by a tight squeezing sensation in my chest.
He gestured to his ears, and I remembered I had headphones on, music playing. As I pulled them off, he pushed off the wall and took two steps to reach my desk, sitting on the ledge since there weren’t any other chairs.
“I haven’t seen you come out for lunch yet. Want to grab burritos with me next door?”
I glanced at the time on my computer. How was it already 1:30? I knew I’d been distracted this morning, but it wasn’t like me to miss lunch time. On cue, my stomach growled.
Griff laughed and I stood up, stretching. We ate lunch together at least once a week, and when he paid for my lunch and carried it the couple of blocks to the beach, it wasn’t any different from our normal routine. So why did it feel different?
The picnic tables were taken so we sat on the stairs leading to the sand. It wasn’t a comfortable silence like usual though, at least not on my part. It should have been getting easier over the years to hide how I felt for Griff, but the weight of it suddenly felt nearly too heavy to carry on my own.
As I finished my burrito, Griff broke the silence. “So, you and Nate from marketing? Was that a one-time thing or are you guys...” He let the question drift off and I glanced over at him. Griff was gazing out at the water, not looking at me.
“No, nothing happened. We left together, but went our separate ways.” I studied his reaction for any clue about why he’d asked the question.
Griff turned to face me, his eyebrows raised in surprise, and the tension I’d sensed in the tightness of his shoulders earlier evaporated. I had no idea what to make of this. Was he worried I’d made things awkward for myself at work by hooking up with a colleague?
His hand went to the back of his neck and he took a deep breath. “You were okay though? He didn’t do anything he shouldn’t have?”
“No, it wasn’t that. We were on the same page, but I changed my mind about hooking up with him and he handled it fine. I told him I’d had too much to drink.”
Griff peered at me. “Had you? Had too much to drink?”
I wasn’t expecting Griff to ask this question. I definitely wasn’t prepared for the way he was looking at me. There was this openness about Griffin that I’d always loved, and as he faced me, eyes searching mine, lips slightly parted, I recognized a hopefulness rolling off of him. Maybe I only noticed it because I’d felt it this morning myself, but it caused me to answer with just enough truth to crack open a door I could still close if I needed to.
“Maybe, but that’s not why I changed my mind.” I sucked in a breath and held it as I waited for his response.
Griff dropped his hand from gripping the back of his neck. “What made you change your mind?” He shifted closer to me as he asked the question, and I wasn’t sure if he was doing it consciously or not.
Griff was inches away, and I was sure he could hear my unsteady breathing. I didn’t want to lie to him, but I knew if I told him the truth, I could never take it back. I’d done the risk assessment, and I knew what was at stake.
I felt a hand on my knee, and found Griff had placed his there. “Naomi?” He said my name softly but urgently. And there it was again, a note of hope. He wanted me to answer the question, and he wanted honesty. Maybe he even wanted me to give him the words on the tip of my tongue.
“It was you,” I whispered.
“Me? I tried to back off like you asked, not play the big brother role.”
He didn’t understand. I could still backtrack. My eyes lifted from his hand to his face. We were close enough that if he leaned forward a few inches, our lips would brush. Griff had a small frown on his face, and I wanted to lift my finger to smooth the crease between his brows.
I decided to open the door just a little bit wider with another honest response that danced around the brutal truth.
“It was the way you looked when you said you were going to the restroom. It made me wonder if I had it all wrong with my little lecture earlier that night.”
Griff’s frown deepened and I clarified, “When you interrupted me and Quentin.”
“I know what lecture you’re referring to. And you did have part of it wrong.” The frown dropped and he set his jaw with determination as he looked at me.
I sucked in a breath. “Which part?”
“You will always be family, Naomi. But I stopped thinking of you as a younger sister a long time ago.”
With that, the door swung wide open, leaving me dizzy as his words shook me, rattled around in my chest before settling deep in my bones.
Griff’s confession was all I needed to give him one of my own. “I’m not sure I ever thought of you as a brother, Griff.”
His lips tilted upward in the sweetest smile as his eyes closed for a beat, as if he was savoring
the words. Was it possible Griffin felt an ounce for me of what I felt for him? Or did he simply recognize I wasn’t actually related to him so he had permission to find me attractive? A smile played on my own lips as my heart threatened to pound out of my chest and a lightness filled me.
But his next question wiped it right off. “Why does it feel like we shouldn’t be telling each other this, then?” Griff was earnest, like he was truly perplexed and hoped I’d have the answer. I did, and the reality of it reminded me why this entire exchange had been a mistake.
Griffin
I never should have asked the question if I didn’t want to hear her answer. I’d replayed Naomi’s words in my head all week.
“There’s too much at risk,” she’d said, even as her entire body swayed forward, closer to mine. “I’ve been doing a risk assessment and there’s too much at stake. My brother is your best friend, your sister is mine. Our parents are best friends. Family is our foundation. We can’t risk shaking our foundation.”
A group from work had interrupted us then, oblivious to the life-changing conversation we were engaged in, and I hadn’t gotten the chance to contradict her. She’d shut down, and been avoiding me all week. Well, that wasn’t exactly true. I’d been slammed at work, trying to get deals through before Christmas and the new year, and Naomi had decided to take advantage of our liberal remote working policy for the first time ever. Maybe she decided to work from her parents’ house because it was close to the holidays, but I suspected she was hiding from me. I wanted to call her or text her, but this conversation had to happen in person.
I drove to Calloway early on Christmas Eve, determined to see her. Sure enough, before I even got to my parents’ house, I spotted her at Airwalk, the local skate park. I pulled into the lot, unable to peel my eyes from Naomi as she ground over a low rail on her board. It wasn’t until I stepped out of the car that I realized how many people were around. I was a recognizable face in this area, and this wasn’t going to be the time to talk to Naomi like I wanted to.
