by Jerilee Kaye
He leaned his forehead against mine. “Now, how can you question my decision to choose to marry you?” he whispered.
I pulled away from him so I could stare into his eyes. “Because I know you’d be happier if you’d pursued the other option you had.”
He shook his head. “On the contrary, I might have been more miserable,” he said. “And I wouldn’t be in this portrait you painted, which is…” He paused for a while and then he continued, “A picture of bliss.”
“It is actually…” I stared at my painting. I felt a surge of emotion sweep through me. My voice was full of emotions when I said, “A picture of bliss.”
We got ready for bed. Since we had returned from the honeymoon, Travis and I had been sleeping in the same bed. Sometimes we cuddled; sometimes we stayed on our own sides. It didn’t feel weird at all. Instead, everything felt right when I was in his arms. I felt safe…like I didn’t have to worry about anything at all. Sometimes, a part of me wished that he thought about only me when I was in his arms…and not wished he had chosen to stay with her instead. I knew I wanted to make up for the loss he felt. But sometimes, I thought there was a part of me that wished I could do more than that…that I could be more than just a patch…a substitute for Travis.
When I came out of the bathroom, dressed in a pair of silk pajamas, Travis startled me by sweeping me off my feet and carrying me to bed.
“Stop it!” I squealed. “Put me down, will you!”
He shook his head and stared at me mischievously. I landed on the bed with a bounce and laughed. I watched helplessly as Travis descended on top of me with a devilish look on his face.
“What are you going to do?”
“Something that will make Tom regret he ever asked me to be your guardian!” he whispered. I saw the Travis I knew when I was a kid…naughty…mischievous. His eyes were dancing as if he was up to no good and proud of it.
I struggled to push him away, but he was quick to get a grip of my wrists and pinned both my hands on top of my head. I couldn’t stop laughing. “Travis, please…”
He shook his head. “It’s my birthday. Nobody can stop me from doing what I want.”
I watched helplessly as he leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. Thoroughly and passionately. He breathed in the scent of me; he devoured my lips as if he’d been holding back from doing so for weeks. Since we’d gotten back from the honeymoon, Travis and I had shared a lot of hugs and occasional kisses. But he’d never attempted to kiss me like that again.
He let go of my wrists, but he didn’t stop kissing me. I wound my arms around his neck and kissed him back with just as much passion. I realized I’d missed this…I yearned for him to kiss me like this without reservations…without thinking he needed to protect me more than anything else.
But as always, he stopped and gently pulled away from me. He stared at me with eyes drunk with passion. But I knew he had his emotions in check. He smiled at me.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered.
“So are you,” I said to him.
He leaned forward to kiss me gently on the lips again. Then he inhaled the scent of me.
Deep inside, I felt my heart twist in knots. I felt a pinch of pain. I wondered if, at that moment, Travis was thinking about her…the woman he loved…the woman he made love to last before he married me…the woman he lost because he chose to marry me.
I realized I wanted him to forget her…and see me instead. I couldn’t understand why, but somehow, I wanted not just to ease his pain…I wanted him to draw his happiness from me, too.
I held his face between my palms. Then I leaned forward and kissed him gently.
He stared at me for a moment and then he smiled. “Thank you, Brianne,” he said. “For being here. I think I’ve been celebrating my birthdays alone for most of my life.”
I smiled. “I’m here now. And I’ll be here for as long as you want me to be.”
He laughed humorlessly. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, love,” he said. “Because if it were up to me…it would be a very long time. In fact, I don’t think I’ll ever be ready to let you go at all.”
I giggled. “And what? We’ll stay married forever?”
He stared at me. I expected him to laugh. But when I looked at his face, his expression looked serious. My heart pounded inside my chest. “Aren’t you happy with me, Brianne?” he asked in a sober voice.
Tears welled up in my eyes. I knew the answer to that without even thinking, not even blinking.
“I am,” I whispered. I was happy with Travis. With him, I felt safe…comforted…loved…taken care of. And I knew he would not break my heart. “Are you happy with me, Travis?”
I was afraid of his answer. I knew between the two of us, I was the one who didn’t have a choice. He, on the other hand, had the choice between the woman who was possibly the love of his life and me. I wanted to know he didn’t regret that.
He smiled, and somehow, I saw glitter in his eyes. He leaned forward and just as his lips were an inch away from mine, he whispered, “It’s bliss!”
Chapter Twenty-Five
I woke up cuddled in Travis’s arms. I opened my eyes lazily.
“Good morning,” I said to him.
He leaned forward and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. “Come to the office with me today?” he asked.
I smiled. “Why? I can’t sit around while you’re working. It will distract you.”
He chuckled. “It will distract me all right. But I don’t really mind,” he said. “You can paint while I read some contracts. I’ll work only until noon. Then maybe we can go to a hotel. It’s almost the weekend anyway.”
My face brightened. “Really?”
He nodded. “Really. I want to celebrate my birthday with you alone, Mrs. Cross.”
I beamed at him. “Wait for me. I’ll go dress and pack some clothes.”
I had a big smile on my face as I packed our stuff for the weekend. I realized that somehow, I hadn’t thought much about Christian since I’d gotten engaged to Travis. Damn! I hadn’t even thought about how I would hunt for Mr. Right since I’d married Travis. I realized that…now, my world revolved around him and our marriage.
I didn’t realize that a smile had crept to my face. I was happy! I didn’t think I’d been happier than this. And I thought we gotten married only to buy me time to find Mr. Right. But at that moment…Travis felt so right!
If only…if only he hadn’t been in love with somebody else when he married me. I still wondered who she was. Maybe a former fling or a mistress, and maybe he realized at the last moment, before he married me, that she’d meant more to him.
We were a couple that didn’t sleep with each other. But since we’d gotten married, it seems we did everything else that married couples did. We kissed, but we made sure we didn’t step close to the line. I was not sure how he was having his needs satiated, and frankly, I didn’t want to think about it. I wondered if he still saw her, if he’d been with her since he married me. He didn’t attempt to make love to me. He always stopped before we got so close that we’d have to make a choice again. I wondered if during the times he wasn’t with me, he actually made some effort to see her.
I couldn’t really be jealous, could I? I was the one who’d taken his life and his love away from him. I might have been the legal wife, but it was when he was with me that he was cheating. Because we both knew that his heart belonged to someone else. He was only mine on paper. But everything else that was Travis…belonged to her.
And suddenly, this realization made me feel sad. So sad that I felt almost heartbroken. Maybe I really believed that he was happy with me. Everything he showed me was genuine, sincere. And every time he kissed me and held me, he made me feel that I was all that was on his mind. I had no suspicion that he was ever thinking about somebody else. Damn! I didn’t even feel that he was having his needs satiated somewhere else. He made me feel that I was enough for him. What we had was enough to keep him happy.
Travis was surprised. It seemed that many of his employees were uncomfortable…scared, even. I remembered Karl telling me that the last time they surprised Travis, he didn’t like it and told them never to do it again.
I stared at Travis. I was afraid that he would shout at everybody and tell them to get the hell out of his office.
But instead, he raised his brow and asked, “No confetti?” His tone was light and teasing.
Finally, they were all able to breathe…in relief.
“We were afraid you wouldn’t like the mess, boss,” Karl said, and then he motioned for somebody to bring the cake.
Suddenly, the whole room started singing Happy Birthday. I joined them. A big cake was brought in front of us and at the end of the song, and Karl said to Travis, “Make a wish.”
Travis took a deep breath. He closed his eyes for three seconds, and then he blew the candle. We all cheered after.
“Speech! Speech! Speech!”
“You guys are pushing your luck, huh!” Travis said, but he was chuckling. Even I was amazed by this transformation. I was ready to put my hand on his mouth just in case he said something rude or insensitive to his employees, like he would normally do.
He took a deep breath. Then he said, “Thank you all for remembering. I guess I never really allowed you to in the past…and I do apologize for that. But I really appreciate your efforts…and the cake.” He turned to me. “I want to thank my lovely wife. It’s an amazing feeling not to wake up alone on your birthday as I always did in the past. I wish to celebrate the rest of my birthdays with you by my side.” And he turned to his employees. “And you, too, of course. Thank you all. Lunch is on me. Karl, please take care of that. I’ll be leaving after lunch, so anything you guys need me to sign or review, my office is open until noon. And if you have finished your tasks for the day, you’re free to start your weekend early. But please, join us for lunch.”
There should have been an encore after that. But instead, his employees were open-mouthed. They were silent…and I was afraid they were in shock.
He stared back at their blank faces. “I must have been such an ogre in the past, huh,” he said to them.
Karl was first to recover. “Thank you, boss! And happy birthday again!”
I clapped my hands first, and everybody started cheering after that.
When everybody left his office and we were alone, I went to him with a big smile on my face. My eyes were pretty teary.
“Why?” he asked.
I shook my head. I gave him a hug. “I’m so proud of you, Travis. Did you really mean what you said?”
He hugged me back. “You must know that all these years, I lived in ruthlessness, insensitivity, brutal truth, and sarcasm. Do you think I would lie about what I feel now just to make other people feel good?”
“No. I don’t think you can,” I giggled. “You’re starting to see things on the bright side now.”
“That’s because I have my sunshine with me,” he whispered. He pulled away slightly to look me in the eyes. “That’s you, love.”
I smiled at him. “It’s good to know I’m not the only one benefitting from this marriage.”
“Who told you you were benefitting from this marriage at all?” he asked me with a mischievous grin on his face.
I laughed and raised my finger to him to show him my engagement ring. “Diamonds are a girl’s best friend!” I teased.
He narrowed his eyes. “If diamonds are all it will take to make you stay, then I won’t have a problem at all. But we both know you don’t need or even want diamonds at all, Brianne.”
I pouted. “Sure I do. I especially love my engagement ring.”
He smiled. “That was my grandmother’s,” he said. “She left it for me a month before she died.” There was pain in Travis’s voice. “You know, my grandparents were the only ones in my family who ever loved me at all. When they died, I was left with nannies and butlers. Then I met Tom and your family. Then…there was only just you.”
“What about…” I took a deep breath. “Her?”
He narrowed his eyes. “Who?”
“The woman you said you love…the woman you…made love to before you married me.”
A mix of emotion instantly returned to Travis’s face. Pain, guilt, remorse, anger. I think I read it all in a span of five seconds, and then he took hold of his emotions and his expression became steady again. He took a deep breath and held my face between his palms.
“There’s only just you,” he repeated.
“But Travis…” I insisted. “How can you ignore what you feel? How can you…”
He stopped me by giving me one hard kiss on the lips. “There’s only you, Brianne,” he whispered again. “My wife.” And he kissed me thoroughly.
A surge of happiness seeped through me. Travis was trying to make this work. He was trying to make us work. He was trying to belong in this marriage…because that would mean he belonged to a family again now. And that was more important to him than anything he felt before…or felt now…for any other woman.
I painted while Travis read through contracts. I caught him staring at me several times. He would wink at me when he caught my eye, and I would smile and blush.
Noon came, and we had lunch in one of the office’s conference rooms with the rest of the staff of Cross Industries. The atmosphere was fun and light.
Karl came up to me when Travis was on a phone call. “You’re a miracle worker, Mrs. Cross,” he said. “And I thought that man was hopeless.”
I laughed. “He’s making an effort to change. And I think I like him better.”
“His old man is starting to use different tactics now. He learned that Travis got married,” Karl said. “The older Cross said he would only give up his shares of Cross Magnates to Travis if Travis could give him a grandson.”
I stared back at Karl. “And what did Travis say?”
Karl shrugged. “He told his father that if he had kids, his father would never be able to stand within a mile of them.” Karl chuckled. “But when do you plan to have a baby? That would be the fastest way to change the old man’s mind. I think he’s getting old and tired of the game. He just doesn’t want to admit to Travis that he’s losing. He doesn’t want to be the first to make a move to reconcile with his son.”
“Why does he want a grandson?”
Karl shrugged. “He knows he may not be able to fix his relationship with his own son. He might soon retire. He needs somebody to give the fruits of his labor to. And he knows Travis would never accept them. So he thought he’d name Travis’s son his heir instead. Your kid is going to be a prince, sweetheart. He’s going to be richer than his father,” Karl chuckled. “When do you intend to have kids, anyway?”
Karl didn’t know that nothing was happening between Travis and me, and the chances of having a kid were between nil and zero. So I just shrugged and gave him a smile.
“He loves you very much, you know,” Karl said.
I didn’t say anything. I knew that was true. Travis did love me a lot. But he was not in love with me. Not the way I thought I was starting to be.
That realization crept up on me like a thief behind my back. I turned red, and suddenly I felt dizzy…nauseated even. I looked at Travis, who was speaking on the phone in one corner, and I realized that…I was falling in love with him…if I wasn’t already!
I no longer had the will or the intention to find my Mr. Right while I was married to Travis. It had seemed since our honeymoon that there was only him in my world…and my life had taken a different route.
Suddenly, I felt like everything I had eaten was starting to work its way back up my throat.
“Excuse me,” I said to Karl.
Immediately, I went to the ladies’ room. I got there in time to reach the sink and throw up everything I ate that day.
I gargled with water then I washed my face. I s
tared at myself in the mirror.
Could it be true? Could I really be in love with Travis?
Whenever I thought of the other woman in Travis’s past, I felt a stabbing pain of jealousy. I didn’t even want to entertain thoughts of him sharing a bed with her, or with any other woman for that matter…even though we were not sleeping with each other…even though I hadn’t satisfied his needs in that department since prom night.
Whenever he stared at me, I could feel my blood heat up and my heart pound wildly in my chest. I had this aching pain to hold him and kiss him constantly.
For a while now, my objective had been to make him happy with me so he would forget about her. I realized why I was doing it. It wasn’t out of guilt. I was doing it for my own personal reasons. I wanted him to get over her…so he could finally fall in love with me, too!
I married Travis because he was my safety guy. Because I needed time to find that one guy who would make me happy. But I’d lost that will now because…I was happy! Very happy. With Travis. With this marriage. He was right. This marriage was bliss. The only thing missing between us was a deep physical intimacy, which God knows I wanted so much, too, but I was afraid it would make me lose him forever.
But if Travis felt the same way I felt now…making love would not destroy us…it would strengthen us! But only if!
But sadly, I remembered the emotions he wasn’t able to hide when I brought her up. There was pain. There was guilt. There was remorse. There was anger. So, even though he told me that there was only just me now, I knew that the woman in his heart was still her.
That made me throw up again. I held on to the sink for a while to steady myself, keep my balance.
An old woman came out from one of the stalls. I smiled at her in the mirror. She was beaming at me. I realized that she was too old to be one of the employees. She must have been a guest in the building.
“Congratulations, dear!” she said as she walked past me.
