“My favorite thing about my schedule is sunrise before bed.”
That was kind of weird. “I’ll be asleep then.” Already, Steve’s eyelids weighed heavy.
“It’s especially nice in the summer. The coolest part of the day. If I changed to your schedule, I’d wake up when it’s hot. Who wants to go outside then? I would never see Mike.”
“Who’s Mike?”
“My neighbor.”
“Why do you need to see him?”
“I like to.”
“Should I be worried?” Steve asked.
“He does have the kind of maturity I’m looking for.”
“What does he look like?”
“A little bit like you, but older and wiser.”
“I want to meet this guy.”
“I’m sure he’d love that. Maybe Tuesday if we have time.”
Steve’s elliptical dinged. The session ended, but he kept going until Josh finished. Then he followed Josh back to the lockers.
As Josh undressed and put a towel around his waist, so did Steve, and he followed Josh to the shower room, open with no stalls. No one else was there. He turned on the spigot next to Josh’s and waited for the water to warm. Josh ignored him, but Steve’s eyes took in every curve Josh had to offer as the towel came off.
The water was ready. He got under the warm stream, and when he washed his hair, the shampoo stung in his eyes, because he couldn’t close them without losing sight of the glory next to him. Josh glanced at him and turned away.
Maybe it was that, or maybe the curve of Josh’s neck, or the small of the back. Something happened. Steve’s balance shifted. It could have been before he even noticed. He had a hard-on. It must have happened quick, even for him, and it wasn’t no flash in the pan. This thing wasn’t going anywhere.
It had never happened in a public shower before. Well, hardly, there was the time in…anyway. That was different.
Josh turned back toward him and startled. He dropped the soap but didn’t pick it up. What was the big deal? It’s not like he’d never seen it before.
“Oh my God. Is that necessary?” Josh asked.
“Seems like it.”
“What do you think you’re doing?”
“Nothing.” He picked up the soap and sudsed himself.
“This isn’t the time or place for that.”
“I know.” He rinsed himself off.
“Then do something!”
“What do you want me to do?” He shut off the water and slapped the tiles.
“Put it away.” When Josh dried himself, the towel blocked Steve’s view. Worse yet, Josh walked out.
Alone and damp, he grabbed his towel and wiped himself down. Then he wrapped it around his waist and followed Josh.
At the locker, he undid the towel and dropped it where Josh sat tying a shoe. Yep, still there. Josh’s eyes panicked. “Put something on! Oh my God. Why did you do that?”
He slipped on his shorts, and it stuck out above the band. “Is that better? There’s no one here.”
“Why are you doing this?” Josh asked.
“It just happened. What do you want from me?”
“That’s it. I’m leaving. Maybe we’ll talk tomorrow.” Josh tied the other shoe, grabbed his things, and flew out.
Steve followed him as far as he could to the locker room door, where Josh disappeared. For a minute, Steve almost went after him. Probably no one there to notice, just that chick behind the counter who eyed him on the way in. She wouldn’t mind. He couldn’t do it though.
Chapter 22
Josh left the gym and sat in the parking lot on his bike. He almost went back in but thought better of it. Still, he waited. Steve might come out.
No sign of him. Before he’d left the building himself, he looked back at the locker room. Steve hadn’t followed him through the door, to Josh’s surprise. It was the kind of crazy thing that Steve might do, but he didn’t.
Which was worse, leaving Steve behind or facing him? Josh couldn’t stay there. He turned the ignition. The vibration soothed him.
On the way through the lot, his chest got heavy, and he slumped on the bike. He wanted to go back and talk it out, but he couldn’t. Under those circumstances, there was no way. Maybe Steve wasn’t interested in talking. Maybe this was it, over already.
Turning to the street, he didn’t look back. Yet in his imagination, Steve’s image seared its mark on his mind, as fear of losing him branded his heart. He must keep his focus. It was going to take a lot of reading tonight before he fell asleep, and he had to sleep. It prepared him, cleared his head, and focused it on the trapeze.
As the Diavel tore down the street, Josh might have heard his name. Maybe Steve came out of the building, presentable again, and called for him, barely audible above the bike’s rumble. Josh glanced over his shoulder. Steve waved him back. The Diavel sped up, and when it turned out of sight, Steve’s last shout echoed, “Josh”, and faded in the distance.
He’d told Steve they would talk tomorrow. He hoped they would. He couldn’t now. He might say or do anything. The bike swerved in the wind. Over the mountains and at the edge of the valley, a thunderstorm brewed. Tomorrow if he spoke to Steve at all, Josh had to convey the curse’s danger and his fear of it. Steve must understand what the curse really meant and its implications.
At home, he rolled the bike in the house. He skipped dusting it off this time. Instead, he went to bed a little early and read from Le Petit Prince. When he finished it, he hadn’t slept, and light peaked around the blinds. The sun was rising.
Other novels waited on the bed stand, but he got up and went out for some air. It might help him sleep. His light robe blew in the breeze, and the new sun soothed his worries. Mike’s floppy hat bobbed above the fence.
Josh walked to the hat and put his hand on the fence post. “Good morning.”
The hat lifted and grinning eyes appeared. “Good morning. There was a visitor in your carport yesterday. Was that Steve by chance?”
“Yes.”
“My oh my!”
“I don’t think he can handle the curse.”
“I thought you said he understood.”
“He doesn’t really.”
“What happened?”
“We went to the gym together. I didn’t want to, but he insisted.”
“That’s nice. I would go to a gym, too, if I didn’t get so much exercise in my yard.”
“He said he wants to meet you, but now I don’t know if I’m going to see him again.”
Mike gasped. “Why?”
“He got a hard-on in the shower!”
“That’s a problem?” Mike didn’t make it sound like one.
“He didn’t understand what it did to me. The curse doesn’t mean anything to him. He doesn’t care.”
“This is very difficult for you, isn’t it?” Mike asked.
“Yes, it is. How am going to be around him? All week? He won’t make it easy. That’s for sure.”
“Ask him to stand back if you have to, but not too far. Josh, have you thought any more about getting some professional help for this problem?”
“Yes, he suggested it too.”
“Good. I can refer you to someone if you want me to.”
Josh rolled his eyes. “In the meantime, I’m afraid I won’t sleep today. This is going to lead to a fall. I know it. Maybe I’m better off alone.”
“Oh, don’t say that, Josh. It’s not true. It’s wrong to think that way. Don’t make the same mistakes I’ve made.”
“Then why aren’t you out finding someone?” Josh asked. “You spend all your time in that yard.”
“Oh, it’s too late for me. I’m too old.”
“Really? You’re in good shape. How old are you, anyway?”
“My dear, some things might be different now, but in my day, one never asked a lady her age.”
“You’re always giving advice. How do you expect me to take it seriously if you never follow it yourself?”
“And you’re paying her for this?”
“It’s my fifty minutes. I can spend it how I like.”
“I can’t imagine talking to anyone that long, but it happened last night with Steve at The Saltshaker, before the gym.”
“Oh, I love The Saltshaker. It’s been there forever you know.”
“I know. You told me. I better get back to bed, or I’ll never sleep today.”
“Isn’t the sunrise beautiful this morning?” Mike asked.
“It is.” Bands of sky-blue pink and orange lit the purple mountain.
“Isn’t the air sweet?” Mike asked. “Can you smell those blossoms?”
A climbing rose hung over the fence. Josh breathed the scent. “Maybe I’ll just rest out here for a while on the lounge. Will you wake me if I fall asleep, before I get burned?”
“Of course. Don’t worry. You rest now.”
Chapter 23
Josh awoke in bed to the four P.M. alarm on Friday, and six texts greeted him.
11:30 A.M.: Are you mad?
11:45 A.M.: Sorry.
12:36 P.M.: Can I bring breakfast?
2:05 P.M.: Burritos okay?
4:04 P.M.: Are you awake? I’m on my way.
4:06 P.M.: Got clothes on. No surprises.
Josh replied at 4:14 P.M. We need to talk.
The doorbell rang. Josh showed Steve in without a word. They went to the table which Josh had set. Steve sat down, pulled a burrito out of the bag, unwrapped it, and ate.
Josh poured juice and coffee. He sat across from Steve and gave him a serious look. “I’m going to need your help.”
The bottom of Steve’s burrito came undone. “Anything, what is it?” Egg and potato dropped out. It piled on the plate, red from the spicy sausage.
Josh leaned forward. “If you really do want to be with me, you have to help me not give in. You can’t make it harder.”
“You know sometimes it just happens.” Steve stuffed some egg back in the tortilla as he huffed and choked down a laugh, hiding it poorly. “What a mind fuck.”
“I mean it. It’s not funny.”
“I want to feel my feelings.” Steve took a bite. “I’m not asking you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Josh leaned in closer and looked him in the eye. “I could lose control and fall. Is that what you want?”
Steve sat back. “Of course not. You won’t fall.” His brow furrowed, and his voice got gravelly. “I need a smoke.”
“My brother, my cousin, and then my father. They did. They all fell.” He seldom spoke of them. A lonely tear blurred his vision.
“Give it up then. Just quit. It’s too dangerous.” Steve crossed his arms and looked aside.
“I can’t. I love it.”
“What about me?” Steve asked. “Don’t you care about me?”
Steve didn’t look at him but stared away at the kitchen. This wasn’t a good sign, but Josh’s eyes stayed on Steve. “The trapeze is in my blood. I’ve flown forever. How long have I known you? How long will I?”
Steve turned back to him and clasped Josh’s hand on the table. “I’m not going anywhere. I brought you breakfast, didn’t I?”
“Then I need your help.” With his free hand, Josh pulled a burrito from the bag and set it on his plate. He freed his hand from Steve’s grip and unfolded the tinfoil wrapper. A spicy aroma wafted up. His finger stroked the soft tortilla, still warm. “If you can’t help me, I can’t be around you. It’s too hard.”
Steve’s spine straightened, and he leaned back on the chair. “I’ll try to tone it down. Here, I brought this for you.” Steve passed him a piece of paper. “It’s a psychiatrist, like we talked about. I looked her up. She does some work with athletes, performance issues. It sounded like maybe a good fit. Since it’s my idea, let me pay for it.”
Josh unfolded the paper and read it. “That’s not necessary. I’ll make an appointment.”
“I already did. The earliest they had was a few weeks from now. I hope you don’t mind. You can always cancel.”
“I was going to do it. Mike suggested it too.”
“The neighbor?” Steve asked.
“I told him you wanted to meet him. He’d like that. Should I call him?”
“Sure.” Steve wrinkled his nose.
Josh opened the window by the table. “Are you back there, Mike?”
“I’m here,” Mike said.
“Does this guy live in your backyard?” Steve asked.
“No. He lives in his backyard.”
Josh yelled out the window. “Are you busy? Steve wants to meet you. Come over if you can.”
“Oh, how nice. I’ll be there in a minute,” Mike said.
Steve finished his burrito and grabbed a banana from the counter. He peeled it.
Josh tilted his head with a stern look. Fresh on his mind was Steve’s banana obscenity from the day before. “Don’t even think about it.”
“Too late. I already did.” Steve took a bite and grimaced. “Men think about sex every seven seconds. Don’t you know that?”
“It’s an urban legend.” Josh couldn’t believe he was talking about this.
“How often do you?” Steve took another bite.
“I don’t have that luxury. This is what we were just talking about.” Josh couldn’t help but ask, “How often do you?”
“All the time.”
A knock came from the front door, and Josh got up to answer it. Steve followed him, banana in hand, and Josh checked it before opening the door. “Hi. Come in.”
Mike wore overalls and a large floppy hat from the garden. “Well hello, thanks so much for calling. Who do we have here?”
“This is Steve.” Josh gestured.
“You’ve done well, Josh. Look at him. I’m Mike. It’s a pleasure meeting you, Steve.”
“Likewise, sir.” Steve shifted the banana to his other hand and shook Mike’s outstretched.
“Can I get you something? Coffee?” Josh asked.
“That would be lovely. Just half a cup, it’s late in the day for me. Milk if you have it, no sugar. Thank you.” He took off his hat. “Please excuse my dust. I’ve come from the garden.”
Josh led them back to the table. Steve and Mike sat.
Josh got a cup from the cabinet. “Mike’s a master gardener. He grows all kinds of things.” Josh poured coffee in the cup on the counter.
“Really? That’s great.” Steve didn’t sound impressed.
“What do you do Steve?” Mike asked.
“I’m a realtor mostly.”
Josh got milk from the refrigerator.
“Any hobbies?” Mike asked.
“I like to dance.” Steve grinned.
“That’s wonderful. Have you boys been dancing?”
“No, but I would like to,” Steve said.
By the fridge, Josh caught Steve’s glance and salty comment.
“Josh, you like to dance, don’t you?” Mike asked.
“I like to dance.” He brought the coffee and the milk carton to the table and sat.
“That sounds like a wonderful idea.” Mike poured milk in his cup, stirred it tawny, and took a sip. “It’s delicious. Thank you.”
Josh flipped the paper on the table. “Steve gave me a present today, an appointment with a psychiatrist.” He purposely said it deadpan, because he wanted to get the unfiltered reaction on their faces as he brought up the touchy subject. His boyfriend had made an appointment for him with a psychiatrist and offered to pay for it. How thoughtful.
“He did?” Mike asked slowly. “Uh, that’s nice.” He held the cup in front of his face for a minute as if he wanted to hide behind it.
Steve smirked. “I looked for a witch doctor first, but I couldn’t find one.”
“You boys are too funny.” Mike p
ut down the cup. “Whatever you do, Josh. I hope it works out for you.” Mike looked askance at Steve. “Both of you.”
Josh sipped. “I’m going to see her. Why not? I would even try a witch doctor. I don’t know what they’re going to do for me though.”
“That’s exactly why people go, because they don’t know what to do,” Mike said. “Maybe the doctor does.”
“She could have a pill.” Steve stuck his thumb in the air.
“Oh, they have a pill for everything these days,” Mike said. “It didn’t used to be that way, you know. For anything, all they used to say was to take two aspirin and get some rest. It didn’t matter what was wrong with you. That’s all they had. Now there’s a pill for everything.”
The clock on the stove caught Josh’s attention. He fidgeted and didn’t want to be rude. It was late though. “I’m glad you guys came over. It’s been fun, and I’m glad you met. I should be getting ready now. I missed my warm-up yesterday, and it showed. Thankfully, no one noticed, but I did.”
“Where do you warm up?” Steve asked.
“At the gym. I go before the show.”
“Well, thanks for the coffee, Josh.” Mike got up from his chair. “It was nice meeting you, Steve.”
“I’ll walk out with you.” Josh got up.
Steve stood beside him and put a hand on Josh’s shoulder. “Want some company at the gym? Mind if I watch?”
Josh smiled awkwardly. “Not today. I need to keep my focus. Maybe Tuesday if you behave.”
Chapter 24
After the show on Friday, Josh didn’t work out. He always took a break that day. When Steve called him and wanted to get together, he said no this time, because he needed rest. Steve’s unspoken disappointment somehow came across the connection, maybe in the pause between the words or in the timber of his voice, but he said he understood. Josh agreed to meet him the next day for a late dinner on Saturday night.
The hours came and went unnoticed as the time arrived. When he saw Steve again in the purple light, it lured strange thoughts in Josh’s mind, such a feeling in his core, and words he’d never expected on his tongue. Yet, when Steve spoke out loud, “I think I love you,” Josh’s reply was mute.
The Curse of Flight Page 11
