And Finch.
She looked at his huge hands as they laid on hers. They were warm and rugged, much like the Earths back Home. She had no idea what a "Navy SEAL" did, but it must mean he worked with his hands, for how else would he get so many calluses? But it wasn't just his hands that made her feel good. He was a good man, all the way to his feet; she knew it deep inside. He was kind and considerate, always thinking of others first. Even though he was worried about Sarah, and focused on caring for Lolly, he still made it a point to ensure Breeze was all right as well. That fluttering feeling in her stomach was back, only this time it was much stronger. She could stay here with Lolly and Finch, or she could make the trek back Home where she would be just Breeze again. Boring old Breeze who was ignored at best.
With her mind made up, she nodded. "Okay."
"Okay?" A brilliant smile lit his entire face. "You'll stay?"
"Yes, I'll stay."
Relief shone in his face. "Okay. Good. That makes me happy, Breeze. I'll have to talk to someone to find out how to do all the legal things." He hesitated. "You're over eighteen, aren't you?"
Once again that weird feeling teased at her mind. She wasn't sure what exactly he was talking about but rather than take the frown off her face, she simply nodded. She'd figure out what he was asking later.
"Good. I thought so. I know it's not polite to ask a lady her age, but I wanted to make sure you were old enough to make your own decisions. I probably should have asked that question long before now." He squeezed her hands gently then let go. She mourned the loss immediately.
"That reminds me, Lolly's birthday is next month. When is yours?"
"My birthday?"
He nodded and finished the last bit of his coffee.
"I... I don't know."
The cup stopped halfway to the table. Slowly he lowered it. "What do you mean you don't know. How could you not know your birth date?"
She wrapped her arms around herself and lowered her gaze. "I just don't. We don't keep up with things like that."
Finch gawked at her incredulously. "Not even for the children? You don't celebrate birthdays?"
She shook her head.
"What about Christmas? Easter? What about Thanksgiving? You live on a farm; surely you celebrate the harvest."
She shook her head again and refused to look at him. His words made her feel... lacking in some sense. She didn't like to feel less than.
"Wow. You don't celebrate anything at all? That seems so sad in a way."
"Oh, we have celebrations. Each Ascension and new graft. Mother says mindless frivolity breeds contempt and laziness." She took another sip and looked at him over the lip of his cup. "And cheese making day."
"Thank God for cheese and peanut butter," he chuckled then sobered. "I guess I've never really thought about how it would be to live without things I've always taken for granted. From my perspective, it seems almost criminal."
"It's not a bad thing, Finch. We have everything we need. It's a good life. Yes, it's hard during the harvests and we may not celebrate the same way you do here, but it's not bad."
"I see." He frowned slightly which told Breeze he really didn't see at all.
Chapter 10
A pair of loafers stepped into Finch's view as he stared at the linoleum floor between his feet. "Asher?"
Finch looked up from where he sat in the ICU waiting room as Steve Nolan approached. Although only fifty-seven, the last two days had aged him until he looked closer to seventy. The weight of worry and regret rode his shoulder like a jockey.
"Any word, Mr. Nolan?"
Sarah's father sat beside him and shook his head. "Please call me Steve." He blew out a breath and stared at his shoes. "The doctors say the seizures are getting worse. Her kidneys have shut completely down, and her liver is close behind. If she comes through this, it'll be a miracle." He hesitated a moment before continuing. "I never thought I'd be in this situation. No parent should go through this."
Finch nodded absently. "I know," he whispered, his thoughts on his own daughter who was back at the hotel room with his parents, Breeze, and Railroad. His friend had taken upon himself to keep Lolly safe, and Breeze wanted to stay in the hotel room today, completely mesmerized by the television. She had recently found a channel that showed how things were made and devoured each episode enthusiastically. He found that he missed having Breeze next to him. Her presence was calming. "How's Mrs. Nolan doing?"
"Helen sits there by her bed crying. She keeps talking to Sarah like she can hear her. I had to get out for a bit. I just couldn't take it anymore." They sat in silence for several moments before Steve continued. "How's Lolly?"
"Kids are so damn resilient. She misses her mother but is doing well. My parents are spoiling her completely rotten."
Steve nodded slowly. "I hope we'll get a chance to do that too."
"You will. If you and Helen want to keep her tonight, you can. I know you haven't had a chance to get to know her."
"If I can get Helen to leave the hospital, I think she'd like that."
"I know Lolly would. She loves you both."
"She looks just like Sarah did at that age," Steve whispered. He ran his fingers through what was left of his salt and pepper hair. "We were so stubborn and foolish. My pig-headed sense of righteousness kept me out of Sarah's life when she needed me the most. Little girls are more precious to fathers. It's our duty to protect them." He gritted his teeth in frustration. "We didn't know she was pregnant until she called us after Lorelei's birth to let us know we were grandparents. Instead of welcoming her, I berated her, condemned her. We were too small-minded to see what a gift she had given us. All we could think of was that she had a child out of wedlock." He glanced at Finch. "We don't blame you, son. What happened in the past is in the past. We've learned a hard lesson from it, and I hope you do too. Don't do anything stupid as we did. You cherish every second of time that God gives you with her."
"I will." He glanced at the haunted face of Sarah's father as he stared down the hall toward her room.
Tears of regret pooled in the older man's eyes and his lip trembled slightly. "Visitation is almost over. Why don't you go in and be with Sarah for a bit? I'll take Helen down to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee to give you some privacy."
"I'd appreciate that."
Steve rose and made his way to the front, speaking with the nurse briefly before the doors opened. A tall man hurried out of the ICU wearing scrubs and not paying attention to where he was going. As the two men bumped shoulders, the other one lifted his lip in a snarl then hurried away. Finch frowned. He had seen him several times over the last few hours and each time something about him made the tiny hairs on the back of Finch's head raise. Standing, he hurried to the door of the waiting room and glanced out, but the hospital worker was nowhere to be seen.
Pushing the incident from his mind, he stood at the door and waited until Steve and Helen emerged. Finch spoke with them a couple of moments then went into the back, leaving Sarah's parents to go take a break.
Sarah looked so tiny, so fragile, laying in the bed with monitors, tubes, and lines hooked up to her. Carefully, he took one hand in his and gently rubbed her fingers.
"Sarah? Hey. I don't know if you can hear me or not, but I'm here. It's me, Asher." He glanced over at the monitor, hoping maybe there was a blip or some indication she could hear him. The line continued its steady march across the screen.
Raising her hand, he kissed her fingers tenderly then squeezed gently. "I wish you would open your pretty eyes and quit worrying me so much. Your parents are here. They flew down from Spokane as soon as they heard you were here. I thought it would be weird introducing myself to them. I thought they would be upset at me because I was the one that got you pregnant. They aren't, not at all. Well, your mom is a little wary of me, but I guess I can understand that. You look just like her. And your dad? He's something else. He and my Dad get along really well. Oh, I forgot to tell you that, didn't I? My parents drove
over from Tennessee. They've been here since yesterday. They've been keeping an eye on Lolly for me so I can concentrate on you. You need to wake up so I can introduce them to you. They are going to love you."
The steady beep of the monitor never wavered. Finch sighed. "Where were you, Sarah? Where did you go? I got your message, but you never called back. I tried your number a thousand times over the last ten months. You never called, never texted. I've been worried sick about you and Lolly."
Wait. Was that a slight blip on the screen when he said her name?
"Sarah, can you hear me?" He waited, but nothing.
It must have been his imagination. He closed his eyes slowly and lowered his head until his forehead touched her cool fingers. "Please come back to us. We need you. Lolly needs you. Your parents, my parents, we all want you to come back to us. Sarah, please, wake up."
There was no response. He sat there quietly, watching the machines as they breathed for her, tethering her in this world until her body could do the job itself. He murmured to her, speaking softly until the nurse quietly informed him that visiting hours were over. Standing, he leaned over the bed and pressed a kiss above her left eyebrow then reluctantly lowered her hand to the covers. Looking over his shoulder, he stopped in the doorway. "I can't do this without you, Sarah. I can't raise her alone. I need you."
He took three steps when bells and alarms screamed behind him in the tiny room. Medical personnel rushed past him into Sarah's room, pushing equipment and lowering her bed. "She's in arrest," a doctor yelled over the din.
"Sarah!" Finch felt his heart contract as he watched them work on her through the glass.
A nurse grabbed his forearm. "Sir, you need to leave."
"I can't," he growled and yanked his arm out of her clutches. "Sarah, don't you give up. Don't you dare leave Lolly!" he shouted at her. "Our baby needs you. Sarah!"
The nurse tried to make him leave again, but he refused. Finch pressed one fist against the glass as the drama unfolded across it. Medications were administered and CPR was performed, and he felt utterly helpless. When they brought out paddles to shock her, nothing seemed real, and her body no longer seemed like a living thing, but rather a lifeless mannequin. After twenty heart-rending minutes, the doctor must have felt the same way, as a sheet was laid reverently over her face.
Sarah was gone.
Finch felt like he was falling. Falling, falling into a pit of nothing where he felt the overwhelming weight of responsibility crash onto his shoulders. In all the years he had been a Navy SEAL, never had he ever felt so completely unprepared for what was coming next. How was he going to juggle being a full-time father of a toddler?
Pushing the thoughts aside, he turned on his heel and marched to the door of the ICU unit. One of the nurses asked him something, but he didn't hear her. Instead, as soon as the doors were open enough, he hurried through them. To his left, he vaguely noticed the doctor standing in a family room talking to a weeping Helen and Steve Nolen. He knew he should go to them, comfort them, but he couldn't. Right now, he had to go to Lolly. He needed to hold his daughter in his arms. Lolly would need him, and he would need her.
Right at this moment, that was all that mattered to him.
Chapter 11
Breeze was getting rather good at working many of the electronic devices in the hotel. Standing in front of the vending machine, she rubbed her thumb across the dollar in her hand. Finch had left her a handful of these bills before leaving this morning for the hospital. She refused at first until he reminded her she worked for him now and part of her pay was food. He also told her she could use the telephone and order food to bring up to her or go down to the restaurant in the lobby and charge whatever she wanted to his room. It seemed silly to ask someone to bring her meals when her legs worked perfectly well, so instead of taking him up on his offer or the ones from his parents or his friend, Railroad, she preferred to get it herself.
"Hershey," she murmured to herself as she pointed to the bar sitting behind the glass. Ever since she had gotten a taste for chocolate, she couldn't get enough. It was sweet, creamy and oh, so good. There were several kinds of chocolate, and she had tried many of them, but plain was her favorite. She loved to break the bar up into its little pieces and nibble them one at a time. Earlier today, Railroad had introduced her to the concept of freezing them in the little refrigerator. She admitted they were good that way, but honestly, she didn't have the patience to wait for them to freeze. She wanted her chocolate now.
Feeding the dollar into the slot, she frowned when it reversed back out again. Remembering how Railroad had the same issue earlier, she mimicked his actions and flattened the bill out against her knee. Turning it around so that it matched the picture on the panel, she stuck her tongue out as she carefully wiggled the dollar until it caught.
"Yes!" She grinned brightly then pressed the buttons that corresponded with the candy bar and waited impatiently for the machine to spit out the treat. With a squeal of glee, she retrieved her prize and stood. She turned and ran into a chest. "Oh, excuse me."
"What are you doing?"
Breeze gasped and took a step back until her back was against the machine. "Coal?"
"I asked you what you're doing?"
"I'm getting a snack. Did you know about chocolate? It's my favorite - even more so than the spring strawberries."
Coal's face darkened as he pulled the chocolate bar out of her hand and dropped it on the floor. Stepping on it, he ground it against the carpet, much to Breeze's dismay.
"Why did you destroy it?"
"You're here to do a job, not become one of the Others. Where's Gaia? You weren't ever to leave her."
Fear crept up in her stomach, and she swallowed. "She's with her grandparents." Breeze pointed down the hall. "Why are you here?"
Ignoring her question, Coal grabbed her shirt and shook her until she felt her bones rattle. He was so much larger than her and had always intimidated her from the moment he had been grafted. "She's your responsibility! Mother isn't going to be happy when she hears that you've let them influence you. Look at you." He let her go but pulled at the tee-shirt she preferred. "That shirt is indecent. Those pants show your body. Do you keep his bed warm too? Have you mated with the Other?"
"Mated? No, of course not."
"Good. You've been promised to me. Mother has approved my request. When you get Home, we'll be handfasted. Breeze, you better be pristine when you come to my bed. You won't like it if I discover you have thrown away what is mine on the likes of that Other." He looked at her with disgust. "Maybe I'll let you wear those clothes when you come Home, but only for me."
The fact that he was also wearing a pair of jeans and a tee shirt didn't escape her notice. However, his words shocked her much more. "I've been promised?" Breeze felt as if the floor had opened up. She didn't want to be promised, and definitely not to someone like Coal. Perhaps to another Wind or an Earth, but Fire were too hard, too difficult. She couldn't see herself mated to someone like him.
She didn't realize he was still talking until she heard Lily's name. "... is dead. Soon, we'll take you and Gaia back Home where you belong, and then you can forget about the Outside and the Others." He grabbed her arm. "We're watching you, Breeze. Don't let your time here in the Outside turn your head. You've not lived here before now. I have. I know what these people are like. They lie and cheat. They are selfish and care nothing but what they can get from you. I've seen how you look at him. Your silly little crush is nothing to him. You're nothing."
Breeze's eyes swam with tears at the harsh words coming from Coal. "That's not true," she whispered. "He is a wonderful man and a kind father. Lolly belongs with him. She doesn't belong with us. Sarah knew it, and so do I."
He laughed harshly. "Listen to you! You're using their Other names as if you're one of them. You're not, Breeze. You're Family, one of the chosen. Blood of our Mother and keeper of Gaia. Soon, we'll come for you and our Gaia. You'll put this stupid life behind you and t
ake your place at my side. Mother depends on me to take care of things. You're a part of that."
The door down the hall opened, and Railroad stepped out. Looking her way, she noticed his eyes narrow. Taking several steps her way, he lifted his chin. "Are you all right, Breeze?"
Coal took a step back and smiled at the bigger man. "I was asking her for some directions. She told me she wasn't from around here. I'll ask the desk."
Turning quickly, he hurried away, taking the emergency staircase at the end of the hallway.
Breeze stared after him. He had lied. He stood there and told an untruth to Railroad. That was one of the basic rules at Home. There was no room for deception in Ascending. She was stunned.
Railroad placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to start suddenly. "Hey, are you okay? Do I need to call Finch?"
She shook her head. "I'm fine," she whispered then fled down the hallway. Shoving her key card into the door, she hurried into the room and shut the door behind.
She was in such a hurry to get back to the safety of the room, she didn't see Railroad pick up the crushed candy bar and look at it with a frown on his face.
Breeze sat on the bed, the shirt that Finch gave her clasped in her hands. She felt better holding it - as if a portion of his strength was infused in the very fibers. She was lost deep in her thoughts, remembering what Coal had said to her. Promised to him? The implications scared her on a level where she could hardly think. She hugged the shirt closer and inhaled the faint scent of Finch that still clung to the cloth.
What was she going to do? She couldn't go against Mother and the Family. If Mother promised her to Coal, then she would have to go to him. A part of her had hoped to be allowed to remain with the children, but she knew she would have to join him instead. She had completed the Fire ascension, although barely, a couple of months ago, so she was qualified in that manner, but it didn't fit her personality. She was a Wind and could never see herself being bold and taking command, not to mention making the periodic trips Outside to make way for a move. She had seen the other Fires drive the large vehicles and couldn't think of ever having one of those beasts at her control.
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