by Erin R Flynn
He slowly nodded. “Thank you for answering.” He cleared his throat and wiped his mouth with his napkin. “Would you explain it to me? Kiera tried to, but we were agitated and so was she, and I admit, it is a difficult idea to grasp when we’re not demons. I haven’t spent much time with them, and you are so much more than a normal demon.”
I nodded, sliding off the sofa and to my feet. “I’ll show you, but you have to swear to me nothing happens.” I glanced at Dylan. “You have to promise not to let things happen even if I change my answer.”
“I promise,” they said together.
I moved over to Aidan but then stopped. “I can’t. I can’t even show you or want to know what you desire after what happened last time. You just showed up and took over.” I backed away, shaking my head. “I don’t trust you. You just want me as yours and always on my knees.”
He looked like I’d just shot him in the heart. “No, that’s truly not what I want. I do want you but not caged, not owned, or tamed. I want you next to me or me next to you as equals, but I keep messing it all up.”
“Show with us, love,” Owen suggested. “We won’t let anything happen. We want to understand too because you were terrified at the idea of being around us after we’d been with you.”
“It’s more overwhelming then,” Dylan muttered, but not sounding like he got it either.
“Promise you won’t cave?” I checked, praying they really meant it when they nodded. I knelt on the rug with them, my knees touching each of theirs.
I gasped as their desires hit me, opening myself to it instead of blocking or trying to ignore it. It was always more intense when close, especially touching.
“I can feel how you want me.” I moved closer, sitting on my feet in between them and nuzzling Owen’s neck. “I feel how you remember how I taste. You loved the taste of me, and you’re thinking of it, wanting it so much that it’s all I feel. You want the lights on this time.” I moaned as I moved closer. “You didn’t get to make my nipples all swollen last time, and you’re thinking of how you want to while inside me.
“Fuck, you loved being inside of me. It’s like I feel it from what you remember. How tight I was around you. How wet I was for you. You wanted me deeper.” I moaned and moved to his lap. “Like this? You want me like this.” I kissed along his neck. “I feel how hard you are for me. My memories and your memories mixed with your desire all at once, and it’s all I want. I want to give it to you, Owen.
“I want to beg because you want it. You want to hear me scream your name and fuck me harder than you ever have any woman. You want to take me with Evan and all of them. You want to see me drown in pleasure and me be the sated one this time and you take care of me.” I whimpered as it overwhelmed me. “Yes, I’ll blow you this time. Fuck me, Owen. Make me scream for all of them.”
His hand moved over my mouth, his eyes wide. “Holy fuck, love, I’m about to blow, and I was only feeling the echoes of whatever the bloody hell is going on inside of you.”
“She told you,” Evan said, clearing his throat. “It’s our desires plus our memories plus her memories, and you know how powerful memories are. We’re elves, we know exactly how strong emotions are that have been experienced versus looking at a dove and wanting to taste her.”
I nodded, swallowing loudly as I moved off Owen’s lap. “Yeah. Once you know what you’ve tasted, you give that memory power. Lust demons feed off the lust, the desire for sex, but I feed off the energy of the sex or whatever. But Owen knows exactly what being inside of me is like, so his desires resound in me more than yours because we didn’t have sex. But if you think of me giving you oral sex, you would overwhelm me because you know and he doesn’t.”
Owen searched my eyes with a frown. “How do you ever differentiate between what you want and what we want?”
I shrugged. “I don’t really.” I shook my head and combed out my hair with my fingers. “I do, but I feel what you want and I feel what I want. It’s when you know what it’s like that it all blends.” I waved him quiet when he opened his mouth. “I know what I don’t want. Say you wanted something I’m not into, that’s not overwhelming. If we’ve not done it especially, I can just brush it off like bees buzzing.
“The problem is the more focused it becomes, then I can’t brush it off.” I quickly filled the others in on the buffet with Dylan and Aidan, not able to look at either one of them. “The reason we carefully lead everyone where to focus is because if a hundred people suddenly had the desire to peel off my skin, that would be all I felt, and trying to push that much aside from what I wanted is—I don’t know if I could.”
“So I raped you?” Dylan choked out.
I glanced over my shoulder to see him storm out of the house and onto the terrace, slamming the door behind him hard enough I was surprised it didn’t shatter. I sighed, staring at my lap.
“Is that what we did?” Aidan asked quietly.
I didn’t answer at first. “No, because I could have stopped it at the beginning. I should have maybe, but I didn’t want to mess with Kiera’s show. You betrayed my trust. You weren’t invited, Aidan. You knew I was leery of seeing you again. You just showed up and took over the show. I said yes then, begged you for it, but you didn’t listen to me. I told you not to push me. You took what you wanted because you saw the chance to get it.”
“No, I didn’t,” he rasped. “I thought you wanted me.” Blood tears were running down his cheeks when I looked at him. “I was just going to show up and surprise you. Show you I would leave and not push you so you didn’t have to be scared of me, you could include me. And then it’s a fucking BDSM scene and my brain just melts. I thought I’d go up and steal a kiss, just tease you. But then… You know.”
I shook my head. “No, I really don’t. I couldn’t tell you what you were wearing or what you even said to me first. It’s all a blur of crazy and trying to feed without getting you or Dylan because I was so fucking hungry and I didn’t want to hurt you. I was drowning in your pleasure and the desire of the crowd.” I let out a slow breath as he wiped his tears. “I cannot even tell you what I said to you or begged for, I just know how I get.”
“I didn’t understand. I didn’t know,” he whispered, covering his face with his hands. “That was the last thing I wanted. I’m so, so sorry. I just wanted you. I want you to want me like I want you. You did. You wanted me when we met and enjoyed what we shared. I felt it. Even if I messed it all up, you wanted me too.”
His desire hit me hard, and I crawled over to him, moving between his legs and rubbing my hands over his arms until he looked at me. I kept leaning in, wanting to make it all better because he was so, so upset and all he wanted was me in his arms.
“You’re overwhelming her,” Owen warned. “I can feel the echoes, but I don’t understand it all. She’s dying to comfort you because it’s all you want.”
“Is that true?” Aidan whispered, and for a moment I debated lying to him, but I couldn’t when they’d asked me for the truth and my not being honest with them had spun this all out.
“Yes.”
He was up and away from me in a flash. “I don’t ever want you to touch me unless you want to. Not ever.”
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted, staring at my lap as tears burned in my eyes too. “I asked you not to push me, but if I’d been honest, this wouldn’t have happened. But if you hadn’t shown up—I told him to gag me, but I begged for it, so it’s my fault too.”
“No, it’s not,” Aidan comforted. “It’s ours. We should have listened, and you warned us that we could be together only once or we’d hurt you, and we did just that. I’m so very sorry.” He went out on the terrace, and I watched my tears fall. It wasn’t that simple though, and I wasn’t sure who deserved the blame.
Or if there should even be blame. Couldn’t it just be a mistake we all learned from?
14
“For the record, those are two men who are so ridiculously all about you and crushed at hurting you
that it’s echoing with us all the way over here,” Evan said quietly as he hugged me to him. Owen wrapped around me as well. “Don’t cry, love. I know it hurts, but please don’t cry. I’ll start making inappropriate jokes, and then you’ll get angry with me.”
“Tell me one anyways,” I muttered as I wiped my eyes.
He kissed my hair. “What do ten angels do when you’re in the room?”
“What?”
“I don’t know. I’m asking you. What did they do to you last time? Tell me it was something dirty.”
I buried my face against his sweater and laughed, nodding. “Very.” I mopped up my face as I soaked up his strength and the desire from both of them that they could make me smile. “Very dirty and ask them about the chopsticks.”
“Shit, that’s hot,” Owen groaned. “Crap, I’ve gotta get to the club. Can I come work out with you guys tomorrow?”
“Like you wouldn’t show up either way,” I teased him. “I’ll take you through the portal, or do you need your car?”
“It’s Evan’s we took. Can you take me home?”
“Yup if you close your eyes and don’t sneak a peek at my apartment.”
“If I get a kiss.”
“Deal,” I chuckled, snuggling against him when he hugged me tighter. We stood and told the others I’d be right back. Dylan and Aidan were still on the terrace looking seriously upset, and it hurt my heart to see.
I brought Owen through the portal, and good to his word he kept his eyes closed, giving me a kiss once I pushed him on the elevator and hit the button for his floor. He probably opened his eyes and knew what floor, but it wasn’t like I wouldn’t tell them now.
When I went back into my apartment, I saw my iPod on the counter and decided to have a bit of fun. I threw on a bra as even dancing a bit with the girls free wasn’t my preferred choice given they weren’t small and I had to do that often enough for private dances at times.
I took the portal back and plugged in my iPod, loading Meghan Trainor’s “Better When I’m Dancin’” before heading to the terrace. I sang with the music as I danced over to Dylan. The stones were cold under my bare feet, so I stepped on his shoes and kept wiggling until he looked at me.
“Your voice is gorgeous,” he whispered as his stern eyes watched me, filled with such sadness.
“Are you sorry?” I asked him gently.
“Yes,” he rasped.
I let out a heavy breath. “Okay, then from now on I’m boss and you listen to me. I don’t know what we’re doing or if I can ever be what you want, but I believe you messed up and it wasn’t you caring about what you got from me and not me. It still hurts, but you didn’t understand.”
“It doesn’t change what I did. You weren’t willing.”
I shook my head. “I was. I trusted you to take charge because I thought you understood after we spent that day together. You didn’t. We just need to learn to talk better.” I blew out a huff. “I do. It’s not—I’m not good at it. I was trying to let you in, and when it went bad, I explode and run. Running is my default setting for good reason. I don’t know what else to tell you.” He still looked hesitant, so I played a girl trick. “I’m cold.”
His arms instantly came around me and he lifted me up. “Let’s go back inside then. Are you hungry?”
“Yes, you snuggly bear,” I teased him.
“What about me?” Aidan asked, sounding lost.
“You… I don’t even know what to do with you or about you, but I believe you don’t just want me because I’m the only one. Maybe try listening to me instead of assuming you get me?” I shrugged. “You went to war with ISLE to protect me. It sort of makes me swoon, so I’m willing to move past what happened. You have to stop pushing, Aidan.”
“I’ll try,” he sighed, scrubbing his hand over his head. “I’m not any better with people than you are.”
“We’re fucked then,” I chuckled, shivering because I was really cold then with the sun already going down.
We went back inside, and I made another plate, realizing when I was about halfway through it that I was staring at Sebastian and licking my lips. He smiled at me, and I felt my face heat, blinking down at my plate.
“Sorry. Wow, sorry.”
“You’re stressed out and obviously in a situation you’re not used to and worried over,” he said gently. “It’s understandable you’re burning through energy.” He came over and knelt in front of me. “Does it embarrass you to do this in front of your suitors?”
“I don’t know that’s what they are,” I mumbled, shrugging. “I’ve never been able to feed off someone more than once.” I gave him a worried look. “I’ve melted people’s brains when I have. They go bat shit crazy. Feeding too much or more than once, they get obsessive and worse from there.” I worried my lower lip. “Maybe this is stupid to risk you guys.”
He rubbed my naked knees. “We know the risks, and it’s important you get a bit of stability. Kyle, Kiera, and Mindy spoke to us about how hard it is for you and the risks you take to help lots of people. If this is something we can help with, we’re more than willing.”
“I do think it important to see how a normal human or supe acts after you feed from them,” David said gently. “I know you do not want to with your suitors here, but I agree with what Aidan was saying about testing some theories and ideas.”
I sighed, glancing at Aidan. “Were you talking about me with everyone again?”
“Yes, because you are the only demon I’ve ever been around who seems constantly hungry. You are so scared you’ve been taking sips for too long and it’s like you’ve had malnutrition for years or decades. You need a fuller, richer, and regular diet,” he answered gently. “Please believe this comes from a place of worry and someone who has worked with countless fledglings and seen the variance of bloodlust.”
I bobbed my head, believing him and not even disagreeing with them. “Aidan suggested I find someone sentenced for death but is more powerful than the tiny sips I get from humans or young supes.” I glanced between them. “Which wasn’t a bad idea when you old farts are such fucking trouble.”
“That is a good idea,” David agreed. “For now, let us just get you through this case that is so much more complicated than most from what I understand. I’m very sure you could find a multitude of supes we can take note of after you feed from.”
“My life is so weird,” I muttered, scrubbing my hands over my face. “Hey, so ten angels want to get a lock on how I feed and can feel my orgasms, and since they can’t have sex, do you mind if we fuck by them? Oh, and I can’t repeat feed from supes normally, and there are some who want me to be their girlfriend I think, but I can’t, and angels are going to do dirty stuff with me but not sex because they’ll instantly get me pregnant even if it’s anal sex.”
“Okay, my head just about popped from that,” Evan grumbled, shaking his head. “Angels get people pregnant from anal sex how?”
I just pointed at David, the other two giving me matching disbelieving looks.
David confirmed what I’d said and explained what they knew and had told me before while Sebastian’s fingers danced over my skin. I gave him a look like I wanted to eat him down, but instead he pulled me towards the edge of the couch.
“My feelings are hurt. You kissed David and Nathanial in greeting but not me. Do you like them better?”
“You’re all trouble,” I teased as I gave him a kiss. Desire hit me, and I moaned, realizing there was some danger by having Aidan, Dylan, and Evan around me with the angels since I could feel what they wanted.
And they wanted to watch Sebastian do dirty things to me.
“Feed, pretty girl,” Sebastian whispered against my lips. “Feed and let me help your stress.”
I nodded, yanking off the sweater while he pulled down my shorts. The bra was gone a second later. I gave Aidan, Dylan, and Evan a serious look. “Do not think of them fucking me or I will beg for it and we could be in trouble because I will absolutely allow it.
This is why I don’t repeat when I can feel the desire and they know what the experience is like.”
“What will you allow?” David checked.
“Everything else,” I whimpered as another wave hit me. “Fuck, do everything else to me. Please, please do it. Do me.”
“No, but I will taste you,” Sebastian countered before licking between my legs.
I moaned as I came and a few more had a taste as I fed, drinking only the angels down who touched me so I didn’t hit anyone else on accident. We took a break, and I gave a worried glance at Dylan, Aidan, and even Evan.
“I’m not jealous because I’m not excluded or rejected,” Dylan admitted, understanding the look maybe. “I don’t get it, but I’m completely fine and still all about you, sweetie.”
“Oh good, you’re as messed up as I am,” I grumbled, shaking my head.
“Are you overwhelmed, or can I ask something?” Evan asked, waiting until I nodded for him to go ahead. “What do you want? I mean, what is your desire right now? Not what we want, but is there something you want?”
I had a flash of the answer, and unfortunately my brain wasn’t firing on all cylinders and I actually glanced at Aidan before I could catch myself. I felt the tension and confusion shoot up as they all caught it. “Um, it’s an embarrassing answer.”
“I would give it,” Aidan immediately replied. “I don’t know what you’re thinking or—tell me whatever and I’ll do it, Lola—Acadia.”
“It’s just where my mind went,” I mumbled, moving so I was half lying on the couch but chest down so I could hide a bit. “And it’s not polite to—we’re not there, and I need more time.”
He coughed, looking at me with big eyes when I glanced at him. “You want something sexually from me?”
“You are as dense as you worried,” Evan grumbled, shaking his head. “Yes, that’s what we were talking about and why she blushed.” He gave me a soft smile. “What did he do so well you want it again or for him to teach us?”
“You can feel that?” I about squeaked, thinking that pretty specific.
