"Oh," I answered knowingly.
"Mm-hmm. Isn't right," she mumbled. "But it is what it is. Today will be beautiful, and that's all that matters."
"It will." I patted her hand.
And it was.
When Ashley and her brother started a sweet, lilting harmony, Cletus providing a soft background on his banjo, the audience stood, as did I. I locked my chair and held hands with Mrs. B as the bride started her journey. Sylvia was radiant on her father's arm as they walked down the flower-lined aisle. Her eyes shone with happy tears, and when I caught sight of Connor's face, I almost lost it completely. He hid nothing. His smile was wide, and when Levi slapped him on the back, he wiped at the tears that spilled over his cheeks.
Even Hunter cracked a tiny smile behind his dark beard.
The pastor's message was brief and heartfelt, talking about the selfless love that should be the foundation of marriage. The two clasped their hands and couldn't break their eyes away from each other. Mrs. B quietly cried, leaning her head into her husband's shoulder when they said their simple vows, making promises to love and cherish. Sylvia gave a watery laugh when Connor promised never to finish the last of the coffee.
Everyone cheered when he wrapped her in his arms for a passionate kiss. Levi's eyes glowed happily in his handsome face when he looked over at me, and I was sniffing into a balled-up tissue from his mom.
People began to file out both sides of the rows of chairs, and I told Mr. and Mrs. B to go ahead so I could wait for the crowd to dissipate a little bit. As people milled around, chatting happily, I saw Levi's tall frame weave toward me.
He set his hands on the armrests and leaned down to kiss my forehead. "You were crying," he accused with a sly grin.
"I was not."
With a cocked eyebrow, he looked at the tissue that I still held with a death grip. "Really?"
"Shut up." I sighed. "It was a really beautiful ceremony."
"It was." He hooked a thumb over his shoulder toward where we'd be eating dinner. "Do you want to stay in your chair for the meal?"
"As opposed to what? You gonna make me stand?"
Levi growled under his breath, "You make me insane, Sonic."
I laughed. "Normally, I'd say my chair, but …"
"What?"
I scrunched up my nose. "I don't want to be sitting lower than everyone in the pictures."
"That would be awful," he said seriously.
The band continued to play softly in the background, but it was a tune I'd never heard before.
"I think we should dance now," he told me.
"Why now? Everyone will stare."
Levi looked over his shoulder. "Nah, they're all too busy gabbing. No one will even notice us over here."
Staring hard at everyone, I knew he was probably right. Not one single set of eyes was on us as far as I could tell. They were looking at photos of Connor and Sylvia, taking pictures, and milling around the tables full of different teas, lemonade, and appetizers to tide them over until the dinner started.
I took a deep breath and locked my chair, pulling up my dress so that I could set my feet safely on the even ground. Levi held his hand out, and I took it, standing as gracefully as I could manage.
His smile was wide, and I couldn't help but match it.
"I like your dress," he said as he slid his hand around to the bared skin of my back.
Leaning my weight into him, I curled one hand into his as he pressed it again his chest. My other arm went around his shoulders, where I could feel parts of him that I'd never felt before. The soft hair where it met the hot skin of his neck.
We swayed gently to the music, and I breathed easier when I realized this wasn't hard at all. He led with his body first, so I knew when to shift one foot to the side, then the other as we made a slow turn.
His cheek was pressed against the top of my head, and occasionally, he'd press his nose into my curls and inhale audibly.
I smiled into his shoulder. Levi's thumb brushed up my spine, tracing each bump under my skin before he moved to the next one.
"I missed you this week," he said quietly.
I closed my eyes and wrapped my arm more tightly around his shoulder. Ashley sang quietly in the background, and I pressed the words into my heart before I tried to answer.
And if I love but once in this cruel, weary world, well, I'm glad I loved once with you.
"I missed you too," I told him once I could lift my head and meet his eyes. "You don't seem surprised it took me this long."
"Because I know you," he answered as if it was the simplest thing in the whole world.
"I don't …" I started, then exhaled slowly when the words weren't coming in the way I wanted them to. "I had to make sure this was about you and me. Not just that I was ready for more with anyone. Does that make sense?"
His eyes searched my face. "I think so."
"It was like, if I just wanted a boyfriend, but the person could be interchangeable, then I'd never want to risk your friendship in my life. I wanted to be able to look at you, look you in the eye and know that you're what I want. No substitutes."
Levi gathered me even closer, placing a feather-light kiss on the curve of my neck. I barely had to move my feet now because he was holding me so tightly that he practically had all my weight in his arms. I smiled, burying my head into the side of his neck. We were wrapped around each other, and I never wanted the moment to end. And it wasn't because I was standing or dancing on my feet; it was because of him. Because of us together. That was what felt right.
He pulled back and smiled softly at me.
"I'm going to kiss you if you keep saying stuff like that to me," he warned with a playful glint in his eye.
"What kind of punishment is that?"
Levi laughed, and his mouth fitted seamlessly over mine. I sighed into his mouth when his tongue swept over the seam of my lips. My arm was clutched so tightly around his neck, his arm the same way around my waist that my feet came off the ground completely. My heart was somewhere off in the clouds. Maybe we were too, as he kissed me deeply.
A whistle pierced the air, and I pulled back. Then I heard another and the sound of Connor whooping happily.
"Atta boy, Levi," he yelled through cupped hands.
"Oh my gosh," I groaned, burying my face into Levi's chest.
His whole frame shook with laughter. "I guess people were watching after all."
I pinched his side. "Ya think?"
He dropped a hard, fast kiss onto my lips and then scooped me up in his arms.
"What are you doing?" I hissed.
"We're going to dinner," he said calmly, walking us through the crowd of people. Some people smiled, some clapped, and some whistled. "Come on, Sonic. If they're watching, let's give them something good."
I wrapped my arms around his neck. My face was probably the same bright pink as the bridesmaid's dresses.
"It is too late to back out of this whole thing?" I asked grumpily.
"Yup," he replied.
"That's what I was afraid of."
But even as I said it, I smiled into his shoulder. Because the funny thing was, I didn't feel so afraid anymore.
Chapter 21
Levi
I'd underestimated one aspect of the friendship line between Joss and me being obliterated. I had to figure out how the hell to keep my hands off her at any given moment.
She swatted at me approximately eighteen times at the wedding reception, especially when my memaw came over to talk to us. Not the appropriate time, in her mind, to see what her skin felt like just underneath the fabric of her dress where it cupped her waist.
But even though she smacked my hands a few times, she was the one who dug her hands in my hair and tried to swallow my tongue in the cab of my truck when I took her home that night. If you ever wondered how easy it was to maneuver a hot make-out session on a bench seat, paraplegic or not, I could tell you that it was pretty easy.
Still, as I sat across from her at the steakhouse
(our attempt at recreating the first date that never happened) and imagined how our days would play out now, I had to remind myself that Joss was not only a virgin, but she was inexperienced in just about every way possible when it came to men.
She made a face at me when the server asked her if she'd like some wine. "No, thanks. Just a sweet tea for me, thanks."
"Of course," he said, looking at me.
"Same," I said with a smile. One of my rules, from the day I met her, was that if I'd had a single drink, I'd never get behind the wheel of a car that would be carrying Joss anywhere. Even if a drunk driver hadn’t caused her paralysis, I'd heard enough stories. There wasn't a drink in the world worth having if I was driving.
"I'm so hungry, I could eat an entire side of beef right now," she said as soon as he left the table.
I grinned at her. "That so?"
"At the very least."
Instead of looking at the menu, I looked at her while her eyes tracked up and down each column of neatly typed letters.
Ripe summer blueberries blue.
Except for this time, I said it out loud without meaning to. She glanced up, forehead wrinkled in confusion. "What about blueberries?" She looked down again. "Where are blueberries?"
I swiped a hand over my mouth and felt the flush cover my cheeks. "Ahh, nothing."
"What?" She narrowed her eyes. "You look weird. Tell me."
"It's nothing."
"Levi."
Sinking back in my chair, I sighed heavily. "Fine. It's just … a weird thing I've done, and as soon as I say it out loud, you'll think I'm creepy."
Her grin made my heart turn over slowly. It was the kind of heart turn that was born from anticipation. Because now I could watch that grin unfold and see how it changed the shape of her lips.
"Tell me," she insisted. Joss set her chin in her hand and stared expectantly across the dimly lit table. She'd tried to tame her hair for our date, but it still sprung out of whatever knot she'd attempted to pin it back into.
I shook my head because it was too easy to sit there and pick apart all the separate things that I noticed, the things that I loved and wanted and had spent years trying not to stare at.
"Your eyes," I said. She blinked, straightening in her seat. I scratched the side of my face. "The first time we talked, I was trying to think of what kind of blue they were, and it just … became this thing in my head. Trying to come up with something I could compare it to."
Her face went soft. "Really?"
"If you make fun of me right now, you're buying your own steak."
Joss leaned forward and wove her fingers through mine. "Tell me what you came up with. Just one or two more."
"No way."
Her delighted laugh made me feel a little bit less embarrassed. A little.
"Oh, come on," she teased. "I can tell Joy, and she'll think it's so romantic."
But I saw the look in those blue eyes. She wasn't asking for Joy. She was asking for herself. Again, I had to remind myself that this was all new for Joss, not just because it was with me. She'd never had a boyfriend, given that she had been too young to date when she got sick.
I flipped her hand over and traced the lines on her palm and the length of each of her long, graceful fingers.
"The morning glories climbing up the sides of Mom's porch." I turned her hand over and reverently followed the path between each knuckle. "The tiles lining the pool we swam in." I rubbed the tip of my finger over the smooth bed of her nails, which she'd painted a delicate pink, and gave her a wry smile. "And there were a few bird comparisons thrown in there too."
She was quiet when I risked a glance at her face. I felt like an animal pinned to a display box.
"Creepy, right?" I said on an uncomfortable laugh.
Joss untangled her fingers from mine and slid her hand up my forearm. Gripping my shirt in her fist, she tugged me across the table with surprising strength. She lifted her chin and planted a hot, hard kiss on my lips. I was half standing, my hands braced on the neatly pressed tablecloth when she turned her head and slipped her tongue against mine in one devastating, slick slide. A few people around us were staring when I sat back down.
She looked satisfied.
I probably did too.
"So romantic," she whispered seriously.
"Are we ready to order?" our server asked when he approached the table. His cheeks were flaming, so he saw our little show.
Joss grinned at me, and I grinned back.
"We're going to need another few minutes," I told him, my eyes not leaving hers.
"So how does this work?" she asked me a couple of hours later. I held the door to my place open and went in after her.
"How does what work?" I walked around, flipping on the lamp next to the couch and the small light over the sink in the kitchen area.
She gestured to the couch. "Do I take my normal spot? Do we have new spots? Do I still get first dibs on viewing options? Because I wasn't done with Marie Kondo yet, no matter what you think of her."
I pointed a finger at her. "New rule. No cleaning shows on date night."
Joss laughed, locking her chair and shifting over to the couch. Her normal spot. My normal spot was on the other side. The throw pillow went under her side, and she punched it a few times until she got it exactly the way she wanted it.
I stood watching her, my hands propped on my hips.
She froze. "What?"
"That's not how it's gonna work."
Her eyebrow cocked up. "No?"
Slowly, I shook my head. The shift in my thoughts must have been written on my face, seeing her on my couch and knowing that I could touch her, that she could touch me. Joss' smile curved up, and she slowly turned onto her back, her legs with the knees bent slightly and resting against the back of the couch.
I flopped onto the couch in my normal spot, and she gave me a strange look.
"See?" I told her. "Too far away. It won't work."
"You're right," she answered seriously. "It won't."
I turned, sitting up on my knees as I faced her. My hands curled up the backs of her calves, and even though I couldn't feel her skin under the black leggings she wore, I could feel the heat of her. I shifted her to the side, just a few inches, and she adjusted her head on the pillow as I crept over her so I could wedge between the couch and her body.
"Am I supposed to face the TV?" she asked, clearly not worried about the TV in the slightest since she was now nose to nose with me.
"Nope."
"Okay," she whispered, her hands wandering along the front of my chest and shoulders.
My hands slid up the strong line of her back, and she arched into my touch. Lifting her head slightly to gauge the position of our legs, she used her hand to lift her top leg so I could fit my knee between.
"Don't tell me this doesn't spark some serious joy," I whispered, brushing my lips with hers.
She laughed. Unable not to, I pressed my hips into hers, and the sharp inhale from her mouth killed the laughter in an instant.
I was so hard it hurt, and she felt it. Her eyes widened, her mouth falling open into a small, surprised O. I tilted my chin down and licked slowly along the line of her bottom lip.
Her mouth followed mine, but I didn't deepen the kiss.
"Do you have any idea how sexy you are to me?" I told her.
The way she exhaled shakily against my lips had me closing my eyes. Slow, I reminded myself, take it slow, Levi.
That was when she attacked me.
Joss wrapped her arms around my neck and slanted her mouth over mine. I groaned at her unleashed enthusiasm because what she lacked in practice, holy shit, she made up for in fervor. Her fingers tangled in my hair, and she pulled at the strands. I licked into her mouth, and she pressed her chest against me. One of my hands slid down her back, my hand cupping her bottom, and she whimpered softly.
Her fingers started plucking at the buttons on my shirt, and I reached up to help her.
Together, w
e managed to rip open about five or six, and when she slid her hand over my chest, I pulled my chin back and hissed in a breath through clenched teeth.
"Your skin is so hot," she whispered, biting at my chin. I could barely manage a chuckle because she'd tipped over the gasoline can, struck the match, and dropped it with a simple flick of her wrist.
I leaned up, turning us slightly so I was over her. Joss dropped her head and pushed her nose into my neck, inhaling deeply.
"And you smell so good," she moaned. "Why do you smell so good?"
"Uhh," I stammered, my mind flustered from the feel of her, the smell of her, the way she arched her chest up into me. "I-I don't know."
I rolled my hips, and our lips fused again with tongue and teeth, and my hands tightened on her hips. Her fingers dug into my chest, pricking the surface of my skin with the fingernails painted soft pink. The same thought rolled over and over in my head.
This is what I've waited for.
This.
This.
This.
Her mouth was sweet and soft, and she tasted like the mint she stole from the glove compartment of my truck. The bright burst of fresh on her tongue had my head spinning when I sucked it into my mouth. The sound that left her when I did that caused me to pull away, and I had to lock it into my brain so that I'd never forget it. The sound was surprise and delight and want.
All the things I was feeling too.
My hands itched to test the soft, warm weight of her breasts and see what the skin on her stomach felt like under my lips. My mouth watered thinking about the slope of her shoulder and the curve of her ribs down to her waist.
The ticks on the clock disappeared, and the only sound was lips and breaths and whispered names as we discovered each other even though we didn't push past boundaries. It was a luxury to kiss her over and over and over. To learn what she liked and have her learn what I liked too.
Joss liked it when I sucked on her tongue.
I had to stop myself from mauling her when she tugged on my earlobe with her delicate teeth.
"We should slow down," I heard myself say. Oh my gosh, I was an idiot.
"Nooooo," she moaned immediately, snapping her hands onto my ass to lock me into place. I laughed into her shoulder before licking the softness of her skin. "No, no, it's so good, Levi. We're okay. We won't go too far, I promise."
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