by Amy Sumida
"Sure, the first door at the top of the stairs." I ignore the soft smile on her face, escape more important than my need to witness her smile.
Shoving my chair back, I wince at the scrape it makes against the wood flooring, and escape as quickly, but efficiently, as I can without raising suspicion in my friends. I stumble up the stairs and through the bathroom door, wincing when it slams shut, and turn the lock. Back pressed to the door, I slide down until my ass hits the floor.
My heart pounds like it wants to burst right out of my chest, my head feels like it’s been knocked about too much by Morgan beating on me, and sweat runs down my face and back. Fuck! Not now! I haven’t had a panic attack in fuckin' years and now I'm having one at the worst fuckin' time.
Desperately, I rub at the spot on my chest, hoping it'll somehow ease the fuckin' pressure. My body feels like someone sits on my chest, my ribs ready to cave in, my breath leaving me on a hiss of pain. God, that hurts.
Stretching my legs out, I practice the breathing exercises I believed I'd finally left in the past. The last attack I had, I'd been doing my exams at school. The stress of making it through them would always set me off. The first one, though, I remember it like it happened only yesterday. The day Dad told me Mum was gone.
I groan as a fresh wave of pain wracks through my chest. I can’t think about all this shit now. My mind spins with everything that’s been going on. The shit with my dad. Morgan's mum, too. What might happen after today. Everything over the past few months comes crashing down on top of me and I'm unable to stop it.
Breaths stuttering out, I stumble to my feet and grab hold of the sink, knock the cold tap on, and push the plug in. The water swirls and rises until it reaches the overflow. Slapping the tap off, I don’t bother counting down, not with the panic rising. My heart races like the hounds of fuckin' hell bite at my ass. So, I do the only thing I know will make it stop. I plunge my head into the freezing water.
I force my mouth to stay closed, stopping the reflexive gasp at the coldness of the water. Don’t want to drown myself, even if it would finally stop the panic. Drowning by accident could possibly be only slightly more humiliating than having a panic attack in the first place. Death by being a twat. And I'm right back to the death shit. Fuck my life.
My lungs shudder from lack of oxygen instead of the panic, and I finally allow myself to pull my head free of the water. My lungs burn when I desperately gasp to bring air into them. I rest my head on the lip of the sink. The touch of the hard, unforgiving porcelain biting into my forehead gives me something else to concentrate on so I welcome the pain.
I jump when a knock sounds at the bathroom door. "Dude, you okay?"
I sigh when I recognise Morgan’s voice. I don't know how I’d react if Arlia decided to come check on me instead, or how I’d explain why I'm currently dripping water all over her fuckin' bathroom, and look like a half-drowned rat. Not the kind of impression I was going for.
A little steadier, but unable to answer him through my chattering teeth, I settle on letting him in. I wobble unsteadily to the door and unlock it, then turn my back to the door, hoping he’ll settle for poking his head inside, be glad I’m alive, and leave. When the lock clicks behind me, I sigh in resignation. Just great. Now Morgan’s locked in here with me. There’s no way I’ll be able to escape his prodding now. There goes my plan of hiding out in the bathroom until I either calmed my tits or my hair at least dried.
"What’s going on?" Morgan comes to stand in front of me. "Why are you wet?"
I turn my face away and grab a towel I spot resting on top of the radiator. I touch the already damp material under my fingers, and try to not smell it while rubbing it across my head. That'd make me a fuckin' pervert, sniffing bath towels that Arlia likely used earlier. My dick stirs in my jeans from the mere thought of her wet and in the shower. Okay! Bad timing to be thinking about this shit.
"Fuck, Benji! Tell me you didn't stick your head in the fuckin' sink because you had a panic attack. We've told you not to do that shit! You'll end up giving yourself a heart attack or something!" His breath stutters before he speaks more calmly, "You should've given us a signal or something. We could have done something to help you."
My cheeks flame in humiliation, and I scrub my head more forcefully. Hopefully, it will dry my hair and hide my shame. Now that my face has started to warm up, my cheeks and ears sting. Perhaps the water was colder than I first thought. "I didn't want to pull either of you away from the kitchen. Plus, how would you explain this shit to Arlia?” My voice deepens dramatically. “‘Give me ten while I help Benji calm his ass down'.” My voice changes back to my own, but full of disgust at myself. “No thanks. I'm fine now. I just had a moment."
"Don't be a dick. How many times do we need to tell you, just because you have the attacks doesn't mean you're less of a man." Morgan tries to reason with me, but I hate feeling like I'm the weakest link out of the three of us.
"They'll be wondering where we are. I don't think Arlia needs the impression you're sucking my dick in her bathroom. You'd be a lousy sucker anyway. Too much teeth, I reckon," I joke, hoping he'll drop it.
He's not stupid, though. He knows me too well, and I'm blatantly deflecting. But I’m done discussing my feelings and shit, especially about this. Talking this shit out won’t solve anything, even if Morgan thinks he can play superhero in every situation. He can’t fix this... me.
"Hey! I'd be a good gay man. I know how I like my cock sucked, so I'd naturally know how to do it." He grumbles when I laugh at his explanation. "Fuck you! You did that on purpose."
I nod, but can’t stop myself from ribbing him some more. "Well, I didn't know you'd tell me you'd be a good cock-sucker, dude. All your secrets are coming out now."
Morgan places his hands on his hips and demands. "You tell me it didn't flicker in your head once as a teenager going through puberty, and wanting to fuck anything and everything, and I'll call you a fuckin' liar," Morgan tries to defend himself.
Mood lighter and enjoying our banter, I joke, "Well, no more walking around the house naked for me, then. You'll be wanting to jump me next. Oh, god! Please tell me you didn't think about me or Shayne like that, dude?"
I watch as his cheeks flame and he stutters, "I-I-I… Umm. Maybe once, actually maybe… umm, Twi-"
I stick my fingers in my ears to block out whatever else he says. "Don't answer anymore! You'll scar me for life, you perverted little shit." I laugh, unlock the bathroom door, and make my way down the stairs.
Morgan’s voice calls from behind me. "Took your mind off other shit though, didn't it?”
Turning, I glance back from halfway down the stairs and smile. Nodding, I agree, "It did, thanks.” I take a couple steps down, make sure I’m safely far enough away, and call back, “But no cock for you."
Chapter Fifteen
Dirty Dogs & Rules
When we reach the bottom of the stairs, I check down the hallway to find the kitchen light off, but I overhear voices coming from a room in the front of the house, the living room maybe. Morgan smacks me upside the head for my last comment, and I try to whack him with my elbow, but he manages to dodge.
Stepping into the room with Shayne and Arlia, I glance around. A huge, suede sofa takes up one side with a dresser behind it. Angled across from it, a single wing-backed chair currently supports Shayne's fat ass. A big bay window fills the left wall, and a small flat-screen tele sits in the corner. Lastly, there's a log fire central to the room. Cosy. Slightly cluttered with trinkets, but the room gives the impression of relaxation, not at all cost-phobic.
Awkward from gawking at the room for too long, I step in, but keep a little distance between Arlia and me. I sit my ass on the floor in front of Shayne, who angles his legs slightly to allow me to lean my back against the front of the chair. Morgan doesn't give the impression of being the slightest bit bothered, though, and puts himself next to Arlia on the sofa.
We sit in a weird silence, tension thick in the air.
I shift slightly, hoping someone will break the awkwardness between us, but it doesn't happen. A small sigh pulls my attention to Arlia. She drops her head and I fight the urge to go over to her to try and make it better or easier for her. I don't know if it would be such a good idea, though.
She's the one who needs to decide what she wants or what she’d like to do. All I know is, I'll be leaving here either as an over the fuckin' moon happy man, or miserable and fuckin' gutted.
She huffs and squares her shoulders. When she speaks, we all hold our breath, waiting for her to deliver the blow we know is coming. "I've spent some time over the past week thinking about your offer." She shifts and fiddles with her fingers, nerves radiating for her. "I guess... after you all saved me, I wanted to get to know you. I didn't have any plans to seduce any of you when you came over for food."
When she looks directly at me, I give her a nod, understanding what she means... The almost kiss. Although, that was more my fault. Even though we didn't kiss, I’d sensed the interest she had for me was just as strong as what I had for her.
"Anyway, then you came to work, we started texting and I believed I'd made three new friends. Even if my dad is still sceptical of you all." She smiles softly.
We exchange guilty glances for causing her distress.
"We didn't mean to cause you any problems with your father. It was never our intention," Shayne speaks up, making sure she knows not once did we mean to cause complications for her between her family.
"Oh, I know. With me being an only child and three men paying attention to me, he was worried. That's all," she immediately explains when she notices the guilty expressions on our faces. "I explained to him we're friends and he sucked it up. Only… well, when I arrived home, he phoned me to make sure I was home safe, and I told him he had valid concerns." She winces. "Sorry, not concerns. But he was right. Guys don't just want to be friends with girls."
"I'm sorry," I murmur, staring shamefaced at the floor. It stings to have to admit to a parent 'Hey, you were right.’ No kid wants to make that admission.
"We are your friends, Arlia. You were our friend first, still are. It doesn't matter about what we mentioned last week. If you decide it's not for you, then it’s okay,” Morgan explains to help ease any of the hurt she might feel over her dad being right all along. “There will be three hurt prides, but we'll have to deal. We’re not going to stop being friends with you. We didn't want to pressure you or base our friendship - or more - on a lie. We'll always be honest with you, and with each other."
"I'm thankful for it. I've gone back and forth over what you asked of me. You wouldn't believe how many pros and cons lists I’ve written up trying to figure this out." Her cheeks flame, causing me to smile. She laughs nervously. "Can’t believe I just admitted to that."
To save her from further embarrassment, I ask, "So, you talked to your dad about it?"
With no clue what the old man thinks about this shit, I feel nervous by what her answer might be. Will he support her if she dates three guys? I can't imagine he wouldn't, but some parents do stupid shit when their children don't stick to whatever idiotic plan they have in mind of how their child will grow up. The last thing we want is for Arlia's father to completely abandon her. And hell, possibly her mother, too.
"He wasn’t particularly happy at first, blew a gasket honestly. I'm surprised my phone still works with how loud he yelled. He hung up the phone. He's never done something like that before. It shocked me. I don't know what I expected, really. Thirty minutes later, my door was being banged on, and dad was here. He used the time to get here to calm down, so things weren’t nearly as bad once he came in— Don't look like that. He'd never hurt me." She rushes to add as we all straighten with concern. "I'd puncture his tyre if I believed I was in for it. Slows him down." She jokes, and we all laugh. "Anyway, we talked, and he helped put some stuff into perspective for me. While I know a lot of things can go wrong, and will go wrong, Dad made a valid point."
Hope blooms in my chest, and I give Morgan a sneaky peek. The same hope fills his face. He nods slightly, and I turn my attention back to Arlia to ask, "What valid point did he make?"
She chuckles, then her face becomes serious, and she crosses her arms. I wait for the blow to come. She’s going to admit she doesn't want us.
"That one man wouldn't be sufficient enough to deal with me." She smiles bright, then laughs in glee at our stunned faces.
I stare dumbly at her, not able to process her words. "Y-y-you mean..."
"Yes, you dork. I want to give whatever this is between the four of us a go. But, there’s going to be some ground rules." She straightens in her seat, her face serious.
I can’t keep the smile off my face, though. My legs get fidgety, wanting to jump up and give her the biggest hug, and kiss, but I remain seated. There’s still stuff she needs to talk about.
She stands and disappears up the stairs without a word. I look at my best friends - brothers - in shock. We don't speak a word between us, half scared that whatever just happened will be broken if we break the silence. Arlia comes back into the room carrying a piece of paper, and climbs onto the sofa.
Making a show of clearing her throat, she opens the paper. Holding her index finger up, she starts. "Rule number one. No jealousy. I don't want to come between the three of you. You all have a special bond, and I don't want to damage that. Rule number two." She holds a second finger up and her nose wrinkles. "Whatever happens between me and one of you doesn't get discussed with the others. I don't like the idea of the three of you comparing notes on me. Makes it dirty."
"Agreed," we call out in unison, happy with the rules she’s laid out so far.
"Okay, cool. Rule number three. I, um… Oh yes. If there's something bothering one of us about this relationship, then we talk about it. I don't want to be in a relationship with one or three of you if you don't want the same. I'd rather you walk away than string me along."
"You need to talk to us, also. We don’t want to overwhelm you.” Shayne tells her. “If at any time things become too much, or if we're overbearing, then pull us up on it. We've never done this before. It’s new to us, too."
I speak up for the first time, shocking the guys. "We’ll be in a committed relationship. We won’t cheat on you, and you won’t cheat on us. This relationship is only between the four of us. I don’t want another girl, and I hope the three of us will be enough for you."
"Benji!" Morgan argues, his voice full of warning.
Arlia places her hand on Morgan’s arm to reassure him. I can tell she's worried he'll come over and pummel me for that comment, but I couldn't not voice it. My jealousy is bad even with my best friends. It'd be unbearable if she brought someone else in. I don't think I’d be able to control myself.
"No, it's okay. He's right. Honestly, that was the last rule. I don't know how I’d feel if other girls became involved in this. I mean, I’d try to put up with it. After all, you're all stuck with only one of me while I’m being greedy with having three of you. But, I agree. I won’t betray you. I won’t bring anyone else into this. Only us."
For the first time tonight, I breathe easy.
Jumping up, I stalk my way over to Arlia. Morgan grins next to her, and I can see the acceptance on his face. I pull Arlia off the sofa, wrap her in my arms, and kiss her. I kiss her like my life depends on it. I barely hear Shayne laugh and Morgan wolf whistle - Dirty dog that he is - over the blood rushing through my body.
When I pull back, she melts into me. Her cheeks are flushed, her eyes are bright with happiness, which causes my own smile to grow. I whisper hoarsely. "Welcome to the family, babe."
Pulling back, Shayne and Morgan immediately swoop in, squishing her between them while they offer their own hugs. For the first time, jealousy doesn’t crash through me. Instead, I feel hopeful.
Hopeful because we’re moving forward, stronger than ever before, with our girl at our side.
About the Author
Growing up, I di
dn't have a quiet house to be able to sit and peacefully read a book. With being one of seven children, there was always noise or something crazy happening. We did however, have lots of adventures. We had the run of the farmer’s fields and our pick of big oak trees to climb. Then as an adult, things started to get a little quieter, but soon enough, I had children, and once again the house was full of noise. Now the children are a little older, I have a little more time to get lost in the different worlds inside a book. I also have the time to create my own worlds, my own characters. If you'd asked me when I was five what I wanted to be, you’d have gotten the standard answer: a Vet, Policeman or Astronaut. Now though, I want to be an Author.
Connect with me on Facebook, Twitter, and on my website.
HER REASONS
Her Reasons
Reasons Book 1
JL Akins
Joey has spent the last four years just trying to survive… Literally. With an abusive father at home, Joey has learned to keep her head down and prepare herself for her upcoming escape to college. With only a few months left until she can leave the house for good, she’s counting the days. She merely exists, until five guys walk into the room.
Matt, Jaidon, Alex, Stetson, and Bishop all see something in her they’ve experienced before: pain. They want to help her, and there’s something that draws her to all of them. When the guys find out about Joey’s home situation, they step up to help her with some guidance from their adoptive parents.
It doesn’t take long before the guys realize that they all want her, but they refuse to fight over her. Their solution? Share. Now, they just have to convince her to try it.
While Joey tries to figure out how a relationship with five different guys can work, her father is causing problems. Between him and the rumor mill at school, Joey’s got a lot more drama to deal with than she’s used to. She’s not used to standing up for herself, but the guys give her the strength. They’re her reasons to fight for the life she never hoped she could have.
