Tilly looked at him in disbelief. “But…”
“I know,” he said with a halfhearted laugh. “It was different with you. It’s always been incredible, because that was the way you made me feel about myself. We seemed to get stuck there, at the sex part. I never intended to have an affair with you. I wanted to date you the way I would any other woman I was attracted to. I planned on taking you out to dinner and the movies, to treat you to a night in Miles City. I’m proud of who and what you are, Tilly, I always have been. I never wanted what we shared to remain behind closed doors.
“Something dawned on me recently regarding our relationship. Sex was all a man’s ever given you. You’ve never been valued for the warm, wonderful woman you are. You made the mistake of believing I was like the others, but I’m not. I’d give just about anything to have figured this out sooner. Now, it might be too late.” He reached inside his suit pocket and set a velvet jeweler’s box on the faded Formica tabletop.
Tilly stopped breathing for a long moment.
“You can do what you want with this ring, Tilly. It’s yours to keep no matter what you decide. If you want to cash it in, I’ll understand. If you want to stuff it in a drawer, that’s fine, too. But if I see you wearing it, I’ll know.”
Her eyes were mesmerized by the plush box. She’d never owned any expensive jewelry that didn’t come out of a pawnshop. “What will you know?”
“That you’ve agreed to be my wife.”
“Your wife?” Of all the men she’d slept with, of all the men she’d loved, not one had asked her to marry him, at least not when they were sober.
“I didn’t come here for anything to eat,” Logan said, handing her back the menu. She accepted it with numb fingers. “I came because I love you. I want us to build a life together. Someday I’d like us to have children. If that’s what you want, too, let me know.”
Tilly continued to stare at the ring case. “You don’t need to buy my silence. I already told you I wouldn’t tell anyone, and I meant it.”
The cutting pain that flashed into his eyes was so strong and so sharp, Tilly felt it herself. She longed to yank back the words, but she couldn’t. His pain was followed by a restrained but savage anger. His body tensed, and his eyes snapped. “I can’t force you to believe me, but for the love of God, don’t insult me. If you want to throw my proposal back in my face, fine, but don’t degrade what prompted it.”
“What am I supposed to think?” she demanded.
“I don’t know, Tilly. Honest to God, I don’t know. Maybe that for once in your life you’ve got a man who genuinely loves you. Don’t you believe you’ve found someone who wants more than to sneak around behind closed doors? Oh, I get it,” he said with biting sarcasm. “If it isn’t sullied and dirty, you’re not interested. Think about what you want, Tilly, reason it out, because I won’t ask you again.” He scooted out of the booth as if he couldn’t get away fast enough. He stalked across the restaurant and out the door, not looking back.
Tilly didn’t know what she should do. She picked up the jeweler’s case and slowly, almost fearfully, opened the lid. On a thick bed of black velvet was a beautiful diamond ring. The stone was bright and clear and beautiful. It sparkled and gleamed at her.
Her heart was pounding hard and fast, but it felt as though she were hollow inside. The temptation to slip it on her finger was so strong, she had to snap the lid closed. She stuffed the ring in her pocket and carried it with her the rest of the day as though it had been a generous tip. And in a way, it had been.
It assured her silence.
“Jim, I don’t understand,” Mary said patiently, glancing to Travis as they drove back to the Triple T. “You had your allowance with you. Why did you need money?”
Travis easily saw through her doubts. She blamed herself for this latest in a long line of problems with Jim. Personally, he wasn’t falling prey to that mumbo-jumbo fault-finding crap the school principal had attempted to feed them. By the time they’d left the school office, everyone right down to the city garbage collector was to blame for Jim’s problems.
As far as Travis was concerned, it was all a load of worthless talk. The boy was caught taking money out of a teacher’s purse. It didn’t get much plainer than that. No one had stood over him with a gun and demanded he do it. Of his own free will, Jim had wrongfully taken what belonged to someone else. That was the way Travis intended to treat it. As for the bull about Mary and him making an appointment with a child psychologist, well, he wanted no part of that. He’d listened with more patience than most. A few months earlier he would have had it out then and there with Mr. Moon. For Mary’s sake he’d held his tongue, knowing a scene would embarrass her.
All the talk about a dysfunctional family. Hell, Travis mused, he’d like to see a functional one. Every family had problems, some more than others.
Jim was suffering from—what was it Moon had called it?—unresolved aggression. Travis strongly suspected that was another word for plain, old-fashioned belligerence. Anyone who’d ever lived dealt with it at one time or another. A man worked aggression out of his system with hard toil. If Jim worked hard, played hard, and studied hard, then he wouldn’t have time to be stirring up trouble.
“I just don’t understand,” Mary repeated, softly this time, speaking more to herself.
Travis feared she’d blindly swallowed the bull Moon had been dishing out. By the time they left, her shoulders had started to droop and she was close to tears. That was when Travis finally put an end to it. He wasn’t going to let any man make Mary feel like that. If Moon wanted to stir up trouble, they could do it man-to-man, the same way he intended to deal with the boy. If Jim was suffering from unresolved aggression, Travis could guarantee a full psychological recovery by the time he was finished with the twelve-year-old.
As if reading his uncle’s thoughts, Jim squirmed on the seat. The youth was sandwiched between Travis and Mary on the front seat of the truck, and some sixth sense must have told him what was coming.
Jim hadn’t spoken more than a handful of words since they’d picked him up at the school. It wasn’t a regretful, remorseful silence, Travis noted, but the sullen, brooding kind Jim carried with him so much of the time.
Mary had made excuses for Jim on the drive to the school; she’d tried to cover for the boy over the matter of chores, too, but Travis would have no more of that. He and the boy were going to have this out once and for all.
This could be touchy with Mary, Travis realized with some regret. They’d already gone one round with this discipline thing. But if it came to round two, so be it. He wasn’t going to have her soft heart bleeding all over what needed to be done.
Travis turned off the highway and down the long dirt road that led to the Triple T. A thick trail of dust settled over the truck as he eased to a stop.
“I want to talk to Jim,” Travis said, looking pointedly at Mary. He braced his hands against the steering wheel, expecting an argument.
“I think we should,” Mary agreed, and climbed out of the truck. Jim leaped onto the ground after her.
“I mean alone.” Travis met her gaze over the hood. “Man-to-man.”
Jim whirled around, and his eyes raced from Travis to Mary, looking for her help.
Travis waited, wondering if she was going to intervene. He read the struggle, the indecision, in her. Her teeth worried her lower lip before she nodded and turned toward the house. She hesitated on the top step, her stance filled with reluctance.
“I don’t have anything to say to you,” Jim shouted at Travis with open hostility. “Mary,” he pleaded, “you aren’t going to let him take me in the barn, are you?”
Travis waited, half expecting her to challenge him, to demand that she be a part of this. He couldn’t allow it, not this time. What he had to say to Jim was between the two of them. It didn’t involve her.
“So you’re looking to hide behind a woman’s skirts now.” Travis made sure his words were thick with sarcasm. “That’
s exactly what I’d expect from a boy who steals money from a teacher’s purse.”
Jim whipped around and tried to slug Travis. His arm sliced through the air with such force, he nearly lost his balance. Travis grabbed him by the back of his coat.
“This won’t take long,” Travis assured his wife as he half dragged Jim into the barn. From the corner of his eye he noticed Mary start toward him, then stop, halfway down the steps. He was grateful she chose to let him handle this.
He walked inside the shadow-filled barn and closed the door. They were close to the tack room, and that seemed as good a place as any. Travis steered the boy there.
“I hate you.” Jim eyes were filled with venom. “I’ve always hated you.”
“Good,” Travis said brightly. “Now we’re getting somewhere. You hate me. Why’s that?”
“You should have died. Not my dad. You.”
“It didn’t happen that way, though, did it. It was your father who was killed that night, not me. That wasn’t my choice, boy, so you’re stuck with me. Now either we settle what’s eating you, or we spend the next ten years doing stupid things to hurt each other. Personally, I’d rather we had this out right now.”
“You going to spank me?” Jim made it sound as if he’d get a kick out of Travis trying.
Travis rubbed the side of his jaw as though giving the idea some consideration. “Seems to me you’re too big for a lickin’, although it’s tempting.”
This last comment infuriated Jim, who clenched his fists and brought them up in front of his face. “We’ll fight it out, then.”
It would’ve been a mistake to laugh, Travis realized, so he swallowed his amusement. “Fighting’s not going to settle this.”
“You don’t think I can beat you, do you?” Jim taunted.
“Well, boy, since you asked, I’d say you haven’t got a prayer.”
“I don’t care, I don’t care.” With a wild shout, the twelve-year-old came at him, fists flying, taking Travis by surprise. There wasn’t any chance Jim could hurt him, although he was certainly trying. A few blows struck him, but none that would do him any real harm.
Gripping hold of Jim by his belt, Travis lifted him from the ground, arms and legs kicking out furiously. He let Jim struggle until he’d tired himself out enough to listen to reason.
“You ready to talk?” Travis asked.
“I hate you.”
“So you said earlier.”
“You promised…you promised me and Scotty and Beth Ann that you’d find whoever killed Mom and Dad. I believed you, and now…now it’s like you don’t care anymore.”
Travis sank onto a bale of hay, removed his Stetson, and wiped his forearm across his forehead. “I haven’t given up, and I won’t.”
Jim spat on the ground. “You’re letting them get away with it.”
Travis stood up, gripped the boy by the upper arms and shook him with more force than he intended. The words struggled to escape from between his clenched teeth. “That’s not true. No one wants justice more than I do. No one needs it more than you kids. I know that.”
“Then do something.”
“What?” Travis cried. “The sheriff’s office closed the investigation. I’ve contacted three private investigators, and not one of them is willing to come all the way into Grandview without a huge retainer. All my money’s tied up right now. I’ve tried to do as much as I can on my own.”
“Like what?”
“Listen, Jim, I’m not going to stand here and make excuses. There are only so many hours in a day, and I can’t afford to donate as much time as I’d like to tracking down the person responsible. I’ve got a ranch and a family now, and that takes up most of my energy. Eventually whoever was responsible is going to make a mistake. One small slip. They’re going to make an innocent remark and think no one will notice. But I will. I’m determined to be patient. It isn’t easy, because I’d like nothing better than to see the bastard in jail.”
Jim lowered his head, and Travis suspected he was close to tears. He recalled his own battle with his emotions and the struggle he had to keep them bottled inside. When he was finally able to release them it had been like water gushing over the sides of a hydroelectric dam. If it hadn’t been for Mary, he didn’t know what he would have done.
Now it was Jim’s turn.
“Your father was a good man.”
“Better than you,” Jim spat.
Travis grinned. “You won’t get an argument from me.”
“He never got in trouble at school.”
“You’re right,” Travis said. “I was the one who raised cain around these parts. If you’re trying to live up to my reputation, then you’ve got quite a ways to go. I suggest you take a shortcut.”
“What do you mean?” Jim’s gaze was centered on his shoes, and he wiped the sleeve of his jacket under his nose.
“Save yourself some grief and a whole lot of trouble and don’t buck the system. You’re going to be in school another six years, so you might as well make the effort to get along with the authorities right now.”
“You didn’t get along with them.”
“Yeah, and I paid for it, too. Don’t make the same mistakes I did, son.” The last word slipped from his mouth before he could stop it. Before he could judge the wisdom of it.
Jim jerked his head up and scrutinized Travis closely.
“You don’t have to say it,” Travis muttered.
“Say what?”
“You don’t need to remind me you’re not my son. It’s what you were thinking just now, wasn’t it?”
Jim lifted one shoulder in a halfhearted shrug.
“You’re my nephew, but you’re far more than that. I wish I knew a way to explain it better. I was with your dad, pacing the hospital corridor, the night you were born. After we saw your mother and made sure she was recuperating, your dad and I went out celebrating. I guess I was more thrilled than I realized because I lost a boot in the shrubs outside the Logger. Best damn pair of boots I ever owned. Never did find it, either.”
Jim seemed to find a bit of humor in that. A smile cracked his lips. “You lost a boot?”
“Yeah. Until you were born, it was just your father and me. You were the first addition to the Thompson family in over twenty years. I was damn pleased Janice had seen fit to give birth to a boy so he could carry on the family name. I never thought I’d marry, so it was up to my brother.”
A suspicious sheen brightened Jim’s eyes. He knotted his hands into fists and rubbed his eyes.
“Your mother insisted I hold you. Right there in the hospital with everyone looking. Don’t take offense, but you were dog ugly. Everyone was saying how cute you were. I didn’t see it.”
Jim half sobbed, half laughed.
“But even then I saw the man you’d become. I thought about the three of us through the years. Of course there was no telling Scotty was coming or that your dad was going to be killed. Those were just a couple of the unexpected things life threw our way.”
“What else did you see?”
“A time when you’d feel like I was important to you, too,” Travis admitted solemnly. He hadn’t expected to say these things, to bare his soul this way. He’d intended to lay into the boy, read him what his dad used to call the riot act. He wanted it plain as creek water that if Jim ever pulled a stunt like this again, there’d be hell to pay. Life’s lessons didn’t come cheap, and Travis wasn’t there to issue any discount coupons.
“I…don’t blame you for not wanting us,” Jim whispered.
“Not want you?” he challenged. “Who the blazes said something like that?”
The boy shrugged noncommittally.
“All I know is that I was going to move heaven or hell, whichever the state decreed necessary, to make damn sure the four of us stayed together. It’s true I hadn’t counted on raising you kids, but it wasn’t anything I’d ever back away from. You’re the only family I’ve got.”
“You don’t like me…I don’t
blame you, because sometimes I don’t like myself.”
Travis chuckled. “You got an attitude, kid, but that’s all right because most of us get one sometime in our lives. Generally we outgrow it, like big ears.”
“You didn’t, at least not until Mary came.”
Travis examined the statement, looking for the truth in it, and figured Jim was probably right. He guessed that was what home-cooked meals, regular sex, and a woman’s tenderness did for a man.
“It’s all right to miss your parents, Jim. Not a day passes that I don’t think about Lee. It’s like a hole in my gut that doesn’t go away. I don’t imagine it will until we find whoever was responsible for the accident.”
“Men don’t cry.”
Travis exhaled slowly, gauging his words carefully. “Sometimes it’s for the best to let out our emotions. It isn’t comfortable. It feels like someone stuck a fistful of cow chips down your throat, but you’ll feel better afterward. I did.”
Jim hung his head, and Travis waited for him to speak. He didn’t do it with words; instead a tear splashed against the floor. He reached for the boy and brought him close and held him. The young body broke into silent sobs that shook his shoulders. Travis felt his throat thicken as Jim raised his arms and hugged his middle.
“It’s all right, son. Everything’s going to be all right.”
And for the first time it felt like that to Travis.
They emerged from the barn ten minutes later. Travis had his arm draped across Jim’s shoulders. They’d crossed important ground together, forged a bond that wouldn’t easily be broken.
He happened to glance up and saw Mary. His Mary. She was standing on the porch steps, leaving Travis to wonder if she’d spent the whole time there. The sun was setting and seemed to settle over the gentle curve of her shoulders. His steps faltered momentarily as his gaze found hers. She looked so damn beautiful, standing there with her hand over her heart, her eyes soft and as blue as anything he’d ever seen.
Life was good. Travis couldn’t recall a time he’d ever thought that before or believed it was possible.
Morning Comes Softly Page 25
