by Tiana Smith
“Hey, Quinn. Can I talk to you for a second?” He looked at me then. “Please?”
His expression was apologetic, but this time I didn’t feel the wavering I normally did whenever Carter did his whole “ask for forgiveness later” thing he was so fond of. I was sad at the friendship we’d lost, but not sad enough to roll over and take another hit. The sadness was fleeting, slowly being replaced with anger.
Not only did he sabotage my chances at this competition, but with Grayson as well. I didn’t have it in me to smile and pretend like I was okay. I didn’t want to give Carter an inch because I knew he’d take a mile.
I stood up, pulling Grayson with me.
“What could you possibly have to say to me right now?” I asked, folding my arms across my chest.
Carter rubbed his face.
“Alone?” he asked. His voice sounded so small, but I shook my head. There was no way I wanted to be alone with Carter right now, and that was more for his protection than mine. I didn’t need a criminal record after tonight.
Carter still looked hopeful, so I shook my head again.
“No,” I said when he still didn’t say anything. “I’m tired of you thinking it’s okay to put your own wants above mine every time. It’s not a friendship if you only think of yourself.”
“I never wanted it to be only a friendship,” he said, and I pursed my lips.
“When a girl tells you she doesn’t want to date you, you need to respect that. Just because she’s too nice to be rude to you doesn’t mean you can continue to push and think that’s okay.” I took a deep breath. “And it certainly doesn’t mean you sabotage her in a competition because she doesn’t like you.”
Carter reached out, but I took a step away. His hand hung there awkwardly until he dropped it to his side. He shook his head. “What, like revenge? I wasn’t trying to get back at you, Quinn.”
“Really?” I could tell my voice was rising to dangerous levels, and no one in the room bothered pretending they weren’t listening, but I didn’t care. “Then what was it, Carter? Because I’ve been racking my brain trying to think what could have possibly possessed you to do that to me, and I can’t come up with a single thing that would justify you being that cruel. Something that would justify throwing away years of friendship.”
“I didn’t want you to go, okay?” Carter was almost yelling now too. His face was flushed and his shoulders were tense. “I knew if you got that scholarship, you’d be out of here. You already got accepted into your dream college. So forgive me for liking you enough that I wanted you to stick around for a bit longer.” His breathing was fast and uneven.
I shook my head. “Maybe before you did that you should have asked me where I was going. Did you ever consider that?” I raised my chin. My nails were biting into my palms, but I couldn’t unclench them even a little. “The university I was talking about was Boise State. I’m not going anywhere. But thank you, for making it so obvious to me who my real friends are. And aren’t.”
“Quinn, don’t be like that. I was … I was counting on you to forgive me. Even if it took some time. I know what I did was extreme, but you weren’t listening to anything else. If I could just make you see how serious I was about you, I thought maybe you’d understand why I did it. We can work through this. We always do.” Carter was doing that puppy-dog eye thing he was so good at, but I was already grabbing my bag from the floor so I could go somewhere else. Anywhere else.
“No, Carter. That’s because I kept forgiving you when you did nothing to deserve it. But not this time. This was too big, and it’s not something I’ll be able to simply forget anytime soon.”
I didn’t like being so harsh. But I was done being the only one bending in this friendship.
“Friends are supposed to build you up. Not tear you down. They make you want to be a better person, not feel bad for having dreams that exist outside of them. I’m sorry, but I’m done.”
I’d never been so bold about anything ever before in my life. I pulled Grayson along behind me and exited the room.
I was shaking, but Grayson squeezed my hand, and that little gesture was enough to make the hurt disappear. It’d been hard, but I knew it was all going to work out okay.
Maybe even better than okay.
Chapter Thirty-Two
The next night my mom rinsed her dinner plate off in the sink while I pretended to be helpful by getting the brownies out of the oven. Naomi was watching me intently, like that might make dessert come faster, while Grayson looked adorably lost without having some kind of task.
He’d brought my mom some wildflowers, keeping up with his rule of always bringing something to social gatherings. He’d also brought me some daisies that were now in my bedroom. My bouquet was bigger.
He’d finally gotten his wish to eat diner leftovers at my apartment. There’d been lasagna and salad, and I considered it a win since the leftovers actually went well together. That wasn’t always the case.
I brought the brownies back to the table and sat down. Grayson took my hand under the table, so I was left trying to dish up the dessert with one hand. I didn’t mind.
Naomi got tired of watching me struggle and swiped the spatula from my hand. “You two are impossible,” she said, but she was smiling.
I broke a piece of brownie off and popped it in my mouth, just as my mom came back to the table. She swatted my hand, then placed a fork in it.
“Manners, Quinn. We have guests.”
I rolled my eyes.
My mom sat down and placed the rest of the forks in the middle of the table for everyone else to grab one. She gave an encouraging smile to Grayson, who, as far as she was concerned, practically walked on water. At least, she acted like he could do no wrong. Whenever his face was turned, she’d give me a big thumbs-up and make kissy faces.
Her cheerleader-ways knew no bounds. She’d even put a candle in the brownies to celebrate my win at the state championship. I’d insisted that we also celebrate the fact that her Instagram had officially hit ten thousand followers, and we’d successfully booked the next four months of weekends with photography gigs. It was only a matter of time before she’d be able to quit her diner job.
She put two brownies on Grayson’s plate, which he ate with gusto.
When it was time for Naomi to leave, she stole one of the wildflowers from the bouquet, took an extra brownie for Dax because she was a sap, and gave me a hug. She’d totally had my back with the whole Carter fiasco. While it wasn’t like her and Carter were incredibly close before, Naomi made it clear where her loyalties were and she’d cut all ties with my former friend.
Grayson offered to help with the dishes, but my mom ushered us out the door after Naomi.
“You two go have fun. I’m sure you don’t want to hang out with an old woman all night.”
Grayson sputtered and adjusted his glasses, likely trying to figure out what he could say that wouldn’t be against his countless etiquette rules. I just smiled, took his hand, and led him down the walkway to the lot where his car was parked.
“Where to?” I asked while buckling my seat belt. He reached over to hold my hand, intertwining our fingers over the middle console. It was such a simple thing, but it made my heart bang erratically in my rib cage. Every nerve ending from my fingers to my toes was alive at his touch, and I couldn’t help but smile. He pushed the button to start the car and pulled onto the street.
“It’s a surprise,” he said.
I pursed my lips, but he was too busy watching the road to see it.
“What did your mom say when you told her we were … together?” I asked. I stumbled over the word like the awkward person I was, but Grayson didn’t mention it, like the gentleman he was.
He smiled and squeezed my hand.
“Considering I laid it on her all at once—college choices, wanting to major in programing, new girlfriend, I’d say pretty well since she didn’t pass out.”
Girlfriend. It was the first time he’d used the
word. My smile was so big it could have been seen from outer space.
“She couldn’t have been happier about you, though. I’ve told you before. She likes you. Once you’re around her more, you’ll see it. Promise. Nothing to be intimidated about.” Grayson looked over and caught my smile. He could have said his mother wanted to make a voodoo doll in my image so she could stab me with pins all day—nothing could bring me down right now. Of course, it helped that she actually liked me. That was a weight off my shoulders.
“Besides, how can anyone not like you once they get to know you?” he asked.
I could feel the blush overtaking my cheeks, and I didn’t bother hiding it.
“I don’t know,” I said, tilting my head. “It took you long enough.”
“Speak for yourself.” He laughed and I watched the scenery go by, basking in the evening sun.
“You know, you’re the reason I finally told her I wanted to go into computer science and programming,” he said. “You chase your dreams, and if anything gets in the way, you find another path to make it happen. I used to think you took everything too seriously, but now I admire that about you. Even if it makes you the toughest competition.”
There were so many things I liked about Grayson, I could have spent all night naming his positive traits. I liked that we were so evenly matched too. That I didn’t have to pretend I wasn’t competitive or do worse at speech and debate because his ego couldn’t handle it. I could be myself, confidence and all, which made it feel all the more right.
“I think that describes you more than me,” I said. He shook his head and laughed.
It had been so long since I’d been there that I didn’t recognize our destination until Grayson took the final turn and parked the car. We were at the same city overlook that he’d taken me to for the fall fling in September. Now that it was the beginning of March, the weather was colder, but the temperature couldn’t begin to touch me. Warmth spread through my stomach and chest until I could practically burst with happiness. Grayson kissed the back of my hand, released it, then said, “Wait here.”
He got out of the car and ran around the front of it to open my door.
As I stepped out of the car, my lips were already tingling in anticipation of his kiss. My body reacted to Grayson whether he was twenty feet away or only one inch. It’d been too long since his hand was in mine, so I reached for it while we walked to the bench, relishing in the feeling of his skin touching mine.
We didn’t sit down, though. When we reached the edge of the overlook, Grayson turned and cupped my face in his palm.
“I still can’t believe this is real,” he whispered. “For so long, you were this dream in my head. Words on a paper that drove me up a wall. Then you were real and in my life, and I messed it up.” He kissed my forehead and I leaned into him, placing my hands on his chest. “But I’m never going to do that again,” he whispered into my hair. “Forget about being my better half; you’re both halves I need put together in one person. The dream and reality right here in front of me.”
I looked up between my lashes to see him watching me with such tenderness it made me ache.
I reached up on my toes to kiss Grayson on the lips. They were soft and full, and fit perfectly with mine. My fingers curled into his hair as he held me close. I’d never known kissing could feel this perfect, this complete, until I was kissing the right person. The kind of person who made my pulse race, who cared about me more than himself, and who made me melt simply by looking at me.
There was still so much we didn’t know. Our futures were wide open, with family, grades, jobs, expectations, and everything else still competing for space.
But if there was anything I knew about competition, it was that some things were worth fighting for. The stronger the competition, the stronger I became as a result. And Grayson? This relationship? My future?
Those things were definitely worth fighting for.
Acknowledgments
As a former speech and debater, it makes my heart happy to see this geeky book out in the world. There are so many people who made it possible, so I want to thank everyone who had a part in it.
Firstly, thanks to my publisher Swoon Reads, for making my dream a reality. It’s because of you my books are on shelves, and there’s no greater feeling in the world. My editor, Kat Brzozowski, is a saint for putting up with my random questions and mishaps. She made this book so much stronger than it would have been.
Eric Smith, who is the most supportive and encouraging agent I could ever hope to have in my corner. Thank you for believing in me. Thanks for loving quiet YA stories and books that feel like a hug. The world needs more people like you.
Freelance editor Holly Ingraham, thank you for helping me solidify what was and wasn’t working. Production editor Taylor Pitts and production manager Raymond Colon, you both are amazing for all your work. Huge thanks to Sophie Erb, for designing the most beautiful cover a girl could ask for. My publicist, Madison Furr, for helping get this book into the right hands. This book exists because of the team behind it.
Major love goes to my family for all their support. My husband, Brad, is basically Superman. He’s the reason I believe in love stories. Without him, this book would never have made it past chapter one. My son, who was super understanding whenever I was on deadline and was all too happy to get some extra iPad time. My siblings, who cheer me on and spread the word about my books whenever they get a chance. And my parents, who fostered my love of reading and writing, turning me into the Ravenclaw I am today.
Thanks go to my writer friends, including my critique partners Brookie Cowles and Kelly Lyman, plus everyone on Team Rocks and the Swoon Squad—you all keep me sane. The Utah Novel 19s—Samantha Hastings, RuthAnne Snow, Crystal Smith, Erin Stewart, Sofiya Pasternack, and Dan Haring—thank you for all the adventures we’ve gone on together.
I mentioned that I participated in speech and debate when I was in high school, so I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention my coaches, David Gay, Lila Michael, and Anne Sullivan. They dealt with teenage me and turned me into a state champion, so they’re miracle workers. Also, thanks to the team at Lone Peak High School and their coach, Natalie Johnson, for letting me crash their practices and judge their tournaments so I could brush up on my speech and debate knowledge.
Last, but not least, thank YOU, dear reader, for picking up my book and giving it a chance. You’re the real MVP.
Also by Tiana Smith
MATCH ME IF YOU CAN
About the Author
Tiana Smith is a copywriter turned novelist who grew up in the Wild West of Montana. When she isn’t writing, she’s chasing after her son, reading, or binging the Disney Channel. She has double degrees in honors and English from Westminster College but wants to go back to school to be a lion tamer. She is also the author of Match Me If You Can. tianasmith.com, or sign up for email updates here.
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Contents
Title Page
Copyright Notice
Dedication
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Cha
pter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Acknowledgments
Also by Tiana Smith
About the Author
Copyright
Copyright © 2020 by Tiana Smith
A Feiwel and Friends Book
An imprint of Macmillan Publishing Group, LLC
120 Broadway, New York, NY 10271
swoonreads.com
All rights reserved.
Feiwel and Friends logo designed by Filomena Tuosto
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
Our eBooks may be purchased in bulk for promotional, educational, or business use. Please contact the Macmillan Corporate and Premium Sales Department at (800) 221-7945 ext. 5442 or by email at [email protected].
First hardcover edition January 2020
eBook edition January 2020
eISBN 9781250242228
