by V. T. Do
“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, when I was halfway done with my cup.
“Hmmm?”
“I know it still bothers you. The memories. If you want to talk about it, I’m all ears.”
I let out a humorless laugh. This wasn’t how I imagined the day to go when Mason agreed to come over. Mostly because I was much more social in my head. I imagined I would have made him laugh by saying something funny, and then he would realize how right we were for each other and fall for me.
Not this. Not with Mason wanting me to lay out all of my broken parts for closer examination.
“I feel like all I’ve been doing since this whole thing happened is talk about it.” With Dr Greene, with Lizzie, and even with Max. Oddly enough, I didn’t feel the need to talk to Mason about it. Not because I didn’t think it would be easy, but because he was the one person I didn’t need to reassure that I was okay, even if it was a lie.
He didn’t expect me to be okay, and I needed that more than anything else. I knew Max was only worried about me, but I couldn’t stand the haunted look in his eyes. It was as if he thought he had failed me somehow by going out to lunch with his friend and brother.
I didn’t blame Max for leaving that day. But he blamed himself.
I turned to Mason. “How did you get over it?”
He placed his mug down on the table, his eyes flashed with some untamed emotion so quickly, I couldn’t decipher what it was. “I don’t think it’s something we ever get over. I think it stays with us.”
I looked down, disappointed. I was hoping for something a little more optimistic. “Oh.”
“But I don’t think it has to define us. It can be something we went through, but it is not our identity. We are not damned to be viewed as nothing more than victims for the rest of our lives because of it.”
“Max still looks at me like I’m the victim,” I said.
“It was really hard for him to see you like that. The sight of you on the floor, being pinned down…” he trailed off and I looked away.
“Yeah. I know.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring it up.”
“It’s okay. I know.”
“I was just letting you know why it might take Max some time.”
“To what? Get over it?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think he will get over it. Hell, I don’t even think I can. But with time, he’ll see how strong you are. He’ll stop treating you like you’re breakable, and he’ll stop blaming himself.”
“I hope that’s true.”
Mason moved his hand to my face, and I don’t think he was even aware he was doing it, as he rubbed away what I can only assume was some speck of dirt on my face.
Dear God, please don’t let it be a crumb of the toast I had for breakfast this morning.
I tried not to look so affected from such a simple touch. “Don’t worry. Everything will be fine.”
And the oddest thing was, I believed him.
We didn’t know when Max was going to be home, and Mason agreed to stay with me until then. I was pretty grateful for the company, especially since I was sure Mason had much better things to do with his time then to stay with me.
But he didn’t seem to mind. We put a movie on Netflix and Mason microwaved the popcorn. There was at least a foot of space between us on the couch, where the popcorn bowl laid, and yet, I was aware of his every movement, every breath.
There was just something about Mason that fascinated me beyond reason. I wanted to know everything about him, and still, it wouldn’t be enough to fill my curiosity.
He felt strong and secure to me. He had been nothing but nice, yet I got the feeling that he was only like that with me. That there might be a whole different side to him that I knew nothing about. A more chaotic side… a more playful side… just, more. And I wanted to learn about it all.
But he had never been anything but distantly polite since the day we met. Though I did feel like it was changing with each day that passed. After that first and only night I spent sleeping in bed with him, the gap between us slowly disappeared bit by bit, no matter how much Mason wished for it not to be true.
I knew he didn’t want to get close to me. He was holding back. More likely than not, Max’s words had gotten to him. He wanted to remain polite with me so bad that there was a wall between us.
One I was determined to break down.
One I needed to break down.
Mason caught my eyes and he shot me a curious look. “Okay?”
“Yup,” I said, blushing. I looked out to the windows and noticed the sun had fully set. It was pitch dark outside and it still raining.
“Are you enjoying the movie?” he asked in amusement.
“Of course.”
His smirk told me he knew I hadn’t been paying attention. Thank goodness he didn’t say anything about it.
“Good.” He looked down at his phone for the time. “Looks like it’s almost time for dinner. Did Max say when he would be home?”
I shook my head. “He texted me a little while back and said he’d probably be home by seven. That the meeting is running a little longer than he expected, and that I should eat dinner without him. Do you need to go?” I asked hesitantly. I couldn’t very well ask him to stay with me for so long.
He shook his head. “No, I can stay here for as long as you need me to.”
Was forever a reasonable answer? I needed him to stay forever. “Oh. I’m glad. Thank you.”
“I think we should order some dinner. What do you feel like having? I’ll call in an order and have it delivered to the house.”
I shrugged. “Whatever you want. I’m easy.”
He grabbed his phone and I turned my attention to the film. Right to a sex scene. My eyes widened, and I sneaked in a peek at Mason, but he was still looking down at his phone. What the hell were we watching?!
And why were there two people going at it on screen? And why was that so… hot?
I squirmed. I needed to calm down. It wasn’t like I was watching porn with him. And he wasn’t even paying attention.
Wait, the man on the screen was taking off the woman’s shirt. I forgot to check the rating when I put this on. Was this PG-13? Or rated R? Or TV-MA? Which one was the one that showed nudity? Oh, my God!
Her bra was coming off. This was not a drill. A hint of the woman’s nipple showed through and I wanted to avert my eyes, but it was like watching a train wreck.
The man threw the woman’s bra on the floor and we could see her naked chest. She had nice breasts. Perky and full, with her dusky pink nipples erected. And… oh, wow…
The man laid on top of the woman, kissing his way down her body, and I wondered what that would feel like. To have the welcomed weight of a man on top of me. To know that you both wanted this, and wanted it bad, but to feel safe enough to know that if you asked him to stop, he would. Not that the woman looked like she wanted the man to stop.
She closed her eyes, and it looked like she was really enjoying his attention. This, right here, was some good acting.
“Hey, I found a pizza place nearby. They deliver and they have deep-dish pizza. What do you usually like as your toppings?”
I looked at Mason. My mouth opened but nothing came out. My cheeks felt like they were on fire.
Mason looked at me when I took too long to answer and frowned just as a moan came from the TV. He turned to the screen, and when he looked back at me, he couldn’t stop the amusement from showing on his face.
“Alright?”
“Yup. Why wouldn’t I be?”
He was smiling now, but his cheeks were tinted slightly with red, and I didn’t know what to make of that reaction. He wasn’t embarrassed, obviously, but what else was he feeling?
He cleared his throat. “I’m going to make this call in the living room. I can’t find a good signal here.”
I nodded, wordlessly, as he stood and walked out to the living room.
That was the best I
could do. I was at a loss for words. I didn’t know what I could say, or how to say it. The strange feelings I’d been having low in my belly whenever Mason was near were back, only these felt more intense and I didn’t know how to make sense of any of it.
I squirmed on the sofa and turned back to the TV, where the camera was zooming out on the couple on the bed, the man’s broad back taking up most of the screen, but you could see that the woman’s legs wrapped around the man’s waist and he was moving his hips against her. The noises coming out of them were sexy, and not obscene.
I imagined Mason and me in the same position. Both of us naked, my legs wrapped around his trimmed waist while he moved his hips, moving against me, moving inside of me.
The muscles in my belly clenched and I closed my eyes.
I shouldn’t be thinking things like this about Mason, especially with him only in the next room. It was wrong. It was inappropriate in every way, and Max would be so disappointed to know I even had these dirty thoughts at all, let alone having them about his brother.
But I couldn’t stop the images from coming. One after the next. Who knew, with how little I knew, that I could still be very creative with my fantasies.
Thunder growled loudly outside, and I jumped at the noise. Then, a tiny squeal, or a hiss, came out the house, before all the electricity died, bathing the house in utter darkness.
20
Olivia
No light from the outside and none on the inside. Even the moon was hidden amongst the clouds. I let out a small yelp, calling Mason’s name.
“Olivia?” He was somewhere in the living room. I got up and moved toward him. I misjudged the length of the couch, when three steps in, my hip bumped against the hard armrest. I let out painful cry, and fell, head first, to the ground.
Luckily, I moved at the last minute and it wasn’t my head that received the most impact from the fall, but my shoulder.
“Ouch.”
“Olivia, are you okay?”
Mason sounded closer now, but I still had no idea where he was. Tears stung my eyes and I hated the feeling of helplessness that was, once again, bearing me down.
“Mason?” Even I could hear how clogged my voice sounded. There was no mistaking that I was crying.
“Are you on the ground?”
I took a deep breath before I spoke. “Yeah, I fell.”
“It’s okay, stay where you are. I’ll find you.”
It wasn’t long after he said that that I felt something touch my hand. I pulled away, thinking it might be a rat, which, in hindsight, I knew was a ridiculous thought. We didn’t have any rats in this house. But then my hand was pulled back and I was in Mason’s arms.
I wasn’t usually so emotional, but being in his arms made me cry harder. Mason wrapped me tightly around him, and I buried my face in his chest.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. Don’t cry. I’m here now.”
I wrapped my arms around his waist and held onto him for dear life. He was here now. And he was rubbing my back in comforting circles, letting me cry into his chest.
After several minutes, my cries turned into hiccups, and I grew embarrassed. I wanted to leave my face buried in his chest for the rest of the night. I prayed the electricity wouldn’t come back on, because then I would have to face Mason again.
I was eighteen years old, and yet I acted like an eight-year-old because the power went out. What was Mason thinking of me now? So much for wanting him to see me as the mature woman I could be.
My arms tightened around him. “I’m sorry.”
My voice was muffled through his shirt, but he heard me anyway. “Why are you sorry?”
“For crying on you. For acting like a big baby.”
“Hush now. I don’t mind that you cried all over me. And you’re not acting like a big baby. You’re just scared.”
“Of the dark.” Which was even more ridiculous when I said it out loud. I hadn’t been afraid of the dark since I was ten. I knew there wouldn’t be any monsters coming out of my closet to get me just because it got dark.
Mason clutched my shoulders and gently pulled me back. I couldn’t even see his profile it was so dark, and I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “The dark is a pretty scary thing,” he said seriously.
I smiled, even though he could see me. “I guess it just took me by surprise.”
“I know, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart. Max had called me sweetheart before, but it sounded so different coming out of Mason’s mouth. My heart thudded in tandem with the rain on the rooftop, so loud in my ears I was surprised he couldn’t hear it.
“Thank you for coming over today. I don’t know what I would have done right now if you weren’t here.”
My words seemed to be affecting him, because I felt his grip on my shoulders tightening. “I’m glad I’m here.”
I leaned forward and he didn’t stop me. I wanted to kiss his cheek in thanks, like I had done in his car many, many nights ago, but I miscalculated, because I got his lips instead.
It took me a few seconds to register. It didn’t feel real that my lips were actually touching his, and that he wasn’t moving me away. We held still for several long seconds, and when I finally pulled back, my lips felt warm.
I didn’t know what to say, and apparently neither did Mason, because he was just as quiet. Did he enjoy that simple touch just as much as I did? What would he do if I did it again, taking the kiss even further?
I felt his hand move from my shoulder to my neck. I was sure he could feel my pulse jumping. Then he reached my jaw, his touch so gentle I wasn’t sure if I was imagining it. He traced my lips with his fingers. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.
“M-Mason?” I whispered.
He moved that hand to the back of head, tilted my head up, and then slowly, as if he was afraid of scaring me off, took my lips in his once again. He didn’t take it any further. He merely pressed his lips against mine.
He pulled away again, and this second kiss was just as electrifying as the first. I initiated our third kiss when I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer to me. Mason moved his hands to my waist, and he pulled me up until I was sitting on his lap, my legs on either side of him.
I had been in a similar position with Lorenzo, but unlike that time, I didn’t feel scared. There was a difference between the two experiences.
This time, I was in control. This time, I gave my consent, even if it was a silent one. This time I initiated, and Mason was following my lead. I deepened the kiss, and Mason seemed to come alive beneath my touch. He groaned and pulled me in closer.
He licked my bottom lip, and the muscles between my thighs clenched in the most delicious way. I wanted him to do that again.
As if reading my mind, he did it again, and I realized he was trying to get me to open for him. My arms tightened around him, and when I opened my mouth, inviting him in, I was shocked to discover how much I liked the feeling of his tongue against mine.
His movements were hesitant at first, as if he wasn’t sure how I would react, but when I pulled on his hair, he moved more confidently. I didn’t want it to stop. I could stay like this forever. Please, could I stay like this forever?
I grinded my hips against him, until I could feel his hard length pressed against the pounding flesh between my legs, and we both groaned.
The kiss turned into something else, taking on a life of its own. I moved closer, while he pulled me in, as if we were trying to eliminate all the tiny spaces between our bodies, as if we couldn’t stand the thought of separating.
“More, Mason, I need more,” I begged, when he pulled away long enough for both of us to catch our breath.
“Fuck,” he whispered, and it sounded like the desperate plea of a dying man meeting his maker, before his lips were back against mine, his tongue was back inside my mouth, and his hands were directly on my waist, moving me harshly against his erection once more.
I wasn’t sure who moved first, him or me, b
ut I suddenly found myself on the floor with Mason on top of me. My legs were wrapped around his waist. We were in the same position that the man and woman from the movie were in, and Mason was moving against me.
I gasped every time I felt him between my legs, and he moved his lips down my neck, kissing the skin there as he quickened his pace.
“Mason, Mason, Mason,” I chanted.
“Livie,” he groaned.
Stars. I was seeing stars. And then, the most amazing feeling took hold. It started low in my belly, before spreading quickly around my lower back, then moving up my spine. I couldn’t help but arch my back off the ground, and… and… and…
I yelled his name.
I was flying, and then I was falling.
There was no other way to describe it, only that I wanted it to happen again, and again, and again.
He collapsed on top of me, both of us breathing hard, our chests pushing against each other. I felt… safe and protected. There was just something about having Mason cover my entire body that made me feel indestructible. As if nothing in this world could get to me, because they had to go through him first, and that just wasn’t possible.
I looked up but couldn’t see his face. I couldn’t see how he was feeling or what he was thinking. It was still pitch black inside the house, and I thought it was easier for Mason that way. That perhaps he didn’t have to hold his wall up in the dark.
I dreaded the power coming back on.
We were still standing on unsteady ground. Nothing had changed. If anything, our bond might have become even more fragile.
I felt his huge hand on my cheek. “Livie,” he whispered, as if he couldn’t believe this to be real. I felt him trace my lips with his thumb again, and I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted it so bad, I ached.
Then the thunder growled again, and it was as if it was a magic spell was broken, and while the whole house held its breath, the lights came back on.
I could see Mason again.
He was still on top of me, and he looked different from before. His eyes were nearly dark, his hair a mess, and his lips swollen. There was a primal need inside of me that wanted to keep him looking like this forever.
