by Natalie Ann
“But you hug and kiss them all the time. They lick you back,” Maddie said. “You can do it now.”
She gave the dogs a rub on the belly and then stood up. “Maybe later.”
“Bye, kids,” Zoe said. “Have a good time. Don’t worry about us. Stay out and have fun. I’ve got this covered.”
They were out the front door and in his truck when he turned to say, “You told them you were going on a date?”
“I didn’t use the word ‘date’. They are too young to know what that means and I really didn’t want to try to explain it either. I just said we were going to dinner by ourselves.”
“That works. I don’t want to make it difficult for you and the kids.”
“It’s not. I mean I’m young and they need to know at some point. It’s not like I plan on dating all the time or going out and leaving them home. I’m not that kind of woman.”
He laughed at her. “I didn’t think you were based on the fact this is your first date. Can I ask how long ago it was and what happened or is that too much information?”
He’d thought about it all this past week and realized he wanted to know more about her. Again, not something he normally did or cared about with other women.
“You can ask. It’s not a big deal or a secret. I forget that no one knows me here. Everyone has all sorts of questions. I had coffee with a neighbor this week and I felt like I was giving my life story. I’m rambling. I know I am. I’m sorry. I’m nervous. I shouldn’t be nervous, but I totally am. I asked you out and you said yes. Was it a pity yes?”
He was waiting for her to stop talking and take a breath and then he turned to look at her. “First off, don’t be nervous. I’m nothing special that you need to panic about. I’m just a normal everyday guy. Second of all, it absolutely wasn’t a pity yes. I’m glad you asked.”
“Would you have asked me if I didn’t ask you?”
This was where things got tricky. How did he answer this without hurting her or insulting her? “I’m not sure.”
“Oh,” she said.
“Let me explain. Or figure out how to explain without coming off like an ass. By the way, my family thinks I’m one half the time, just warning you.”
“You do come off a little gruff, but I don’t think that makes you a mean person. At least I hope not. That would make me a bad judge of character.”
“I can be mean but only if pushed. You’ve got no reason to fear me. Things that push my buttons are women who want me for my name or want to change me. Liars and cheaters are right up there at the top of the list too. If you aren’t one of them, you’ve got nothing to worry about. And I’m pretty positive you aren’t.”
“You’ve been hurt too, haven’t you?” she said quietly.
“Not like you think,” he said.
“Then how? Make me believe you.”
He knew he had to after he said what he did. “My sister got married young. Right out of high school. The guy was older and swept her off her feet. He degraded her every chance he had and then cheated on her. It left a bad taste in my mouth watching someone so in love with another person have that happen to them.”
“I was right about you,” she said.
“How’s that?”
“You’re not mean. You’re not even gruff now. You’re just sensitive and caring to those you love. You feel their pain. I know how that is.”
No one had ever said those words to him before and he was starting to feel like a wuss. “It’s not just that,” he argued. “I’ve dated plenty of women who want to get their hands on our family name or money. That’s their first motivation. No one wants to be wanted for those reasons.”
“No,” she said. “And since I’ve got plenty of my own money, you don’t have to worry about that. I guess maybe I’m going to have to worry about that. Damn it.” Her hand flew to her mouth. “Oops. I tell Zoe not to swear and I tend to do it.”
“Yes, you are probably going to have to think about those things. Men might try to take advantage of you.”
She seemed sweet enough and though she said she was clueless about things, he really didn’t think she was.
“I’ll figure it out. Anyway, you asked about my husband.”
“Hold that thought,” he said, pulling into a parking lot. “We’re here.”
They got out and went in, once they were seated and their drinks ordered, she said, “I married my high school sweetheart. I haven’t dated anyone since he died.”
She might not be clueless in his mind, but there could be some nativity there. “Then I don’t have to ask how you met.”
“We were in school together. The same math class. He hated math and I helped him. Tyler. His name was Tyler.”
“I’m not too fond of math myself,” he said.
“Well, Tyler and his best friend, John Mann, were inseparable. It went from the two of them to the three of us. All the way through college. The two of them had a vision of a digital media company they wanted to build. I really to this day don’t know what or how they do things. I’m just the money person.”
“You said that before,” he said.
“Yes. I’ve got my CPA. I’m currently the CFO of WildMann Digital Media, but John is buying me out. I’ll stay on remotely as the Finance Director though. He needs someone there, and I...I couldn’t stay.”
He didn’t feel right asking about how her husband died after that. “Too many memories?”
“That...and I just needed a new start.”
He had a feeling there was more going on. “There’s nothing wrong with fresh starts. Whitney keeps saying she’s going to make one, but she hasn’t. She’s not as pissed off over what happened to her as much as I think she’s just afraid to try again.”
“I might feel the same way if I had a bad experience,” she said. “But I didn’t. I thought I had it all. We had this successful company that almost grew overnight. I started my family right away and it was a struggle to do it all. I never wanted a nanny or other help—it wasn’t how I was raised—but Tyler and John needed me. I was pulled in a lot of directions.”
Which could be why she was stepping back. “And you’re young.”
“I am. Anyway, you asked about Tyler and what happened. About sixteen months ago he was hiking with John. They loved to hike and talk work at the same time. He’d lost his balance and fell, injuring his knee. They’d laughed about it, but he could barely walk by the time they got out of the woods. He had to have surgery. Everything went well. Or so we thought. But he formed a blood clot and it broke free into his heart when he was at work.”
“He was your age?” he asked.
“Yeah. So twenty-seven at the time when he died. He was just in the office talking with John, grabbed his chest and went down. And this is totally ruining my first date.”
She smiled when she said it. He could see she was sad, but there weren’t any tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”
She reached her hand over and laid it on his. “It’s fine. You should know. The kids don’t know all the details. They don’t need to be scared every time they trip and fall. They just know he had a heart attack. Now, can we turn this conversation to something a bit more fun? I feel like I’m flopping at my first date with another man so soon.”
“You’re not,” he said. “You’re doing just fine. Better than most would be in your situation.”
12
Excitement and Satisfaction
Shannon knew she’d have to tell Ryan about Tyler at some point. She hadn’t expected it to be on the first date, but at least it was out in the open.
If this date flopped then she’d know that she shouldn’t talk about this again on a first date.
“So, tell me about yourself,” she said.
“Not much to say. I’m doing what I love. My family is in the construction business and it’s what I’ve always known. I don’t play nice with people as much as my other family members so I get to spend my time pounding shit in the field.�
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“I bet it’s rewarding though, isn’t it? To start something and see it come to life? Do you get that feeling of excitement and satisfaction like I did when I first walked through my house?”
“I think so. If I had more say in the houses it’d be that way, but not everyone’s taste is like mine.”
She smiled. “I bet your house has dark colors. Not light and bright.”
“Because I’m moody?” he asked and grinned at her. He had such a nice smile when he actually did it. His brown eyes almost lighting up. His dark hair was a little unkempt, but she thought it gave him character.
“You should do that more often. You’re a handsome man and your smile just makes you more so.”
“You’re going to embarrass me,” he said, picking his beer up and taking a drink.
“I don’t think you get embarrassed too much. So, your family all works for the business except Kaelyn? Thank you, by the way, for mentioning Jeffrey to her and Harris. Jeffrey loves baseball and I’m just hopeless with it. We play catch and I pitch to him. But we missed T-ball moving here. Having him go to Harris’s clinic for a few weeks has been wonderful.”
“He just opened it up this spring and it’s growing, but he’s pretty busy.”
“It was thoughtful of you to remember that he liked baseball when we first met. And then to have Whitney bring the tool bag over. Again, you’re not as standoffish as you want people to think you are.”
“Maybe not,” he said. “So, you’re back to work now. You can work your own hours or is it harder with the time difference?”
She figured he was done having her say nice things about him. It was probably better this way. They’d both said a lot of personal stuff so far and it was time to take a few steps back and talk about something else.
“Not too bad. I’m on web calls a lot. Once the sale goes through and is finalized I won’t be on as much. I love my job but it’s very demanding. It was when I was living there and being alone...I need to spend more time with the kids. Jeffrey will be starting school in a few weeks and I want to get Maddie into preschool a couple of days a week. That will give Zoe time to just do what she wants to.”
“You seem very close with your sister,” he said.
“We are. We always have been. I’m thrilled she moved with me, but I worry she’s giving up so much. For now it’s working. She doesn’t know what she wants to do with her life.”
“Did she go to college?”
Shannon laughed. “Yes. She wanted to go into marketing and then realized that she most likely would be working at a retail store. That’s not what she had in mind so she switched to a business management major. She’ll figure it out. She’s pretty smart even if she seems a little superficial.”
“I don’t think she comes off that way at all. I think she acts about her age and is trying to help her older sister out but balance having fun at the same time. Maybe she wants you to have the kind of fun you didn’t seem to have because you had children so fast.”
“She says that too. I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything, but the truth is, Tyler and I never really had a chance to just enjoy ourselves. Not the two of us and not as a family. That’s my biggest regret.”
“So you should change that about yourself then.”
“I’m not going home with you tonight,” she said, tilting her head.
“I don’t believe I asked you to,” he said back.
She laughed at the look on his face. Their food was delivered and when the waitress left she said, “But if I told you I wanted to, you wouldn’t say no?”
“Do I look stupid?” he said. “But then I’d wonder if I was just your training wheels.”
He was smiling when he said it, but something told her there might be some truth to that statement. Didn’t he say he didn’t want to be used or be with someone because of his name or them wanting to change him?
And didn’t she already make a big mess out of trying to explain she wasn’t looking for that either?
“I’m not that way. When the time comes for me to have sex again, it has to mean something. I don’t mean I’ve got to be in love with that person. I just have to feel something for them. A connection. Something that isn’t just a passing fling.”
“Is that your way of asking if I have flings?”
“If you want to volunteer that information.”
“I haven’t been in a relationship in a long time, but I date. I consider dating anything that is a handful of times with the same woman. A relationship to me is being with the same person for more than a month.”
“That’s oddly specific. So if you dated someone three times over a four-week period of time, it’s a relationship?”
“Are you picking on me?”
“I’m actually just trying to find out what the rules are. Maybe not with you but just in general. This is my first rodeo into the dating world. I’m not sure I’m equipped to ride the bull.”
He started to cough on his food. “What?”
“Sorry. That came out totally wrong. Here I was getting all comfortable. I told you I talk to myself and do it out loud. I meant to be thinking that in my head and not voicing it.”
“I can only imagine what goes through your head.”
“You don’t want to know.”
Tyler had always picked on her about that. It was a bad habit and sometimes—most times—she said things she shouldn’t have. Just like now.
But she hadn’t lied when she said she was nervous and then all of a sudden she wasn’t.
She had no explanation for the reasoning behind that either.
They continued to talk through dinner and then Ryan paid the bill. When they were done they went and got ice cream. She really didn’t want the date to end but knew unless they went back to his place—which she didn’t plan on doing—then they’d have to go back to hers.
Where her kids and sister were. They’d have no privacy and she realized that even if she invited him in, they wouldn’t be alone.
It was barely eight o’clock on top of it and she was starting to feel like an old lady having her date end this early.
“Anywhere else you want to go?” he asked. “Or do you need to get home?”
“Maddie will be in bed. Jeffrey in another thirty minutes. They go to bed early,” she said. “I’m in no hurry though if there was somewhere you wanted to go.”
“Your shoes look pretty comfortable. Want to go for a walk?”
“Really?” she asked. He had jeans and a button-down shirt on with the sleeves rolled up. It was about seventy-five out and the sun was just dropping.
“Not far. The Crossings has a bunch of walking and running paths. There is a pavilion, a playground and they do farmer’s markets every Saturday.”
“I’d like that. Maybe I could bring the kids next week,” she said. And there she was talking about her family again instead of focusing on the really hot guy she was on a date with. “Sorry.”
They were in his truck and he turned to look at her. “What are you sorry for?”
“I keep bringing my kids up.”
“So? It’s not like they don’t exist. They are pretty great kids from what I’ve seen.”
“They are, aren’t they?” She couldn’t have asked for a better response than what Ryan had said.
He pulled into the Crossings and she looked around at how big it was. There were a lot of cars but not a lot of people. She suspected people were just walking the paths like they were going to do.
They got out and she followed him down a path. “They rent this out for parties and such. It’s pretty big.” They continued to walk to a parking lot in the back. “This is where the farmer’s market is set up.”
“It’s perfect really.” There was a playground right next to it that the kids would love. She was definitely coming here next Saturday.
They’d walked for about twenty minutes and the sun was dropping even more. “We should at least head back to the truck before it’s too dark.”
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br /> “Yeah,” she said, wishing the night wasn’t about to end but knowing that for a first date it was pretty nice.
When they were back by his truck he stopped in front of the passenger door before she could open it. Her heart was racing and she knew he was going to kiss her. She wanted him to kiss her.
He slipped his hand into her hair, and she lifted up on her toes while he leaned down for their lips to meet.
He was soft and gentle at first. What she thought she wanted but didn’t expect it from him. Here was this big broody guy kissing her softly.
Her hands went into his hair and she pulled him down closer and tighter. She needed to feel his body next to hers. She needed to taste him.
When his mouth opened, hers followed suit, his tongue slipping in, hers dancing along with it.
They were like two teenagers making out and she realized she missed this in her life.
The freedom that came with this. No thoughts of anything other than the man in front of her, holding her, kissing her, making her feel like a woman.
“Wow,” she said. “That was nice.”
He laughed. “Then I don’t have to ask if you were put off by that.”
“Oh no,” she said. “I might be if you don’t do it again.”
Twenty minutes later she was walking in her front door, slipping her shoes off and making her way to the family room. “How was it?” Zoe asked.
“The kids sleeping?”
“Yeah. I checked on them a few minutes ago. So...tell me how it went. You’ve got this little glow on your face right now. Did you kiss?”
“I feel so foolish talking about this. But yes,” she said and almost squealed. “Ryan has some soft and full lips. Oh man, I want to feel them again. Am I horrible for saying that?”
Zoe patted the couch cushion next to her. “No. Tyler would want you to go out and have fun and enjoy yourself and you know it.”
She wanted to believe that herself and decided to confess something. “I dreamed of Tyler last night. I do that a lot. I always have. But in the past year more so. It’s like when I need reassurance he pops up in my dreams and gives it to me.”
