He’d sat at lunch with Tyler, Zach, and Ryan and had hardly listened to a word they said. He’d bench-pressed, stretched, run, and practiced, his body knowing what to do while his mind was elsewhere, focused on Miranda, on Miranda killing Julie, on Miranda cold-bloodedly drugging Julie, then smothering the life out of her.
He’d tried to figure out who else knew and decided no one did. Dad and Lisa would never have forgiven her. Matt might have, but Miranda wouldn’t have wanted Syl to know. And Mom . . . Mom was closer to Miranda than she was to either him or Matt, but even if Mom could have forgiven her, she couldn’t have kept it a secret. If Mom knew, they’d all know, and since they didn’t, she couldn’t.
No, the only person Miranda told was Alex. She told him on the road to Sexton, and Alex left her. Carlos was right. Alex loved Miranda, but he’d loved Julie, too, and felt responsible for her. If Carlos had said no to the marriage, Alex wouldn’t have returned.
But Carlos had said yes, allowing Alex to marry his sister’s killer. And Jon spent three years feeling responsible for something that had never truly been his fault.
He thought about that final day harder than he ever had before. Yes, he’d wanted Julie. He was a teenage boy and she was a teenage girl, and that was the nature of things. If Julie hadn’t been so religious, or more to the point, if she hadn’t been so scared of Alex, who was so religious, she would have had no reservations about making love. It had been their last chance, probably the last time they’d ever see each other.
Jon knew now he’d pushed too hard, and he understood why Julie had panicked. But panic was an irrational response. Julie knew him and loved him and should have understood that he would never hurt her. But her fear of Alex was stronger than her love of Jon. Which was pretty ironic, given that Alex loved her murderer.
Julie had panicked. Jon had gone out after her, had risked his own life to protect her, and she continued to panic. By that point, he realized, she must have been as terrified by the storm as she had been of him. The rain, the wind, the hail, must have driven her into a wild, irrational terror, and she was past the point of understanding that all he wanted was to keep her from harm.
Then the wind had lifted her and thrown her down. Jon had done everything he could to protect her, but she’d resisted and paid the price.
Jon remembered everything about that moment. He acknowledged, as he never had before, that there’d been an instant when he thought, She’s dead and she’ll never tell what happened.
But she wasn’t dead, and he didn’t leave her there to die. He could have. The storm was raging. No one knew where they were. He could have risked it, gone back to the house, claimed they’d gotten separated, hoping she’d be dead by the time they found her. He’d thought of all that then. For a moment he’d considered it.
Instead he’d gone back and led them to her. Julie could have accused him of trying to rape her. She could have claimed she ran into the storm because she feared for her life in the house with him. Everyone would have believed her. Jon could have told the truth, sworn he never would have hurt her, and they would have turned against him anyway.
Julie hadn’t told. She loved him enough not to. Maybe she was waiting for him to see her, waiting to have a chance to forgive him. If she’d lived only a few days longer, he would have gone to her. Saving Lisa and Gabe was his first priority, but after that he would have gone to beg for Julie’s forgiveness, and he knew she would have forgiven him.
But Miranda killed her before he and Julie had that chance. All these years he’d blamed himself for Julie’s death, but it was Miranda who was responsible.
Jon understood why Miranda had done it. Julie was paralyzed. Miranda believed there was no cure.
But maybe she was wrong. Maybe they could have gotten Julie to a doctor, somehow, somewhere. Or maybe Julie’s prayers and Alex’s and Lisa’s and Syl’s would have been answered, and a miracle would have happened, and Julie would have been cured. Dad thought Lisa’s survival, Gabe’s survival, was miraculous. Maybe Julie could have had a miracle of her own.
Only Miranda hadn’t let that happen. They were Alex’s pills, but Alex hadn’t told her to kill his sister. Miranda came up with that all on her own. Months later she’d confessed to Alex what she’d done. By then Julie was just a memory, a sister Alex had loved but one he’d fought with, one he thought of as a burden he’d been trying to be free of for over a year.
Carlos said, “Sure, marry our sister’s murderer.” Alex took that as a blessing and raced back to Miranda. It was as though Julie had never existed.
She existed for Jon, though. She haunted his dreams. She kept him from having any kind of chance with a girl like Sarah. Only grubber girls, who could be bought for a quarter of a bar of soap.
Miranda had done that to him. Miranda had murdered Julie, and she had murdered everything that was good in him.
And now Miranda was going to be living in his house. It was a fantasy to think he’d be able to avoid her. She’d work in the greenhouse, eat with Val and Carrie, sleep in the garage. But she’d be there. She’d be running in to check on her baby, the one Julie would never have. Officially she’d be a domestic, but she’d feel like Lisa’s stepdaughter, Gabe’s half sister. Jon’s sister. Every time he’d see her, he’d picture her putting the pillow over Julie’s face, holding it down until she could never breathe again.
“Jon! Wake up! I wanna play!”
Gabe had rushed into his room and jumped on top of him.
“Carrie!” Jon shouted. “Carrie, get in here!”
Carrie ran in. “Gabe, stop that,” she said. “Jon will play with you later.”
“I want to play now!” Gabe yelled.
Carrie walked over to the bed to pull Gabe away. But as she did, Jon rose, and by the time she reached Gabe, Jon’s hand was up and he was ready to strike her.
Carrie froze. Gabe began crying. Jon pulled his hand back. He’d never hit a girl before, not even a grub, but he knew if he hit Carrie once, he would never stop. He would batter her with his fists until she was unconscious, until she was dead.
Gabe ran out of the room and Carrie ran right behind him. Jon stood absolutely still, trying to catch his breath, trying to regain his sanity.
It wasn’t Carrie. He had nothing against Carrie. It could have been Val.
It could have been Sarah.
It was Miranda he wanted to kill. Miranda, who’d killed the girl he’d loved, leaving him to drown in guilt for the rest of his life.
Thursday, June 25
Jon answered the phone as soon as he walked in.
“Oh, Jon, I’m glad I got you,” Lisa said. “I’m here at the hospital with Miranda.”
“Miranda,” he said, trying to sound like a loving brother. “Is she all right?”
“Yes, I think so,” Lisa said. “She passed out at the greenhouse this afternoon. They sent her here by ambulance.”
“And the baby?” Jon asked.
“Fine,” Lisa said. “I’m sure Miranda is, also. It’s hard to be eight months pregnant and on your feet all day long, and the greenhouses are so hot and humid. But they’re not taking any chances. They’re going to keep her in the hospital for the remainder of her pregnancy. Her blood pressure’s very high, and they think it’s better for her to be monitored. The paperwork’s all done, so officially she works for me. That’s why they called me.”
“Have you seen her?” Jon asked.
“No, not yet,” Lisa said. “It’s been less than an hour, and they’re still checking her out. Everyone tells me there’s nothing to worry about, but of course I feel I should talk to her and make sure she’s all right. I don’t know how long that’s going to take. Alex may not realize anything’s wrong until he gets to White Birch, but he’s bound to panic when he doesn’t see her there. And Laura will be hysterical. My guess is they’ll get to a phone before curfew and call us to see if we know where she is. I’ll probably be home by then, but just in case, I wanted you to know what’s happenin
g. You can tell them Miranda’s getting the best possible care.”
“Will they be able to see her?” Jon asked.
“I’m not sure,” Lisa said. “Laura won’t be able to get a pass, I know that. I might be able to pull some strings and get one for Alex, since he works in Sexton anyway. But I can’t be sure. The rules are very stringent about where grubs are allowed. If they ask, tell them you don’t know, but I’ll be visiting Miranda whenever I can and you will, also, and we’ll keep them posted.”
Jon knew he would never visit Miranda. The thought of seeing her repulsed him. But he wouldn’t tell Lisa that, or Mom or Alex. He’d find excuses, just as he knew he’d find excuses when she came to work for Lisa.
“Jon, I’ve got to go,” Lisa said. “Give Gabe a big kiss for me, and tell Val to have my dinner ready. If there’s any more news, I’ll call.”
“Thanks, Lisa,” Jon said, and hung up. He gave Val the message and went to the nursery to check in on Gabe. Carrie backed away when he entered. He didn’t blame her.
Lisa got in before Alex called. She told him what she’d told Jon, adding only that she’d seen Miranda briefly and she was feeling much better.
“I think I calmed him down,” she said to Jon after she hung up. “Of course he wants to break every rule and rush to her side, but that’s the worst thing he could do. It won’t do Miranda any good if he’s thrown in jail.”
“They’d send him to the mines,” Jon said.
“That won’t do Miranda any good, either,” Lisa replied. “But there’s a chance I can get him a pass. Someone’s been after me for a while for an Ivy League domestic. I may be able to do some swapping. One Yalie for two state-college grads and a pass for Alex as a thank-you. It might work.”
Jon didn’t care. Alex could end up in the mines as far as he was concerned, and Miranda and her baby could follow him there.
He felt bad for Mom, but that was it. Someday, he decided, he’d tell Mom the truth about Miranda. Mom would never forgive her. Miranda would be dead to her, just as she was to Jon.
Friday, June 26
“When Alex calls tonight, you take it, all right, Jon?” Lisa said.
“Okay,” Jon said, although he had no desire to talk with Alex. “Why are you avoiding him?”
“I spent half of today trying to get him that pass,” Lisa said. “But the family with the Yalie wouldn’t give her up, and the family that wanted a Yalie wouldn’t take anything else. I even offered Val to sweeten the pot, but Tulane wasn’t good enough for them.”
“You would have transferred Val?” Jon asked. He knew how much Lisa depended on her.
“Miranda and Alex are family,” Lisa said. “Val isn’t. If it weren’t for Hal and me, Miranda would never have met Alex. In some ways, I’m more of a grandmother to their baby than Laura is.”
Jon stared at her.
“Don’t give me that look, Jon Evans,” Lisa said. “Yes, I know I’m taking Miranda on as a domestic and that’s not the same as what I’ve done for you. But it’s the best I can do. A decent home with clean air for their baby. A year or two from now things could be completely different. Who knows. But the important thing is to stay alive and healthy. And the best way of doing that is playing by the rules.”
“Even if the rules stink?” Jon asked.
“They’re not that bad for us,” Lisa said. “You might try to be more grateful for what you have. And don’t get any ideas about beating up the domestics, Jon.”
“Carrie told you?” Jon asked.
“Gabe did,” Lisa said. “He was very upset. Carrie says you didn’t hit her, but she was afraid you were going to. Jon, what’s the matter with you? It’s one thing to tell Val she has to get up earlier in the morning, even though you should have asked me first. But abusing the domestics? I don’t care what your friends do. In this house everyone is treated with respect.”
“I told her I was sorry,” Jon said. “I’d been having a bad dream, and then Gabe waking me up like that, I couldn’t tell what was real and what was nightmare.”
“You’d better learn the difference,” Lisa said. “I have enough problems around here without Carrie reporting you for battery.”
“I was going to slap her,” Jon said. “That’s not battery.”
“Carrie said you looked out of control,” Lisa said. “Oh, Jon, I don’t even know why we’re arguing about this. I have a headache, and I’m going to bed. When Alex calls, tell him I couldn’t get the pass, but I called the hospital this afternoon and they said Miranda is doing fine. He and Laura shouldn’t worry. Miranda’s getting excellent care, and it’s much better for her to be in the hospital than working ten-hour days in the greenhouses. Oh, and Jon, you visit Miranda next, and keep it to yourself that she’s family. Just say I asked you to check up on her because she’s my domestic and I’m too busy to go.”
Jon knew he wasn’t going to visit Miranda, but he also knew not to argue. He’d go to the hospital and ask how she was doing, without actually seeing her. That should be enough to shut everybody up.
“Good night, Lisa,” he said. “Feel better.”
Lisa paused before going upstairs. “You’re a good boy, Jon,” she said. “Sometimes I think you lose sight of that fact. Give my love to Alex. Tell him things will seem better in the morning.”
Saturday, June 27
“I’m here to see how Miranda Morales is doing,” Jon said. “My stepmother asked me to. Miranda’s one of her domestics.”
“She’ll be in the grubber wing, then,” the nurse said. “Walk down the hallway to the left, and take the stairs up.”
“Thank you,” Jon said. He found the door to the stairway, climbed the two flights, and saw an immediate difference once he opened the door to the third floor. The floors were filthy, wastepaper baskets full, and only half the lights were on.
Jon knew Sexton prided itself on having a grubber’s wing in the hospital, but it was clear the people who bragged about it had never actually seen it. He peeked into the various rooms. Almost all were empty, but in the handful of rooms that were occupied, there were six beds where four were meant to be.
“We don’t encourage slackers,” the only nurse on the floor said. “Make things too comfortable for grubs, they’ll never go back to work.”
Jon nodded. “I can see that might be a problem,” he said. “I’m here to check up on Miranda Morales.”
“Why?” the nurse asked.
“She’s our domestic,” Jon said. “My stepmother wants to see how she’s doing.”
“Tell your stepmother she’s doing fine,” the nurse said. “The baby’s due in about three weeks. The grub should be back at work a day or so later.”
“Do they usually recover that fast?” Jon asked.
“Grubs recover when we tell them they’ve recovered,” the nurse said. “Everyone is making a big fuss over her because she’s the only girl in here due to have a baby. No clavers, no grubs. Just her. She’s going to be spoiled rotten by the time that baby comes, and your stepmother is going to have a lot of work ahead, whipping her into shape. I’m glad it’s not my problem. You tell your stepmother that, and let me get back to work, all right?”
“All right,” Jon said. “Thank you.”
“It’s my job,” the nurse said. “A lousy one, but a job.”
Sunday, June 28
It was a five-hour drive to Hilton, Tennessee, and by the time the bus got there, not even Coach seemed all that interested in the match.
Jon played the first half and scored three times. Sexton ended up winning 7–2, but there were no tirades on the drive back because of the low score. Instead all of them—Coach, the team, and the guards—got drunk on potka. Endless speeches were made about the complete and utter destruction the White Birch grubs were going to face on the Fourth of July.
“We’ll leave them drowning in their own blood!” Tyler shouted, and everyone laughed and cheered, Jon included.
Better that way than drugged and smothered, he th
ought. At least the grubs would have a chance. That’s more than Miranda had offered Julie.
Monday, June 29
“Hey, Evans,” Ryan said in the locker room after practice. “Looking forward to Saturday?”
“Sure,” Jon replied. “We’ll slaughter the grubs. Make them beg for mercy.”
Tyler laughed. “It’s the grubber girls that’ll be begging.”
“Show them no mercy,” Zachary said.
“The plan is to stay in White Birch after the match,” Ryan said. “Right, Tyler?”
“Right,” Tyler said. “Make the eighteenth look like a picnic. You with us, Evans?”
Jon knew there was only one way he could answer. “Can’t wait,” he said.
Tyler walked over to him and slapped him on the back. “That’s a good slip,” he said. “Now let’s get out of here before Coach makes us run more laps.”
Tuesday, June 30
The sound of a knock on the door startled all of them. Jon got up from the dinner table, walked to the hallway, and opened the door. There stood Sarah. Sarah?
“What are you doing here?” he whispered.
“I have to talk to you,” she said.
Jon checked. There was no one standing outside. “It’s not a good idea,” he said.
“I’m sick and tired of your good ideas,” she replied. “We’re going to get things straightened out once and for all.”
“Who is it?” Lisa called.
“It’s Sarah,” he replied.
“Invite her in,” Val said. “There’s plenty of food.”
“Some other time,” Sarah said. “Thank you anyway.” She gestured to Jon. “Come on,” she said.
Jon followed Sarah to the garage. There was a cot there now, one Lisa had found in the attic and had had Val carry in.
Sarah noticed it right away. “This is new,” she said, sitting down on it.
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