I smiled to hide the pain the words caused. It confused me why it caused me pain, but it did. Was it because I might never be able to have a child of my own? I’d never really thought about it, but now that I knew I might not live to see a child grow up, I had to wonder if it was fair. What about the medicine I was on? Would that cause problems?
I turned around and rummaged in the fridge until I found a bottle of juice for Emily. I didn’t want them to see my face. I had to take a deep breath to get rid of the thoughts, to get rid of the pain, and focus on what was important.
“Well, good luck with the new baby,” I said to Mason and left the kitchen.
I met Trent in the hallway of the large house and looked him straight in the eye.
“Look, I was dick.” He swiped a hand over his mouth and looked away before he pinned those gray eyes so like Emily’s on me. It was a family trait then.
It was a little disconcerting, but I was getting used to it now. Time to focus on what the man had to say.
“I can never make it up to Emily, what I did to her, but I can say I’m sorry to you, Dylan. I’ve talked with her, and well, I did you wrong, man. Sorry about that. Can we be friends, for my sister’s sake?”
His eyes said he’d punch me if I didn’t agree, and that was good with me. I was there for Emily, and for once the man seemed to be thinking of her too. That was real good.
“No worries, Trent. Emily’s all that matters in this. I’m glad you reached out to her.” I didn’t want to rub it in his face that he’d caved, but I wanted him to know he had caused all of this. To be fair, he’d just admitted as much.
“I am too. It was Jessi who finally knocked some sense into me. My wife is something else, I got to tell you.” He shook his head ruefully and smiled. “She’s great. You taking that to Emily?”
He pointed at the juice, and I nodded. “Yeah, let me get this to her. Great talking to you.”
I liked that we didn’t have to go over everything for an hour, just a few sentences and the bridges that had been burned were suddenly replaced with new ones. Good. Emily deserved some peace, after the time she had. She might need this love if, when, my illness finally took hold.
Hopefully, that would be a long time from now, but there was no guarantee. It was possible she might end up on her own, and I knew, from the love her family had finally realized she needed, that she would be taken care of. She might not be okay if something happened to me, but she would be taken care of.
Suddenly, my arms were filled with warm, wiggly baby goodness, and I stared down into its little eyes. They were wise eyes, curious, and his little tongue curled around his open mouth before he grinned up at me. I assumed it was a boy anyway; the baby was dressed in blue.
“Can you please take him for a second? I need the bathroom so bad,” Jessi rushed by me, her perfume the only hint that she’d only been there a second ago.
I stood there, trying to make sure the little guy didn’t wiggle out of my arms. I was certain I would drop him, so I sank down in the now empty hallway and held him close to my chest. “Don’t you dare fall, little guy. I’ll never live it down. I’m sure your aunty would scream at me too.”
He just wiggled his head around and grinned again. I decided it wasn’t so bad. He smelled clean, what people called baby smell. Lotion and soap, I guessed, I didn’t know; I’d heard it in passing somewhere along the way.
It was one of those profound moments that you don’t know is happening until after. I was a grown man, yet, I’d never held a baby. A tiny little person who was totally helpless and needed love and nurturing from the grownups around him. He was … awesome.
“What are you doing in the hallway, Dylan?” I heard Emily’s voice and looked up. She glanced down and saw the baby in my arms.
“You’ve got Harry, I see.” She had this smile on her face, one that was filled with wonder. “You look. Um. Wow, you’re good at that. He’s actually smiling.”
She sank down beside me, her black leggings and loose blue silk shirt a softness at my side. She didn’t take the baby, or even offer to take him. She just watched.
I wanted to say, don’t go getting ideas, because I could see it on her face that she was, but something stopped me. Would it be so bad, having something as incredible as this in our lives? I looked at her and could feel how wide my eyes were.
Fucking hell, have I gone over the edge that far for this woman? I gazed into her eyes and knew I might have.
I held the baby and watched him, Emily silent beside me, until his mother came back and took him from me. Little Harry was gone, and so was his tiny little warmth and that heavy but light sensation I’d felt with him in my arms. I sat there for a moment and just took it in.
“You okay?” Emily asked, and I looked at her.
“Of course. Just thinking. You have a bigger family than I realized.” I took her hand, and we stood up together.
“Is it scary?”
“No, just a surprise that’s all.” I looked around at the women and men gathered in the room, little ones who were old enough in the floor playing. It wasn’t anything like I’d expected at all.
I’d expected immaculate coldness and quiet children who sat in chairs against the wall as the grownups spoke. The idea of a rich family that showed up in so many. Impersonal, uncaring, cold. Not this warmth and sprawl that ignored messy pillows on the couch and a spill of crayons all over the floor.
I think I might grow to like this.
Dylan
I still didn’t trust the bastard. Trent had nearly broken Emily’s heart, and I just couldn’t say that I could trust someone with little more than an apology as a gesture of reconciliation. He was her brother, she wanted to trust him, but that didn’t mean I’d ever look at him without distrust in my heart.
“I’m going to lie down for a bit,” Emily said when we walked into the penthouse. I knew her family time had worn her out, so I didn’t protest. Right now, I thought I could use some alone time.
It had been astonishing how much noise could come from family gatherings. Even when my birth parents were alive, we’d never had gatherings like that. My mother was far too unstable even to consider it. She’d wrecked family dinners over the smallest things: a bug that flew by that told her we’d poisoned her food, or a speck of dust that she thought might be poison my father had put in mine.
Today had been … eye-opening. It wasn’t just how many of them there was; it was the twins and their similarities, holding the baby, and talking to her parents. Who were very odd people, I’d decided, but got on with making conversation with them. They weren’t necessarily cold, just a tad reserved. Kind of like my adoptive parents.
Emily’s parents would warm to me, as the James couple had, and would lose some of that rigidness over time. I hoped. Her dad wasn’t a man I wanted to make an enemy out of, no matter how old he was. I could feel it when he shook my hand. He might be elderly now, but he still had power.
The women, the subtle ways they guided their men was amusing, until I realized Emily did the same with me. I didn’t mind, she’d made a huge difference in my life, she’d brought joy where there’d been sadness, but it was amusing to know she had womanly ways.
Then the babies.
I’d held a baby.
I could still feel his weight in my arms, soft but reassuring, while at the same time the most terrifying thing I’d ever done. That might have been the most amazing part of the day. Apart from how pleased Emily was on the drive home. She’d been quiet but smiling throughout the drive back to our place. That had been worth the headache that eventually developed between my eyes.
It would take some getting used to, being around her family, but I could do it. I’d have to, if I wanted to keep her in my life. Which was something else on its own.
I’d already made the decision that I wanted to keep her in my life, even if it might not be fair to her. I’d pushed her away for a long time, afraid of what it would mean, of what might change in my life. I h
adn’t realized that the changes would be good.
Yet, there was still the question of my health.
I poured a small glass of scotch, my medicine didn’t allow any more than that, and watched as my hand shook when I picked the small glass up. The tremor didn’t stop, as it usually did, and I felt a twinge in my back. I winced, put the glass down on the table, and sat on the couch.
My hand kept shaking as if something had taken control of my limb, and I tried to make it stop. I clenched my fist, shook my arm, stretched it over my head, but nothing made the tremor stop. Finally, just when I was about to get up and scream down the phone for my doctor, the tremor stopped.
I sighed, reached for the glass, and took a sip. The heat of the liquid burned down my throat, but I savored the sensation. I’d have to tell Emily. That’s all there was to it. It was unfair not to tell her.
I decided I’d tell her the next day. I wanted one more night. Just in case, one more night snuggled up close to her. One night where she didn’t look at me with pity or disgust. Just one more night of her loving touch.
I finished the drink and went into the bedroom. I dropped my clothes and slid into bed behind her, naked. She turned into my arms and wrapped herself in me.
“Decided to join me, did you?” she asked softly, sleepily.
“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” I pushed my face into her neck and inhaled her scent.
“Mm, I’m glad. I was missing you too.” Her hand moved down between us to grasp me in her hand. She was an expert now, and her touch was perfect.
I groaned when her hand tensed around me and began to move. Slow at first, easy to enjoy as the pleasure rippled through me. “Don’t stop, Emily.”
“As if I ever would,” she whispered and moved away enough to trace kisses along my jaw.
I felt like a young boy, uncertain and unsure, as she moved along my body. Everything felt new all over again, and when her tongue circled around my nipple, I gasped. I’d forgotten how good that felt. She squeezed the small nipple, much smaller than her own, and licked the tip she held between her fingers.
A jolt shot through my dick, and I moaned.
The sensation mixed with the feelings that came from her hand wrapped around my dick, and I wasn’t certain I would last much longer. I held my hand over hers and pushed her back with my shoulder.
“Let me love you, Emily.” I’d never said it to her before, not that I remembered, but it seemed right now. I wanted to worship her, to love her, even if I couldn’t say the words to her.
I said I love you with the soft kiss I pecked on her lips. I told her how much I adored her when I sank my teeth into her neck and then licked. Her taste was nectar on my tongue, and so I moved down, to gather more of her unique tastes. She tasted like cherries along her neck, but her breasts tasted of the raspberries her tight nipples reminded me of.
I’d known a lot of women in my life, I’d fucked a lot of them, but none of them had ever been Emily. None of them had ever made me want to scream with something I had no way to define. I licked her nipple before I sucked it into my mouth. Her hips rushed up at me, hit my right hip, and I pushed her body down. My fingers dove into her folds, and I teased her there, my fingers a soft strum against her clit.
When she began to sigh my name and claw at my shoulders, I moved my hand so my palm would press into her clit, while my fingers delved inside of her. I stroked her, softly, then faster, following the pace of her breath at first.
When her breathing became erratic, when her skin was flushed and perspiration started to speckle along her skin, I sucked hard on her nipple. The effect was immediate, and her thighs clamped down on my hand. Her back arched, and I felt satisfaction throb in my dick. It was a beautiful sight to watch Emily come.
I thought women were afraid to let a man watch them really let go, but Emily had never been ashamed. She let go, her back arched, her head went back, and she forgot to breathe. It all made me even harder for her. That was what a woman’s pleasure did to a real man. A boy might laugh, but a man drinks in the sight of his woman’s pleasure. As I did now.
Emily’s hands started to scratch at my shoulders, and I knew she wasn’t done. I’d waited, I’d tried to hold myself back, but as she took off again, I lost my grip on my control.
I nudged her legs apart and sank into the heated depths of her. She was slick, hot, and so tight around me that I shuddered. It felt so good when I was inside Emily. She made me feel alive, like there was no end to life, and that we would live forever.
I pulled her legs around me and lifted her so that I could drive into her, straight to that spot that made her shoot off like a rocket. She writhed with me, her hips a blur, as she let her head fall back in total abandon.
Emily could be restrained, she could wait her turn, but she didn’t have to do any of that right now. She just had to take what I gave her.
She took it with both fists, greedily, as if she might never get it again.
I lost my stride for a minute but quickly retrieved it. Now wasn’t the time for those thoughts, and I sank down into her again. Each thrust was warm, liquid pleasure, and the sensation of her as I left her, a grip that didn’t want to let go, was just as exciting.
“Emily, I can’t wait anymore, baby. Fuck, come with me, please.” I thrust into her, hard, deep, and heard a soft sound, a sound that she only made on the best occasions. Surprise, pleasure, and then she almost turned inside out.
I was right there with her, lost in the way my dick was exploding over and over again. I didn’t know I had it in me, but I did. After a while, I slumped against her, done, but still lost in bliss.
I rolled, pulled her on top of me, and held her as we tried to remember how to breathe. She was always the first one to recover, and she left the bed to get a glass of water. She brought me one and set it on my nightstand. She crawled in beside me and pulled the covers up.
“Maybe we should take a shower?” I said, too tired to actually do it.
“Tomorrow. I’m too fucking tired.” She didn’t swear a lot, but it was cute when she did. It was also a sign of how tired she was.
“Good idea. Tomorrow.” I patted her, but the word tomorrow was no real comfort.
Tomorrow I’d tell her that I might die and leave her alone. Tomorrow I’d tell her that it might be a long, slow process, and she’d have to watch me wither away to nothing. I might go blind; I might lose the ability to speak. I’d read about what could happen. I knew what my fate could be.
It wasn’t pretty, it wasn’t at all kind, what fate had in store for me. Not unless a new treatment came along. The medicines could control some of the symptoms, but there was no cure. Not yet.
I pulled her to me, the glass of water forgotten.
“Sleep well, Emily.” I kissed her cheek, and she hummed.
“Sweet dreams, Dylan.”
She might have been sweating ten minutes ago, but she was back to her normal, fruity smell. Pain arced through my gut as I wondered if she’d be in that spot tomorrow night. What if she walked out?
I couldn’t imagine that. I was banking on her not running out on me, but she might. There was always a possibility of that. Not everyone was made to be a caretaker. Even if they were good with kids and managing people’s lives. She’d actually taken care of her family her whole life. It wasn’t fair to ask her to stick around and maybe face caring for me. Wasn’t that where we were heading?
Wasn’t the idea that we would be here for each other?
I didn’t really have doubts about Emily, but I knew reality. I had to face reality. Life wasn’t always fair, and sometimes people surprised you. I was sure the girl my father fell in love with shocked the fuck out of him when she suddenly turned into a psychotic harridan.
He’d expected a wife, a baby, and a quiet life. He hadn’t got that at all. He’d got anything but peace. Mom had nearly driven us both mad with her own madness. Then, the ultimate shock, when she’d tried to kill us all. She’d only managed two of u
s. I’d escaped.
For the rest of my life, I’d avoided love, real commitment. What if I turned out to be like Mom? There’d been no signs of it, but she’d snapped one day. She hadn’t been insane when Dad fell in love with her.
Which made me realize that Emily was a lot like my Dad. She was a giver, a caretaker, someone who gave everything she had to those she loved. It was a reassuring thought because deep down, I was really afraid to tell her what was wrong with me.
It was stupid, I knew that, but fuck, how did you ruin someone’s day with the shit I had to drop on her? I rolled away and pressed my face into the side of my head where it had started to ache. I stared into the darkness of the room, lost in my own thoughts.
Then Emily rolled over to wrap around me. She sought me out even when she was asleep. I was positive she felt the same way about me, and calm finally settled over me. I was certain, at last, that she would support me. She wouldn’t run away.
Emily wasn’t the kind to do that, not unless she was pushed away. Although, I thought with a final happy thought, she’d pushed right back at me when I’d tried to push her away. She’d steamrolled into my life and squashed every protest I’d made. That wasn’t a woman who would give up at the first sign of trouble.
I fell asleep then, at peace at last. I had a plan in place now. I knew what I needed to do. I almost felt relief. It would be over soon, the hiding I’d done, the dishonesty, a lot of people would call it. Tomorrow Emily would decide what our future would be. I was happy with that.
Emily
“Emily, this is incredible,” Jessi whispered to me as I ushered her into our penthouse. Her eyes were round with wonder, as if she’d never set foot into such a place before. I knew she had; she was my eldest brother’s wife, after all.
“I just wanted it to feel less like a showroom and more like a home,” I explained. The place was tastefully decorated, and I’d added little touches here and there. My wicker baskets along the baseboards in corners, a few prints I’d found on the walls, fluffy pillows and blankets on the couches; it all made it home to me.
Dark Truth Page 7
