She rolled away when I moved off of her and caught her breath. She wasn’t turning away from me, just having a moment to recover. I sighed and let my eyes close. I heard her go into the bathroom and then come out a few minutes later.
“Good night, Dylan.” She kissed me, and I tasted toothpaste on her lips.
“Good night, Emily.” I pulled her to me, and she curled into my side, her head on my chest. I held her there and stared at the ceiling now that the light was off.
Thoughts ran around in my head. Plans I had and the things we wanted to do together. So far, the new medicine was working, and I wanted to make sure I took advantage of each day. I’d spent so much time dreading the moment when I might have a flare, when Emily would know what was wrong with me, that I felt as if I’d barely lived our lives together.
I’d only been half invested, but now, I wanted to be fully invested in whatever we planned to do in the future. I was even considering a wedding, at some point. In the future.
I frowned, but I knew it was a big step. I was certain Emily was the one for me, the one I wanted to spend my life with, such as it may be, but I wasn’t sure if it was too soon. She wasn’t the kind to watch romantic movies, or stare at wedding magazines; she’d never even mentioned it, so maybe she didn’t want to get married?
I knew she wasn’t an assuming person, and she wouldn’t push for anything she thought I didn’t want, but I did wonder sometimes. She never, ever mentioned marriage, at all. Not even by accident.
It was a possibility, then, that she didn’t want to marry anyone.
She’d seen the kind of marriage her parents had, and although it was nothing like my parents, her parents weren’t exactly the most loving or warm people to their children. From what I’d seen so far, they weren’t that way with each other either.
Maybe she wanted to avoid it? Which would be fine, I wouldn’t push her if she didn’t want it, but I would like to give her that protection, in case something happened to me. I wanted to know that she’d be taken care of.
Of course, she had family who would always do that, I suspected now that they’d got over their squabble. I hadn’t completely thawed to Trent, but I liked Kevin and Mason. They were intelligent fellas and not as unyielding as Trent. We’d had dinner with Laura and Mason the other night. They’d seemed like good company, and Emily was happy to be with them.
She’d been distracted, but she had been that way since I’d fallen ill. I knew she was probably calculating when I had to take my medicine next, or if I’d been still too long. She caught my gaze on her and smiled. She was alright, but I was worried that she was dealing with too much stress.
I’d take her for a weekend away, I decided. After the opening and everything had settled down. I knew she had a girls’ weekend planned with Roxie and her sisters-in-law, but that was later this summer. She deserved a couple of days before then, at least.
I knew she was exhausted, but she’d stayed that way lately. She was already snoring softly against my shoulder. I shifted a little, and her head moved. The snores stopped, but she was still asleep. The poor thing couldn’t get enough sleep lately. I’d make sure she slept in the next morning. One way or another.
I slid out from beneath her and went to her phone. I turned off the alarm she’d set and crawled back into bed. She curled into me and I sighed, happy to have her by my side.
I wouldn’t have believed it when I first met her, but even then, I’d known there was something different about her. How right I’d been. She was different from any woman I’d ever met, and that was what made her special.
I thought about the next day and all I had to get done. It all stopped mattering when Emily made a soft sound of fear in her sleep. I soothed her, and she fell back into something more peaceful.
I watched her sleep for a while longer, and I didn’t even realize I’d fallen asleep until Emily moved away, and that woke me up. I patted her back and rolled to my side, too tired to fight it anymore.
I’d make sure she took care of herself tomorrow, and that we’d both get some sleep tonight. I let the dreams take me, at last, and started to snore.
The next morning, Emily wasn’t in bed. I was disappointed to find she had got up already, and I got up to find her. “Emily? Why are you up, darling? I turned your alarm off, woman!”
I heard noises in the bathroom and went to the door. “Emily?”
“Don’t come in! I must have eaten something bad last night.”
I could hear she’d been crying, and I didn’t want to invade her privacy, but she needed me. “Emily? I think we should take you to the doctor, sweetheart. You’ve been ill a lot lately, and I’m worried about you.”
“I don’t need to go to the doctor, Dylan. I know what’s wrong.” I heard the toilet flush and the door opened. “Let’s go to the kitchen, and I’ll explain it all.”
Her face was drained of all color and her eyes were terrified, but she walked to the kitchen with a determined gait. I wasn’t sure what she was about to tell me, but I suspected it was something important.
Dylan
I watched as Emily poured herself a glass of ginger ale from the fridge and came to stand in front of me on the other side of the island. She looked rough, worn out, and pale. I didn’t like the look of her and wanted to ask her to let me take her to the doctor, but she brushed her hair back from her face, took a deep breath, and looked me straight in the eye.
“I’m pregnant.” Her mouth was a grim straight line, and her eyes lacked their normal sparkle, but as soon as she said the words, I knew they were true. Maybe I’d never been around pregnant women, and I didn’t really know the first thing about pregnancy, but it all made sense now.
The stomach nausea, the exhaustion, the paleness, even the way her nipples had darkened, all made sense now. She was pregnant. I could only stare at her and nod.
“Alright. Well, that’s good I suppose.” I sat there, too stunned to ask her how, or why, or what should we do. A baby.
A few months ago, I’d have coldly told her to abort it, and then I’d have dumped her. Now? I wasn’t sure what I felt, but coldness wasn’t the name for it. I wasn’t angry, I wasn’t sad, I was just … numb.
“Good?” she said, her eyes disappointed.
I couldn’t help it, though. This was a big thing, on top of so many big things, and well, I was fucked if I could think of how to respond. I knew I should be angry or excited, one of the two, but right now, I just wanted to process the whole thing. I wasn’t always able to handle surprises well, and this was one of those times.
This was one major surprise.
“When, er, how long until it’s born?” That was one of the things you were supposed to ask, right?
“Seven months or so. Give or take a week.” She sat on the bar stool and took a deep breath. Her eyes had been on her glass of ginger ale, but now she looked up at me, hurt in the gray depths I loved so much. “Look, I know this might be more than you can handle right now, but I can’t hide it anymore.”
She took a sip of the soda and continued.
“I wanted to wait until the time was right, until the perfect moment, but I can’t keep trying to hide how sick I am. Or the cravings. Or how my body has started to change already.”
“That explains the Ranch dressing then. I knew you wouldn’t normally eat that much. The tuna, you hate tuna.”
“I do. If you can’t accept this, and you don’t want anything else to do with me I understand. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Apparently, my birth control failed because of the migraine medicine, and well, it’s real now. I don’t want to change that, or us, but if you don’t want to be part of this, then I understand, Dylan. You have a lot on your plate.”
“What? No, Emily. Come here.” I held my arms out, and she immediately burst into tears as she fell into my embrace. “Darling, no, don’t cry.”
“It’s not your fault. It seems to be my default response lately. The sky is a wonderful shade of blue, I cry. I’m happy
about a new employee, I cry. You don’t kick me out and accept what’s happened, I cry.” She sniffled her way through the words, but she got them out, her head against my shoulder.
“It’s alright, Emily. I’ll take care of you. You did it for me, and it’s my turn now.” I kissed the top of her head and pulled away slightly. “Are you going to be alright if I head in to work?”
She blinked at me, a little blankly, and I knew I’d failed her again. She’d hoped for an emotional respond on either side of the spectrum, and I’d landed square in the middle of both sides. I wasn’t angry, but I wasn’t excited either.
“Yeah, sure, go ahead. I’ve got some calls to make anyway.” She swiped her hand across her face and then went to get a paper towel.
I headed for the shower, my brain just barely on tick-over. I was still completely dumbfounded when I found myself in my office an hour later. How was I going to raise a child, if I was dead?
The question played on repeat in my head, and I finally pushed my desk chair away to stare out of the large pane of glass behind me. I stared down at the work going on below, at the ocean beyond, and saw that a storm was rolling in.
I imagined there was one rolling in upstairs too. I hadn’t responded well to Emily’s announcement, but I couldn’t fake emotions I didn’t have. Not very well at least. The moment she’d said those words everything in my brain froze, and I couldn’t help but sit there, totally stumped.
I’d have to make it up to her somehow.
I wasn’t sure what that ‘how’ was, or if I could accomplish anything that would put her at ease, but I’d try.
A baby. My baby.
Something warm started to glow in my chest, and I could feel a smile spread over my face. Emily was pregnant with my baby. It wasn’t so bad. In fact, as the day went on, that warmth spread, and everything about the day somehow became easier. It wasn’t so stressful when a pipe burst in a bathroom on the second floor and flooded the room below. When the maintenance guys found one of the brand-new mowers had been stolen, well, no big deal, I’d just buy a new one.
The entire day went like that and by the time I closed my office door for the day, I had a plan in place. I drove myself out to a boutique on the outskirts of town, bought Emily a cap-sleeved, calf-length maternity dress of black silk with an empire waist that was sexy but formal. I also bought a few baby clothes, tiny little things that I had to stare at for a while. It hit me then, how much this baby would depend on us and how we’d have to be so careful with it.
A tiny little life that would depend on us for every ounce of sustenance, care, and love that we could possibly give it. I would be a father, as my real father and my adoptive father had been. It would be my job to make sure this baby was loved and grew up as a functioning adult. Fuck.
I nearly had to sit down but stayed on my feet. This was huge.
So huge.
I stared around the shop, an expensive place with labels that most people didn’t know about, but the rich coveted entirely. I didn’t want my child to be like the people I knew, so far up their own asses that most of them couldn’t see the real world around them. Or cloistered away like Emily had been, unloved, forgotten, and expendable, until she’d stood up for herself.
I wanted our baby to have a puppy and a home without show-room living spaces, I wanted to have crayons on the floor and fingerprints on the walls. I wanted the life my real father had wanted and tried to give me. Somehow, I knew Emily would want the same thing.
She’d never said she wanted a dog, but I stopped at the local animal shelter anyway. I found a delightful little fella named Corky, a chihuahua and dachshund mix, and started the adoption process. It would take a few days, but I didn’t mind. I had his picture and a letter that gave his details. I then stopped at a florist and ordered so many flowers I could barely fit them into the car, along with a pile of balloons.
I was on the verge of laughing out loud when the security guard saw me drive in. He looked astonished, and when I asked him to have someone come down and help me, his jaw nearly dropped. I did laugh out loud then.
Together, we managed to carry everything up. I’d had the clothes gift wrapped, and the boxes were in my hands when Emily opened the door at my knock. I couldn’t open the blasted thing without dropping boxes or flowers everywhere, so I’d had to knock.
“Dylan?” She looked surprised, which is what I wanted. “What’s all this?”
She’d seen the guy behind me then.
“This is the reaction I should have given you this morning, my dear. Come along, into the living room.” I marched her and the guy behind me in, tipped the man after he’d set everything down, and watched her as he let himself out of our home.
“What is all of this, Dylan? Really?” She had tears in her eyes again, but they were happy tears, so it was alright.
“Here, open this one first.” I handed her the box that I knew had the dress in it and sat down beside of her.
The living room was now filled with roses, carnations, tulips, and a variety of other flowers, as well as the stack of boxes.
“Oh, it’s beautiful, Dylan.” She pulled the dress out of the box and held it up. It was a light, stretchy material that would suit her well as her belly grew.
“I know you’ll probably have a dozen more dresses by the time this is finished, but I wanted to get you one too. And these.”
I handed her the much lighter boxes and felt delight as her eyes went round. “Baby clothes?”
“I got them in neutral colors, until we know what we’re having. I just wanted you to know, I’m in this with you. You aren’t alone and won’t have to be. As long as we can keep me healthy, that is.”
“It’s a good reason to stay healthy, don’t you think?” she asked and opened another box. It was mainly sleepwear and onsies, and I’d even found the tiniest pair of socks that I couldn’t resist buying. “I think you’ve got the baby’s entire wardrobe for the first year of its life here.”
“Oh, the saleswoman told me that I’d need to get clothes in a variety of different sizes, because the baby would grow so much in its first year.”
“She’s right.” Emily leaned over to kiss me on the cheek and stayed there. “You’ve done well, Dylan. This is fantastic.”
“I hope so. I know I didn’t give you what you wanted this morning, but I’m not totally stumped now. I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t upset you too much.”
“I was a little disappointed, but it was a shock. You have a lot on your plate, Dylan. A lot. I knew it wouldn’t be easy for you.”
“You always think about me before you, don’t you, Emily? It always amazes me just how thoughtful you are.”
“Just wait until this baby is born; you’re going to have to be almost as thoughtful as me.”
“I can only try to do my best.” I chuckled and moved. “Oh, there’s this too.”
I found the piece of paper in the folder, lost amongst wrapping paper and boxes. “This might be the most important part of all.”
“What is it?” she asked and opened the folder. “You’re kidding me?”
Her head whipped back to look at me, and I knew I’d done really well.
“You like him?”
“I’ve always wanted a dog! I almost got one when I first met you, but I didn’t want to neglect it by leaving it at my place so much. I didn’t know if you’d want one.”
“I always wanted one, but my real mother was a little nuts, and we were afraid to have one in the house. My adoptive mother is allergic to dogs, somehow. So I never had one. I thought our little one should grow up knowing what puppy love is.”
“He’s perfect.” She stared at the picture of the dog with large brown eyes and a curious look on his face. “I love him already.”
“I’m not so sure about his name.”
“Oh, his name is fine, Dylan. Let’s not confuse him by changing it.”
“You’re right.” I leaned back on the couch, relaxed now that I knew she was happy. “S
o what do you think we should name the baby?”
“Caroline, if it’s a girl, because of the place where we met. Or Charles for a boy?” she offered, and I knew she’d been thinking on it.
“Or we could call it Charlie, either way.” I liked the sound of it, even if it wasn’t a conventional name anymore. I liked her idea of naming the baby for where we’d met and fell in love. I hadn’t told her that part yet, but I would when the time was right.
“I like Caroline better if it’s a girl, and you could call her Charlie,” she offered, a light tease in her eyes.
“I like Charlie,” I grumped and looked away, teasing her back. “You’re her mother. So if you prefer Caroline, then that’s what her name shall be.”
“We can call her Charlie. Or him.” She laughed and gave in, as I knew she would.
“No, she’ll be called Caroline. That’s your choice, my dear, and I can’t take it from you.”
“Thank you, Dylan. You’ve just made the day so much better with this. Thank you.”
“Good. I felt terrible about how I’d left you this morning. You were vulnerable, and I just left you standing there. It wasn’t very good of me, but then, I’m not very good at this relationship stuff, as you know.”
“You’re doing just fine, Dylan, don’t worry.” She stretched, yawned, and looked over at me. “Shall we go to bed?”
“If you’re tired, my dear, then you should rest.” I stood, ready to usher her into the bedroom. I’d found this new side of me, that was caring and helpful, now that I knew she was going to have my baby.
“I didn’t say I wanted to sleep, Dylan. I asked if you wanted to go to bed.” That glint was in her eye, and I couldn’t help the response my body gave immediately.
“As you wish, my dear.”
Emily
“I can’t believe we lived through that,” I said as Dylan put the car into drive and drove us away from the resort. At this point, a week after the grand opening, I didn’t care if I ever saw the place again.
Dark Truth Page 12
