Karen looked at them as if they were the greatest couple ever. She made me feel like we weren’t shit compared to them. They’d constantly hold hands, kiss, and look lovingly at each other. Karen would watch them and look at me like she wished I’d be more like Jeff. I hated that. Seeing her reaction to them discouraged me from wanting to do those things with her, because I felt inadequate compared to them.
I’d admit I was not the most affectionate man in the world. Being the son of a marine and growing up with my pops hadn’t been easy. A big part of my life had been spent moving across the country to different military bases. Pops was a former drill instructor, so he’d expected nothing less than excellence from me. My mother had been the only person who could keep him balanced. Back then, Pops had been a heavy smoker. When I was nine, my mother had been diagnosed with lung cancer due to secondhand smoke. She’d died when I was eleven, and when she passed, a part of my father died too. Pops had never said anything, but I knew he felt responsible for her death. He’d stopped smoking for good once she was diagnosed.
Pops didn’t cry when she was on her deathbed or when we were at her funeral. He’d always had a hard demeanor, and he’d raised me to be strong and self-reliant. I was my father’s son. I was not very affectionate, and that flaw affected a lot of my relationships in the past. Karen knew how I had grown up, and she’d helped me to change somewhat, but at times I had to stop myself from coming off as cold and unfeeling. I had promised myself I’d never raise my kids the way Pops raised me.
“My baby said she needs her space when she’s writing her lesson plans. What my baby wants, my baby gets,” Jeff said, bringing me back to the present.
Jeff winked at Lindsey. She bit her bottom lip and playfully slapped his ass. Jeff gave Lindsey a quick peck that made her smile. Their blatant PDA made me sick to my stomach.
“So how is work going for you, Chris?” Jeff asked.
“Good. I can’t complain. My construction company stays busy, so work is steady for me.”
“Yeah. He’s always working. I rarely get to see him,” Karen chimed in.
I didn’t like how she made it seem like I wasn’t there for her, especially when I had told her why I was away from home more than usual lately.
“I’m not the only one who works all the time. You spend a lot of nights working late yourself,” I snapped.
We glared at each other. Her look was saying, “Let’s not start a fight and embarrass me in front of my friends.” Mine was saying, “Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit.” We let it go. Jeff and Lindsey shared a look but quickly looked away when they saw I had noticed. Lindsey turned and looked at me with a sympathetic expression. I guessed she sensed the tension and felt sorry for me.
A little later, we took our conversation to the dining room, where we ate dinner and listened to Karen and Lindsey reminisce about growing up together. I’d heard the stories a million times, but at least the food was great.
“You’re an amazing cook,” Karen told Jeff.
He smiled. “Thank you.”
“If Chris cooked liked this, I’d be as big as a house,” she mused. Again, she was comparing me to someone else and criticizing me.
“I’m sure Chris is a good cook too,” Jeff said, then gave me a wink and a nod. He knew she’d been emasculating me all night.
“Nope, unless you consider only being good at making breakfast a good cook. If he had to make us dinner every night, we’d starve.”
Lindsey saw the lines of frustration growing on my face and tried to change the subject.
“So, my bestie told me you planned a vacation to Cancún. That sounds nice,” Lindsey said.
“Yeah, I owe it to her. She deserves it,” I replied.
“I’m sure it won’t be as extravagant as the vacations you and Jeff take, but it’ll be good for us,” Karen said.
At that point, I couldn’t hide my irritation. My face was tight as I glared at Karen. I had worked my ass off to give her a dream vacation, and she shit on it, as if the things I did were insignificant compared to what Jeff did for Lindsey. I felt betrayed. I couldn’t believe my wife would disregard all my hard work in front of them. I didn’t even want to take her on the fucking trip at that point.
Lindsey ignored the comment after seeing how angry it had made me. She said, “Are you guys taking the kids or leaving them with your dad, Chris?”
I stopped scowling at Karen and took a deep breath before answering. “We’re taking them, but he’s coming too. He knows the deal, so he’s going to watch the kids a majority of the time so Karen and I can enjoy each other.”
“I think that’s awesome!” Lindsey said.
“I’m glad you do . . . Maybe you can convince your friend to feel the same way,” I said sharply.
Lindsey laughed; Karen didn’t. Karen reached under the dining-room table, picked up her purse, and pulled out her iPhone. I leaned over discreetly, looked out the corner of my eye, and watched her enter the password to unlock her phone. I was a little surprised that she used my birthday as her password, but I was delighted that I had finally learned what it was. She quickly sent a text to Lindsey, which I was able to read.
I need to have a little girl talk with you in the kitchen.
I didn’t know if I’d ever use this newfound knowledge about her password, but who knew? Maybe it would come in handy someday. I was more curious about why she wanted to talk to Lindsey alone in the kitchen.
I watched Lindsey casually look at her phone when it vibrated.
“I’m going to grab the dessert. Karen, do you want to help me bring it out?” Lindsey said.
“Sure, bestie.”
Karen and Lindsey went into the kitchen, while Jeff and I went back into the living room and sat on the couch. While he channel surfed, I strained to hear what Lindsey and Karen were talking about in the kitchen, but their voices were just above a whisper.
“I don’t mean to get in your business, but I see there’s some tension between you and Karen tonight,” Jeff said.
“Yeah . . . we’re both under stress from work, and we lash out at each other sometimes. It’s nothing serious.”
“I don’t want to tell you how to run your marriage, but maybe you should do more than just take her on a vacation. Try to take her out and do things to keep the spice going in your relationship. Compliment her from time to time, and let her know that you could never desire another woman as much as her.”
I was livid. Was Jeff really trying to school me on how to treat my wife? Did he think he was better than me? I was insulted. There was no way I was going to sit here and feel like a piece of shit. Karen had told me about their problems conceiving. They’d been having trouble for a few years now because Jeff had a low sperm count, and he was insecure about it. I hated that I was vindictive, but if he was going to say things to make me feel like shit, two could play that game. I’d target his insecurity and hit him where it hurt.
“You’re right. I’m going to work on that after the vacation. I see the way you treat Lindsey, and I need to be more like you,” I told him.
He smiled. “Well, I was raised by a single mother, so I know how to deal with women,” Jeff said confidently.
“True, but things change when you have kids. You’ll see. Speaking of which, when are you going to have some little rug rats running around here?”
Jeff’s face fell. He squirmed on the couch. I liked seeing him uncomfortable. Now he knew how I felt.
“Um, we’re working on that,” he mumbled.
“Working on it is the fun part, but none of us are getting any younger. I’m sure Lindsey doesn’t want to wait too long, and I’m pretty sure you still want to be in your prime, and not an old man, when you’re chasing your kids around.”
“We’re good right now. We enjoy each other enough for the time being.”
“I don’t know. Going on dates and trips is nice and all, but life is about legacy. I’m sure there are things you would want to pass down to your kids.�
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“We will get there soon enough,” he said, pouting.
“Well, you know, if you need help, I can donate sperm and help you guys out. Obviously, I can’t miss. I got twins on my first try.” I laughed.
Jeff went from looking uncomfortable to looking angry. I wanted him to understand that even though my relationship with Karen wasn’t perfect, his relationship with Lindsey wasn’t, either. My problems could be fixed in time, but he might never be a biological father. His demeanor the rest of the night showed me that what I had said bothered him. Mine softened.
* * *
“Damn, man. You’re watching the kids again? You never get to hang out with us,” Will said as he sat at my kitchen table.
Will and Lou had stopped by to see if I wanted to go clubbing with them. They had rarely come by to see me since I became a father. In the past, we used to go out all the time. Now I felt left out, because they always hung out without me.
“You need to man up and tell Karen you’re going out tonight. It’s her job to be home with the kids. You need to be out with your boys,” Lou said.
I laughed. “You realize that this way of thinking is why both of your asses are single, right? Relationships don’t work like that. She works hard too. She doesn’t always get to hang out with her girls, either. I work all the time and hardly get to see my kids. It’s not an obligation for me. I like being here with them, and besides, you guys are never around when I do have free time. Y’all can always hang out here with me anytime.”
“Nah. I’ve hung out with you and the kids a couple times, and that shit was like birth control for me. I know I’m not ready to be a father,” Will said.
“Yeah, after seeing your marriage, I’m not sure if I ever want to get married or have kids,” Lou added.
“It’s not that bad,” I said.
Will and Lou exchanged looks.
Then Lou said, “I’m not trying to start drama with you and Karen, but I seen her holding hands with some pretty-looking clown at a club in Manhattan.”
I didn’t need to hear this shit right now. I was already paranoid, and this only made things worse. I couldn’t confront Karen about this again, because the last two times had had no proof.
“What club?” I said.
“What club did we go to last week, Will?”
“Element,” Will answered. Then he turned to me. “Yeah, man, she was drunk. I’m pretty sure it was her, because Chloe was there, and I’d know that ass anywhere.”
We chuckled. Will had a thing for Chloe because of her big ass. Her huge ass, meaty thighs, wide hips, and D-cup breasts were exactly what Will loved on his women.
“Karen was smiling in this dude’s face, and he was kissing on her neck and shit. All of them were so fucked up that they didn’t even realize we were there. We wanted to let you know so you could handle it,” Lou explained.
I sat there, furiously shaking my head. “You guys should’ve told me this earlier, like that night.”
Lou frowned. “Sorry. We got wrapped up in our shit, and it’s not something you want to tell someone on the phone, you know. We figured we’d tell you in person.”
“You think she’s creepin’?” Will asked.
“Nah. She gets flirty when she drinks. She wouldn’t cheat on me,” I said.
The look on their faces told me that they didn’t believe that at all. I was sure they believed there was more to it, but luckily for me, they let it be and did not say anything further on the matter.
“All right . . . Well, we’re about to meet up with these girls. We’ll stop by next week,” Will said.
“We’re going to Cancún next week with the kids,” I said.
Will and Lou looked at each other.
“I know you love Karen and everything, but keep your eyes open. Don’t be blind,” Will said as he stood up from the kitchen table.
“She looked really familiar with that dude. It didn’t look like she met him that night. It looked like they knew each other, and for a while. We don’t want to see you get hurt,” Lou said as he, too, stood up.
“I appreciate that. Trust me, I’m keeping my eyes open.”
I slid off my kitchen chair, gave them both brotherly hugs, and walked them out. After they drove away, I played with my kids, but I wasn’t there mentally. My mind was all over the place. An hour later I put the kids to bed and worked on my car. I spent the rest of the night drowning in my paranoia.
Karen
“Babe, hand me your carry-on bag,” Chris said.
We had just boarded the plane, headed to Mexico.
I smiled. “Give me a second, hon.”
Raheem had texted me on the way to the airport. He had explained last week that he didn’t want to end what we had. I can’t lie. It was hard to let him go.
His text said simply, I love you. I just hope you’re happy.
I texted him back. I love you too, but this is for the best.
I thought about it for a moment. In many ways, I did have love for him. Then I put down my phone and grabbed my carry-on bag by both handles.
“Here, babe,” I said, handing Chris my bag to put up in the overhead compartment.
The kids were excited and were now fighting to look out the window. They were sitting with Pops in the row across from Chris and me. Chris sat down after putting my bag away.
Just then a flight attendant walked up and asked, “Would either of you like some pretzels or something to drink?”
“No thanks!” Chris said.
I nodded and said,” No. Thank you.”
Chris and I held hands, and I rested my head on his shoulder. I decided this trip would start a new chapter in our lives together. I would try to do everything possible to be the perfect wife, and hopefully, Chris would do what was necessary to remind me why I shouldn’t stray.
These past few days had been hard for me. I had spent the entire week lying to Chris so I could spend my last days before this vacation with Tyrell and Raheem. I had taken Wednesday and Thursday off work to end things properly with the two of them. I had ended things with Tyrell first.
In the parking lot at my job on Wednesday, I parked next to Tyrell’s Infinity Q50. He was standing there waiting for me.
“Hey, beautiful,” he said when I stepped out of my car.
I smiled at him. “Hi, handsome.”
We hugged.
“Your chariot awaits, madam.” He opened the passenger-side door of his Infiniti for me.
“Change of plans. I’m going to follow you in my car,” I said.
“I thought we would at least ride together, since this is going to be our last night together.”
I closed my eyes and rubbed the bridge of my nose. “Tyrell, the one rule I want for tonight is we can’t mention that this is our last night together. This is hard as it is. Let’s just enjoy our night.”
Tyrell’s face was full of emotion. “It doesn’t have to be hard . . . You can at least ride with me,” he said.
Even though I understood he was hurt and disappointed, I had to play it smart and safe. I was breaking this off with him, not the other way around. I couldn’t risk him getting upset and either leaving me wherever he wanted to take me or refusing to take me back to my car later.
“I promise you, for the most part, I’m all yours tonight, but at some point, I need to get home, and driving all the way back here to get my car would be going out of the way and would be time consuming,” I said.
Tyrell didn’t respond. He just continued to look sad and irritated.
“Penny for your thoughts,” I asked.
“Nothing.”
“Your funky attitude is making it look a lot like something.”
“I can’t tell you. According to your rule, I can’t talk about it, remember?”
“Look, if you’re going to act grumpy the rest of the night, maybe we should just end this right here, right now.”
“No, no. I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be an asshole, but I’m mad that after
tonight I can’t have this relationship with you anymore.”
“Tyrell, we will always be friends. You know that.”
“Friends . . . Can I at least have a kiss?”
I smiled. “Of course. Sit inside my car, though. I don’t want anyone to see us.”
He did as I instructed. Once inside my car, he kissed me, and I felt all his passion and feelings in that kiss.
“I have to savor every minute I have with you,” he told me.
“Well, let’s make this night memorable. Dwelling on our problems isn’t going to change or fix anything. Let’s make the best of what we can.”
He nodded. “Follow me. I have our entire night planned out around Times Square.”
“Nice. What are we doing tonight?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“Can I at least have a hint?”
“Nope.”
I followed Tyrell, and we drove into Manhattan. The two of us had a fun-filled evening at the Longacre Theatre, where we saw the Broadway adaptation of A Bronx Tale. I loved every minute of the show and actually enjoyed it better than the movie.
“Are you having a good time?” Tyrell asked me after the curtain went down for the intermission.
“Of course. I’m loving this! What made you pick this Broadway show, though?”
“I felt it was fitting in terms of our relationship.”
I gave him the side eye. “How so?”
“A guy has to hide his love for a girl out of fear of what everyone will think. We’re similar to Calogero and Jane.”
“Remember, we said we wouldn’t talk about this being our last night together. We’re having a good time. Don’t ruin it with emotional bullshit.”
“You’re the boss.”
We went to the R Lounge for dinner. I was always impressed with how quickly Tyrell could put together a perfect evening for us. The restaurant was located inside the Renaissance Hotel, on the third floor, and it had a perfect view of the middle of Times Square. In fact, this was the location from which news stations broadcast the festivities on New Year’s Eve every year. Once I learned that, I had put the restaurant on my bucket list, and I had been dying to go. The menu featured some great food choices, and everything was cooked well.
Love and Happiness Page 7
