Helen quickly exited my office, but Roger stayed behind.
“If you’re involved in some type of relationship with him, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know. I don’t want to be put in an uncomfortable position, where I would be obligated to say something on the matter. I think you’re a competent supervisor and a hard worker, but even I can’t help if they want to make an example out of you and either fire or demote you,” Roger said.
I was emotional. I couldn’t believe I had just come back to work, and I was already under so much stress. I tried hard to hold back tears. This was business, and I couldn’t cry in front of my director.
“Roger, do you have any idea what the higher-ups plan on doing?”
“No. Nothing yet. But seeing that Tyrell’s wife works at our Melville office, I highly doubt that if they are going to discipline you, they’ll demote you or ship you out to a different office. Instead of firing you and thus hurting your chances of finding another position with a different company, as a courtesy, they’ll probably ask you to resign.”
Roger looked concerned. I was terrified. Losing my job was not an option; it wasn’t even a possibility. Chris and I wouldn’t be poor, but we couldn’t survive long on his income alone. In this economy, finding another job with a salary even half of mine would be hard, maybe nearly impossible. I couldn’t put that burden on Chris. How would I even explain to him the reason for me being fired or forced to resign?
“Hopefully, the investigation will go your way, and this will all blow over,” Roger said, trying to console me.
“I can’t believe this is happening right now. I just had a much-needed vacation, and I return to work to hear that I may lose my job.”
“I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you know the policies and procedures. The only advice I can give you is to pray for the best and tread lightly. Don’t make any waves or bring attention to yourself.”
There was nothing more I could say. I thanked Roger for the heads-up. After he left my office, I just sat there holding my head in my hands. Suddenly, my cell buzzed. I reached into my purse to get it, but when I pulled it out, I realized it wasn’t my cell phone. Chris had texted me from my phone. Fear washed over me. I read his text.
Karen, come home now!
I’d been sloppy. I had procrastinated and hadn’t deleted my old texts. I had too many incriminating messages, so if Chris was demanding I come home, then chances were he had read some of them. I knew it wasn’t anything with the kids, because the school would’ve called me at work since I was usually closest to the school. Chris worked in different parts of the city all the time; plus, he was often at locations with no cell phone signal. So, this had to have something to do with me. I panicked. Between the stress from work and now this, I felt lost and confused. I called Chris.
“Chris . . . I can explain,” I said when he picked up.
“Explain it when I get home.” He was so loud, I had to pull the phone away from my ear.
“Please try to understand. We had a lot of problems and—”
“I’ll see you when I get home.” Chris abruptly ended the call.
I stood up from my desk so fast, my chair spun around. I headed to Roger’s office. I had to leave work now. I knew this would hurt things with me here at work, but this was my family. This was my life. One of my other subordinates, a guy named Wesley, was leaning over Tyrell’s desk and talking to him. He purposely stood up straight and bumped into me when I walked by.
“Oops. I’m sorry, boss. If you need me to help you with something in your office, just let me know,” Wesley said. He then put his hands out, moved his hips, and motioned like he was fucking.
I was so upset that I almost started to cry. I looked at Tyrell. He had a huge smirk on his face, but he didn’t look up from his computer. If this was any other day and I wasn’t under investigation, I would’ve cursed his ass out. I would’ve been at HR so fast to have him fired, his head would have spun, but right now I was powerless. I was defenseless at my job and helpless with my marriage. I swallowed my pride and continued on to Roger’s office. I knocked on his door.
“Come in,” Roger said.
Once I stepped inside his office, he motioned for me to close the door.
“Roger . . . I have a family emergency. I have to leave.”
He looked skeptical. “Is everything all right?” he asked.
I wanted to be honest. I wanted to tell him the same shit I was being investigated for at work was biting me in the ass now at home. I wanted to tell him that I was terrified, and that I didn’t know what was going to happen next, but I couldn’t get into a long, drawn-out conversation about my family life. Rather than getting too personal, I lied.
“No, my kids are sick. Chris is in the city, and their school needs me to pick them up. I really need to leave.”
Roger looked unconvinced but said, “Sure, sure. Family comes first. Take care of your children.”
“Thank you.”
I left Roger’s office, with my hands shaking and my eyes puffy. I hadn’t even faced Chris yet, and I already felt mentally and emotionally drained. I hurried to my office to get my purse. The workers were gossiping and pointing at me as I went. I guessed the rumor was spreading like wildfire. I was sure that allowing them to see me distraught like this didn’t help, but I’d have to deal with that later.
I rushed home and got there first. I sat on our couch and tried to figure out what I’d say to Chris to explain the reasons for my infidelity. I had never wanted to hurt him. I had thought I could bury all this dirt under the rug, but everything had reared its ugly head. I mentally prepared myself for a life-changing argument. Things between Chris and I may never be the same again. I jumped when I heard Chris’s key in the lock.
Chris
I pulled into the garage, and Karen’s car was already parked inside it. I sat in my truck, mentally preparing myself for what I’d say to her. I pulled the case off her phone and dropped it on the passenger seat. I put her phone in my pocket, took a deep breath, got out of the truck and, with a woeful countenance, walked inside the house.
I entered the living room to see Karen sitting with her feet up on the couch, rocking back and forth. Her arms were wrapped around her legs, and her forehead was pressed against her knees. My cell phone was on the coffee table in front of her. She looked up and continued rocking and holding herself. She looked like she’d been crying. I walked over to the couch, pulled out her phone, and threw it against the wall. The phone shattered. Glass and debris were strewn all over the carpet. Karen was shaking when I walked past her and sat on the couch. Fear was on her face when I faced her, my glare unwavering. She couldn’t look me in the eyes.
There were countless questions I wanted to ask, but I summed everything up with one. “Why?”
“Chris, I know I was wrong. I never intended to hurt you. I ended everything with those guys. Our trip showed me that our marriage could be saved. I don’t need anyone else—”
“Save the bullshit! I want to know why my wife felt the need to fuck two other men!” I shouted.
There was a long pause. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Karen stared at me but offered no explanation or apology for her infidelity.
“Answer me! You owe me that much,” I demanded.
Karen looked down as tears slipped from her eyes and soaked her blouse. Her voice was shaky when she finally spoke. “There wasn’t one specific reason why I cheated on you. I wasn’t happy. I was bored, and I felt that you didn’t appreciate me. You were always working, and we never went anywhere or did things together. Sometimes you’d be home, and I’d still feel lonely. I felt like you cared more about restoring your stupid car than you cared for me.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
Karen continued. “You weren’t giving me the emotional intimacy I needed. I’d come home from work, and you’d barely even look at me. You treated me more like a friend than your wife. The Mexico trip helped us
a lot. I felt closer to you and fell in love with you again. It’s what I needed to realize that I didn’t need the other guys to fill the void I felt with you.”
Her words sounded truthful, but I didn’t give a shit. It was all excuses to me.
“If you were so unhappy, why didn’t you talk to me? It should’ve never gotten to this. If you were so miserable, why didn’t you just leave me?”
“I . . . d-don’t . . . please . . .”
Karen’s stammering was frustrating me. “Spit it out!” I yelled.
When I saw her eyes darken, I knew the argument was going to get ugly. She crossed her arms over her chest and faced me. “You see that shit right there? That’s the problem. Why didn’t I talk to you? Because talking to you is like talking to a drill sergeant. You’re just like your father. When you’re angry, there’s no reaching you. You yell at me. You talk down to me like I’m stupid, and you make me feel like I’m beneath you. I’m your wife.”
“Don’t act like you’re the victim here. I have my quirks, but I’ve always tried to make you happy. You know that. I was only unreachable when I felt you were cheating on me, and clearly, I was right. No matter how angry I was with you, I would never have cheated on you. I loved you too much. How long have you been fucking these other guys?”
“I’m trying to explain everything, and you’re not listening to—”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear all her emotional bullshit. I wanted to know the fucking truth. “How long?”
“I told you about this before. You hear what I’m saying, but you’re not listening. I know I hurt you, but I was dying inside. I wanted to feel desired. I wanted to feel alive again. I used to just come home and go to work. Compared to my sister and my friends, my life was stagnant—”
“Did Chloe suggest this? Did she know? Did everyone know about these other guys?”
“Chloe didn’t suggest anything. It was my decision. Chloe and my friends had nothing to do with it, but yes, they knew about Tyrell and Raheem. Men cheat on woman all the time, trying to fulfill something that’s missing. This wasn’t any different.”
Karen’s betrayal was bad enough, but the fact that her sister and her friends knew about it hurt my pride. I stood up and started to pace. I felt humiliated.
Then her last statement sank in, and I said, “Don’t give me that bullshit about men cheating on women. I’ve never cheated on you.” I was silent for a moment. “So, everybody fucking knew? You made me look like a fool to everyone? If Lindsey knew, then Jeff knew.”
Then it hit me. That night at Jeff’s house, he hadn’t tried to insult me. That had been his indirect way of warning me. I felt stupid for not catching on.
“So, all those times you said you were hanging out with Lindsey or working late, you were really with them?” I asked.
“Most of the time, yes,” Karen answered softly.
“You looked me in my eyes and lied to me. You told me that you could never cheat on me, that I was the love of your life, yet now you’re telling me you were miserable. Did you ever really love me?”
Karen sighed loudly. “You know I love you. You’ll never understand or see things from my point of view.”
“It’s always about you, Karen. It’s always about how you feel, about how you’re so unhappy. You’re so busy pointing fingers that you never acknowledge when you’ve fucked up. Did you ever think about how I felt? Did you ever think that maybe I was lonely? Or that maybe I needed you here with me? Or that maybe I might’ve needed you to show some support and uplift me? You’re so fucking selfish. I tried my hardest to make you happy.”
I sat back down on the couch and slammed my fist down on the coffee table. The ceramic lamp on top of the table fell off and broke into pieces.
I went on. “Did I always tell you I loved you? No, but my actions should’ve spoken louder than words. I never complained to you when my foreman was giving me shit, or when I was exhausted from working overtime, or when Pops belittled me and made me feel like a failure almost on a daily basis. I’m not completely happy, either. The only thing I felt made me remotely close to being happy was my family, and you ruined that for me. The little happiness I felt I had died today, when I found out my wife wasn’t the woman I thought she was.”
Karen looked hurt by my words. She uncrossed her arms and looked at me. “I know I hurt you, but think of our kids when you need to be happy.”
“You’re giving me that advice? Why didn’t you use it? Are the girls even mine?”
“How dare you ask me that? Of course they’re yours. I can’t believe you’d even question that.”
“I never thought in a million years I would have to, but after today I don’t know what to believe anymore. You lied to me about cheating, so how can I trust you’re telling me the truth about them? How long have you been seeing these other guys?”
Karen was seething and was rapidly tapping her foot out of frustration. In reality, I didn’t doubt the girls were mine, but I wanted her to feel hurt, embarrassed, and ashamed. I wanted her to suffer, even if it was just a fraction of what I was going through.
“The girls are yours!” Karen screamed.
“You know, when you got pregnant, I thought about leaving you and just giving you the twenty-five percent in child support. I’d always be there for my kids, but I wouldn’t have to deal with you too much. I questioned if I was making the right decision being with you. I honestly regret that now. All those times your friends smiled in my face, or when your coworkers saw me when I went to visit you at work, they knew I was being played. How long has this been going on?”
She paused for a few moments before answering. “I’ve been with Raheem for three years and with Tyrell for a little over a year.”
I felt a pain in my chest. It hurt so much I could barely breathe. There it was, the truth. We had been married for only seven years, and she had cheated on me for half of them. Karen put her head in her hands and wept. I guessed she felt guilty for hurting me so deeply. I gathered myself and faced her.
“Three fucking years! Three fucking years! You mean to tell me, the majority of our marriage has been a lie? If you were so unhappy for so long, you should have just left me.”
“Would that really have helped, Chris?”
“Yes. This is a million times worse.”
“The signs were there, Chris. You just didn’t pay attention to them, or to me, for that matter. My friends saw it. Why couldn’t you?”
“Your friends? You’re taking advice from lonely bitches who can’t find men for themselves? The only friend you have with any intelligence is Lindsey. The rest of them are fucking miserable, but you’ll take advice from them, right?”
“Don’t talk about my friends. My friends have nothing to do with us.”
“As much as you hate Will and Lou, they’ve never suggested that I step out on you. Let’s be real. I know Chloe hates me, and your friends don’t like me. They’ve been encouraging you to do this, haven’t they?”
Karen stared at the carpet. I knew it. I stood up from the couch, grabbed my cell phone off the coffee table, and headed to the garage.
“Where are you going?”
“To work on my car. I need time to calm down and try to think.”
“See? When I need you to talk to me, you always avoid the problem and do something stupid, like work on your fucking car. You’ve been trying to restore that piece of shit for years now. It’s never going to work. It’s a fucking lemon. Why can’t you get that?” Karen shouted.
Her question stopped me in my tracks. I turned sharply and faced her, staring her directly in the eyes.
“Why does everything I like have to be stupid? The car runs fine. I’m restoring it slowly because I want everything to be perfect. I need to get away from you right now. I can’t even look at you.”
I walked into the garage, but I didn’t work on my car. I got into my truck, started it, and backed down the driveway.
“Chris, wait. I’m sorry . . . W
ait . . . Please talk to me,” Karen pleaded as she ran out of the house.
I ignored her, and when I reached the street, I sped off. I didn’t know where I was going; I just needed to go somewhere. I needed to find someplace to let go of all this anger.
Chris
I drove aimlessly down Jericho Turnpike. I was hurt, I was angry, and in many ways, I was lonely. Eventually, I pulled over. I pick up my cell phone and held it in my calloused hands. This stupid device pulled me out of the dark and showed me that my wife was fucking around. I opened my glove compartment, then pulled out the wrinkled receipt with Tyrell’s and Raheem’s phone numbers on it. I wanted answers. I needed to know more than the bullshit Karen had told me. I called Raheem first. The phone rang for a few moments, and then, when his voicemail message played, I heard the voice of the man who’d been fucking my wife. I quickly ended the call without leaving a message. I called Tyrell next.
“Hello?” he said.
“Is this Tyrell?”
“Yes, speaking. Who is this?”
“I’m the husband of the woman you’re fucking.”
“Shit. Look, man, this is between you and her. She was giving it up, so I took it. You would do the same shit if you were in my shoes.”
I didn’t like how he made it sound like Karen was some whore, and I especially didn’t like how he said, “You would do the same shit,” as if he knew me. I swallowed hard.
“How many times have you . . . been with my wife?”
“What do you mean by ‘been with’? If you mean how many times have I fucked her, then countless times. If you’re asking how many times I’ve been out with her . . . well, I guess that’s the same answer. I’ve seen you around. You’d come to the office and bring dinner for her from time to time. She used to talk shit about you and fuck me all in the same night.”
Was he purposely fucking with me? Did he want me to whup his ass?
“You sound real tough for a guy on a phone. If you got so much to say, why don’t I come to your job and we can settle this like men?” I said.
Love and Happiness Page 10
