by Jeremy Bai
Bao smiled. “I see.”
If they’re bandits and they want to attack us in the night, what would stop them? she thought.
“Fine, we play along. But make sure everyone has weapons in hand or ready to draw at a moment’s notice.” Third Zhou nodded and began to spread word while Mao Yun led his horse back toward the front of the group.
And that was how, roughly an hour later, they found themselves attending a feast in the middle of a bandit fortress.
Lord Shu’s “estate” was exactly that, a stronghold with wooden walls that housed what appeared to be no less than thirty bandits, plus family members and some servants and workers.
Bao and her group were treated cordially and were not threatened, but considering how heavily armed Lord Shu’s people were, she immediately tensed with worry.
However, they weren’t asked to remove their own weapons, so she, Mao Yun, Third Zhou, and everyone else allowed their horses to be stabled. They entered a large hall where a feast had been laid out.
Lord Shu was younger than she would have imagined, with a flashy smile and green robes.
Formal introductions were made, in which Mao Yun claimed that they were armed escorts traveling north to Daolu to look for work. When it was announced that Bao’s title was chieftainess, looks of shock flashed across the faces of Lord Shu’s men, whereas wry, embarrassed smiles could be seen among Bao’s followers.
As the formalities proceeded, Bao continued to wonder what exactly was going on. There had to be a trick or a con being played, although she wasn’t sure what.
And then it began.
“Chieftainess Bao,” Lord Shu said, raising his drinking vessel, a traditional northern-style cup, bronze, and essentially large enough to contain one mouthful of alcohol. “Allow me to toast you!”
She raised her own glass and nodded, and together they drank, downing the mouthful of clear alcohol. Ordinarily she might have worried about poison, but all of the alcohol was being served from the same casks. As soon as the liquid entered Bao’s throat, it burned like fire, and she had a hard time not coughing.
What is this? It was much stronger than what she and Mao Yun usually drank together. Bao could immediately tell that the alcohol was at least twice as strong as their preferred yellow wine, perhaps even three or four times as strong. As was the custom, she immediately refilled her glass.
“So… Chieftainess Bao,” Lord Shu continued, “how did a… young woman like yourself come to lead this… mighty group of armed escorts?”
“Oh, you know,” she replied with a cool smile. “Coincidence.”
“Ah, coincidence.” He raised his glass. “Let us drink. To coincidence.”
Her expression the same as ever, she raised her glass and drank again.
After some more idle conversation, Lord Shu said, “Chieftainess Bao, I’m not sure about where you’re from, but up here in the north, it’s customary to return the honor of a toast with a toast of your own.”
Is he trying to get me drunk? she thought. At that, she almost laughed. One thing she had noticed after she began to build up the strange energy within her was that alcohol affected her differently. Whereas before Mao Yun could usually drink three glasses to her one, over the course of the past week or so, her alcohol tolerance seemed to have doubled.
“My apologies, Lord Shu,” she said. Refilling her glass, she raised it high and said, “To you, Lord Shu. Many thanks for your hospitality.”
They drank. And then again. And again.
All of a sudden, a loud banging sound rang out as Mao Yun slammed his hand down onto the table.
“Enough!” he shouted. “This is preposterous! Chieftainess Bao is, is…”
“Is what?” Lord Shu prompted.
Mao Yun bit his tongue.
Smiling, Lord Shu raised his voice and said, “A little woman! That’s what!”
His men chuckled.
“A frail little woman!” Lord Shu declared.
This ignited a spark within Bao, an anger that she barely managed to prevent from appearing on her face. The energy within her stirred. Perhaps it was because of the alcohol, or the anger, or a combination of both, but in that moment the energy began to flow through her in a way it never had before.
Bao could feel it coursing through her blood vessels, and as it did, she was astonished to find that she could identify the difference between the blood and the alcohol in her body.
Grim expressions had appeared on the faces of Bao’s people, but Bao just smiled coldly.
“Now, now, men,” she said, raising her own voice. “Lord Shu is right. I’m just a woman. Unlike him, a would-be farmer living in a log cabin in the woods, leader of pack of lice-ridden dogs who lick their own master’s ass in the hopes of finding a bit of food leaking out the back that tastes better than the trash he serves them for dinner.”
Gasps rang out among Lord Shu’s men, whose faces quickly turned stony. Many a hand came to rest on the hilts of daggers and knives, causing a similar reaction from Bao’s people.
Lord Shu’s eyes flickered with flames of anger. However, before he could respond, Bao continued, “Lord Shu, please forgive my men. They are used to the civilized behavior of city folk and are unfamiliar with the manners of pig farmers like yourself.”
Lord Shu’s eyes went wide, and he opened his mouth, but Bao cut him off. “I come from Yu Zhing, where true men can drink far more than the few swallows you’ve taken. In fact, I know many girls younger and skinnier than myself who could likely outdrink you even if your drink were more watered down than I suspect it is already. Therefore, if it’s a drinking contest you want, then a drinking contest you shall have. Unless you’re afraid?”
Chapter 20: Like a Grape
Lord Shu’s teeth were clenched so hard it seemed they might shatter. His followers were equally infuriated. Eyes twitched, lips quivered, veins bulged on foreheads.
Lord Shu’s hand had come to rest on the hilt of the long dagger at his waist.
Unfortunately for him, Bao had worded things perfectly, leaving him no choice but to agree to her suggestion. If he refused, the resulting loss of face would be virtually fatal. If he tried to do something to physically harm her, the result would be the same.
Plus, she had implied that it was normal in Yu Zhing for women to engage in drinking contests, making it impossible for him to cite her being a woman as a reason to not compete.
Several long seconds passed in which Lord Shu was clearly trying to think of what to do.
Finally, Bao took a deep breath and was about to say something when Lord Shu slammed his drinking vessel down on the table.
“Very well!” he said. “Since you want to drink, we’ll drink. There is no more famous drinker in these parts than Lord Shu, so what have I to fear? Right, men?”
A cheer rose up from Lord Shu’s men, although it seemed less enthusiastic than it should have been.
“Bring four pots of Wuxing sorghum wine!” he said loudly.
Sorghum wine, thought Bao. So that’s what this stuff is. Tastes like fire!
Sorghum wine was a relatively new innovation that had appeared in Qi Xien, with an alcohol content that supposedly vastly exceeded the more common yellow wine, alcohol made from various other fruits or berries. It was mostly popular in border regions and among rough-living men.
Bao surmised that, based on her current alcohol tolerance, she could finish four pots of yellow wine and still not pass out. But she had just experienced a moment of inspiration regarding how to use the strange energy to help her drink even more than that. All of these thoughts ran through Bao’s mind in a split second.
So Lord Shu thinks he can put me under with two pots of sorghum wine? Bao chuckled.
“Four pots?” Bao said, an incredulous look flashing onto her face. “Just for you? Wait. Don’t tell me you’re planning to drink four pots yourself and only give me three? Because I’m a woman?” She threw her head back and laughed heartily. “Will your insults never end,
Lord Shu? If you wish to drink four pots, then bring me five!”
Lord Shu’s face paled, and his eyes went wide. However, he quickly regained his composure. “That… that wouldn’t be fair.” Raising his voice, he called out, “Bring five pots of sorghum wine for me, and five for Chieftainess Bao.”
“How manly of you, Lord Shu,” Bao said. “By the way, I would like to appoint Mao Yun as my official wine vanguard.”
Lord Shu’s brow furrowed. “Wine vanguard?”
Bao gave an exaggerated sigh. “How difficult to be so far away from the more… courtly parts of the world. Lord Shu, in official drinking contests, participants appoint a wine vanguard to sample each pot of wine that the opponent drinks from. This is to prevent both poisoning as well as cheating by using watered-down wine. As my wine vanguard, Mao Yun will sample your pot of wine before the round starts, and your wine vanguard will sample mine.”
This was something Bao had just made up on the spot. However, considering that neither Lord Shu nor any of his men had challenged her previous, wildly inaccurate statements on Yu Zhing drinking culture, it was clear that they knew little or even nothing about it, leaving her much more confident in being able to pass off complete fabrications as truth.
Lord Shu continued to frown, but then he nodded. “Er, of course. I’m obviously aware of the wine vanguard arrangement. We just call it something else where I come from. Very well, my wine vanguard will be my most trusted attendant, Shi Fanzhuo!” Then he raised his voice again and called out, “Furthermore, make it ten pots of Zun Shan sorghum wine, not Wuxing sorghum wine.”
Hmph! Switching wines after I bring up the wine vanguard arrangement? I’d wager ten to one that he was planning to cheat with that Wuxing sorghum wine.
Lord Shu looked at Bao, his eyes flickering coldly. “Chieftainess Bao, are there any other random requirements you’d like to bring up before we begin?”
“Oh, just one,” she said, holding up her cup. “I’m afraid these dainty bronze drinking vessels aren’t really appropriate for a true drinking contest. Drinking so many pots of alcohol only one mouthful at a time can get tedious. I suggest we use something else.” Turning to Third Zhou, she said, “Third Zhou, do you remember those three Harqa drinking vessels we happened to come across before we headed north? Do you still have those?”
Third Zhou smiled immediately. He clearly had no idea what Bao was planning, but he knew that there must be some trick up her sleeve. “Of course, Chieftainess.”
“Please bring them out.”
Third Zhou rummaged through a pack off to the side before producing the very three vessels to which she had referred. They were ceremonial drinking vessels of the Harqa people, who were nomads and warriors of incredible renown. Although they were also made of bronze, that was where the similarities ended. The drinking vessels provided by Lord Shu, which were typical in this part of the north, were so small that they could barely hold a quail egg. Harqa drinking vessels were larger. Much larger. In fact, each vessel seemed large enough to hold half the liquor of one of Lord Shu’s pots. Of course, Harqa nomads didn’t drink sorghum wine—the type of alcohol they used such cups for were much less potent.
When Lord Shu saw the Harqa drinking vessels, his eyes widened.
“Ah, that’s much better,” Bao said, smiling. Accepting the vessels from Third Zhou, she took a moment to examine them. “Yes, just as I remember, this one has a phoenix engraved on the side. I’ve always liked phoenixes.” She placed it on the table in front of her. “Lord Shu, of the other two, one is engraved with an ox, the other, a flying crocodile. Which would you prefer?”
“The ox, I suppose.”
Bao nodded and then threw the ox-engraved vessel toward Lord Shu, who caught it. The remaining vessel she placed next to her knee, behind her table and out of sight to anyone except for perhaps Third Zhou.
Lord Shu cleared his throat as he looked the drinking vessel up and down. “This…”
“Remarkable, isn’t it?” Bao said. “We can get this contest done a lot faster with the drinking vessel of a true drinker.”
About this time, a few servants returned bearing ten pots of alcohol, which were split between Lord Shu and Bao. Without waiting for Lord Shu to even say anything, Bao unsealed the first pot of wine and began to pour the alcohol into the Harqa drinking vessel. “Mao Yun,” she said as she poured, “please take your place at Lord Shu’s side to act as wine vanguard.”
As Mao Yun rose to his feet and walked over toward Lord Shu, Lord Shu sent his attendant Shi Fanzhuo over to sit next to Bao.
Over the course of the next few minutes, Bao made up a set of formalities off the top of her head that she claimed was the proper form for a formal drinking contest. The first pot of alcohol was sampled by Mao Yun and Shi Fanzhuo, who both gave their approval. Then the contest began.
Bao didn’t waste any time. She immediately raised her Harqa drinking vessel to Lord Shu and said, “To your health and prosperity, Lord Shu!”
He nodded at her, and they began to drink, maintaining eye contact the whole time. Since Bao initiated the toast, she would determine how deeply to drink, and she did not hold back. She let the burning alcohol pour down her throat slowly but surely. As the seconds ticked by, Lord Shu’s eyes began to grow wide. Even Bao felt some tears welling up in the corners of her own eyes.
Finally, she leveled her glass and set it down, doing her best not to cough or allow the tears to spill out of her eyes.
Wow! This sorghum wine is not for babies!
The alcohol she had already consumed was reaching her head. Combined with the long drink she had just taken, things were starting to spin a bit. According to the customs she had cited, she and Lord Shu would now have a short period of time to munch on some of the cold dishes that had been provided and drink fresh water, if they wished, before beginning again.
As she took a sip of water, Bao closed her eyes and circulated the energy inside of her. Just like before, she sent it through her body, specifically into her bloodstream. It didn’t take long to identify the alcohol therein, which she then began to push through her blood toward a specific direction: her right hand.
Her right hand happened to be grasping the extra Harqa drinking vessel, which was behind the table, out of the view of Lord Shu or anyone else for that matter. As the alcohol in her bloodstream flowed toward her hand, she pushed the tip of her index finger down hard on the engraving of the flying crocodile, specifically, one of its teeth. It was really a tiny bronze spike, and when she poked her finger with it, it pierced her skin, and a drop of blood oozed out. She then quickly moved her index finger into the glass. Moments later, a mix of blood and alcohol began to ooze out of her finger into the cup.
Over the course of the next minute or two, she continued with this process until the cup was about a third full. By that time, it was Lord Shu’s turn to drink.
Not surprisingly, when he toasted her, he also drank half of a Harqa drinking vessel’s worth of alcohol, with Bao following suit. In a short few minutes, the two of them had imbibed an entire pot of extremely potent alcohol.
While they rested, Bao once again used the strange energy to force the alcohol out of her blood and into the extra drinking vessel. Of course, she couldn’t get it all, so her head continued to spin. However, if her calculations were correct, she was likely drinking only about one third of the amount of alcohol Lord Shu was drinking.
Time passed, and eventually it was Bao’s turn again. She looked over at Lord Shu and could see that his eyes were a bit blank, and his head was swaying back and forth slightly.
“Lord Shu, would you like to concede?” she asked, smiling.
“Of course not!” he blurted. “I’m waiting for you, frail little woman!”
Her eyes glinted with a flicker of anger. Fool, I was about to go easy on you!
Maintaining her smile, she raised the Harqa drinking vessel. This time, she drank only a third of the entire vessel before stopping. During the respite, she dra
ined as much alcohol as she could. The hidden drinking vessel was about three-quarters full.
Bao’s head was spinning but not too badly. From the way she felt, she could tell that she wasn’t even halfway to her limit.
It was Lord Shu’s turn next. “That last drink was a bit on the safe side, girl,” he said, his voice slightly slurred. “It’s time to narrow the gap! The time has come to show you what real drinkers can do. No Yu Zhing slut can outdo Lord Shu!”
With that, he began to guzzle alcohol down with a vengeance.
Bao took a deep breath and began to follow up. It soon became apparent that Lord Shu was going to down the entire glass. Bao’s throat was burning, and her stomach was beginning to clench up. Her arms twitched, and sweat had broken out on her scalp and down her back. However, she continued to drink, draining her drinking vessel only moments after Lord Shu did.
Lord Shu devolved into a fit of coughing, and when that was over, he sagged, panting. But then he straightened up and looked at Bao with cloudy eyes.
Bao took a moment to compose herself, suppressed the urge to vomit, and then quickly began forcing more alcohol out of her system.
Lord Shu was now swaying back and forth visibly, whereas she was sitting there calmly. A quick glance around the room confirmed that nervous expressions could be seen on the faces of all his men.
“Lord Shu, it seems your men are losing confidence. Are you sure you can handle the pressure?”
Lord Shu’s expression darkened. “Pressure? There’s no pressure! I feel more pressure taking a piss than I do in this supposed contest. I’ve half a mind to just have my men kill your men and then take you to my chambers to give you a spanking!” He roared with laughter.
A nervous chuckle rose up from Lord Shu’s men, whereas Bao’s people muttered angrily.
“Lord Shu,” Bao said, “the teat of a cow feels great pressure when the milk comes out. Do you know why? Because the teat is so small! I wonder… if you feel great pressure when taking a piss, could it be because…”
