“So it’s a trust issue?”
“I wouldn’t say that.”
She’d hit a raw nerve. “What would you say?”
“It’s difficult showing people the real me.”
She filled a ladle with pancake batter and poured it onto the skillet. “It’s the same for most of us. But, if you don’t try, it just gets harder.”
“Are you speaking from personal experience?”
Megan opened a drawer, searching for a spatula. “Before my parents and sister were killed, I had a great career, an apartment in Dallas, and a fiancé who meant everything to me. After the accident, I wasn’t the bright, bubbly person Gary wanted in his life.”
“Is this what you’re looking for?” William held out a spatula.
She looked into his eyes and wished she hadn’t. He understood what she’d been through and how losing someone changed your life.
“So you broke up with your fiancé?”
Megan flipped the pancakes. “No. I tried to be someone I wasn’t. I took Nora to Dallas, plastered a smile on my face and pretended everything was okay. But it wasn’t. It turned out a ready-made family wasn’t part of Gary’s plans.”
William muttered a curse under his breath.
“Exactly. A month later, Nora and I were back in Milwaukee, living in my parents’ house.”
“And that’s when you started your cake decorating business?”
“Not right away. Nora and I needed time to get used to our new lives. After we’d settled into a routine, I had to work out what made me happy.”
She waited for the pancakes to finish cooking before sliding them onto a plate. “If there’s one thing I learned from my family’s deaths, it’s that life is too short to do things that don’t matter. I loved teaching, but the hours were long and I didn’t want Nora growing up in childcare. My friends always asked me to make cakes for their birthdays or special occasions. That’s where the idea for a fantasy cake business came from.”
“And you found the real you?”
“As real as I could manage. I’m a work in progress.” She poured more batter onto the skillet and hoped William understood why she’d told him about her life. Letting people see the real you was hard, especially if you’d trusted the wrong people.
William leaned against the counter, watching what she was doing. “Six years ago, I was married and had a daughter. One day, we were coming back from the railway station when another driver hit our car. My wife and daughter were critically injured.”
Megan’s eyes widened. That was the last thing she’d expected him to say.
He stared at the pancakes bubbling in the skillet. “My daughter, Lacey, died, and my wife never forgave me. A year after the accident, I was divorced and living in a different city.”
“I’m sorry.” There was so much grief and sadness in his eyes that Megan wondered how he managed to hide it.
“I guess I’m a work in progress, too.” He took a deep breath. “Nora reminds me of Lacey. They have the same sense of humor and enjoy the same things.”
“How old was Lacey when she died?”
“Seven.”
Tears filled Megan’s eyes. It was hard enough losing her sister and parents, but to have lost Nora as well would have been more than she could bear.
“Aunty Megan!” Nora ran into the kitchen. “Look what I’ve found.” With her hands cupped together, she held something close to her chest. “It’s wiggly.”
The ground outside was frozen, so the chance of Nora finding a worm was almost impossible. Butterflies, grasshoppers, and crickets were unlikely, too. That left two possibilities; a mouse or a bug.
Megan really hoped it was a bug. “What is it?”
“A baby mouse,” Nora said proudly. “He’s cold and hungry. Can we give him some cheese?”
“Where did you find him?” Megan’s stomach churned. She tried to sound interested, she really did. But all she wanted was to run as fast as she could out of the room.
Nora peeked through a gap in her fingers. “He was sitting in the bathroom. Do you want to hold him?”
Megan shook her head. “I think we should take him outside and let him go back to his mommy and daddy.”
“But it’s cold.”
William opened the refrigerator door. “How about we give him a small piece of cheese in the barn? It’s warm and sheltered, and there are plenty of places where he could hide.”
Nora scrunched up her nose. “What if his mommy and daddy can’t find him?”
“They’ll know where he is,” William said confidently. “Mice have special noses that tell them where their families are.”
“They do?” Nora’s eyes widened. “Even if their babies go far, far, away?”
“Especially if that happens.”
Nora focused on the cheese. “I guess we could take him to the barn. Are you sure he’ll be okay?”
“Positive. Let’s go before it starts snowing again.”
Nora nodded and followed William out of the kitchen.
Megan breathed a sigh of relief. Men with broken hearts she could handle. Small mice with long tails and twitching whiskers were off limits—especially if they brought their relatives inside.
Later that day, William stared across the snow-covered backyard. He didn’t want to drive anywhere, but Megan’s X-ray appointment was in an hour. If it were any other time of the year, it wouldn’t be a problem. But in this weather, it could take a long time to get to Polson.
Someone ran into the living room. A little someone wearing pink sneakers and a white fluffy hat.
“Are you ready to leave?” he asked.
Nora picked up Dolly, clutching her close to her chest. “I’m ready.”
After they’d made sure the mouse was happy, Nora had spent the next couple of hours drawing pictures of him. For a five-year-old, she had an incredible imagination.
“Remember to go to the bathroom,” Megan yelled from the kitchen.
William smiled at Nora. “Do you think Megan’s talking to you or me?”
“Me.” Nora sighed. “She always says that.”
“Sometimes your aunt forgets how grown up you are.”
“I’ll be six soon.”
“I know,” he whispered. “What do you want for your birthday?”
“I’m not sure. I was going to have a party with my friends, but I can’t do that now.”
William sat down. “You could still have a party.”
“It wouldn’t be the same.”
“Dolly and all your toy friends could come.”
Nora leaned against the arm of the sofa. She looked as though she was thinking about what he’d said, weighing up what he was suggesting with what she’d lost. In that moment, she looked so much like Lacey that it was hard for him to breathe.
“Can we have chocolate cake and balloons?”
He nodded. “We could buy some party hats and streamers, too.”
“Would it be okay if we played Christmas music?”
They’d been listening to carols all morning. Christmas, he’d discovered, was her favorite time of the year.
“Sure. We’ll look on the Internet tonight and choose some more music.”
Nora grinned, and his whole world spun on its axis.
“I like you, William.”
“I like you, too.” And before she saw the tears filling his eyes, he stood and zipped up his jacket. “We’d better find Megan or we’ll be late for her hospital appointment.”
Nora’s small hand slipped into his. “Can we have a milkshake after we’ve been to the hospital?”
“We’ll have to check with your aunt, but that sounds like a good idea.”
Megan stepped into the living room. “Are you ready?”
William smiled when he saw the pom-poms dangling from her red and green Christmas hat. If you discounted the rainbow of bruising across her face, she could have been one of Santa’s elves.
“You’re wearing the hat I bought you,” Nora said excitedly. “You lo
ok cute.”
Megan tried to smile, but it looked more like a grimace. “It was the Christmas carols. They inspired me.”
She wasn’t the only person who was feeling inspired. William had spent most of his life pretending to be what other people wanted to see. Now, as terrifying as it was, it was time to be himself. And he knew two people who could help him.
Chapter 6
Four days later, Megan added the last barnyard animal to the top of Nora’s birthday cake. So much had happened since they’d come back from Polson.
The good news from the hospital was that the bones in her nose and cheek weren’t broken. The bruising had gone from red and purple to dramatic shades of yellow and brown. Hopefully, by Christmas Day, her face would be back to normal.
“I’m impressed.” William walked into the kitchen and studied the cake. “How did you make the chickens and mice? They’re so small.”
“They’re made from the fondant I bought in Polson. It looks like Play-Doh, but it’s a type of thick icing that’s completely edible.”
“Nora will love it.”
Megan wiped her hands on her apron. “I hope so. How are the decorations?”
“I’m a little out of practice, but they seem okay. Can you help me with the birthday banner? It keeps sliding off the rail.”
“Sure. If we do it now, I can start breakfast after we’ve finished.” Megan followed William into the living room. She stopped in the doorway, amazed at what he’d achieved.
The ceiling was covered in pink helium balloons attached to silver ribbons. Twinkling fairy lights surrounded the windows, and a blow-up flamingo filled one corner of the room.
“This is incredible. Where did you find the pink flamingo?”
“It was in the novelty section of the store where I bought the ribbon.”
Megan stared at the ceiling. “How many balloons did you buy?”
William cleared his throat. “A few packets. I was worried that the helium tank wouldn’t fit in the truck, but it did. Do you think Nora will like it?”
“She’ll love it.” What she’d like even more was that William had spent a lot of time decorating the room for her. “I can’t believe you bought all of this while I was at the hospital.”
“What can I say? I’m a quick shopper. This is the banner.” He walked across to the sofa and picked up one end of the birthday sign. “I tried using tape to stick it to the rail, but it keeps falling off.”
Megan touched the bright red foil banner. “It’s too slippery. I’ll get the string I saw in the kitchen. It might be better.”
As she walked into the kitchen, Megan glanced at her watch. Hopefully, Nora would sleep for another half hour, but the chance of that happening was practically zero.
When she returned to the living room, William was using special tape to stick some of Nora’s pictures on the walls.
“Do you think it’s too much?”
“No, it looks great. Our house in Milwaukee was full of Nora’s artwork. It will make the house feel like our home.” Megan looked at the rail, then cut a length of string off the rolled-up ball.
A piece of paper fell on the floor. William picked it up and grunted. “I should have read the instructions first. They recommend using string.”
“Don’t worry. I did the same thing for a friend’s birthday last year.”
Between the two of them, they hung the banner in a matter of minutes. Which was just as well considering Megan could hear Nora’s sneakers thumping down the stairs.
“Are you ready to surprise the birthday girl?” Megan asked.
William quickly stuck the last picture on the wall. “Now I am. Do you want to sing her happy birthday?”
She nodded as Nora rushed into the room. The grin on Nora’s face as they sung to her was priceless. So was the hug she gave each of them when they’d finished.
William handed Nora one of the balloons. “Happy birthday.”
She took the balloon and spun in a slow circle. “It’s amazing.” She ran across to the flamingo and patted its leg. “Can we take some photos for my friends?”
“Of course we can,” Megan said. “But we won’t show anyone the photos until we go home.” The last thing William needed was the pictures finding their way onto Facebook.
“I need Dolly,” Nora cried. “I’ll be back soon.” And before Megan could remind her to slow down, Nora was gone.
Nora stood in front of the present William had bought her. The long rectangular box was wrapped in sparkly birthday paper with a big pink bow on one end.
She slowly removed the ribbon, then picked off the tape. For someone who usually hurried through life, Nora was being incredibly careful.
She frowned when she saw the pictures on the outside of the box.
“It’s a telescope,” William explained. “You point the long tube at the stars and look through the eyepiece. Sometimes, if you’re really lucky, you’ll see satellites and all kinds of things.”
Nora’s big blue eyes stared up at him. “Will I be able to see the brightest star?”
Megan shifted in her seat. “I told Nora that whenever she wants to see her mom, all she has to do is look for the brightest star in the sky.”
“That’s why I like the stars so much,” Nora said. “Mommy is always watching over me and keeping me safe. Just like you, William.”
He swallowed the lump in his throat. Nora’s complete trust in him was humbling. If anything happened to her, he would never forgive himself. “I can show you how to attach the telescope to the stand, but we won’t be able to see the stars until tonight.”
“That’s okay,” Nora said excitedly. “Mommy will be waiting.”
When they’d first arrived at Zac’s house, Nora had shown him a picture of some stars she’d drawn. What he didn’t understand was why she was worried that the stars in Montana would be different from the ones in Milwaukee. Now he knew. She thought she wouldn’t be able to see her mom.
Megan picked some wrapping paper off the floor. “While William’s helping you make the telescope, I’ll put breakfast on the table.”
William watched Megan walk stiffly across the room. The smile that hadn’t left her face all morning had disappeared. Something was wrong. He looked down at Nora as she carefully pulled the rest of the tape off her present.
“Will you be okay while I help Megan?”
Nora pulled her rag doll closer and nodded. “Dolly will keep me company.”
“Tell me when you’re ready to open the box. It won’t take long to put everything together.”
William made sure Nora was okay before heading into the kitchen. As soon as he opened the door, he knew something was definitely wrong. “Are you okay?”
Megan took three plates out of a cupboard. “I’m fine. Nora liked the telescope.”
“Is that why you’re upset?”
Megan’s eyes widened. “No. I thought your gift was a great idea. Nora will enjoy finding the constellations we talked about.”
“Then what’s the problem?” William wasn’t sure if she would tell him.
“I’m feeling a little emotional, that’s all.” She opened a packet of paper napkins and handed them to him.
He held onto her hand, not letting go when she gave a quick tug.
When she finally looked into his eyes, there was such sadness and grief in their depths that it brought tears to his eyes. “What’s wrong?” he asked softly.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Nora’s birthdays are hard. Not because she’s getting older, but because my sister and parents aren’t here to share the day with us.”
There was nothing William could say to make her feel better. He knew how painful some days could be, especially Christmas and birthdays. A song, a smell, or even a word could trigger memories you thought you’d forgotten. In the blink of an eye, you were transported straight back to the time when the person you were missing was there.
Instead of trying to make her feel better with words, h
e let go of her hand and opened his arms. “Would you like a hug?”
Megan bit her bottom lip. “I can’t.”
“Why not?”
“If I start crying, I don’t know if I’ll be able to stop.”
William held onto her hands. “It’s okay to be sad.”
“Nora needs to know everything is okay. If she sees me crying, it will upset her.”
William squeezed her fingers. “Maybe if she sees you expressing your feelings it will help her deal with how she’s feeling.”
Tears fell down Megan’s face. “I want her to be happy.”
“I know you do. But you can’t pretend to be happy all the time. If you don’t deal with your emotions, you’ll turn into a replica of me.”
Megan’s lips twitched. “There’s nothing wrong with you.”
“There’s nothing wrong with you, either.”
“Except a slightly dented heart.” Megan wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder. As her tears flowed, her body relaxed.
William rubbed her back, giving her what comfort he could. He wondered if his life would have been different if he’d been able to talk to his wife after their daughter died. But the grief of losing the brightest light in their lives had overwhelmed everything else. Instead of working through their pain together, they’d gone their separate ways. He only hoped Vanessa had found more peace than he had.
Megan took an unsteady breath and stepped away. Using the back of her hands, she wiped her eyes and sent him a rueful smile. “I’ve ruined your shirt.”
William looked at his damp shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve got plenty of clean ones upstairs. How do you feel?”
“Better. Thank you.”
He handed her some tissues. “I’ll take the pancakes and the plates into the dining room. Will you be okay?”
“I will be now.”
He smiled and touched the side of her face. “Be yourself. That’s all Nora or anyone else wants.” And before he gave in and kissed her, he left the kitchen. Megan had enough to deal with today. She didn’t need him complicating her life any more than he had.
Megan looked up at the clear blue sky and wondered what on earth she was doing.
A Christmas Wish Page 6
