by Jo Lovett
Maybe the funeral cortege would be held up by the same sheep so she wouldn’t be late.
Both unlikely.
And then she saw a shepherd at the front of the herd. A man dressed in a lot of brown and carrying a stick and surrounded by the sheep, anyway. He was definitely the person in charge of them, if anyone was.
‘Excuse me,’ she called. Nothing. She put her hands round her mouth and called again. Still nothing. She was actually going to miss Dominic’s father’s funeral. This was awful. Really, really awful. Dominic wanted her support, and whatever might or might not happen between them in the future, she did care about him and, if he wanted her there, she should be there. ‘Move your bloody sheep,’ she screamed. ‘I’m missing a funeral.’
Miraculously, the man in brown turned round. He looked at her and then turned back round again. What the actual…? Izzy undid her seatbelt, and with a lot of effort and some pain, pulled herself up and out so that she was balanced half out of the car, through the open window.
‘It’s my father-in-law’s funeral right now,’ she yelled, so hard that it hurt her throat. ‘I am begging you. Please. Move. The. Sheep.’
The man turned round, again, stared at her for a while, and then raised his stick at her. Then he turned back round and Izzy’s eyes filled. What was she going to do? Could she run the rest of the way?
And then the man did some stuff with the stick and the sheep, and within a couple of minutes there was a path through the herd, thank the Lord.
* * *
She was still late. The vicar had started the service when she arrived out of breath at the back of the church. There was an empty pew at the back, thank goodness, ideal.
But no.
‘Isobel?’ The elderly man speaking was vaguely familiar to Izzy. Some distant family member perhaps. Maybe she’d met him at her wedding. ‘Front pew.’
Walk of shame completed, in total silence, the vicar having obligingly paused for her while the entire congregation watched, Izzy was wedged between Dominic and his aunt, staring at the coffin in front of them.
As the vicar talked, Helena – sitting on the other side of Dominic – wept into a black-edged handkerchief, and Dominic sat very still. His shoulders started to move a little against Izzy at the same moment that Izzy herself was battling a very large lump in her throat. The vicar’s mention of David’s love of golf had conjured up an image of him lying in his coffin in a pale yellow V-neck jumper, golf slacks, stupid golf shoes and a big, infectious smile. Izzy reached her hand out to find Dominic’s, and squeezed hard. He squeezed back and sniffed. Izzy rummaged in her bag with her other hand and then passed him a tissue. He carried on clinging onto her hand. Poor, poor Dominic. And Helena.
Izzy had known that Dominic was going to give a eulogy, because he’d run it past her on the phone, but she hadn’t bargained for how affecting it would be as part of the service. Dominic looked so dignified, and his words hit exactly the right note between grief, pride in the man his father had been, and anecdote. Izzy’s heart broke for him as he spoke, and tears trickled down her cheeks.
When he sat back down, he put his hand straight back into hers and it felt like the most natural thing in the world.
‘Stay by my side all day?’ Dominic whispered to her at the end of the service.
‘Of course,’ Izzy said.
Dominic and Helena had walked from Helena’s house to the church, so Izzy drove them to the country house hotel where the wake was taking place.
‘Such a comfort, dear Isobel.’ Helena was sitting in the front seat. She was wearing black Chanel and pearls and looked a lot smaller than usual. Fragile. Her hair had always seemed blonde but suddenly it was all silver, like she’d aged significantly in a fortnight.
‘Izzy’s been wonderful,’ Dominic said, doing nothing at all to dispel Helena’s evident belief that Izzy and he were properly back together.
Maybe they should be.
* * *
‘Family photo, family photo,’ bossed Helena’s cousin Annie, ushering them into a family grouping on the grand stately-home-esque steps of the hotel when they arrived. ‘So nice to get everyone together for once.’
‘It isn’t nice, is it,’ Dominic muttered. ‘It’s a bloody funeral.’
‘Is that everyone?’ the waiter who Annie had commandeered to take the photo asked.
‘Stop.’ Dominic’s querulous and extremely elderly Great-Aunt Margaret lifted her walking stick to wave, and stumbled. ‘David isn’t here. He should be in the photo. Where’s David?’
Helena moaned.
‘Aunt Margaret has dementia,’ Dominic explained unnecessarily to Izzy. He put his arm round Helena and took her inside while Annie called, ‘We haven’t finished taking the photo.’
‘I’m so sorry,’ Izzy told Margaret. ‘David’s passed away.’
‘That’s terrible.’ A big fat tear rolled down Margaret’s cheek. Izzy shouldn’t have told her. If she couldn’t remember, she was going to experience the shock a lot of times. Awful.
‘Let me find you a chair and a drink of water.’ She held out her arm for Margaret to lean on as they went inside.
* * *
‘It’s a complete bloody nightmare,’ Dominic said to Izzy. Helena was with her sister and Margaret was with some other elderly relatives. ‘I wish I could just walk out.’
‘I’m so sorry.’ Izzy reached up and gave him a hug. ‘I’m here and I’m not going anywhere.’
‘Thank you.’ Dominic hugged her back, hard.
For the duration of the meal, Izzy stood with Dominic while he received condolence after condolence.
‘Where’s David?’ Margaret shouted, at least three more times. She had an excellent set of lungs for such an old and infirm-looking woman. Helena cried each time.
Finally, a couple of people started to make moves to leave.
‘Goodbye, dear. You’ve been very brave.’ Dominic’s Great-Aunt Laura, Margaret’s younger sister, was the first to get to the door. She was hunched very oddly. Maybe she had a back problem or something.
‘Thief,’ shouted a waiter. Laura dived for the door. The waiter was a lot younger and a lot faster and got to her before she was completely through the door.
Izzy was the closest to them and gasped as he reached down Laura’s blouse.
Laura was batting at his hand and screeching. Two of her buttons popped off and the blouse opened over a gilt candlestick, nestling between her beige all-in-one corseted bosoms.
‘You can’t arrest an old lady,’ Izzy said.
‘Sorry,’ the waiter said, ‘but they’d have taken it out of my wages.’
‘Fair enough.’ Dominic nodded. ‘Could you?’ He indicated sideways with his head. ‘Given that it’s a wake?’
‘Yes, okay.’ The waiter took the candlestick and returned inside while Dominic averted his gaze and Laura pulled her blouse closed.
An unrepentant Laura gave Izzy a hug and whispered in her ear, ‘Still got an egg mayo sandwich and a pepper pot in my pocket,’ and shuffled off.
‘Once a kleptomaniac always a kleptomaniac, apparently,’ Dominic said. ‘For God’s sake.’
Margaret was one of the last to leave.
‘Where’s David?’ she asked on her way out.
Dominic and Izzy sat on a bench outside, holding hands, while Helena finished talking to David’s siblings.
‘If I’m honest,’ Izzy said, ‘I think that’s the worst wake I’ve ever been to.’
‘Yeah.’ Dominic nodded. ‘Total madhouse. Awful. Poor Margaret. Poor Laura. Poor bloody all of us.’ He took his hand out of Izzy’s and put his arm round her shoulders instead. ‘Thank you so much for being here today. I don’t think I could have coped without you.’
‘Hey. Not a problem. Obviously.’ Izzy meant it. Dominic was a big part of her life and always would be, whatever happened in the future, and when he needed her, she should obviously be there for him. She looked up at him. He was smiling down at her, his eyes doing thei
r creasing thing. And now he was looking at her lips and moving his head closer. It didn’t seem to Izzy as though there were about to be any fireworks, but this felt right nonetheless. He moved even closer and she inched towards him too.
And then Helena called, ‘Are you ready, Dominic?’ and they moved apart.
* * *
Izzy got home very late that evening. After she’d checked on a sleeping Ruby and thanked Lily from next door for minding her, she found a polite email from Sam asking how the funeral had been.
Emma and Rohan were both out and she really wanted to vent about her day from hell. Except she and Sam weren’t that close any more. Since his second apology a couple of weeks ago, she’d barely heard from him. She should probably be polite, though. Nice of him to ask. She should probably send a quick one-liner.
Half an hour later, she had, somehow, in a moment of weakness, given him an exhaustive account of the hideousness of the day.
Hey,
Wow. Don’t know how to reply to that other than to say I’m so sorry and please tell me you’re home now and away from the madness, with Ruby in bed, and having a large glass of something. And again, wow. That’s one hell of a bad day. Does this limerick (attached) help?
S Xxx
Izzy laughed so hard she snorted rosé. He was clearly a very skilled and fast composer of dirty limericks. She was tempted to reply with one of her own. Except it already felt strangely disloyal to Dominic to be talking to Sam about Dominic’s father’s funeral. She just sent a two-word ‘Thank you’ in the end.
Painting on Wednesday was a welcome relief from everything that had been going on. They did The Scream.
Surprisingly, given that apparently it symbolised the anxiety of the human condition, and Izzy wasn’t exactly at her best emotionally, and Emma was beyond annoyingly chirpy tonight, Emma’s was very good and Izzy’s was truly rubbish.
* * *
‘Great paintings.’ Rohan was nodding earnestly.
‘Yeah, mine’s crap.’ Izzy hoped they were going to go home soon. She’d been feeling permanently knackered since the argument with Sam, and David’s death.
‘So, we have news.’ Emma was practically bouncing up and down.
‘Do we?’ Rohan said.
‘Who does?’ Izzy said.
‘Don’t we?’ Emma said.
Rohan smiled at her. ‘Yes, I think we do.’
‘What?’ Izzy said. ‘What?’ The two of them were standing next to each other, beaming away, almost shoulder to shoulder, Emma being nearly six foot in her heeled boots. Izzy’s gaze travelled down to where her two best friends were holding hands.
Yes, Emma and Rohan were holding hands. Their fingers were linked. Izzy stared. They were doing funny things with their hands, like they were having hand sex. Was that a thing? Izzy’s gaze travelled back up. Emma’s eyes were only about an inch below Rohan’s and they were looking at each other in a nauseatingly soppy way.
‘Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh,’ Izzy said. ‘No way, no way, no way. No bloody way.’
‘Yes way.’ Emma reached out to pull Izzy in for a three-way hug.
‘No actual way,’ Izzy screamed. ‘Tell me everything. Now.’
‘Firstly,’ said Emma, ‘sorry about the timing. It doesn’t feel right to tell you now when Dominic’s dad’s just died and you had the funeral on Monday. But I wanted to explain why we’ve both been out at the same time quite a lot. I’m really sorry we were both busy on Monday. We were meeting Rohan’s parents together and it was the only evening they could do for the next few weeks because they’ve got work and they’re going away.’ Rohan’s parents were both very high powered in indescribable jobs, and travelled a lot. ‘And obviously we really wanted to tell them but we felt terrible that neither of us were around to chat after the funeral.’
‘Don’t be silly.’ Izzy did not want to admit that she felt ridiculously happy about the fact that there was an excellent reason for the fact that they’d both been busy on Monday evening. She’d tried really hard not to feel hurt but she hadn’t totally succeeded. ‘So what happened? When did it happen?’ Now she was starting to think about it, so much made sense. And Sam had been right. No. Stop thinking about Sam. Why was he in her head when he shouldn’t be? This was all about Rohan and Emma. ‘So. Details. Now. No, actually, not all the details.’
‘To cut a long story short,’ Rohan said, smiling soppily again, ‘we’ve been involved on and off for a long time but only recently admitted our feelings.’
‘Oh, please.’ Izzy shook her head. ‘I’m prepared to stay up all night if necessary. That’s far too short a long story. I’ll get wine.’
‘So basically,’ Emma said, while Izzy poured, ‘we slept together once after uni. Which was amazing. But nothing else happened for a while. I’m not really sure why. When you and Dominic were in Seattle we slept together quite a lot. Then when we were living together for those few months we shagged all the time. It was like we were together. Except neither of us said anything, so we weren’t officially together and we never went out together, it was all just at home. And then it was time for Rohan to move out and I was too nervous to say anything because I’d realised that I loved him and I was scared he didn’t feel the same way.’
‘And I felt exactly the same,’ Rohan said.
‘So basically we pissed about for a while, no longer sleeping together, just arguing and getting pissed off and Rohan being an arse.’
‘With good reason. When you saw other people.’ Rohan smiled at Emma and dropped a kiss on her lips, which seemed to start as a quick affectionate peck, but carried on for a good few seconds longer than it should have done in front of Izzy.
‘Sorry,’ said Emma, a huge just-been-kissed smile on her face. ‘And then we had a big argument after I nearly went out with that guy from climbing and stopped speaking, until Rohan phoned me up and told me he loved me. Honestly it was the best conversation of my life. Followed by the best sex of my life. And Rohan’s, he tells me.’
‘No, no, no,’ said Izzy. ‘I am so happy for you, I really am, but please, never talk to me about sex ever again. I really mean it.’
‘And I’m so sorry about having had a secret from you.’ Emma was screwing her face up like she was worried about Izzy’s reaction.
‘Don’t be silly. I totally understand,’ Izzy said. Which, actually, she did. She hadn’t told Emma about kissing Sam. Sometimes, you just couldn’t talk about enormous things.
‘We’ve got a question for you,’ Rohan said.
‘Is it about sex?’
‘No,’ Emma said. ‘Will you be my matron of honour?’
Izzy looked between the two of them. ‘You mean…?’
Rohan nodded. ‘We’re getting married.’
Izzy screamed and screamed and hugged and hugged them, and then Ruby woke up because of the noise and joined in with the hugging.
‘I’m so honoured,’ Izzy said. ‘Thank you for asking.’ She felt an uncomfortable twinge of envy. Their love was so huge and so passionate and, now at least, so straightforward. She forced the feeling away. She was over the moon for them, of course she was. ‘My two best friends. Love you both. I’m so happy that you’re happy together.’
Twenty-Seven
Sam
‘Many congratulations, Sam.’ Robert Wade was finally winding up his unnecessarily lengthy monologue. ‘And I have great news for you. As you step up to head up the M&A group, we’d like also to invite you to become a managing partner.’ Good grief. Sam had not seen that one coming. ‘Congratulations again.’ Robert reached across the table to pump Sam’s hand. ‘You’ll be the youngest managing partner in the history of the firm.’ Exactly. Sam had thought he had at least another three or four years proving himself in the group head role before they’d offer him managing partner. Maybe even longer, so that the twins would have been at college.
He smiled. No option. This should be the best day of his career. Except if he took on the roles, he’d probably actuall
y die. He’d certainly never see daylight again until he was about fifty. At which point the twins would be well into their twenties and he and they would hardly recognise each other. And he could kiss goodbye to any further personal involvement in lecturing or pro bono work.
‘Thank you,’ he said.
Robert drew his monobrow into a frown. ‘You seem underwhelmed.’
‘Overwhelmed,’ Sam told him. ‘It’s hard to take in.’ He needed to find some enthusiastic words. ‘I’m hugely grateful for the trust you’re placing in me and very excited about the future.’
‘Excellent. Drinks with your fellow managing partners this evening to celebrate. We have a room at The Vine booked.’
‘Perfect,’ Sam said, keeping his smile going.
Disaster. After Liv’s running away incident a couple weeks ago, he’d promised her that he’d set one weekday evening a week aside to spend with her and Barney. They’d had two great weekends together, but that had involved Sam surviving on minimal sleep because he’d had work to do.
This evening he was supposed to be going to a school presentation with them and then taking them out for dinner.
He’d worked so hard for his career to hit this point. And he’d worked so hard to parent the twins. It was obvious which one he was better at. And it was obvious what he was going to have to do now.
He got his phone out as soon as he left the meeting.
‘Mom. Hi. I have news.’
When he told her, she sounded about as excited as he felt. ‘Honey, I’m so proud of you but how are you going to cope?’
‘I am going to cope fine,’ he said. ‘It’s an honour. But I do have a favour. Could you and Dad go to the twins’ school presentation for me this evening? And take them out for dinner?’
‘Of course, honey.’
Liv was a harder sell than his mother. ‘You promised,’ she said.
