by Connie Mason
"Not before I love you again Not before I do this " His bold caress sent the breath whooshing from her chest "Or this," His fingers penetrated her moist warmth, his mouth found hers, and all thought fled as love claimed them and passion whirled them into a star-studded realm where ecstasy ruled
Afterwards, when sheer exhaustion plunged Maggie into a deep sleep. Chase eased out of bed, dressed quietly, and left the room He needed to think, and lying with Maggie's soft warmth in his arms was not conducive to the kind of decisions he had to make
Chapter Fourteen
Scott locked the door to his office and headed toward the barracks to bed down for the night It was very late, but with the influx of starnpeders his workload was extremely heavy Besides, thinking about Maggie twenty-four hours a day kept his mind in a constant turmoil It certainly wasn't conducive to helping him deal with the mounds of paperwork accumulating on his desk
The sounds of laughter and voices raised in argument brought Scott to an abrupt halt before a saloon well known for its rowdiness As long as he was here, he decided he might as well look in and make certain everything was in order Sizing up the situation in one sweeping glance, he saw that nothing warranted his intervention and turned to leave Then he spied Chase sitting at a table in the comer, and he threaded his way through the crowd toward him He'd been wanting to have a word with the cowboy anyway
If not for Chase McGarrett, Scott knew Maggie would return his love Scott had known men like Chase before, and they weren't the marrying kind He'd use Maggie, break her heart, and leave her bereft and disillusioned Why couldn't Maggie understand that all Chase was interested in was the gold beneath Eleven Above1? While he, Scott, wanted to give Maggie all she deserved, even if it meant leaving the Yukon and Canada and settling wherever she'd be happy Was McGarrett willing to offer the same things'?
"Mind if I join you?" "Suit yourself"
Scott dropped into a chair, eyed Chase narrowly, and said, "I suppose you've already seen Maggie I'm surprised you're not still with her " His voice smacked of strong disapproval
Chase bristled indignantly He took Scott's words as a direct insult to Maggie's reputation "What's between me and Maggie is none of your business, Gordon Contrary to what you think, I'd never do anythin' to hurt Maggie "
"Why don't I believe that1?" Scott muttered darkly "If you don't want to hurt Maggie, you'd get out of her life " "And leave her to you1?" Chase sneered
"She could do worse I love Maggie I love her enough to leave Canada and go wherever she'll be happy I want children with her Do you want a family?"
Chase winced Certainly he wanted children Of what use was building an empire if there were no children to inherit1? Evidently Maggie hadn't confided in Gordon about her inability to conceive If Maggie didn't want the Mountie to know. Chase certainly wasn't going to tell him It stung to think that the Mountie was willing to indulge Maggie to the extent of accepting an entirely different way of
life, while he. Chase, had delivered an ultimatum Still, that didn't mean he loved Maggie any less than the Mountie did. Chase reasoned "If you've talked to Maggie lately, Gordon, you'd know it's me she loves," Chase said with firm conviction
"Maybe so, but you're no good for her, McGarrett How long do you plan on staying in the Klondike1? What will Maggie do while you're up here digging1? Did you know she's returning to Seattle soon1?"
"Not if I can convince her otherwise "
"Think about it, McGarrett," Scott urged, his voice low and strident "If you truly loved Maggie, you'd let her go now while she can still overcome the pain of losing you "
"With your help, of course," Chase spat "I reckon you'll be on hand to console her "
Scott shrugged, denying nothing "It's your choice, McGarrett If you want Maggie to be happy, don't take her away from her job and expect her to settle down into a proper housewife She'd hate it, and you'd hate what you forced her to become Would you give up your ranch for Maggie1? I think not"
Having said all he intended to, Scott rose to leave "One more thing, McGarrett—money won't buy Maggie It doesn't matter to her if your claim makes you a millionaire " Then he was gone, leaving Chase to stew in the bitter broth of his words
Without a doubt Chase knew everything the Mountie said was true Lord knew, he loved Maggie, and she loved him Nothing or no one could take that from them But love didn't always insure happiness He was an uneducated cowboy and Maggie a bright woman entering a new century where vast new horizons and opportunities beckoned Soon smart, adventurous women like Maggie would be able to choose their own destiny instead of riding the coattails of men Not that Chase
begrudged them their day He never did believe in the subjugation of women Soon all states would follow Wyoming's example and give them the right to vote It would just take some gettinguse to
As Chase sat and drank and pondered the future, he came to the startling conclusion that he had no right to demand anything of Maggie She had earned the right to do and become anything she wanted She had overcome all adversity in order to gain recognition as a journalist, and she shouldn't be molded into what he wanted her to become Maggie deserved to bask in the limelight of her accomplishments It took raw courage and fortitude to reach the Klondike when lesser men failed Other journalists had made it to Dawson, but Maggie was the first woman, perhaps even the first journalist of any gender, to traverse White Pass in 1897
By the time Chase left the saloon for his hotel, he knew exactly what he had to do He hoped the courage of his conviction would lend him the strength necessary to do it
Maggie frowned in disappointment when she awakened and found Chase gone He had exhausted her so thoroughly that she had slept the night away and not even noticed when he left her bed Since awakening, she had given Chase's words considerable thought If she hadn't realized it before, she knew after last night that she couldn't—didn't even want to—live without Chase As much as she loved the newspaper and competing in a man's world, she loved Chase more She wanted to share everything with him—his ranch, Montana, their children She'd gladly go anywhere with him in order to remain a part of his life And if that wasn't enough to satisfy her need to fulfill herself as a woman, she could do freelance writing, or attempt a book about her
experience And of course she'd remain in Daws on until she and Chase could leave together
Pleased with her decision, Maggie began unpacking her newly purchased suitcase, barely able to contain her happiness The moment Chase returned, she intended to tell him her news and watch his face reveal his joy She never considered giving up her job and independence as compromising her goals, for without Chase her goals were of little value
When Chase finally appeared a short time later, he took one look at the suitcase stretched out across the bed and immediately assumed Maggie was packing instead of unpacking
Maggie flew into his arms, bubbling with the need to tell him of her decision "I'm glad you're here. Chase, I've something to tell you " "And I've somethin' to tell you," Chase replied with a definite lack of enthusiasm "Do you want to go first1?"
Maggie wanted to speak first, but sensing his distraction astutely realized that Chase had something to get off his chest, and she wanted his mind unoccupied when she gave him her good news "You go ahead, love, mine can wait"
Maggie sat on the edge of the bed while Chase began pacing, a small voice telling her that she should have spoken first, that what Chase was about to say might alter their lives forever "Maybe I should tell you "
"No, Maggie, this needs sayin'," Chase said with firm resolve "I've been doin'a heap of thinkin' since last night and I reckon I was bein' unreasonable " "Chase, I—"
"No, Maggie, don't say anythin' 'til I'm done It's hard enough to say without you interruptin' What I'm tryin' to tell you is that I have no right dictatin' your future I realize now you wouldn't be happy livin' in Montana, and I wouldn't consider livin'
anywhere else You've fought hard for recognition as a journalist and deserve the accolades You don't need me You're a
resourceful, courageous woman, Maggie Afton Maybe someday you'll find a man who's willin' to share you with your first love—your work I'm a jealous man, darlin', I want you all to myself"
A stunned silence followed Chase's words What had happened to change Chase's thinking so drastically1? Maggie wondered bleakly Just last night he had pleaded with her to remain in Dawson Did he suddenly decide he didn't need a wife1?
"Is this it, then1?" Maggie asked, finally finding her tongue "Is it over1? Are we to go our own ways and forget the love we shared1?"
Forget Maggie1? Forget what they had together, how she made him feel1? Impossible I But for Maggie's sake he had to make it sound as if what they shared was just a passing thing, too hot to last "Of course I won't forget you, darlin' It was wonderful while it lasted But we both know somethin' that good can't last"
"What brought about this sudden decision1? What made you change your mind1? Last night you said "
"Men say many things in the heat of passion," Chase replied, hating what he was doing to Maggie but certain it was the right thing "It suddenly dawned on me after I left you last night that I'll soon be rich I could have as many women as I want, do what I please A wife is the last thing I need "
"So that's it," Maggie said with bitter emphasis A wife would cramp your style, prevent you from enjoying your wealth to the fullest"
Chase winced Her words made him seem so shallow If Maggie really believed he wanted to spend his money on women and debauchery, she didn't know him very well
Maggie couldn't think beyond the fact that Chase didn't want her, that becoming rich and sowing wild oats was more important to him than acquiring a wife My God, how could she have misjudged him so thoroughly1? His love for her was no more than a passing fancy, his passion mere lust for her body She should have realized back in Skagway that she was a handy convenience to him She had lost her heart to the handsome rogue and Chase had fed upon her love like a hungry wolf, mouthing words that held no meaning
"Of course," Chase continued blandly, "if I thought there was a possibility our—mating last night could have produced a child, I might have been tempted to change my mind "
Red dots of rage exploded behind Maggie's eyes Was a child the only way to bind Chase to her1? She'd never stoop so low as to use a child to hold a man, especially a man who didn't want her She had intended telling Chase she wasn't barren, that as far as she knew she was perfectly capable of producing a child—or children Now it didn't matter, for she'd never have Chase's baby, unless But of course the thought that she'd become pregnant from last night's encounter was ridiculous She'd escaped unscathed thus far and would do so again
"Thank God there's no chance I could be carrying your child," Maggie retorted, assuming a haughty manner to disguise her broken heart The torment of loving Chase, then losing him was a gnawing ache that eroded the self-esteem she'd carefully nurtured all these years In a few short minutes he had virtually destroyed her Only her inherent dignity saved her from begging Chase not to abandon her
"It's just as well," Chase said with soul-wrenching sadness Was it really over between them1? Had he destroyed the love they had shared so easily1? He felt hollow inside, bereft of all he held dear He wanted
to scream, to protest the injustice of loving someone so completely he was willing to lose her rather than cause her years of regret and unhappiness "Maybe I'll look you up in Seattle," he ventured, grasping at straws
"Don't bother," Maggie advised "What good will it do?"
"Well, Maggie girl, I reckon there's nothin' more to say," Chase blustered, assuming a cheerful facade "It was great while it lasted, and I can truthfully say I've never met a woman like you " Nor likely to again, he thought but didn't say
"There'll never be another like you. Chase " Maggie choked on a sob, her throat raw from holding back the tears "You'd better go now I've a lot of thinking to do, plans to make " Deliberately she kept her eyes lowered to hide her pain
"Not like this, Maggie, not without so much as a kiss to send me on my way " Chase knew he was deliberately torturing himself by prolonging this, but it seemed his life depended on tasting her sweetness one last time
Startled, Maggie's lids swept upwards, but it didn't prevent Chase from seizing her lips in a kiss that spoke of fire, and passion—and yes, dammit, love A love he'd just denied His kiss deepened, outlining her lips with the tip of his tongue, then parting them and plunging inside to savor her sweet essence
With a will of their own, his hands curled around her buttocks, pulling her close, remembering with vivid clarity how satiny her skin felt against the roughness of his, the fullness of her breasts, the erect tautness of her nipples when aroused by his mouth How could he leave Maggie when he needed her so desperately? It's because you love her that you're letting her go, a small voice within him answered
Maggie felt the rise of Chase's manhood against the softness of her stomach and knew she had to break
off his potent kiss or be damned forever It would take very little to lose all the sense God gave her and beg him to bed her, and pride be damned Exerting all the willpower in her slender body, Maggie pulled free of Chase's arms
"No, Chase, I won't let you use me again " Her voice was a breathless whisper fraught with profound anguish "We've been lovers, let's part friends Don't prolong this parting " She offered Chase her hand
Chase subjected Maggie to a slow, searching look, the finality of their good-bye all but tearing him apart Evidently Maggie wasn't as devastated by their parting as he was The thought served only to reinforce his belief that what he was doing was the best thing for Maggie Stretching his arm forward, he enfolded her small, cold hand in his, then brought it reverently to his lips He'd never done such a thing before, but somehow it felt right
"Before I leave, I insist that you take a share of the gold from Eleven Above," Chase said, still holding Maggie's hand as if he never meant to let her go
"I don't want it," Maggie refused, aghast that Chase felt compelled to pay for her services "You've already repaid the grubstake I lent you I've enough left to take care of my needs until I reach Seattle "
"Damnation, Maggie, I insist! You earned it"
"I refuse to be paid like a common whore I Go, Chase, leave me alone "
She turned then, walking to the window while she waited for Chase to leave "You know I didn't mean it like that," Chase said softly, stunned by her sordid interpretation of what they had shared When she refused to answer or even acknowledge his presence. Chase took advantage of her turned back and hid the small sack of nuggets beneath the layers of clothing in the suitcase lying open on the bed Then, slanting
a look of utter despair at Maggie's rigid back. Chase quietly left the room, convinced he had done the only responsible thing to guarantee Maggie's happiness
"Maggie, I know you're in there I"
Scott had been by twice today, but Maggie had no desire to talk to anyone, so she simply refused to answer the door
"The desk clerk said you haven't left the room or ordered food all day Are you sick1? Please, Maggie, open up or I'll break down the door "
Maggie sighed, aware that this time Scott wouldn't go away She didn't want to see him, for he'd demand an explanation for her strange behavior She just wanted to be by herself and wallow in misery
"I'm coming in, Maggie I"
This time Scott sounded as if he really meant it and Maggie roused herself from her lethargy "I'm coming, Scott There's no need for violence " Dragging herself from the chair, she made her way sluggishly to the door
"Thank Godl" Scott said fervently as the door swung open and he pushed inside "Why is it so dark in here1?"
Until that moment Maggie had no idea she'd been sitting in the gloom The murky shadows of dusk fit her mood perfectly She watched with little interest as Scott lit a lamp, then turned to study her carefully controlled features
"You don't look sick" "I'm not"
"Then why are you hiding in your room1? Has something happened1
?" Scott had a fairly good idea what was ailing Maggie, but he wanted to hear it from her own lips He had seen Chase McGarrett earlier today looking as bereft as Maggie
"Nothing has happened," Maggie denied larhely "You can see for yourself I'm well"
"McGarrett's in town "
Maggie glanced up sharply "I know"
"You've seen him?"
"Yes "
"Dammit, Maggie, has McGarrett done something to hurt you? If he has I'll—"
"No, Scott, it's nothing like that," Maggie quickly denied—too quickly "We—Chase and I—merely decided to—part" Her strangled words told Scott that Chase had taken his advice to heart and done what was best for Maggie, and he respected the cowboy for having the courage to make a painful decision
"I know you think you love the cowboy, but you'll find out soon enough that he doesn't deserve you You're better off without him "
I loved him, Scott, but obviously Chase didn't love me enough to include me in his future There is only one way to do things—Chase's way My ideas, my hopes and dreams, were too unimportant to consider "
"I know you're hurt, Maggie, but—"
"No,1 not hurt," Maggie interrupted in the middle of his sentence "Mad, damn mad I don't need an illiterate cowboy to mess up my life I managed well enough before and can do so again "
Suddenly Maggie realized it wasn't the end of her life Just because she was an unmarried spinster didn't mean she couldn't live a full life It wasn't the end of the world, just the beginning of a new phase in her life One without the solace and benefit of love, for it was a foregone conclusion she would never love again No man could ever take Chase's place in her heart
Scott smiled approvingly He knew Maggie's spirit and gumption wouldn't allow her to grieve for long The world still held too many mysteries for her to withdraw into a shell of despondency
