by Glen Cook
I employed my best put-upon sigh and went to see what it was.
It was the kingpin’s man Crask, looking uglier and meaner than ever because he was trying to be friendly and courteous. “Chodo says he’d consider it a big favor if you’d come out to the house right away, Mr. Garrett. He said to give you his assurance that it’s important and that you’ll be compensated for your trouble.”
I was getting compensated by everybody in sight without having the slightest notion what was going on. I’d get rich if the mess never sorted itself out.
And the Dead Man thought I couldn’t survive without him.
I didn’t turn Crask down. Sooner or later I’d end up butting heads with his boss, but when that happened it would be over something more substantial than lost sleep.
“Let me finish getting dressed,” I said. Damn, Crask gave me the creeps. I never met anybody who reeks of menace the way he does, except his sidekick Sadler, who has a soul struck from the same cold mold.
Five minutes later I clambered into Chodo Contague’s personal coach. Chodo wasn’t aboard. Morley Dotes was. I wasn’t surprised. He looked as sour as I felt.
Not much was said during the trip. Crask is no conversationalist. His presence tends to put the damper on a party.
Chodo’s estate is a few miles north of TunFaire’s northernmost gate, in a manor that would do any duke proud. The grounds are extensive, manicured, and surrounded by a wall meant more to keep in than to keep out. Several hundred thunder lizards cruise the grounds and provide protection more certain than any moat or castle wall. I’ve heard that Chodo has survived assassination attempts he knows nothing about because his guardians ate everything but the assassins’ names.
I looked out the window. “Chodo’s pets seem frisky tonight.” It was cold out. The colder it gets the more sluggish thunder lizards become.
“He had them warmed up,” Crask said. “He thought there might be trouble.”
“That why we’re here?”
“Maybe.”
There must be two guys living inside Crask’s skin. One is the stiffly formal butler character that Chodo turns loose on diplomatic errands, and the other is the Crask who grew up on the waterfront, whose hobby is biting the heads off cobras. I hope I never have to deal with that Crask, though I expect it’s inevitable. He’s a completely casual and remorseless killer and he’s smart. If he got the word to get me, he’d have me before I knew he was coming.
The coach stopped at the foot of steps leading to Chodo’s front door. There was light enough to read by, lanterns by the dozen burning, like Chodo was throwing a party and we were the first to arrive. Crask said, “Don’t get out.” Like Morley or I might be dumb enough to step outside and pet the monsters snuffling around the coach. He got out and went up the steps. The beasts didn’t bother him.
Morley employs profanity sparingly so when he spat, “Shit!” I knew he was rattled. I looked around.
A thunder lizard with a head the size of a five-gallon bucket and breath that would gag a maggot was peeking in on Morley’s side. It had about a thousand teeth, every one like a four-inch knife. When it stood back up to claw at the door with its silly little hands, it stood about twelve feet tall. Its scales were a lovely shade of putrescent gray-green. The coach driver whacked it across the snout with the haft of his whip. It made a noise like twenty jackasses singing and stomped away.
Morley said, “Reminds me of a woman I knew once. Only this one had better breath.”
“I always knew you’d plook anything that moved. What did you do with her tail?”
“You got room to talk, don’t you? I’ve seen the woolly mammoths you go around with.”
“They still have their own teeth.”
“I noticed the other night. Snappy dresser, too, with an amazing concept of what constitutes good grooming. You going to dump her when she loses her baby teeth?”
I was saved having to defend Maya by Crask’s return. He got into the coach. He handed us each a stone pendant on an iron chain. “Wear these while you’re here. They’ll keep the lizards off. Come on.”
I put my gizmo on and got out behind him. A shoulder-high lizard muzzled me but didn’t nibble. I managed to keep from drizzling down my leg.
The inside of Chodo’s place is plush. The King himself should live so good. It was quieter than the last time I’d visited, though there were more hoods around. Last time the place had been overrun with naked women, part of the decor. There were no girls tonight.
Chodo awaited us beside the indoor lake of a pool where the cuties liked to congregate. I resisted an urge to chide him for disappointing me.
Chodo was a hairless, colorless, ugly lump confined to a wheelchair. People wonder how a cripple can be so feared. They haven’t gotten close enough to look into Chodo’s eyes. What Crask and Sadler have, Chodo has squared. And he has them to be his hands and legs. In some ways they have no independent existence. But they seem content.
Sadler was there behind Chodo’s chair. So were several lesser lieutenants I didn’t know by name. I stopped six feet from the old man, didn’t offer to shake. He doesn’t like to be touched.
“Mr. Garrett. Thank you for responding so promptly.” His voice wasn’t much more than a raspy wheeze.
“Crask said it was important. He implied some urgency.”
Chodo smiled thinly. He knew the smell of crap. We understood one another, which was maybe more to his advantage than to mine.
“There’s something strange afoot, Mr. Garrett.” So much for the amenities. “Because of that, because I’ve striven to keep you alive, I’ve been drawn into it and have, perhaps, fallen deeper into your debt.”
I opened my mouth to deny that. He lifted one white hand an inch off the drab brown blanket covering his lap. For Chodo that was an impassioned gesture. I kept silent.
“Earlier today I learned that the people chasing you had the temerity to invade a building owned by the organization. They killed a man there. I find this intolerable.”
I didn’t look at Morley, though he had to be Chodo’s source. And he’d had the nerve to get indignant when I wouldn’t give him Peridont’s name.
“Still, I might have overlooked that, crediting it to youthful high spirits, had they not, tonight, offended me again in an inexcusable manner.”
Now I saw it. He was hot. He was so angry smoke should have been pouring out his ears.
“Sadler. Tell Mr. Garrett.” The old man wanted to gather his energy.
Sadler had a voice like winter. “Shortly after sunset three men, representing someone they called the Master, came to the gate. Their manners were so offensive that Chodo asked to see them himself.’’
The kingpin’s indignation bubbled over. “In fine, Mr. Garrett, this Master has ordered me to stop interfering in his business. He threatened me.”
I call that a stupid move. Not even the King dares make a direct threat against the prince of the underworld. Whatever else he lacks, Chodo has an ego. It wouldn’t let something like that slide. I pitied the guys who brought the message. They would’ve paid the first installment on the tribute Chodo was going to extract.
Sadler smiled thinly, divining my thoughts. “One survived to carry the heads of the others back to the fool who sent them.”
I said, “These people are raving amateurs. They don’t bother finding out what they’re jumping into before they leap.”
Chodo growled. “Nevertheless, their confidence may not be misplaced. They don’t mind wasting men. Maybe they have them to throw away.”
He paused to gather his strength again, signing that we were to wait.
Finally, he said, “I suggest we join forces, Mr. Garrett, to the extent that we have a common interest.” He was a realist, that old thug. He knew I had no love for him or his. “You haven’t the resources to battle an organization. It would take you an age to do the footwork. I have those kinds of resources. On the other hand, you have your network of friends and contacts, your knowledge in
hand, your access in places where my men have no entree.” He ran out of energy again.
I surprised myself. “I wouldn’t mind that. But I don’t have much to kick in. I don’t have any idea what’s going on. I think that way back in the shadows there’s a nasty dragon waking up, that has religious overtones, and the guys involved don’t have any qualms.”
“Why don’t we pool what we know?” Sadler said. I’m sure Chodo fed him that line before I got there. He started talking.
He gave me everything they had, which wasn’t diddly. For them the thing had been a triviality until Chodo got his feelings bruised. There had been no special significance to the coins he’d sent me, for instance, except he’d thought they’d point me toward the temple that had put them out.
“They did,” I said. “Only the outfit is supposed to have been out of business for two hundred years. Banned by Brian the Third.” I told the story. In for a copper, in for a mark in gold. I gave them everything but the name of my connection inside the Church, and they got that soon enough.
Chodo said, “This would be a good moment for refreshments.”
One of his lesser lieutenants took off. He was back in two minutes pushing a cart loaded with goodies. In the silence, while Chodo ruminated, we became aware of a nasty thunderstorm approaching from downriver.
There was beer for me. I went after it determined to make the trip worth the trouble. It had to be getting on toward dawn. By the time I got home it would be so late there would be no point hitting the sack.
Chodo said, “This churchman knows things. Maybe I should press him.”
“That might not be wise.” I named the name.
“Malevechea himself?” Chodo asked. He was impressed. There are powers whose indignation he won’t risk needlessly.
“The very one.” The kingpin’s organization is powerful and deadly, but the Church is bigger and has heaven on its side and might not have much trouble recruiting the support of the state.
Thunder crashed as though to make a point.
“The woman will be the key, then. Mr. Garrett, I’ll deal with the Master. I’ll haunt him and hunt him and hold his attention. I’ll become his worst nightmare. You find that woman.” Because I was the only one who knew what to look for, I presumed.
Life must be simple when you have no conscience and enough power to just say you want something and have people bust their butts to get it for you.
Morley spoke for the first time. “The gods must be holding a barn dance.” The thunder had gotten unruly.
Chodo made a sign. Sadler took two sacks from beneath the kingpin’s chair. He tossed me one and handed a bigger one to Morley. Morley’s two thousand, I supposed. Sadler said, “You’ve been avoiding the waterbug races, I hear.”
A thug came in and whispered to Crask. He looked excited.
Morley told Sadler, “I’ve been trying.”
Sadler looked at the sack and smiled, confident Dotes couldn’t resist betting now, confident that money would find its way home.
Crask said, “Sadler, problems. Out front.” He took off. Everybody but Chodo and a bodyguard went with him.
Chodo said, “I’ll keep in touch, Mr. Garrett. Let me know when you find the woman. Crask will take you home once he’s dealt with whatever is brewing out there.”
I nodded, turned away, dismissed.
He had such confidence in Sadler and Crask. But confidence was one of the attributes that took him to the pinnacle of TunFaire’s underworld.
Morley didn’t move. He’d received some sign that Chodo wanted to talk privately.
I headed to the front door, bemused. I’d made an alliance with the man I disliked most in this world.
I hoped I wouldn’t regret it.
29
I stepped out of Chodo’s house into weirdness like nothing I’d ever seen.
Crask, Sadler, a dozen goons and a herd of thunder lizards had gathered out front. They gawked at the heavens.
The storm kicking up the racket didn’t cover more than a few acres of sky. And it was headed straight for Chodo’s place. I’d never seen a storm so close to the ground.
Lights bobbed inside that thunderhead, three the color of candle flames, the fourth a malignant red. When the cloud arrived, the yellow lights dropped toward the crowd on the lawn. When they got closer I saw that they were three guys walking on air, all of them in old-time armor.
The mind works funny. I didn’t boggle over them walking on air; I wondered what museum they’d robbed to get their iron suits.
A couple of thugs headed for the house. Their eyes were huge when they stampeded past me. Crask and Sadler decided their move made practical sense and ordered everybody inside. They weren’t equipped to face men in armor, let alone guys who pranced on moonbeams.
They pushed by without a word. Inside, Crask and Sadler started yelling about crossbows and pikes and whatnot. If they had the weapons they’d know how to use them. They’d served their five in the Cantard, too.
Nobody invited me to the party.
My feelings weren’t hurt.
The first floating guy touched down. The light around him faded. He took a step toward me, raising a hand.
The thunder lizards hit him. They took him apart in two blinks of an eye. Lucky for him he was wearing plate. Without armor they would’ve killed him quick.
The other two changed their minds about coming down. I don’t know what they’d thought they were headed into, but they weren’t here to become monster snacks. They hung there trying to decide what to do. The lizards started snapping at their heels. The guys decided to go up a little.
They started whipping lightning bolts around. The thunder lizards were too dumb to hightail it but Garrett knows when he’s overmatched.
As I turned away I noticed the red light was missing from the thunderhead.
I got a bad feeling.
Crask, Sadler, and the boys went racing outside, carrying enough deadly equipment to mount a siege. I hadn’t seen any of the big wizardries during my war, but I’d seen enough little ones to realize those flying guys could be in trouble.
They couldn’t do three things at once. If they protected themselves from missiles and kept flailing around with thunderbolts, they were going to have to come down. Bingo. Instant monster munchies.
It was not my worry. I was headed for the pool.
The whole manor shook.
I hit the doorway and skidded to a halt.
Something was tearing its way into the pool room through the roof, going at it like the place was made of paper. A big, shiny, ugly, purplish-black face like that of a fangy gorilla glared through the hole. Then it started ripping the hole bigger.
Damn, it was huge!
Chodo’s bodyguard headed for it. I don’t know what he thought he was going to do. Maybe he just wanted to show the boss how brave he was.
I arrived beside Morley and Chodo. “Might be smart to get him out of here. That thing don’t look sociable.”
It dropped through the hole, and landed at the far end of the pool, fifty feet away. It was twelve feet tall, had six arms, and might have been the thing on those temple coins. It wavered as though I was seeing it through an intense heat shimmer. Or as though it didn’t know if it wanted to be a six-armed gorilla or something even uglier.
Chodo’s bodyguard stopped charging. I guess he had suffered a fit of sense.
Morley said, “I think you’re right.”
The thing jumped Chodo’s man before he could turn around. Their struggle was a one-second contest. Pieces of thug flew. The ape thing munched on a leg and eyed the rest of us.
Chodo cursed. Morley got his chair moving. I dipped a hand into a pocket. This seemed like the time.
The thing roared and charged. I let fly with the ruby bottle Peridont had given me. It splattered on the monster’s chest. I spun to race Morley and the kingpin.
The monster skidded to a halt, scratched itself, and woofed puzzledly before it let out a howl. I reac
hed the doorway and turned.
Flesh dribbled down the thing’s chest like wax on a candle. And it was evaporating, shedding a red mist. It screamed and clawed itself and threw gelatinous gobbets of itself that splattered on the marble floor, evaporated, left pitted stains. It went into convulsions, tumbled into the pool, thrashed the water into a scarlet lather.
Morley said, “I’d hate to be the one who has to clean that up.”
Chodo croaked, “Now it’s a life I owe you, Mr. Garrett.”
And Morley said, “Garrett, I grow ever more fearful that someday I’ll be with you and you won’t have a trick up your sleeve.”
“Me too, Morley. Me too.”
“What the hell was that thing?”
“Tell me and we’ll both know.”
“Never mind,” Chodo growled. “Talk later. Take me to the front door.’’
He was right. We weren’t out of anything yet. There was a brawl out front.
We arrived as it broke up. Most of the thunder lizards and half the thugs were out of action. But the effort put out by the airborne guys cost them, too. An athletic lizard caught one with a flying leap and dragged him down. The other, with about twenty missiles stuck in his armor, shot off like a comet going the wrong way.
Crask and Sadler noticed their boss. They came over as fast as they could limp.
Chodo told them, “Gentlemen, I’m angry.” He didn’t sound it. He’s one of those guys who is at his nastiest when he seems his coolest. “There will be no more surprises.”
The house and grounds shuddered. A scarlet fog belched through the spine of the house and dispersed in the breeze.
A diminished thunderhead went off with the last sky walker. And the sun peeked over the horizon, checking to see if it was safe to come out.
Chodo told his boys, “Find those people. Kill them.” What a sweetheart. He looked at me and Morley. “Have someone drive these men home.” He seemed blind to the fact that Crask and Sadler had been knocked around like shuttlecocks. “Here come Cage and Fletcher. Get their reports. Then move.”
Two thugs were coming up the drive, their chins dragging on the ground.
