“I don’t remember you being this grumpy in the morning,” he quipped.
The mattress next to me shifted, and I peeled my eyes open. Braden lay there with his head propped up on his hand.
“I’m in no mood to think, much less talk,” I grumbled. “And now that I’m awake, I have to pee.”
He chuckled, not the irritating one I wanted to hear, but genuine amusement.
“I brought coffee and donuts.”
I squinted at him, and he winked. Coffee sounded really good, and so did a big chocolate donut. I slid my legs off the bed and stumbled towards the bathroom.
“I’m locking the door, dammit.”
He laughed as he passed by, and I cursed him. What put him in such a good mood? Oh, that’s right. He got everything he wanted. The leader of the vampires. A free pass from not fulfilling his blood oath. Twenty-four hours of sadistic bullshit from me.
I picked up my toothbrush and spread a glob of paste on it, then tried to scrub the bad taste from my mouth. It wouldn’t work no matter how hard I tried. I’d lost everything. My vampire, my partner, my family, sort of. Embracing my new family only brought another war. Something I didn’t want. Once was enough. How many of my new friends lost their lives last night? I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
My thoughts shifted to the elemental’s power that filled me the night before, and my skin tingled. I could’ve remade the world with their strength. No wonder they kept it under wraps. I’d wanted to see them first so they could take the rest of it from me. I didn’t want one of the royal families, like Grant, thinking they could use that power. I’d be nothing but a pawn for the rest of my pitiful life.
I rinsed the toothpaste from my mouth and looked in the mirror. My reflection shook her head at me. “What the hell are you thinking?” she asked.
“I was going for nothing,” I replied. “But it never works that way.”
“Quit talking to yourself and get in here,” Braden called.
“No, I want a shower.”
“Your coffee’s getting cold.”
I frowned. Cold coffee sucked and putting it in the microwave was worse. “Shit.”
I pushed open the door and joined him in the kitchen. He looked fresh and chipper while I looked like I’d been run over by a truck. More like a tornado or two. I grabbed my coffee and a chocolate donut and sat on one of the stools at the island.
“Do you want to watch the news?” he asked.
“Nope, just tell me what they said,” I grumbled, taking a bite of chocolate heaven.
“A bizarre weather event chased everyone inside,” he stated. “Even the bravest storm chasers couldn’t get close enough to get a good video of the storm.” He leaned on the counter across from me and smiled. “Well done.”
“Yeah.” I sipped my coffee and pulled my eyes away from his face. The long cuts from the night before were gone, like they’d never even been there.
“Why are you so grumpy?” he asked, tapping his fingers on the counter. “We won. Jack and Simon are both dead. Yutaka went home with his tail between his legs. And you are now a goddess.”
How did he not understand it wasn’t what I wanted? I’d refused to take my mother’s place because I sucked at leadership. I didn’t want the attention this power would give me because I would constantly be expected to kill people. And he didn’t understand.
I stuffed the rest of my donut in my mouth and slid off the stool, taking my coffee with me. “I need a shower and clean clothes.”
“Wait.” He was standing in front of me before I took a single step. “Explain what you’re feeling because I can’t figure it out.”
“I’m going to ask the elementals to take it away,” I said, staring at the button on his shirt. “I don’t want this.”
He took my coffee cup from my hand and put it on the counter. “What don’t you want?”
“Any of it. They’ve made me into this creature I don’t want to be. I can’t carry the guilt of all those deaths.” I tried to move past him but he blocked my path. “Move. I need to have an emotional meltdown, and I can’t do it with you.”
“If not me, then who?”
“No one!” I cried. “Don’t you see? I just want to be alone and I can’t. My elementals are always there, forcing me to be a weapon. You and Grant are no different. You will have me fight to free your people from their tyrant queens.” I tried to sidestep him again, but he grabbed my shoulders. “I just want to be alone.”
“I’m not leaving you,” he said, pulling me into his embrace. Damn vampire. “I don’t give a damn about my mother or her people. She abandoned me so long ago, I don’t remember what she looks like.”
I drew in a long shuddering breath in a failed attempt to keep my tears locked away. Emphasis on failed. My fingers gripped his shirt, and I slammed my forehead against his chest.
“Why are you here?” I asked between sobs.
“To make sure you’re not alone,” he replied, rubbing my back.
“I hate you,” I muttered, knowing he would feel the lie.
“I know.”
We stood in the middle of the room until I got my shit together. Never once did his hands slide farther than my back, and he never tried to bite my neck. He just held me and let me wipe snot all over his really expensive shirt.
“I’m taking a shower now,” I said, pushing away from him.
He didn’t let me go. “You’re not leaving, are you?”
“No.”
He tilted my chin with his finger, forcing me to look up at him. “You promise?”
“Promise. Besides, I have nowhere else to go.”
“That’s not true, even if you believe it.” He stepped away from me and smiled again. “Go shower. You stink.”
“Thanks,” I hissed, smacking his shoulder as I walked by.
“I’m ordering pizza. What do you want on it?”
Pizza sounded amazing. I couldn’t remember the last time I had any. “All the veggies and pepperoni,” I replied. “Lots of pepperoni.”
Twenty minutes later, I was showered and dressed in a pair of black Palazzo Pants, according to the tag, and a white chiffon tank top. I felt a little better, and the thought of fresh pizza only improved my mood.
Braden sat in the living room flipping through the channels on the TV. He’d changed into blue jeans and gray t-shirt.
“Why didn’t you let Gordon buy jeans for me?” I asked, plopping down on the cushion next to him.
“I thought you would appreciate something a little nicer,” he replied, glancing at me. “Something you wouldn’t buy for yourself.”
“Humph.” I crossed my arms over my stomach and glared at the TV, not really seeing the stupid commercial. He had it muted, so I couldn’t hear it anyway.
“Pizza should be here in ten minutes or so,” he said. “After you’ve eaten, we should take care of your oath.”
My heart dropped. I wasn’t ready. Not that I would ever be ready for another twenty-four hours of violence.
“I was thinking of using our time to train you in hand-to-hand combat,” he continued, flipping through the channels so quickly, there was no way he saw anything.
I turned sideways in my seat and tucked my foot beneath me. His brow furrowed, leaving a deep crease between his eyes and his jaw twitched every time he changed the channel on the TV. He was making concessions for me.
“I want to talk to Dusha first,” I said. “I don’t want to be bonded to you anymore.”
He slowly turned and tossed the remote on the coffee table. “Why?”
“I don’t want our lives tied to each other,” I replied, sitting on my hands so I didn’t pick at the hem of my shirt. “I can’t be worried about killing you because I did something stupid.”
“Unless he can break a vampire bond, we’re stuck together anyway,” he said.
I frowned and bit my bottom lip. “Then why would you do that? I told you Dusha would separate us when this was over.”
His blue ey
es drew mine and my frown deepened. Was he trying to entrance me? It felt like it. And he wasn’t answering my question.
“Will he take my soul if he separates us?” he finally asked, not answering my question.
“That’s between you and him, I guess.” I looked away, trying not to read his emotions. “Do you really want to keep this emotional rollercoaster?”
“Yes.” He didn’t even hesitate.
I wasn’t expecting that answer. Or maybe I was and I needed to quit lying to myself. He didn’t try to hide his feelings for me, not like I did. But wasn’t that another reason to separate from him? I needed to find out if it was our bond or my true feelings.
“Does our vampire bond come with feelings?” I asked.
“No.” He chuckled and draped his arm over the back on the sofa. “Most vampires never take a bond. We only get one, and it’s eternal.”
“I don’t see the benefit for having it,” I said, wrinkling my nose. “I mean I get your super speed and all that, but what do you get from me?”
“A free meal whenever I want,” he replied.
“Bullshit, you know I won’t agree to that,” I snapped, jumping to my feet.
“No, you won’t.” He laughed again, frustrating me. It wasn’t funny. “Let’s pretend it isn’t you and I, since we’re not typical. If Jack bonded with a human, it would give her immortality like ours. She could still be killed, but only if someone could get to her. Jack, being who he was, would lock her away in a plush prison, and she would provide whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted.”
My frown deepened, and I turned my back on him, headed for the kitchen. I would never submit to that.
A soft knock on the door interrupted our lovely conversation. Braden was there within moments, paying the delivery person and bringing back two large pizza boxes. He dropped them on the counter and rested his forearms on them.
“You are not a slave to be caged, no matter how gilded I make the bars,” he whispered. “You are also extremely hard to kill. So I’m not overly concerned about being tied to you.”
He opened the box and the most heavenly smell on earth greeted me. I snatched a piece of gooey goodness and Braden laughed.
“What if the elementals leave me?” I asked between bites. “I want them out of my head.”
“Is that even possible?” he asked, his smile quickly fading.
“I believe everything is possible.”
He drummed his fingers on the box, watching me finish my pizza. “You are still fae,” he said. “You’ll lose your ability to heal yourself, but you’re hardly fragile.”
“Move your hands.” I pushed him off the box and set it in front of me, picking up another slice. It was really good. “I’ll ask all those questions first, before I make a decision.”
“Do I get to be there for this decision?” He leaned towards me and once again drew my eyes to his.
“Don’t do that,” I snapped.
“I love that you can feel it. No one else can.”
“Whatever.” I waved a hand at him and immediately regretted it. He caught my fingers and pulled them to his lips.
“Do I get to be part of your decision?” he asked again.
I looked away from his blue eyes and perfect face. Any decision I made about my magic affected him. I could leave him out of it, but then I’d feel guilty.
“Fine.” I tugged my hand back and started eating again.
“Then let’s have this discussion,” he said, picking up both boxes and putting them in the refrigerator.
I squealed in protest. I wasn’t done yet.
“Why are you in such a hurry?” I asked, following my pizza.
He closed the refrigerator and stood in front of it, all his humor gone. “It’s been almost eighteen hours since Jack’s defeat. I’m not trying to lose you because you’re hungry or you want to talk to Mr. Universe or take a shower.”
I struggled with what his just said, not just the eighteen hours I’d slept, but his fear of losing me. Did he really mean it?
“What if our spirit bond is creating these feelings between us?” I asked. “What if you really don’t care as much as you think?”
He reached out and brushed the back of his hand along my jaw. “Then I don’t it want it removed. I have never felt this, even before I was a vampire.”
I took a step back and his hand fell away. The pain of rejection hit me hard, but I couldn’t let him change my mind. “I need to know if it’s real,” I whispered. “I loved Logan so deeply and I suspect it was because of our bond. My affection for Kellen was the same. When they took him from me, I felt myself drifting away.” I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Thinking of those losses still hurt, and I wasn’t ready for another crying session. “We shouldn’t love each other, Braden. In any other circumstance, would you see me as anything more than a quick meal?”
“I’ve always seen you as more,” he growled. “Since the day you attacked me in the back seat of the car, you’ve been more.”
“Damn.” I leaned back against the island behind me and rubbed my hands across my face. “Dusha, please help us sort this.”
The elemental’s overbearing presence filled the room and he appeared on the opposite side of the kitchen. His gaze danced between me and Braden, and a smile spread across his face.
“The bond between you will cause you to grow closer because of its nature,” he said. “You can feel each other’s emotions. How would you not become one?”
“And if you remove it? What happens?” I asked. My thoughts jumped to the pain I felt when I lost Logan. Did I really want to do that again?
“Braden is correct,” Dusha responded, flexing his wings. “You will still have the vampire bond, which ties your lives together, but you will not feel each other like you do now.”
“Is what I feel right now real?” I pleaded, avoiding Braden’s penetrating gaze. “Would I have fallen for him without the bond?”
“You already know that answer,” he replied. “Why did you rescue him from Jack’s dungeon? And why did you stay with him when you could’ve called Kellen to pick you up afterwards?”
I bit my lip and walked into the living room. I couldn’t face the vampire or my feelings for him. Did I seriously fall in love with another damn vampire? Was I sick or demented? I had to be. No one willingly let themselves fall for someone who couldn’t love them back.
But they did love me, both of them. Logan did because he’d never lost his soul. I glanced at Braden and shook my head. I had no idea what possessed him to like me, but he had, even before his soul was restored.
“Will I keep my soul if you separate us?” Braden asked, filling the silence.
“If you wish,” Dusha replied. “I’ll leave that decision to you.”
“I don’t want to be separated from her,” my vampire insisted. “Is that my decision as well?”
Dusha chuckled and strolled towards me, tucking his wings against his back. “No, that is hers. We dictated every part of her life up until now.”
A low growl rumbled from Braden. He frowned and looked away from me. “I’ll be downstairs waiting.” He disappeared down the hall, and my heart went with him.
“What the hell?” I moaned.
“You still need him to keep your darkness in check,” Dusha said, sweeping the hair behind my ear. “The vampires require a hard leader, and he needs to be reminded of that. Even before you, he led with generosity, rewarding his people for their loyalty.”
“But I’m so confused,” I muttered. “I don’t want a repeat of Logan.”
“Logan was different, child. You had no choice but to love him.”
Dusha’s words hurt, even though I suspected it. I turned away from him and twisted my fingers in the hem of my shirt. I wanted to ask if Logan had a choice, but I knew he didn’t. His life sucked worse than mine, and then they took it from him. Manipulative bastards. All that pain and heartache so we could kill some more.
“What about Braden’s
oath with the queen?” I asked, pushing away my anger over Logan. “Is it really done?”
“She knew the fae could not be turned,” he replied. “She also knew none of her people had that knowledge.”
“But did she know I could be turned because of my human half?” I insisted.
He raised an eyebrow at me and leaned against the back of the sofa. “I see what you mean,” he mumbled. “She could have been bluffing the entire time, hoping Braden didn’t learn of her deceit.”
“Or she agreed to back away now because she knows in a year Braden will be dead if he doesn’t turn me,” I snapped. “Which means, so will I. Does she know we’re bonded?”
“I’ll find the answers,” Dusha stated.
Before I could blink, he was gone. He didn’t even give me a chance to tell him to take away the bond. Probably because he already knew I wouldn’t, not if Braden wanted to keep it. I honestly couldn’t understand why he did. With his looks and money, he could have whoever he wanted. Any number of stupid women would gladly live in his gilded cage. But he tied himself to me. My head hurt thinking about it.
So instead of thinking about it anymore, I decided to follow Braden to the basement.
Chapter 26
I slowly made my way down the stone steps to fulfill my oath. Dread filled me, making each step heavier than the last. How was I supposed to stab this man over and over again and not feel bad about it? Would treating it like a training session really work? Maybe until it got to the part where I had to hurt him. I shook my head in disgust. When I made the deal, I hadn’t felt that way. I would’ve been happy to kill him right then.
I stopped mid-stride. What exactly did I say during our little chat? I tapped my chin with my finger, trying to remember the exact words. Did I say I would stab him for twenty-four hours? I hoped not. That would be exhausting. My God, I was such an idiot. Why would I make such a stupid decision?
I huffed. Second-guessing things now would accomplish nothing. I shook my head again and lumbered down the last few steps. Procrastinating wasn’t accomplishing anything either. I needed to suck it up and be professional. I almost laughed at the lunacy of that thought.
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