‘You deserve it,’ he said, handing it over. ‘I’m so bloody proud. Have a great night!’
Jessica kissed him and smiled, retracing her steps out of their front gate as she said goodbye. The walk to Henny’s house was only a few minutes and her hand slowly grew more and more numb against the coldness of the bottle as she walked. Henny had sent her a text a few minutes earlier.
Door is on the latch! Let yourself in when you arrive and pour yourself a glass from the fridge. I’ll be downstairs as soon as I can.
Reaching the front door, Jessica quietly pushed it open and stepped inside. She could hear voices and the sound of water rushing down a plughole upstairs, so walked quietly through to the kitchen to put the champagne in the fridge. The kitchen was small and cluttered, with a baking tray still sitting on the side covered in crumbs and the sink full of dirty dishes from teatime. The fridge and walls were covered in colourful pieces of Thomas’ artwork, while the kitchen worktop still bore the sticky remnants of a couple of superhero stickers that Henny had obviously attempted to remove.
As she wandered into the lounge next door, her foot slipped on a small toy car on the carpet and she nearly went flying across the room. Steadying herself, she bent down to pick it up, stashing it in a toy box with an audible clunk. She had to move a big pile of washing from the sofa before she could sit down, feeling awkward when her fingers brushed a pair of Dan’s boxer shorts on the top of the pile.
It might not be show-home-perfect, but Jessica loved being at Henny’s house. It was warm and homely, very much like her lovely friend who owned it.
‘Hi, babe!’ Henny called, as she made her way down the stairs (at least a couple of octaves quieter than her usual voice). ‘Did you get a glass of wine?’
‘No, Chris sent me with champagne!’ Jessica said, as she walked out the lounge to meet her.
‘Oh, bloody hell!’ Henny hollered, forgetting to quieten her voice in her excitement. She paused for a second, turning towards the stairs, and when silence resumed, she continued in a loud whisper: ‘He’s a keeper! Ah I wish Mel and Deena were coming so we could all celebrate together.’
‘Deena can’t make it?’ Jessica asked. ‘I knew Mel couldn’t make it as Steven is away again, but I was hoping Deena would come.’
‘She’s got to work, babe, somebody called in sick,’ Henny said, picking up a small robot from underneath her foot and throwing it into the toy box behind her. ‘It’s crap, I know. I was so excited for us all to all be together! But never mind, we’ll still have a great night! Come on, let’s open the champers in the garden!’
They walked into the kitchen together, with Henny swooping down to grab the champagne from the fridge as she passed. ‘Can you grab two glasses from above the sink, babe?’ Henny asked, as she unlocked the door to the garden and stepped outside. Jessica reached up to discover a row of champagne glasses with the words ‘BEST MUMMY’ emblazoned across them in pink glitter. Grabbing two, she followed Henny outside and watched as her friend twisted the cork and effortlessly popped it.
It was still bright and sunny at 7.20 p.m. and the sound of birdsong and a distant lawn mower filled the air as they clinked their glasses together. ‘Well done on the award nomination, babe,’ Henny said warmly. ‘It’s amazing really. I’m totally made up for you.’
Jessica smiled, and they both took their first sip.
‘Oh wow, it’s a good one!’ Henny said, as the bubbles filled her mouth. ‘He must be very proud of you! He doesn’t even get to drink it himself!’
‘There’s a first for everything,’ Jessica laughed. ‘He’s probably hoping we’ll save him a glass.’
‘No bloody chance,’ Henny said, giggling. ‘Come on, let’s go back inside in case the kids cause trouble.’
When they got back into the lounge, Henny put down her glass and whizzed around the room picking up toys and throwing cushions back on the sofa.
‘You don’t need to do that!’ Jessica protested.
‘Well, this is the time I usually do it, babe! My two become feral before bed,’ she said, picking up the pile of washing from the floor and moving it into the hallway. ‘Now that’s done, let’s drink!’
‘Cheers to that,’ said Jessica, as they both took a sip.
‘So you got nominated as the best newbie blogger then?’ Henny asked. ‘How many others are on the list? I’m intrigued!’
‘There’s eight in total,’ said Jessica, picking up her phone to look at the list she had taken a screenshot of earlier. ‘The others have all been around for a while, so I’m pretty sure this is the furthest I’ll get, but it’s very cool to be included. It actually makes me feel like a real blogger!’
‘You are a real blogger!’ Henny protested, shaking her head and laughing.
Jessica smiled at her friend. ‘Want me to read out the other names?’
When Henny nodded enthusiastically, Jessica cleared her throat and made her way down the list:
• Tiggy Blenheim – Tiggy Does Motherhood
• Graeme Henley – Papa Won’t Preach
• Lucy Wilde – Wilde About The Girls
• Jessica Holmes – Letters To My Daughter
• Amaya Abbas – Quiet Kids, I’m Blogging
• Jackson Freeman – And Then Came The Kids
• Wendy Felicia Cooper – Hiding in the Bathroom
• Anwen Michaels – This Is Where The Wild Things Are
‘I haven’t even heard of half of them, so I think you stand a brilliant chance! And how many get through to the big glitzy ceremony?’ Henny asked.
‘Four. So half won’t make the cut,’ Jessica explained.
‘Jesus, it’s like Big Brother,’ Henny said, giggling. ‘So how do you get through to the next bit?’
Jessica paused, letting the bubbles pop in her mouth before she swallowed. ‘I’m supposed to ask my readers to vote for me. It just feels a bit cringe! I’m not sure I’m going…’
‘No!’ Henny interrupted loudly, taking Jessica by surprise. ‘Of course you have to! Right, let’s do it now.’
‘Ah no,’ Jessica said, shifting in her seat. ‘I’ll do it tomorrow or something, I’ve no idea what I’m going to say.’
‘Don’t be silly, babe. You’re great with words. Let’s write it together,’ Henny said, standing up and grabbing a pen and piece of paper from the cabinet in the hallway.
‘Uh right, well OK,’ Jessica replied hesitantly.
‘Hang on, we need a photo of you to go with it,’ Henny said, sitting back down on the sofa. She paused for a moment and looked at Jessica to think. As Jessica lifted her glass to her mouth, Henny suddenly jumped up. ‘I’ve got it! The champagne glass!’
Jessica looked down at the glass. ‘BEST MUMMY’ it read in pink glitter. She supposed it worked quite well with her holding up a champagne glass to celebrate her nomination. But if the picture was going to be light-hearted and cheery, she already knew the words alongside it needed to be from the heart.
‘OK, write this down,’ Jessica said, sitting forward. Henny nodded, poised with pen and paper, and the pair of them got to work. Finally, when they finished, Jessica picked up the piece of paper with pride.
Dear readers,
I usually write my letters to Bella, but tonight, I think it is time that I write to you. Because I need to say thank you for following my blog for the past couple of months. Thank you for your comments, for liking my posts, for sharing them with your friends, and for taking the time to read my many mumbles about motherhood. I have always wanted to be a writer and penning these letters to my daughter has given me an outlet to do it.
But it’s more than that. It’s about revisiting those early days as a mother when I sit down at my laptop. It’s about feeling supported by a wonderful tribe of ladies who understand exactly how I feel. And it’s about creating a document for Bella in the future, so that she can look back and understand that it might not have always been easy, but that she was always my priority.
But no
w, my lovely readers, I need a favour. For some inexplicable reason, these letters to my daughter have been nominated in the ‘Blog Network Awards’ in the ‘Best Parenting Blog’ category. One very new blogger is nominated every year in each category, and for the parenting award, that happens to be me. Once I’d picked my jaw up from the floor after hearing this news, a mere two months after I first published a blog post, I discovered that I would need to ask my readers to vote for me. And if enough of you lovely lot are kind enough to click on the link I’m going to pop below, I may get the chance to wear a pretty dress and head to a glitzy awards ceremony in September. So I am asking if you’d mind giving it a quick click? I quite like wearing frocks and drinking champagne – but mainly, it would mean an awful lot to be recognised as an actual writer and to know that you all enjoy these letters as much as I have enjoyed writing them for my daughter.
Thank you, thank you, thank you – from Bella, from my husband, but mostly from me xx
‘Bloody hell, you’re good with words, babe,’ Henny said. ‘It’s perfect.’
Jessica smiled at her friend. ‘Right, I’m going to type it on my phone and then, when I’ve had a few more glasses of the strong stuff, I’m going to post it.’
‘Hang on, babe, we need the picture!’ Henny said, grabbing her phone. ‘Now stand against this wall and raise your glass.’ Henny pointed at a space of plain white wall to the left of the TV and Jessica dutifully nodded and moved to it.
‘How shall I pose? I’m not good at this…’ Jessica asked, suddenly feeling very awkward and taking a sip for courage.
‘Jess, stop drinking! The glass needs to be full!’ Henny laughed. ‘Now, raise the glass to the camera.’
Jessica did as she was told, smiling into the camera as if to say ‘cheers’ to her readers. After taking about twenty photos, Henny flicked back through her camera roll and passed it over to Jessica to have a scroll.
‘Oh God, they’re awful,’ she said as she flicked through the photos, the same response she always gave when she saw a photo of herself.
‘No! You look beautiful, babe. Look at the second one, it’s gorgeous,’ Henny said, grabbing her phone back and flicking to the photo to show her.
Jessica stared at the photo of herself. She looked tired, with dark circles underneath her eyes. A couple of hormonal blemishes on her chin needed a bit of concealer. Her hair could probably do with a brush. And while she was pleased she’d bothered painting on some lipstick before she left the house, she could see a smudge on her tooth in the photo. But despite all this, she knew she was her own worst critic and that blogging was all about revealing her true self.
‘Oh, fuck it. It’ll do,’ Jessica said, passing the phone back to Henny. ‘Can you send it to me? I’ll type out the message and then I can attach it.’
The girls sat together as Jessica typed out the message and Henny drank her champagne. A cry from Tallulah resulted in a dash up the stairs, with her mother ranting about the ‘bloody pointlessness of dummies’ when she came back down and joined Jessica on the sofa. When Jessica had finished typing, she passed her phone to Henny to read through. ‘Can you double-check it? This champagne is going to my head!’ she said, her cheeks starting to flush.
Henny laughed and took the phone. ‘You and me both, babe, but I’ll do my best.’
She read and scrolled, pointing out a couple of typos, and when she was sure everything was OK, she passed it back. ‘Right, I think we’re good to go. Ready to post it?’
‘Do you think I should wait until the morning? Maybe I need to sleep on it…’ Jessica said.
‘No!’ Henny squealed. ‘Just post it. I’m off to get the bottle, because this stuff is too good to leave in the fridge.’
While Henny was grabbing the bottle, Jessica took a deep breath and pressed ‘POST’.
‘OK it’s done,’ she said under her breath. ‘Now let’s just see what happens.’
It wasn’t long before they both forgot about the post, polishing off the champagne, then opening the bottle of white wine that was waiting in the fridge.
‘Oh, I wish the girls were here with us,’ Henny said, as she poured the first glasses, splashing wine onto the coffee table as it glugged out of the bottle.
‘Me, too, it’s been ages since we’ve got together without the children,’ Jessica replied, taking her glass from Henny.
‘Do you think Mel’s OK?’ Henny asked, her voice suddenly quiet and concerned.
‘I don’t know. I’ve been thinking about the way Steven spoke to her a lot since yesterday,’ Jessica replied.
‘I mean, what he said wasn’t that bad. But if he talks to her like that in front of us lot, what is he like behind closed doors?’ Henny added, curling her legs underneath her on the sofa as she spoke.
‘Well, it sounds like he isn’t around a lot at the moment. And maybe that’s a good thing…’ Jessica shrugged and sighed.
‘He’s always on work trips, isn’t he?’ Henny asked. ‘I know they have an insane house and tons of money, but how are you supposed to enjoy it if you’re never together?
‘I think it’s a mixture. Sometimes work trips and sometimes visiting his other kids in Sweden,’ Jessica said. ‘I always forget about the older kids being over there.’
‘Me too… Mel hardly talks about it. And I don’t think his ex-wife has brought those kids back to London a single time since she moved, so Steven has to fly out or he doesn’t see them,’ Henny added. ‘It must be hard for him, I guess. Can you imagine if Chris couldn’t see Bella? I mean, that must be tough.’ Henny shook her head. ‘But that still doesn’t give him the right to talk to her like that. It scares me.’
‘Me too,’ Jessica replied, remembering the moment Mel flinched at his words.
‘I hope she’s OK. I mean, I selfishly don’t really want her to go back to work, because it means our Tuesday coffee dates will be over, but I know she’ll be happier when she’s back at her desk and feeling like herself again.’
‘So why doesn’t she go back? What’s the hold up?’ Jessica asked.
‘Steven doesn’t want her to,’ Henny explained. ‘He didn’t have a nanny for his son or daughter from his first marriage and he doesn’t want Lara to be bought up by one either. They’ve argued a lot about it.’
‘But he knew she was a lawyer when he met her! That’s hardly fair!’ Jessica said, shaking her head.
‘Well, exactly babe…’ Henny said. ‘But I hope they work it out. I know she wants it to work. She bloody loves that man. We’ll just have to keep an eye on her.’
Jessica nodded, and Henny smiled in reply.
‘Now, are you ready for a funny story?’ Jessica asked.
‘Go on,’ Henny said, sitting forward to listen.
‘I spent most of this morning with my child’s poo smeared on my forehead.’
Having just taken a sip of wine, Henny nearly spat it out all over the sofa. ‘Whaaaaaat?’ she asked, her eyes wide with shock.
‘Yep, you heard me right,’ Jessica replied. ‘I had to change the most horrendous nappy first thing this morning. You know the kind that goes right up their back and you have to chuck them in the bath and do an entire head-to-foot change? It was one of those. Typical that she stored it all weekend when her Dad was around and left it for me on a Monday morning. But anyway, I had to sort it out. And God knows how, but I managed to smear some on my forehead as I was cleaning her up. Just above my right eyebrow. I didn’t even notice until past lunchtime.’
‘Oh shit!’ Henny said, howling with laughter. ‘I mean literally! Shit!’
‘And do you want to know the worst bit?’ Jessica asked, struggling to stifle the giggles.
‘I don’t know if I can take it…’ Henny gasped.
‘I went to Tesco this morning. I went to bloody Tesco!’ Jessica replied, which sent Henny over the edge.
‘Stop! Stop babe! I’m going to wee myself! My pelvic floor can’t take it!’ she howled, before Jessica snorted and the cycle started all
over again.
They were laughing so loudly that they didn’t even hear the front door opening so they jumped out of their skin when Dan walked in and suddenly piped up: ‘Oh bloody hell! What do we have here?’ at the sight before him. ‘Hello, Jessica,’ he added. ‘And I believe, congratulations are in order too!’
Jessica blushed as she stumbled to her feet and walked over to kiss him on the cheek. ‘Oh, thanks Dan, so embarrassing. How do you know?’
‘I saw it just now on your page! I was looking on the train. Stood against that wall right there, with a champagne glass in your hand, you were. You’ve got a lot of likes and comments already. I bet you’re cleaning up on the votes too!’ he said, stroking his beard.
‘Have I?’ Jessica replied, trying to find her phone to have a quick scroll. ‘Oh crap, I can’t find my phone now. Hen, do you have my phone?’
‘No, let me help you look. We need to look at that post and see how it’s doing,’ Henny replied, starting to pull out the sofa cushions next to Jessica to hunt for the phone.
Dan started guffawing with laughter, his belly shaking from underneath his slightly-too-tight shirt as he howled. ‘It’s right next to you, Jessica! On the arm of the sofa! How much have you both had?’
Henny joined in with the laugher, quickly followed by Jessica. Before long, they were both on their knees laughing, with Henny squealing, ‘I can’t laugh like this! I’ve had two babies! I need a wee!’ which set Jessica off all over again.
‘I think it’s time to go home,’ Jessica said finally, with tears streaming down her face. ‘Thank you for an amazing evening, Henny! I really, really needed this!’
She stood up and kissed Henny goodbye, stumbling a little as she walked across the lounge. Glancing down at her phone in her hand, she noticed the time.
00:21
‘Oh shit, Chris will be sending out a search party,’ she said. ‘Really need to go home!’
Dan walked her to the door. ‘See you soon, Jessica,’ he said. ‘Enjoy the headache in the morning!’
From Mum With Love Page 10
