Lark walked back to the forest. He could see soldiers laughing in the distance. He didn’t worry too much about them. They were usually inebriated at night when the town rested. His sunken posture was not reflective of the man he once was. Lark made his way to his favorite spot. One hidden from view. He wondered if he should find another. If Arfusei found him so easily he wondered how concealed his secret spot was.
T
he rain drops danced with each other in dramatic harmony on the window sill. Finora usually loved the rain but not this day. The gloom of the day did nothing to improve her mood from the night before. A bolt of lightning burst across the sky. Thunderstorms were rare in California. It seemed ironic that one would be occurring at that moment. The rain was fine. The lightning, another matter. She loved all water. Pools. Rain. Rivers. The ocean. It didn’t matter to her. Just not thunder. Not the dancing light nor the roaring sound that accompanied it. But this day was different. The rain made for a somber and reflective day. Fin touched her belly. She was still in mourning.
She was saddened by thoughts of the baby she lost. She couldn’t help but wonder what her child would look like. How the baby would fit into her family. It seemed meant to be. Even though nermeins only carried their young for a few months, it was still possible that that baby’s birth may have prevented Nimah from being conceived.
She wondered if perhaps fate had stepped in. She loved Nimah and would never trade her for the child she lost. But still there was the pain to deal with. And Lance couldn’t help. He tried. They talked. And all he could offer was a kiss and words of love and support. It should have been enough, but it wasn’t. And Fin was finding herself trapped in her feelings. If she could have just held the child it may have eased the pain. Held the baby just once. Perhaps allowed him to nurse, maybe then, would she be able to let go. She would never know. And the reality of the unknown was killing her.
Her soul ached, as she stood in the window looking out at the water beat against the window pane. “Lance will be here soon. I better get lunch made. He’ll be hungry,” she said softly to herself. She needed to make herself busy. Thinking of her dead child could drag her down for hours thinking about what could have been. A baby lost because of the brutality of one man. And she was glad that man was dead. It was the only solace for a life lost.
Fin walked through the second level of her home on her way to kitchen. She could hear her girls playing in their room. She approached the door and peeked in. “Mommy can we sit in the rain? Please!” Isla asked, as they ran up to her. Nimah stood close to her big sister. Their eyes wide with anticipation. “Yes. But don’t run off. Stay close,” Fin said. The girls ran down to the kitchen and out the sliding door. Fin laughed. Her girls loved water more than she did.
Fin descended down the stairs, looking out the window towards the front of the house. Lance would be home at any moment. It was time to prepare food for her hard-working husband and precious baby girls. Fin doted on them as much as she could. What ate away at her insides had nothing to do with them. They deserved the royal treatment she bestowed upon them daily. Her children were gifts from the gods. And her husband was loving and reliable. He was faithful. He doted on her and her children. Her life was charmed, even by the strict standards set forth by the people of Madaka.
Her new home, complete with a salt pool and playscape for her daughters, was a tranquil setting. Lance found the home, away from home, in Olivenhain and had placed their Malibu home on the market. A move that had Fin stressed. She wasn’t sure they should sell. Memories had been made there. She had given birth in those very waters. And now the house sat empty and available for purchase. There were no shortage of buyers. Lance was going through offers weekly and Fin was turning them down. It had become a source of frustration between them. She found every excuse not to sell and Lance was trying to wait her out. She remembered when she first saw the home. Its beautiful appeal caught her attention instantly. And the man who sat on its dock looking down at the waters, won her heart in an instant
It was her first taste of the new world. The first place she encountered strawberries. The first place she found love. And it was the only place Lark would come to if he needed to find her. He was the only one from Madaka who knew where the home was. The only one who knew about this world. He would come if he needed her. He was her only connection to her birthplace. Her eyes and ears of a land she abandoned to follow her heart.
The move that was meant to provide their children with a more normal life, was not her first choice. A mistake had been made. It wasn’t that she didn’t love the new house, it just didn’t have the same value. But Lance and the girls were at peace. Fin didn’t want to disappoint them. She would take a back seat to them. But she missed being able to look out at the water. The waterway and its direct connection to Madaka.
If I were to say something, he’ll think I miss Madaka, Fin thought, as she struggled with her feelings. She knew deep down he believed as much. He frequently asked her about her views of what was happening in the world. How it compared to where she came from. The violence on the news and in the movies they watched, would sometimes cause Fin to be alarmed. Lance worried it was all too much. Fin told stories of a world under the ocean that lived mostly in peace. The only violence she experienced was a war that lasted just one evening. A stark difference from her new world where wars could last years for decades.
Fin told Lance, on many occasions, that she understood why things happened in their world. The fighting. The uprisings. The wars. And Lance was constantly reassuring her that they would be alright. That they were safe. The wars were sometimes inevitable and disagreements sometimes erupted in battle. Lance told her it was an unfortunate reality. A lot was at stake. Power struggles were a part of life. And Madaka was no different. Fin understood. She watched on television, as countries engaged in vicious combat. And she had learned a lot from what she saw. The weapons she used, aided her to victory. It seemed a necessary part of keeping any county safe unless one had allies. Similar to Panga and Piratcha’s reliance on Mojarro during the war they waged. They sent their small army. And the men worked together as one.
But Fin couldn’t escape knowing that now weapons were a part of life for Madaka. She feared how their lives would be impacted with the things she introduced. She had opened their eyes. Shown them the power of weapons. It was a lot in such a short time. Tempers could be flaring. And there was also the introduction of sex that caused her concern. She wondered if it were causing inflated feelings and new found jealousies. She could only hope that they adapted to the change. Guilt set in. She wasn’t there to help them understand their emotions that would come with the awakening.
Fin checked on her children. They played in the rain blissfully unaware of their mothers emotional pain. She had been trying to appear brave, putting on a mask to help conceal her agony. She thought of how restless her nights had become. Images of her dreams plagued her. A baby running through a castle had her stressed. Dreams were new to her. And the vivid images were hard to take. She didn’t have dreams when she lived in Madaka. It seemed they began once she moved to the other side of the ocean with Lance. He told her about them. He had them all the time. His were pleasant. Hers were filled with violence and traumatic images of destruction. Fin was trying to get used to them. But the images were too graphic to process. And too real to forget.
One dream in particular stood out. It featured the back of a baby. It’s face unseen. The child seemed happy as it ran down a hall laughing as though being chased by someone. The child had the head of a man in its hand. Blood dripped on the floor leaving a trail behind it. Another dream was of a woman. A beautiful maiden who looked a lot like her with flowy dark hair and bright mesmerizing green eyes. The woman smiled and spoke to her in a language she did not recognize. Fin was frustrated that she wasn’t able to remember what was said by the time she awakened. Part of her couldn’t help wondering if there was a message in it. The dreams were becoming more vivid. More intense.
She was sure the dreams were because she missed home. She was trying not to. But her heart longed to see the faces of the nermeins she loved; Lark, Ziege, Rotiro, Casio, Arfusei and Lillia, and the countless families she spoke to and whose lives had touched her. She missed the feelings of commonality that were such an important part of living in her world. Feelings that seemed void in her new life. She had nothing in common with the women she met. Nothing in common with the struggles of the people she now lived amongst. A world that didn’t know her or need her in it. In Madaka she fit. She belonged. She was important. She had something to teach. Something to share. She could make a difference.
But her new world would not understand her differences. She would be mocked. Studied. Ridiculed. And so would her children. She would be expected to stay back. Remain hidden. Not show who she really was. Fin never thought much about it until the dreams. It was as if someone or something was relaying a message. She wasn’t sure when her feelings about earth changed. The land she was so impressed with. The world with so much to see and know. It was a great place. But it was a world too big for her. She felt undervalued. She felt unimportant. And it was something she wrestled with.
A personal tug of war between responsibility and commitment was being waged. And love versus duty were the basis of the conflict. She was a hero at home. A queen. A source of strength and the face of a nation. But here she was a wife and mother. It was the life any woman would want. And Fin flourished in her role. But she couldn’t help the desire for more. She was her father’s child. A natural born leader. Built like a seductress with eyes that would melt any mans heart. Yet she could draw a sword the same as them. Go into battle, the same as them. Her tough as nails roots were imbedded in her very being. And she couldn’t tame it. Finora picked up the phone and dialed Lance at his office. She needed to hear his voice. Get her mind off of Mojarro. Remember why she gave it all up
“Sir…Your wife is on line one,” the secretary said. Lance smiled. He wondered what Finora and his girls were doing. “Thanks Maria,” he replied. “Hey,” he said. “Hi hun. Sorry to interrupt. I was hoping you could stop at the market on your way home and pick up some meats, vegetables, milk, juice, bananas and strawberries,” she asked. Lance smiled. Fin really just wanted the berries. The other items were for him.
He would need to fill in the rest of the list and get meats and other essentials for their housekeeper to cook. Fin was still uncomfortable with the stove and was using it sparingly, mostly to boil. She was a vegetarian and so were his girls. “Sure! Is that it?” he asked. Finora thought for a moment. “Oh and a pound of sea salt,” she replied. “Will do. Love you,” he said. Fin smiled. His voice and his words had done the trick. She had calmed. She looked forward to him coming home. His voice, a dose of reality. She remembered why, in fact, she had given Madaka up. For her family.
Finora hung up and sighed. Her love for her family had seen her this far. And she felt the guilt deep inside her soul. She was supposed to be content. She reached deep into the depths of her soul and came up empty handed. It was her secret. Lance was happy. So was Isla and her youngest baby girl Nimah. But Finora couldn’t get there. Not yet. She needed to know that Mojarro was thriving under the guidance of Lark. That he had risen to new heights and was ruling the land the way her father King Zander once ruled. With a tough but loving heart. A genuine care for the citizens.
Fin checked her food. She opened the over and lifted the foil from the casserole. “Mmm,” she said, as she covered the dish and pulled the pan out. She could hear Isla complaining. The children came into the kitchen. Finora was at her wits end with their rambunctious behavior.
“Issie… That’s enough. What is going on with you?” Finora asked. “That’s my babydoll,” Isla pouted. Nimah had taken her favorite doll and Finora was too tired to deal with it. “She keeps going in my things. She has her own dolls and she still keeps taking mine. Tell her to give it back,” Isla complained. Fin exhaled sharply.
“She’s just a baby Issie. You should share your things with her until she’s old enough to understand boundaries. One day she will respect yours because she will want you to respect hers. She’s just too young to understand that right now. Can you share with her for now? Please?” Fin asked. Isla shook her head slowly then handed the babydoll back to Nimah. Fin gave an approving smile.
Isla was sweet and she was smart beyond her years. A lot of her intelligence was attributed to a perfect blend of nermein and human DNA. Fin was unsure how much nermein she’d inherited. She had the gift of telepathy. And Fin was trying to show her how to use it wisely. It was a blessing and a curse. Humans were easier to hear. Their thoughts could be read effortlessly. Fin tried not to zero in on humans’ thoughts. Sometimes their thoughts bothered her and she learned the hard way to stay out of people’s minds. Nermeins were impossible to read unless they opened the pathways. They were well aware of such intrusions and had developed a way to block their thoughts unless they were speaking directly to someone. Years of evolution had helped aid in their very specific communications. And it was a highly desired trait that not all nermeins possessed.
Isla was highly intuitive. She was gifted. Fin had picked her up from school on more than one occasion and had to talk to her about the bad thoughts she heard coming from the thoughts of the other school children. Isla was becoming better at blocking it. She was happier because of it. Fin told her not to use the ability. That it would only keep her sad. She told Isla that people sometimes thought things they didn’t necessarily understand or feel. That the mind liked to process things good and bad. Fin explained that it was natural. That it was a way to preserve oneself. To protect oneself. Isla understood.
Fin believed Nimah was also gifted. Her baby was mysterious. Private. Reserved like Aterra. Traits that reminded Fin of her dear mother. She was a loving and adoring child. And although the baby drove her older sister mad at times, Fin knew Isla adored her. Fin could hardly care for Nimah as a newborn, without Isla wanting to help. But Nimah was just a year old. And Fin had worries besides any gifts the child may possess. Nimah wasn’t talking. She hadn’t verbalized one word. And Fin and Lance were beginning to get concerned.
They were waiting for her to say one simple word. Anything. Fin wondered if she was telepathic. Her attempts were met with blank stares. A sign that perhaps she couldn’t. Her needs were still easily understood. Her emotional outbursts and finger pointing were easy for the family to read. Isla relayed a lot of what she believed Nimah wanted, for her. Something that Fin believed aided in Nimah’s developmental delay. But all was well. Nimah would talk when she was ready. Lance had assured Fin and told her not to worry. And so, Fin would wait.
L
ance came home to what appeared to be an empty house. He called out but got no response. He walked into the kitchen and sat the grocery bags down then walked through the house calling Fin’s name. He narrowed his eyes. He couldn’t imagine they had left. Fin didn’t like to drive. He was still showing her how and she was too nervous to venture off on her own. Lance walked upstairs and into the bedrooms then jogged back downstairs.
“Where are they?” he said, as he walked to the back of the house. He smiled when he saw his family. He wondered why he didn’t look in the backyard first. He could see Fin wading in the pool watching her girl splash in the water. They took long dips under the surface of the brightly lit pool. The skills in water were superb. Fin had taught them well. Lance chuckled. Nimah was so young yet she was so advanced in the water. He looked at Isla. She was showing Nimah how to back stroke.
Isla sang cartoon jingles as she jumped in the pool. Nimah jumped in behind her and dipped her head under the water, disappearing for several minutes. Her ability to hold her breath for long periods was making Lance nervous. Even though Fin told him the girls had no gills, they still seemed quite adept in water. They had an ability to sustain in it, much longer than humanly possible.
All seemed well. But Fin seemed a little off. She was
staring in the distance again. Something she seemed to be doing a lot. Lance watched her. She stared off, unaware that he was standing in the door watching her. Her eyes were on her girls, but not really. Lance was perplexed. He had caught her in blank stares before. Something was weighing heavy on her. He was sure of it. He had asked her on several occasions, opening the door to a conversation about whatever troubled her. But she was always quick to reassure him that everything was fine. That they were good. He wasn’t so sure.
Oh yeah, Lance said, as he remembered the items he purchased for Fin. He walked back into the kitchen and grabbed the big bag of salt. He had gone to the grocery store and cleared their shelves of every package of salt they had. He had made quite an impression at their local store. They had never had a buyer clear their entire inventory of salt.
“Hi daddy,” Isla exclaimed, as she exited the water and ran to give her father a hug. “Hi sweetheart,” Fin said. as she swam over to him. Lance bent down and kissed Isla and Fin, then sat down with the salt. He poured the contents of the bag in the water, then turned on a machine that stirred the water around. Nimah was still at the bottom. She swam up and jumped on her kiddie blow up raft in the shape of a unicorn.
“She is staying under the water for much longer than I remember. You sure she doesn’t have gills?” Lance asked. “I know. I didn’t think so but I’m starting to suspect she does. She swims fast. She won’t let me catch her and take a look. She’s like a goldfish. And she’s slippery. I cannot grab her,” Fin said with a light chuckle. Isla didn’t have gills. Fin had inspected her many times over the years. But Nimah was evasive when in water. She acted more like a fish. Unwilling to be touched. She wanted to be free whenever she swam. Fin believed she had gills and the ability to turn her legs to a tail even though she hadn’t. She was under water for far too long. Much longer than what her older sister was capable of.
Pretty Fin- Raging Seas Page 2
