by Molly Jebber
“I wish things were different, but I can’t forgive and forget right now. What you’ve told me about your time in the outside world, and your actions with Bill, make me question whether you could be lured back there at some point.” He held her gaze for a moment, then gestured to the barn. “I should get back to work.”
Tears streamed onto her cheeks. “Joel, I’m going to pray and wait. I’m not giving up on us.” She untied the mare, got in the buggy, and drove down the lane.
The love in his gaze gave her hope. They’d built a strong foundation for a future together. There was no denying their friendship had blossomed into a serious relationship. She wouldn’t make it easy for him to ignore her. She’d speak to him at social events and church services, until he asked her to stop.
* * *
Joel struggled not to whisk Ellie to the side of the barn out of sight and press his lips on hers. Her explanation about Bill had been enough for him. Had she wanted to have a relationship with Bill, she would’ve stayed with him and not returned to Charm. He was jealous and disappointed at her interaction with Bill. But she’d told him he was the one she loved. Should he trust her? He scratched his head. But did her experience in the outside world taint her ability to discern what was right or wrong in living the Amish life? No other Amish woman he knew would allow such a thing to happen. Innocent or not, she shouldn’t have acted in such an irresponsible way.
What other things would she do to embarrass him even if he chose to put her past aside and move forward with her? He slammed the shovel into the hay, ashamed he’d had such stringent thoughts about how Ellie should behave. He’d made mistakes too. Kissing her hadn’t been proper, but he’d done it anyway. She claimed she would do her best to monitor her behavior in the future. What more did he want from her?
He finished his chores, washed his hands, and went inside.
Mamm glowered at him and stood at the stove over a pot of boiling homemade noodles. “Why was Ellie here?”
He’d hoped his mamm hadn’t noticed Ellie. He wouldn’t give her details. “She and I needed to have a discussion about something.”
“What?”
“I’d rather keep our conversation private.”
Mamm harrumphed and poured the noodles in a large strainer. “I don’t like secrets kept in this family. Must be bad if you can’t share it.”
His dander raised, he fought to control his voice. “Why is it so easy for you to dismiss Maryann’s behavior in leaving the Amish life, but it’s out of the question for you to accept Ellie’s mistake, even though she’s returned and asked forgiveness?” The question penetrated his brain like a finger held to a hot flame. Hadn’t he done the same?
She whirled around and pointed at his chest. “Her no-good husband dragged her away and filled her with lies. She’s sweet and innocent and not used to slick-tongued Englisch men.”
Daed entered the kitchen. “What is going on in here? Why are you raising your voices?”
He touched his fraa’s face. “Your cheeks are as red as fire. Why?”
Joel relaxed his clenched jaw. “Mamm and I were discussing Ellie. I asked her why she could forgive Maryann for her actions and not Ellie.”
Daed tilted his head and scratched his bearded chin. “I find your question valid, and I disagree with what I heard as your mamm’s answer. Maryann was an adult. She made her decision. No one dragged her off our property.”
Glaring at them, Mamm scowled. “I didn’t mean literally, but figuratively. Maryann never would’ve left if he hadn’t wooed her into falling in love with him. Shy and lacking confidence, she fell prey to him. Ellie kummes across confident, and she left out of curiosity.” She faced Joel. “Has she told you the details about her leaving the Amish life, not once, but twice, mind you?”
Joel’s chest tightened. He would never share what Ellie had told him. He’d protect her no matter what. “She’s told me what happened.”
She crossed her arms, lips in a firm line. “Tell us.”
“Nah.” Daed waved his hand. “Ellie’s explanation is for Joel’s ears only. We should trust our son. She shouldn’t be judged for her past mistakes when she’s asked for forgiveness and changed. I find her pleasant, kind, and genuine.”
Mamm transferred the noodles to a bowl and added a spoonful of butter to them. “You’re wrong about Maryann and Ellie, but I’ll let the matter go for now. Sit, supper’s ready.”
Out of sight from her, Daed put a finger to his lips.
Joel nodded, relieved she’d dropped the conversation. Daed needn’t worry. The heated discussion with his mamm had pricked his guilt for judging Ellie. He’d thought he could dismiss her from his mind and heart, but he loved her deeply.
When she’d gotten out of the buggy, his heart betrayed him and swelled with joy at the sight of her. The past few days, he’d missed her so much. The first time they’d met, he’d felt a connection he couldn’t explain. Love at first sight hadn’t made sense to him until he’d met Ellie. With each passing day that he’d left her alone, he’d jeopardized her faith in him to protect her and love her, and trust him with her thoughts and fears. She’d confided in him. He’d thought only of himself. Love meant putting the one you cared for first. He’d fix this, and soon.
He listened to his parents discuss the sick cow and what they might do to help it heal. He finished his food and excused himself. “I’ll be back later. I’ve got something I need to do.”
Daed pushed his plate aside and rose. “Do you mind taking care of whatever it is tomorrow? I’d like help with the cow. I’ve got some ideas on what to feed old Bertha to help her stomach, and then I need your muscles to lift the heavy trunk I have in the barn to the other side.”
Joel knew Daed would think of other things when he was on a roll to get organized. He’d wait until tomorrow morning to speak to Ellie. “Nah. I’ll stay home and help you. It can wait.”
He and Daed moved the trunk, fed the concoction to Bertha that the neighbor suggested, and stacked the wood Joel had cut earlier in the day.
“We’ll have to work by lantern if we don’t quit soon.”
Daed chuckled. “I’m tuckered out. Danki for your help. Let’s go inside.”
“Before we do, can we sit for a minute?” He motioned to two bales of hay.
Daed sat across from him. “What’s on your mind?”
“Ellie told me where she went, what happened, and why she came back when she left home twice. She admits she was angry over the loss of her mamm. She disrespected her daed by leaving town without writing a note to him. And she had a bad attitude toward the Amish life the first time she returned. I was shocked and upset. I wanted nothing to do with her, but, at the same time, I was hurt.”
“What changed her mind? She’s back and, at supper the other night, she acted like a very proper girl, fit for any Amish man to consider for a fraa. We all do things we’re not proud of. Do you think her commitment to God and the Amish life is genuine?” Daed stared at him.
“I do. Grief-stricken over her mamm’s passing, she lashed out and ran from the memories they shared together. She came home the first time and still had unresolved grief over the loss of her mamm, and she left again. She overcame her grief with the help of a loving woman she met while away the second time. She came home and asked forgiveness from God, friends, and family. She claims this is where she’ll stay.”
“Do you love her?”
He nodded. “What she told me is hard to grasp. The fear she’d run from me at the first sign of trouble put me off. But she assures me this isn’t so.”
“Did Ellie run off because she was in love with an Englischer?”
“Nah. She made friends, but nothing romantic with anyone.”
“Then her situation isn’t the same as Maryann’s. Don’t judge her based on your schweschder’s decision. You fell in love with this Ellie. The Ellie who poured out her transgressions, in the hope you’d understand and trust her. Pray about this and seek God’s will for your life.
But be careful you don’t make a decision you may regret. Love means being there when things are good and when they’re difficult.”
“You always look at the bright side of every situation. You’ve even dealt with Maryann’s departure better than Mamm and me. How do you do it?” Joel admired his daed’s compassion and patience in hard times and when others were going through turmoil. He didn’t sit in judgment of anyone. He’d not said a harsh word about Maryann.
“No one is without sin. I’ll always love Maryann, and I pray for her to return to us. I don’t like what she did, but she’s still my little girl. I pray she’s safe and healthy. I have you and your mamm to care for, and I can’t let the pain of Maryann’s decision make me bitter or rob me of the life God intends for me to live. What hurts most is watching your mamm suffer.”
Joel prayed he’d be as good a husband and daed to his fraa and kinner. Daed had provided a good example of a daed’s love and devotion to his family. Mamm had let his schweschder’s rejection of the Amish life overshadow her marriage. He’d walked in on Daed holding Mamm several times as she wept. Daed had a sparkle in his eye when he looked at Mamm, and he didn’t hesitate to tell her he loved her or share an endearing moment from their history together. He never stopped trying to make her happy.
“Danki, Daed. I just needed to talk it out.”
“I’m always here for you, Joel.” He rose.
They walked across the yard and into the haus. The sitting room was empty. He shrugged. Mamm must have retired for the evening. He bid Daed good night and went to his bedroom. Tomorrow morning he’d go to the bakery and ask if Ellie could spare a few minutes in private outside. Liza and Hannah had never hesitated to give them a few minutes alone to talk. Ellie had a loving family and good friends. He’d missed them too these last few days. They were a cheerful group and easygoing and added joy to his life. Jah, he didn’t want to go another day with her thinking he didn’t want anything more to do with her.
He’d done what he’d been afraid she’d do by running away from her and dismissing her when she’d poured her heart out to him. He hoped she would forgive him for not being the man he aspired to be in making her feel loved. He wouldn’t blame her if she turned him away. He pressed a hand to his stomach. He was positive he’d never find another Ellie.
Chapter Nine
Ellie swept dirt off the bakery floor, which the customers had tracked in on their shoes Wednesday morning. The door swung open, and she leaned the broom against the wall. Magdelena’s mamm and little schweschder, Charity. The woman mirrored Magdelena’s beauty. The two could be schweschders rather than mamm and dochder. Charity skipped to the display. She had a round face, and freckles decorated her nose and cheeks. She was adorable but didn’t resemble her mamm or Magdelena.
“Good morning. Are you after anything special?”
Charity pressed her little nose to the glass. “How about some ginger cookies!”
Ellie reached for one. “You can have one now, if it’s all right with your mamm.”
“You’re too kind, Ellie. Jah, you can have one, Charity.”
Ellie came around the counter and passed the cookie to the sweet little girl. “There you go.”
Charity gave Ellie a shy smile. “Danki.” She held it in her pudgy fingers. “Your friend came to our haus last night. He says he’s friends with Peter too.”
Ellie cocked her head. “You’ve got me curious. Which of my friends visited you?”
Mrs. Beachy perused the counter. “Joel Wenger. Magdelena invited him. He’s such a kind man. We had an enjoyable time with him and his parents.”
“Jah, he is an exceptional man.” Ellie rounded the corner and stood behind the counter. She pressed a hand to her tense stomach.
“Is Peter here?” Charity brushed crumbs from her upper lip.
“He’s in school, but I’ll tell him you asked about him.”
She swayed from side to side and glanced at Ellie with a grin. “I like Peter. I get to go to school next year.”
Ellie fought to not chuckle. “You’ll enjoy it. Peter does.”
“Maybe Peter and I can both be Joel’s friends. My schweschder smiled a lot at Joel last night. I hope Joel kummes to our haus lots. Maybe he can bring Peter sometime.”
Mrs. Beachy made her selections and paid Ellie for them. “Danki, Ellie. I can’t wait to try all these delicious desserts. We love kumming here. The aroma alone is worth the visit.”
Ellie waved to them and waited until the door closed. She leaned against the wall and gulped a breath. Joel had gone to Magdelena’s. So much for taking time to heal. He must’ve shut the door on them for good. She had held out hope he’d miss her and find it easier to forgive and trust her again. He’d already moved on. Would this ache ever go away? Would she ever open her heart to another man? Right now, she doubted it. The door opened, and she straightened and forced a smile. “Esther and Peter, what a nice surprise!”
Peter ran to her and hugged her waist. “I don’t have school today. Miss Mast sent us all home about an hour after we got there. She didn’t look so good. She kept holding her stomach and running outside. Daed took me to Esther’s because he promised the neighbor he’d help dig a new well.”
Esther kissed Ellie’s cheek. “We thought we’d drop in and get some of Liza’s molasses cookies. I’ve been itching to get back here for a visit. The place looks and smells good.”
Liza and Hannah ran into Peter as they came out of the kitchen, and the women circled him in a hug.
“I’m glad you came in, Esther.” Ellie pointed to an apron on the worn wooden peg. “Haven’t moved yours. I remember our times together here every time I look at it.”
Esther held it out. “I should take the dirty thing home and wash it.”
“Nah, the flour and sugar give it character.” Liza rested her head against Esther’s for a moment.
Hand on her hip, Hannah swiveled to Peter. “I overheard you say you got out of school today. Are you glad?”
Peter tilted his head. “I like school, but I’m glad to kumme here too.” He gasped. “I almost forgot. I drew you a picture of a flower, Mamm. I’ll go get it.”
“Maybe I should go with you.” Ellie opened the door.
He shook his head. “Nah, our buggy is right outside. I’m a big boy now. I’ll be right back.”
The women laughed.
Liza held her cheeks. “He’s growing up too fast.”
Ellie strolled to the window. A woman paced outside and she was talking to herself. The woman disappeared out of her view. She sighed and dismissed the strange passerby. “He keeps us on our toes with all his questions. He asked me if fish have lips the other day, and I laughed so hard, tears ran down my face.”
“He’s inquisitive.” Liza chuckled.
Ellie turned on her heel back to the window. Where is Peter? The hairs on her neck prickled. Something wasn’t right. “Peter should’ve been back by now. I should check on him.” She opened the door and stepped out. She yelled, “Peter!” The strange woman had tied Peter to the bench in her wagon. The deranged woman took off, and a rooster tail of dust whirled up off Main Street. She was taking off with him! She couldn’t let her get away!
A man stopped and stared. “What is going on?”
A woman waved her hands. “She snatched him! He cried for help! He doesn’t know her! It all happened so fast!”
“Peter!” Joel jumped in his wagon. “Ellie, get in. We’ll go after them.”
What was Joel doing here? It didn’t matter. She’d find out later, and she needed his help. She jumped in next to him. “Let’s go now!”
Liza came out. “Ellie! Our Peter! She’s getting away with Peter!”
Esther threw her arms in the air. “We’ve got to run after them!”
Hannah held her cheeks. “We have to do something!”
“Esther, the sheriff’s kumming into town. Tell him to catch up with us.” She gestured to him. “He’s too far away for us to wait. I’m going wit
h Joel.”
Joel took off. “Ellie, don’t worry. We’ll get Peter back.” He slapped the reins. “Kumme on, girl, go!”
The horse galloped fast, kicking up dust.
Ellie’s heart thumped hard. A wagon wheel hit a rut in the road. She lost her grip and her body lifted off the seat. She clasped the side rail. “Whoa! We almost tipped over!”
“I’ve got it! We’re all right.” He stared straight ahead. “Don’t let me down, girl. Gallop as fast as your legs will go!”
The horse shook its head and gained speed.
“Where is she taking him?” Ellie stretched her neck to watch Peter’s back.
“We’ll soon find out.”
Peter screamed in the distance. “Help me!” He struggled on the bench seat to wrangle free.
“We’re getting a little closer.” Ellie leaned forward, stiff. She fisted her hand and fought the helplessness creeping in her. She wouldn’t give in to it. They’d reach them, and they’d bring Peter home.
Ellie held on to the side of the buggy. “She keeps on going! Your horse can’t keep this pace forever.”
“I doubt she lives too far from town. I doubt she’d travel far alone.” Joel snapped the reins. “Go, girl, go!”
Ellie swallowed the bile rising in her throat. She should’ve gone with Peter. She’d never forgive herself if something happened to him. Why hadn’t she gone outside with him?
She glanced over her shoulder. “It’s the sheriff and his deputies. They’re kumming.”
“Good. We’ll keep going since we’re closer to the kidnapper. We’ll lead them right to her.” He nodded to a big white haus on a hill in the distance. “She might be headed for the haus up there.”
“You were right. She hadn’t traveled far to get to town.”
The kidnapper’s brown hair flapped in the wind. She was tall with broad shoulders. The kidnapper’s larger horse gave her the advantage over Joel’s mare.
Ellie stared straight ahead at the kidnapper and Peter. “I’ve gone by this haus before, but I’ve never noticed anyone outside.”
