by Molly Jebber
“Does this go for Ellie too?” Liza tilted her head and wrinkled her nose.
“I suppose.” Naomi smoothed her skirt. “Like I was saying, Joel is faithful to God and very committed to the Amish life. He needs a partner he can trust and who shares this desire.”
“I do share his same desire.” Ellie bit her tongue. Too late. The words had flown out of her mouth. “I’m sorry. I meant to speak in a softer voice.” She set her plate on the table. She feared her clenched stomach couldn’t handle a bite of food.
Liza sipped her tea and balanced the cup on her other palm. “Ellie’s past should remain there. She’s done all she can do to make up for her errors in judgment. She grieved her mamm’s passing in a way you and I would not approve of, but her daed and I love her and know she’s learned from her mistakes. Joel and she want their families’ blessing to move forward. I pray you’ll give them yours. What a blessing it would be if you would allow our families to become close. I’m here today to help build a bridge between you and Ellie.”
“Liza, I have nothing against you. The women in the community admire you. Your reputation is stellar.”
“Danki, but I have my shortcomings. The best part of friendship is accepting each other with our flaws. Don’t you agree?”
“Ellie, I can accept flaws like not being a good cook or haus cleaner, but running from the Amish life to seek answers in the outside world is something I can’t tolerate.” Naomi turned her attention to Liza. “You risked accepting this girl into your life by marrying Jacob. I’ve heard she gave you a hard time before she gave in to you and her daed. She may run at the first sign of trouble and leave your family brokenhearted. I’d rather Joel not take the chance.”
Her throat constricted, Ellie fought to hold back tears. “I promise you, Naomi. I will never turn away from the Amish life again.”
“I’m sorry, Ellie. Your actions have shown me what you’re capable of doing, and running to the world to solve your problems is not what should enter an Amish girl’s mind. I’ve heard you boasted about what the world had to offer the first time you returned. You had to flee twice before you settled on remaining Amish. Sounds like it was a hard decision to kumme back, due to finding the appealing things you enjoyed. Things that are unacceptable when living the Amish life. Maybe hard to let go.”
Liza put down her teacup and crossed the room. She pulled a chair closer to Naomi. She took the woman’s hand in hers. “We know about Maryann’s departure. I’m deeply sorry for the anguish you must have over her decision. I pray she’ll return to you. Please don’t punish Ellie because of your dochder’s decision. There’s nothing more she can do but show you through her actions and words she’s being truthful. Your treatment of her is hurting me, watching her yearn for one ounce of kindness from you. As a mamm, I’m sure you can relate to what I’m saying.”
Ellie let her tears trail down her cheeks. Liza had loved her unconditionally and worked hard to win her affection. She’d defended Ellie numerous times. Ellie loved Liza with all her heart and soul. She’d do anything for her, and Liza had proven many times she would do the same. Naomi’s pinched lips had softened. Had Liza gotten through her tough exterior?
“We’re not to mention Maryann.” Naomi’s lips quivered.
“You can speak of her to us. We’ll keep our conversation confidential. Sometimes we need someone to allow us to share our pain and comfort us. Ellie and I are here for you.”
Naomi slid her hand from under Liza’s. “An Englischer took Maryann against her will. I can’t convince Shem or Joel this is true. I’m furious they won’t believe me and look for her. They say I can’t accept the truth. They say her letter states she’s in love with the man and chose to leave with him. He coerced her. I’m sure of it. She’d return to me if she could.” She darted her eyes to Ellie and back to Liza. “Ellie chose to leave the Amish life. She came back thrilled about her time in the world, left again, and then returned a second time. I just can’t trust her. Not for my son.”
Liza remained seated. “Will you please allow Ellie to visit you? Maybe if you open your heart to her, you’ll dismiss your misgivings about her.”
“We could make a quilt together. Teach me your favorite pattern. Or whatever you would like, we can do.” Ellie rose and folded her hands behind her back.
Naomi went to the door. “Liza, you’re a kind woman. I don’t want to upset you, but I won’t do as you and Ellie ask. I’m a mamm, and I will never cease protecting my son. I wish you both the best, and I hope we can remain cordial. Good day.” She opened the door.
Liza took Ellie’s hand. They left the house and crossed the yard, shoes crunching dry leaves, to the wagon. “I’m so sorry, Ellie. She has allowed the pain of her dochder to darken her heart and close her mind to you.”
“Why? Maryann’s and my reasons for leaving the Amish life were different. Furthermore, I came back and she didn’t.”
Liza shifted on the bench and held the reins, keeping the horses still. She swiped a tear. “I believe every time she looks at you, you’re a reminder of Maryann. I may be wrong. If I’m right, I don’t foresee you and Joel ever receiving her blessing. As hard as it would be, Ellie, you should let him go for both your sakes.”
Ellie dropped her head in her hands and cried.
“I’ll be with you through this, Ellie, and so will your daed. I wish things had gone better. I’m so sorry. This will be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to face.”
“I don’t know if I can let him go. I love him so much.” She knew Liza was right.
Joel’s mamm had dug her heels in the ground, and her determination to shut Ellie out had never been more apparent than today. Ellie could never be the reason for a rift between Joel and his mamm. Nothing good would kumme from it, and Joel might grow to resent her over time.
“God may be shutting this door for you. Pray and search the scriptures. He’ll guide you.”
The possibility sent a wave of nausea in her middle. They’d had their share of conflicts with his mamm, Abigail, and his distaste for her outside-world adventures. Should their relationship be this difficult? Had she plowed through their field of problems and not given enough thought to God’s will? Had God been trying to tell her all along Joel wasn’t the one?
Her head ached. “I have forged ahead with Joel and ignored God’s signs. I pushed them aside to satisfy my selfish desires. Like I did when I ran away. I have to face the harsh reality that Joel and I aren’t meant for each other, or the consequences for both of us will be too great.”
Ellie peered over her shoulder. Joel and his daed were kumming down the lane. She had hoped to leave before they returned, to have time to digest her unpleasant visit with Mrs. Wenger.
Joel and his daed pulled up and got out of their wagon.
“Greetings! Did you just arrive?” Joel approached Ellie’s side of the wagon. “Mrs. Graber, it’s a pleasure.”
Liza waved a dismissive hand. “Now I told you, call me Liza.”
Joel’s daed grinned. “Kumme in for some coffee.”
Ellie swallowed the emotion swirling through her mind. Joel’s big blue eyes and sweet smile warmed her heart. His beaming face showed he cared. Their connection was so strong.
She forced a smile to hide her disappointment and hurt. “We’ve been inside chatting with Naomi before you arrived. We should get home and fix supper for the family.”
“Understood, although we’d love to have you join us here. I’m sure Naomi can rustle up something. We’ll send you home with enough to feed the rest of your family.” Shem adjusted his hat.
“Danki for the generous offer, but we’ve got to get going.” Liza waved. “Enjoy the rest of your day.” She lifted the reins.
“Wait just a minute.” Joel held up a forefinger. “I’ll be right back.”
Ellie’s jaw dropped. What did he have in mind? How long could she disguise her turmoil?
Liza leaned close to Ellie. “Are you ready, Ellie, or do you wish t
o stay and talk to Joel? I can kumme back and get you, or he can bring you home. I’m not sure what you want to do.”
Ellie twisted her lips. “Should I let his mamm tell him what transpired?” Would his mamm tell him everything she’d said to her?
“Nah. You should share with him about our visit and then discuss your thoughts. Communication is important.”
She wanted Joel to hear her side of things. She doubted his mamm would keep their conversation from him. “All right. I’ll stay and ask him to bring me home.”
“I’ll save you a plate of food. Take your time. I love you, Ellie.” Liza hugged her.
Ellie swallowed the sob fighting to get out of her throat and nodded. She slid out of the wagon and bid farewell to Liza.
“You’re not going home with Liza?” Joel came over to her and waved to Liza.
“Nah. I need to tell you something.”
He tilted his head and lifted his brow. “All right.” He grinned. “I asked Daed to stow the horse for me, and I was going to ask if you’d stay.” He brushed her damp cheek. “Something isn’t right. What is it? Did Mamm offend you or Liza?”
“Do you mind if we take a walk out of earshot from your daed?”
He nodded. “We’ll go on the other side of the smokehaus. Let me get a blanket from the barn.”
“I’ll wait here. I’d rather your daed not ask what’s wrong with me.”
“I’ll hurry.” He left and returned with a rolled blanket under his arm. “You have me worried, Ellie.”
She wished she could assure him there was nothing to fret about, but she would be lying. “Your mamm let us inside, and she and Liza started off on a positive path, and then she made it clear she wouldn’t accept me and you pursing a future together. She’s adamant in her stance.”
Joel took her hands in his. “Ellie, I won’t let her destroy what we’ve built between us. You can’t either. She’s a troubled woman, riddled with anger and fear over losing Maryann. Losing her dochder has muddied her mind and clouded her vision on many things. Let me reason with her.”
He’d truly forgiven her. She wanted this whether they pursued a future or not. What a gift from God. His determination made this clearer than ever to her. She loved him for his devotion, but he was being naïve.
“Hasn’t your relationship with your mamm been strained since she’s become aware we care for each other?”
“Jah, but we’re not at fault. She is.”
He’d blinded himself as she had, to avoid the obvious. His mamm’s objection had become a problem they could do nothing about, and they had to kumme to grips with it before they caused more destruction to Joel’s relationship with Mrs. Wenger.
“The tension in your haus over me isn’t good for your family. You and your daed are suffering because of me.”
“Don’t worry. Daed and I are used to Mamm’s moods since Maryann left. You’re not the only reason she’s difficult.”
“I need to step back from you for all your sakes.” She pressed a hand to her throat and stifled the ache of what her words meant to both of them.
He grasped her upper arms. “Nah! Ellie, please! We’ve climbed mountains of problems to maintain our love for each other. I won’t let anyone kumme between us. You’re the woman for me. No one else.”
She let his declaration linger in her mind and savored the joy singing in her heart. Then the thud of disappointment and grief came over her. She tightened her quivering lips, but they wouldn’t cooperate. She pressed her fingers to her mouth.
He pulled her to him and kissed her hair. “I’m never letting you go, Ellie. We’ve got a lot to look forward to. I’ll protect, honor, and love you all of my days.”
She took a step back. “We can’t pretend your mamm is the reason we must part. I didn’t want to admit it, but God may be closing doors we aren’t willing to recognize. Are you ignoring them too? Haven’t we been fooling ourselves?”
“Nah. You’re wrong. We’re not responsible for Mamm’s flawed judgment and dark outlook. I won’t let her bully you or me into getting her way.”
The more Joel poured out his heart, the more she knew she was right. Everything he mentioned would cause more dissention and distance between them.
She couldn’t let this go on. “I can’t live with driving a wedge between you and her. I almost destroyed Daed and Liza’s happiness. I won’t do it again to you and your mamm.”
“She’s unreasonable and bitter, Ellie. Please. I believe God means for us to fall in love, marry one day, and have a family. Please marry me, Ellie. We’ll show her how in love we are and what a good fraa you are, and she’ll kumme around.”
She’d give anything to marry him. And he was right. She would be a loving fraa to him. This was so heartrending. “I’m sorry, Joel. I’ve been selfish in the past, and I won’t do it again. The pain it causes others isn’t right. Please take me home. There’s nothing more we can say or do.”
* * *
Joel stared at her. His beautiful Ellie was slipping out of his life. Nah. He wouldn’t let himself go there. She’d go home and think this over and kumme to her senses.
“I’ll harness the mare to the buggy.”
“If you don’t mind, I’ll sit on the bench under the old oak tree until you’re ready to leave.”
He nodded and went to the buggy, then returned. Daed and Ellie were talking. He didn’t approach them but took steps close enough to overhear them. He hoped they didn’t notice him.
Daed held out his hand. “God has created a beautiful earth. I never tire of taking in the splendor of the fields, gardens, and wonders of God’s making.”
“I like the butterflies. I’ll miss them this winter.”
“You’re like a butterfly in Joel’s life. Danki for bringing him such happiness. He’s got a lilt in his step, and he whistles more often since he’s met you. Please forgive my fraa for her behavior. She’s chosen to wallow in her pain and suffering. Don’t take it personal.”
Joel swelled with love for his daed. The man had said the best thing possible to Ellie. He held his breath, waiting for her response. He stayed back, hoping they wouldn’t notice him.
“I’m afraid I must.”
Joel let out the breath and hung his head. He waved to her. “I’m ready, Ellie.”
“Don’t rob yourself or Joel of happiness, Ellie. True love isn’t easy to kumme by.” Daed smiled and walked away.
Joel watched his daed stroll to the horse in the corral. He was grateful to Daed for encouraging Ellie to reconsider severing their relationship. Ellie’s damp eyes and her slow steps to the buggy showed she was burdened.
He waited for her to get in and then flicked the reins and headed to her haus. “Ellie, please don’t shut me out.”
“My decision is not by choice. I’m confident I’m doing the right thing. Hard as it is, it will save us and our families a lot of heartache.”
“You’re punishing us unjustly. Mamm is angry, frustrated, and taking it all out on you. Ignore her. She’ll snap out of it one day or not. Either way, you shouldn’t allow her to dictate our lives.” He had to dampen his struggle to not show his frustration. “Please, Ellie, let’s be happy and plan a wedding.”
“Your mamm will make our lives, your daed’s, and, possibly, our kinner’s, miserable. We can’t ignore her. I’ve tried to appeal to her, and she won’t listen. We can’t fix this problem, and we must face it may be God’s will for us to part.”
He couldn’t believe her resolve. They’d overcome so much. Nah. He couldn’t let this happen. His mamm had made his life miserable long enough. “Ellie, I’ll go to the bishop, schedule a date, and we’ll get married. Mamm will attend, and all will be well in time.” He halted the buggy in front of her haus.
“Nah, Joel. I’m sorry. I can’t. Please don’t kumme by here or the bakery. It’s too hard on me.” She sprang from the buggy, sobbing as she ran across the lawn.
He called out to her. “I’m not giving up. I believe God has put us
together, and I’m going to pray God brings you back to me.”
His heart jumped as she slowed. Then she ran inside. Falling in love wasn’t as easy and enjoyable as he had imagined. Like growing crops, it took hard work and determination. He had the strength and willingness to do both. Anything for Ellie.
He gazed at the road ahead as he headed for home. “Dear Heavenly Father, work a miracle in our lives. Bring Ellie back to me. Heal Mamm’s heart. Show her the destruction of her ways. Please, Heavenly Father, please. Amen.”
He believed God could do anything, and there was no reason God wouldn’t do a mighty work in his life and grant his desire. Joel was a patient man, and he would wait. The day would kumme when he would stand before Ellie in front of friends and family and pledge his love and commitment to her. He knew it.
He arrived home, unharnessed the mare, took her to the barn, and gave her water and food. The animal moved her head from side to side and stepped up and back. “What’s wrong, girl?”
The horse neighed, kicked the stall, and turned from him. She finished her water and food and settled down.
He examined her. She didn’t appear to have any wounds. She’d finished her food. He shrugged. She must’ve had a bad day too. He’d let her rest.
He rubbed his aching neck. He’d learned time could heal wounds of the body and the heart. The same way he’d gotten over Ellie’s past and made the decision to trust her. He believed God would bring Ellie back to him. He’d wait for as long as it took.
Chapter Eleven
Ellie poured coffee for Dr. Harrison and the sheriff Friday morning. “Dr. Harrison, you’re quiet, reading the paper. What’s caught your interest?”
He lowered the pages and peered over them. “Hydrox cookies are being compared to Oreo cookies by the writer. They both have chocolate wafers with a white cream filling but taste different. He claims Oreos are much better. Oreos haven’t made it to our neck of the woods yet. They’re new this year. I’m going to ask Wilbur at the general store if he’ll get some in. I’d like to form my own opinion.”
