I kissed Ropes and burrowed into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and once again, I felt safe.
Ropes
BY THE TIME we reached the Skylight Lounge, we were twenty-five minutes late to the party, but Devlin’s mood had lightened significantly. We were already making jokes about her losing track of time while reading and how much of a bad influence my writing was on her. We made pretty good time from the cabin as Devlin was able to navigate much easier wearing sneakers instead of whatever stylish hell she’s usually got strapped to her good foot. We were both looking forward to just hanging at the bar tonight with readers, drinking too much, and crashing now that all the excitement was over.
I opened the heavy lounge doors and every eye in the room turned to look at us.
“There they are!” Olivia announced cheerily into a microphone.
She and Ali were standing on stage, along with Father Finn and several authors including Val Weston. The Authors were all holding large, phallic trophies. Val’s read “Best New Release.”
“Come on up you two,” Olivia said into the mic, waving Devlin and me to the stage.
Devlin quickly took my hand and squeezed tightly. “I’m going to kill you,” she said quietly while smiling to the crowd of attendees.
Everyone in the room was dressed in cocktail attire. Everyone except for us of course. I’d somehow missed the memo that this was a formal gathering and knew right away that Devlin’s good mood was likely considerably less so right about now.
“I’m sorry,” I muttered back, but she only squeezed my hand tighter. I led her up the steps to the stage and over to Olivia and Ali.
“Here they are, your Books and Booze Cruise ‘Cutest Couple,’” Olivia said.
“Wait, what?” Devlin asked.
“The last night of the cruise is always awards night. The readers cast their ballots today at lunch.”
“The people have voted,” Ali said. “It was damned near unanimous. You two are a-fuckin’-dorable.”
The room filled with cheers and awes, and Devlin and I shared a shocked look. Father Finn presented us with our major award as Olivia thrust the mic in my face and I blurted out the most intelligent thing I could muster, “Um, thanks.”
Olivia began to move the mic to Devlin, who pursed her lips tightly and shook her head. Wisely, Olivia took the cue and backed off.
We turned to exit the stage and the crowd began to chant, “Kiss, kiss, kiss.” I smiled at Devlin, and she began to laugh nervously, cracking from the absurdity of it all. I leaned down and kissed her softly.
Devlin leaned in and whispered, “You’ll pay for this, writer boy.”
I’m paying right now.
I smiled at the crowd and yelled out, “Thank you,” before turning to lead Devlin to the stairs.
“Hold on, you two,” Olivia said before we could make our retreat. “You may as well stay up here for the next award.”
“This is a really special award for us,” Ali said. “As the event coordinators, we’re not eligible to vote, but I’ll be honest, if we could have, we would have voted the same as you. Ladies and gentlemen, we’d like to present this year’s rising star award to Clay Morningwood.”
I stood there stunned, a buzzing in my ears building up as Ali continued.
“Each cruise, the readers get to vote on the author whose work they are most excited to read in the future. Once again, it was a landslide. What can we say, Clay? They love you and we love you.”
I think I managed to smile, but the buzzing in my head was getting louder and the room began to spin. I tried to focus on Olivia and Ali, and managed to choke out, “Thank you,” and “excuse me,” before jumping from the stage and bolting to the nearest exit.
I ran out of the room, leaving Devlin standing on stage with the others, a golden dong in each hand. I left through a side exit that led directly to the ship’s starboard deck. I moved briskly until I reached the ship’s rail. I took in several deep breaths, filling my lungs with fresh, salty ocean air.
What the fuck is wrong with you? Pull it together.
I wondered if this was what Devlin felt like when she had a panic attack.
Shit, is that what’s happening to me?
I leaned over the edge as far as I could, breathing deeply and fighting back the urge to hurl over the side of the boat.
“Baby are you okay?” Devlin’s sweet voice rang out.
I turned to see Devlin’s beautiful frame, walking toward me, silhouetted in the breaking moonlight.
“I’m okay. I just needed some fresh air. I was feeling a little… I don’t know… overwhelmed I guess.”
“I get it,’” Devlin said, putting her hand to my face. “Oh, my gosh. You’re burning up.”
“Just a little overheated, I’ll be fine.”
“We were all worried. You looked like you’d seen a ghost.”
“More like the ghost of my own future,” I replied.
“What do you mean?”
“Until recently, my life was simple, and I had a pretty good idea of where I’d be in ten years. Now when I look into the future all I see is chaos and uncertainty.”
“I sure hope you don’t see me as a part of that chaos,” Devlin replied.
“Actually, I do, and that’s part of the problem.”
“Now I’m chaos and a problem?” Devlin took a step backward.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“You know, for a writer, you can be pretty shitty with words sometimes.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. That’s exactly why I am a writer. I can take all the time I need choosing precisely the right words to use. I can re-write lines and move dialogue around until everything flows just right.”
“Then what did you mean by ‘chaos and uncertainty’?”
“When I was Spencer Kimble, I never thought about the future. It would all be planned out by my family and a team of lawyers anyway so what was the point. As Ropes, soldier for the Burning Saints MC, the future was optional. As a one percenter, I could die on any given day, in any manner. It was a simple fact of life.”
“And now?”
“Now? Now I have shit I truly care about. People I love even more than my club. I have writing, I have my brother. I have all these people, and their expectations, but most of all Devlin, I have you, and now that I do, I’m terrified of losing you. I don’t want to lose any of this.”
“Why would you?” Devlin asked, drawing close to me again.
“Because I don’t know how to feel otherwise. To my family, I was a traitor. To the streets, I’m a nobody. To my club, I’m a soldier. Now, I’m trying to do something great with my life. I think with you by my side, maybe I can.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“The problem is, now that you’re in my life, I don’t think I can do any of this without you. I didn’t start writing for attention or accolades. I didn’t even start writing to become an author. I just did it because I was stuck in county lockup with a pencil, a yellow pad, and a tattered copy of D.W. Foxblood’s first MC book. I wrote because I was compelled to write. Just like when I met you, I was compelled to be with you. I told you, Devlin. You’re my muse.”
“I’m by your side. I’m not going anywhere,” Devlin tried her best to reassure me.
“For now. But I know club life, and I have a feeling that things are about to get a lot crazier for the Burning Saints. After this signing I also know that I have a long way to go before my writing and my business is where I want it to be.”
“What does that all have to do with me?”
“That’s what I’m freaking out about. I don’t know where you fit, because I don’t want to fit you anywhere.”
“Are you breaking up with me?”
“Fuck me, Devlin. No.” I put my hands on her shoulders. “What I mean is, I know you have your own plans and your own life, and I can’t expect you to be by my side through every aspect of my schizophrenic, weird-ass, fucked up life.”
I wanted to believe her but felt a sense of dread.
“I love you, Devlin and don’t want to see you get hurt again. You’ve been through enough shit and I’d ride off the Burnside Bridge if my lifestyle somehow put you through more.”
“If you ride off that bridge, honey, I’ll be at your back.”
“Yeah?”
She grinned. “Always.”
I kissed her slowly and once again dared to dream of a secure future with her.
“Should we go back to the party?” she asked.
“Yes, but I’d rather take a walk under this beautiful sky with an even more beautiful woman,” I said.
“Good answer.”
We strolled along the ship’s deck, arm in arm for around a half an hour, talking, stopping occasionally to look out at the vast black sea. A sea that mirrored our future, full of possibilities and mysteries. Deep and vast, yet at the mercy of the changing winds. We stopped at an outdoor bar and had a few Captain Blue Breezes which we’d come to find were as advertised, strong and tasty.
“You ready to call it a night?” I asked, catching Devlin mid-yawn.
“No, I’m not,” she said defiantly. “This is our last night at sea, and I’m not ready to be Land Devlin again.”
“Land Devlin?” I chuckled.
“Sure,” she slurred slightly. “If you can be Clay Morningwood I should get to have a super-secret code name as well. At least while I’m on the boat.”
“But we’re only on the boat for a few more hours.”
“Then time’s a wastin’, pal. You’d better give me a name.”
“Speaking of wasted,” I said mockingly under my breath.
“What did you say, Clay Yummywood?”
“Nothing, dear. I’m just thinking of your name.”
“That’s what I thought.”
“Okay, I’ve got it,” I exclaimed triumphantly. “You are hereby, and for the duration of this cruise, to be known as ‘Lady Jubilee.’”
Devlin squealed, “I love it,” and threw her arms around me.
I motioned to the bartender for another round and from behind us heard “Oh, god, these two again.” I spun around to see Val Weston walking with three of her posse. Devlin must have heard her as well because the next thing I knew she was on her feet and in Val’s face.
“What did you just say?”
“What’s the matter?” Val asked “Didn’t you and your phony boyfriend get enough stage time already tonight? Now you have to come out here and draw attention.”
“What the hell are you talking about, you crazy bitch? We’re sitting here at the bar having a drink… wait a minute, did you just call him a phony?”
“He knows he is. I don’t know who he slept with to get on the cruise, but I’d never heard of him before. Honestly, now that I have, I don’t see anything special about him or his writing.”
There had now been two times when I thought I’d seen Devlin angry. I was more wrong than I possibly could have imagined.
“First of all, I am Lady Jubilee and I will cut a bitch. Secondly, you are the last person on the planet to call any writer aboard this cruise, a phony.”
By now, Olivia, Ali and a small crowd of cruisers had gathered around the bar.
“Neither of you have any business being here or anywhere within this industry and you both know it,” Val continued.
“Say that again, and I promise I will commit a maritime crime,” Devlin warned.
“Okay, ladies, maybe it’s time to go to our cabins,” I said, inserting myself between what could become tonight’s main event.
“You’re so tough with your big, bad, fake boyfriend around, aren’t you?” Val challenged, and Devlin lunged with ill intent, her forward momentum halted by an ear-piercing screech.
“Stop it! Just stop it right now!”
I looked down to see a woman who looked to be in her late forties, with a light brown, page-boy haircut, wearing a sweater. I recognized her as the one reader at Val’s table that said she’d read my work.
“Norma?” Devlin asked, puzzled.
“Just stop it, Val. I’ve had enough of your bitch resting awake face,” she yelled before turning to Devlin and flashing her a thumbs up.
“Norma, you’ll be quiet if you’re smart,” Val seethed.
“I’m not smart, Val. If I were smart, I would have never gone into business with you in the first place.”
“Shut up, Norma.”
“I should have never agreed to be your latest ghost writer.”
Gasps and murmurs rippled through the crowd.
“Daaaaayummm, Norma,” Lady Jubilee shouted.
“You’re in breach of contract and you’ll be hearing from my lawyer,” was Val’s only response, before turning on her heels and beating a hasty retreat.
Olivia and Ali came up to us and tears came to Devlin’s eyes. “I’m so sorry to both of you. Clay had nothing to do with this, please don’t be upset with him, it was all my fault.”
“No, it wasn’t,” Ali said. “It was all Val’s fault, and you’ll never have to worry about running into her on a Books and Booze Cruise ever again.”
“So, Clay is still invited back?”
“Of course,” Olivia said, before giving Devlin a big hug. “You both are. Any time.”
I kissed Devlin and the group of us proceeded to drink way more than we should have, but that Blue Breeze was a smooth sailin’ Captain. It was a perfect end to a crazy night.
Ropes
THE FLIGHT HOME was a complete one-eighty from the trip to Florida. Devlin and I bickered about everything from armrest etiquette to world politics. We were both hung over and I was pretty sure I was getting sick. I’m sure the tension between us was ninety percent my fault, but I didn’t know how to get out from underneath the dark cloud I felt hovering above me. By the end of the cruise, I felt confident as an author and as a boyfriend. Now that we were headed home, I felt like a fraud and was convinced Devlin was looking for an exit door as we spoke. To top it off, everything about this flight had ranged from irritating to “stabby,” as Devlin would say.
“Here she comes,” Devlin said, motioning to the flight attendant walking toward us.
“Thank God,” I said, not bothering to correct myself. Maybe everything I was feeling was related to the burning hunger pangs in my stomach. I’d barely had an appetite while on the boat, but now my body was telling me it needed fuel, big time. I knew if I didn’t get some protein in me quickly, this hunger was gonna turn into full blown hanger. Finally, our flight attendant responded to the call button which was pressed only eleven short minutes ago.
“Mmmhmm,” was all she said when she arrived at our row, barely making eye contact.
“Good morning,” I said as cheerily as possible given my current agitated state. “I didn’t quite catch the announcement earlier about the in-flight food service.” As if on cue, the baby seated in the row behind us began wailing again.
Our flight attendant delivered a second, “Mmmhmm,” with even less enthusiasm than the first.
I forced a smile and continued. “So, I was wondering if you have some sort of meat and cheese plate available.”
“All of the food items available for purchase on this flight are located in the in-flight magazine which is located in every seat pocket,” she said in an irritated monotone voice.
I quickly reached for the magazine in question, flipped to the menu page, and immediately spotted what I wanted. “Great, I’ll have two deli packs please,” I said, turning to Devlin to see if she wanted to place an order.
“We don’t have that on this flight today, sir,” the attendant interrupted.
“Oh, okay. I’ll take the breakfast sandwich then,” I said, the irritation in my voice beginning to creep out.
“Sir,” she sai
d sharply. “Breakfast is only served until ten A.M., and it’s almost eleven, local time.”
“The turkey club then.” I said flatly.
“We don’t have—”
“So, nothing in the magazine then? Thank you, I’ll just eat the free pretzels and maybe my napkin if I’m still hungry.”
With that, our corporate appointed Skybitch walked away.
I turned to Devlin. “I’m sorry, did you want to order something from the imaginary kitchen?”
She raised an eyebrow. “You have rage issues.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, taking her hands. “I’m starving, and it’s stupid shit like that that makes me glad I don’t have access to the nuclear missile launch codes.”
“That’s dark.”
“I’m serious. The lack of common sense and common decency in the world is driving me crazy.”
“Says the outlaw biker,” she mused.
“Reformed,” I corrected, with a smile.
“Oh, there he is,” Devlin’s face brightened up. “There’s the man I fell in love with,” she said, reaching into her purse before pulling out a Dr. Fantastic bar.
“Have you been holding out on me this entire time?” I asked. “Hand it over.”
“Not so fast,” she teased, yanking the candy bar back. “I’ll split this with you if you agree to be nicer to me.”
“Nicer to you?” I protested. “You’ve been the one nagging at me the whole day.”
“Only because, you’ve been a raging asshole since we woke up,” she fired back, her tone less playful.
“What are you talking about? I woke up in a great mood. You were the one that started in on me…”
And so on, and so on, and so on. We bickered over which one of us was being a bigger asshole the entire flight, on the car ride, and then once we arrived back at her apartment. The bickering escalated into arguing, and before I knew it, we were in a full-on fight.
* * *
Devlin
“How did I not see this before?” I snapped.
“What?”
“How big of an asshole you are,” I seethed.
“Oh, that’s rich coming from you.”
Ropes Page 16
