by Mia Ford
The Theo in my imagination, who is taking me to… well, wherever it is.
I lean back and allow my eyes to slide closed with him wrapped around me. I might not really be safe, but I feel safe enough with him holding on to me. He has this way about him which I just want to hold on to forever more. I should have stayed with him, shouldn’t I? I think that is what my end of life vision is trying to tell me. That I had the perfect man by my side, and even if it was just for one night. It would be a lovely memory to bring with me.
“It’s okay, Esme.” His voice sounds thicker than I remember, as if it’s struggling to come through the suit. I’m surprised that my brain can give this image so much depth. “We will be out of here in a moment.”
Anywhere with you. I want to smile to myself. Maybe I am, I don’t know. I would go anywhere with Theo.
Oh, holy fuck! I wasn’t expecting everything to suddenly go ice cold but now I am bolt upright, wide awake, and agony is screaming through my body. It hurts, it hurts more than I thought possible. I have gone straight from Heaven to Hell and I want to get out of it. Whatever this is right now, I will do anything to make it end.
Help. Can anyone sense how much I need someone to help me right now? Help?
My body aches, my muscles scream, my throat is ragged and raw. If I thought that my lungs hurt when the smoke was billowing in to me, well that’s nothing compared to how they feel now. It’s the end of the world, the end of me.
“It’s okay, Esme.” It’s Theo again, only this time he’s much clearer. Oh, and I can see his face better as well. I want to know why he’s doing this to me, why he brought me out here, but still I can’t talk. “You will be in an ambulance in a moment. They are going to help you, to save your life, you will be fine.”
Is this real? It feels real now. Maybe it’s the pain but it seems like the words he’s speaking might have some accuracy to them. Maybe he really has saved me by some miracle and I will live after all. It’s got a dream like quality to it. The thought of Theo Landon, my brand new neighbor who I accidently slept with being my hero. But I like it. I like the idea of him saving me. It will leave me much more connected to him and I want that.
Thank you. I would love to say that word to him, to let him know just how grateful I am, but it’s impossible. At the moment anyway. If I really am going to live through this then I will have all the time in the world.
I can thank him, hug him, kiss him, make love to him if he’ll let me. I might even let him know how much he means to me, how I thought about him near death. In my hazy state all of that sounds incredibly romantic and not creepy at all. It actually sounds like the plot of a movie, the happy ever after that I didn’t even know I needed.
Now a relationship or even a fling with Theo, that makes sense to me. But to think of a anything with Mr. Jones… well, that was just insane.
Where is he? Should I panic? Could he get to me again? Should I say something? Should I let the world know what he did… even if I don’t totally know what he did? I suppose I can’t be one hundred percent sure…
It doesn’t even occur to me that he might be perishing away in that building, that his own flames might be killing him, because he’s become a monster in my mind. An entity that can’t be destroyed no matter what.
Chapter 12 – Theo
“The guy is saying what?” I exclaim at the police officer in shock. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t care who he is. I have seen a lot of fires in my time and that wasn’t caused by an electrical fault. Not a chance in hell. No way.”
I shake my head, utterly determined and willing to stick to my convictions no matter what. I have such a surge of hate for this whole situation right now, and I don’t think that it’s just because Esme was caught in that fire… but I have to admit that has me all worked up. The fact that someone endangered her… well, I can’t hack it.
It’s that man, that boss, the one that she moaned to me about. The asshole who treated her like shit. I made a joke about him being in love with her, but I probably shouldn’t have. I wouldn’t have if I knew which way it would end up going. I would have… I don’t know, warned her to never go near him again, that’s for sure.
Burning hot rage bubbles through my body, I can barely contain myself, I feel like I’m falling apart.
“An investigator will look in to it, that is for sure,” the police officer declares. I hope that his serious tone means he really will follow through on this. “I think that you might be right. This doesn’t seem like an electrical fire. And Mr. Jones… well, there is something about his state of mind that has me very concerned.”
Yeah, fucking me too! I’m concerned about Esme though and what he’s going to do with her.
“I talked to him and… well, his answers were weird. We need to look in to that some more.”
“Where is he now?” I half growl. It’s hard to keep my emotions down, I don’t want everyone to realize that I’m so personally connected to this or they might keep me out of the loop when it comes to communication. Not that I knew anything about Esme being involved when I ran in to the flames. I just saw cars in the parking lot, I didn’t register what the cars looked like, and I raced in with some of the others to find Esme in a heap in the middle of the stairs. She inhaled a lot of smoke when she was on the floor, but I think that she might be okay… I hope that she is.
“He’s at the hospital, but there are guards around him because we don’t want to lose him.”
I am free to leave, to go to the hospital whenever I need to. I can go and check in on Esme as soon as she is awake again, but right now I feel like I need to be here, I need to be with the police officers to make sure that they aren’t fucking up the investigation. I need them to know that there is something going on here. Something more than just a general fire. Thankfully it seems like they don’t need me to declare that, but I still have to. I can’t stop myself.
Also, if I go straight to the hospital, there is no guarantee that I will keep away from the boss either, and I don’t know how I will be able to control myself around him. He put Esme in danger and I might kill him. The idea of him anywhere near me right now is destructive. I could wrap my arms around his neck and absolutely destroy him.
“Okay, so what do you need me to do right here?” I ask, in a bit of a demanding tone because I am desperate. “What do you need help with? Do you want my advice on the investigation or something?”
The police officer shakes his head. “No, and Tamara keeps telling me that you shouldn’t even be working right now, that you finished your shift earlier, so if you need to go home then that’s what you should do.”
It’s frustrating, but I nod and rejoin my crew, ready to return to the fire station with them. We have all been interviewed about our point of view and I suppose I have said everything that I need to… but I’m still not one hundred percent sure that I will get my end goal here. I’m scared that she will end up not getting justice…
“That was no electrical fire,” I complain to anyone who will listen. “That was something else. There was an accelerant, I’m telling you. That was started by someone. It didn’t get out of hand, that’s what someone wanted.”
I don’t know if anyone is listening to me, I’m not sure if they agree with me, which enrages me even more. If the others haven’t said the same thing as me, then there is a potential that this could not go the way I want.
“What do you think it was?” I ask Tamara, needing her point of view. She gives me a strange look, as if she can’t work out why I’m so obsessed with the cause of this fire in particular. “What do you think started it?”
“It isn’t up to us to find out, is it?” She shrugs her shoulders. “It’s for investigators. Even if I have an opinion on the fire, it doesn’t mean anything. I might not think that it was an electrical fire, but we will find out in time. Theo, that isn’t for you to worry about. And I think that might be because you’re so tired and stressed out. It’s time for you to go home as soon as we get back bec
ause we need you back at work for your next shift, right as reign.”
I sigh loudly, trying not to let my irritation shine through, but I can’t seem to stop it. Tamara must be able to sense it, but she says nothing more. I guess that she knows I won’t go in to detail with her, not like Joe.
I fall in to silence for the rest of the ride home, trying my hardest not to think too much about it anymore. I don’t want to consider Esme and her nightmare any longer, but I can’t seem to stop the fear from coming…
“Oh my God.” Tamara grabs on to my arm as we pull in to the fire station. “Shit, Theo, I know that this isn’t what you need right now… but Jane is outside. Waiting for you by the looks of it. Pissed off as hell.”
“Oh fucking hell, you are joking?” I groan. “Another nightmare before I end this day. She never comes to the fire station. She must be really desperate. Urgh, and I was so looking forward to getting home to bed.”
I really do feel heavy and pissed off. Every part of my body hurts. My limbs are weighted with stress and the knowledge that I have been at work for a very long time through a lot of horrible work, and now I don’t get a break. Mind you, I would rather face another burning building with someone that I care about inside, than her.
“We’ll get inside quick,” Tamara half whispers to me. “Leave you to it. I’m sure you don’t want us all listening in… oh, unless you want us to help get you out of the conversation. We can do that, if you want?”
“Much as I would love you to get rid of her, it will only be temporary. I will just face her and get this over and done with.” I roll my eyes, trying to act all blasé about the whole thing. “Try and get rid of her.”
If I had known that Jane was going to turn up at work, I might not have bothered moving after all. It’s easier to deal with her rants in the privacy of my own environment instead of in front of my work colleagues. Even if the people who work with me don’t try and listen in, I’m sure that they will hear the whole thing anyway.
But that’s what Jane wants. As a punishment for me moving home and leaving her for good.
“What’s going on?” I ask as I take a few steps closer to Jane. “Why are you here?”
“Why the fuck are you out dealing with a fire when you are supposed to have finished work?” she rages, her face flaming with anger. I can’t believe she’s acting like I have done her an injustice. Mind you, I don’t know why that’s such a surprise to me since she has always been like that. “I have been waiting here for ages…”
“Oh, well I am sorry that my job is such an inconvenience to you,” I shoot back sarcastically. “I didn’t realize that putting out a fire would be such a problem to you coming to visit me. Maybe if I had known…”
She rolls her eyes and snorts while folding her arms across her chest. “Don’t be like that, Theo. Since you won’t talk to me on the phone and you have moved away to hide from me, which is utterly childish, by the way, this is the only thing that we can do, isn’t it? I have to come here to talk to you. I waited until you had finished work, so you can’t have a go at me for interfering with your precious work colleagues.”
“This is still too much, Jane,” I reply firmly. “This is still unnecessary. We have nothing more to say to one another. Why don’t you get that? When people are finished with the divorce, that’s the end of it. I have had to move home and change my phone number to stop you from all of this. It’s too much. Don’t you get it?”
I’m getting frustrated now, starting to lose my freaking mind. If Jane doesn’t understand that now then I don’t know if she ever will. But I really can’t deal with this shit forever. I need her to understand.
“Jane, I’m with someone else,” I tell her firmly. A little harsher than I might have done otherwise, but being kind hasn’t worked. I have to be cruel instead. “That’s part of the reason why I have had to leave my house, because I don’t want you getting in the way or what I have now. That’s why I will never tell you where I live.”
Jane steps back like I have slapped her in the face. I don’t like the way that I have clearly hurt her, that isn’t my style, but at the same time this can’t continue. It has needed to stop for far too long now.
“You… you are with someone?” She’s ashen, shocked. “But I always thought that we would end up back together. I assumed that… that eventually you would forgive me and we would have a romantic reunion.”
“You cheated on me, Jane,” I remind her. “You broke my trust in you. There’s no coming back from that. I can’t forget what you did and if there’s no more trust, then there is no more love. You really think that I would go through all of that nightmare with the divorce lawyers just to end up married to you again? I wouldn’t punish you like that.”
“But you would do this to me. You would meet someone else?” she gasps.
“I’m sorry, but that’s what’s happened. I would be happy for you to be with someone else. I actually thought that you would be by now. Maybe even the guy that you cheated on me with…”
“I don’t ever want to see you again,” she gasps in my direction. “Never. I can’t believe that you would do any of this. I just… I don’t know who you are, Theo. I thought that you were a good guy, but you aren’t…”
As she races off having not said anything that she came here to talk about, I can’t help but wonder if she means that and I really won’t see her again, because that would be a dream come true for me.
Chapter 13 – Esme
“Esme? Esme, are you opening your eyes? Are you awake now?” The voice is angelic. I want to prize my eyes apart to see who it is. “Esme, come on. I need you to open up your eyes. I’m worried about you…”
“Delia.” Oh my God, not only can I get some words out now which is a miracle considering I couldn’t before, I am here with my friend smiling at me, and I might well be grinning back at her. “You’re here, Delia.”
“Of course I’m here.” She slips her hand in to mine as her eyes flood with tears, but she doesn’t let any of them fall. “I have been to see you lots, waiting for you to wake up. I’m so glad that you have at last.”
“How long have I been asleep?” I shake my head. “Actually, I don’t want to know. Don’t tell me. Just tell me what has been happening since I have been in the hospital. How much have I missed? Has there been drama?”
“Drama? Do you mean at work?” She furrows her eyebrows at me. “Because there hasn’t been any work. The office burned down and Mr. Jones is… well, he’s in the hospital, but he’s also going to be questioned by the police, so no one knows what the fuck is going on. We don’t know if it’s time to look for work elsewhere.”
Shit. Ice cold terror rockets through me. This is what I have been freaking out about. Having no job, no money, not being able to survive. I want to run out of this bed right now to sort it out, but I can’t. I feel like I’m pinned down while I recover from the flames which I bet have left some nasty marks over my skin. Burned and blistered, I bet.
“We need to work elsewhere,” I reply in a whisper. “We have to. There is no business anymore.”
“What do you mean?” All of a sudden, Delia bolts up straighter and she stares at me in shock. “Did Mr. Jones say anything to you? We have all been questioned by the police but no one knows anything. Then again, you spent more time with him than everyone else, haven’t you? Being his personal assistant and verbal punching bag…”
“I don’t know.” I strain my brain to try and see if there is anything in there which will answer Delia’s question but I can’t really remember much. The basics are there, I know that I was at work and then in a fire, and then I was rescued by… oh my God, I was rescued by Theo! Wasn’t I? Was I? I don’t know actually. Maybe that was in my imagination because if I think about it logically, it seems crazy that he would be my hero. “I don’t know what was going on. It was a good day, wasn’t it? In general. So, it was a surprise that I was kept behind… I think anyway.”
God, I don’t know. Now I’
m not sure if that was the day in mind. I’m foggier than I thought, I don’t know if the days are all blending in to one another. I don’t know if I can be one hundred percent certain with anything.
“So, you don’t remember anything that was said?” Delia pushes. “I’m only asking because he declared that it was an electrical fire and no one believes that. Rumors suggest that it’s some kind of insurance thing…”
I wish that I could confirm or deny what she’s saying. I wish that I had some kind of answer for her because while she clearly has been waiting for me because she cares about me, she’s also been waiting for answers.
“I really don’t know. My memory has evaded me,” I tell her guiltily. “Maybe with time it will come back…”
There is an icy chill running down my spine, a speck of fear which has come from somewhere, something to do with Mr. Jones but I don’t know what exactly. It might just the normal fear that I have for him.
“Have you been in to see Mr. Jones then? Or aren’t you allowed if the cops want him? Does he look bad?”
“I haven’t been in. I wouldn’t even if I could, Esme. I don’t like that weasel and I don’t trust him at all.”
“No,” I murmur in reply. “I don’t trust him either. But I don’t know if that’s because I have never trusted him because he’s always been an asshole to me, or if something else has happened.”
Something in that room, something when I was kept behind, something that sparked all of this…
Argh, fucking hell, why is my brain being such an asshole? Why can’t I get anything in my head? I don’t like this big black empty hole, it’s hard, it needs filling. The memories need to come back here right away.
“Will the police want to speak to me?” I gasp, panicked now. “Because I don’t remember anything.”
