Alex sighs. “It didn’t go exactly the way I’d hoped. But let’s sit down and talk about it. We have plenty to discuss.”
The water boils, and I pull down two mugs, faintly embarrassed when I realize they’re both novelty gifts from my father. Nothing else is clean right now. I hand Alex the one that says “vodka” on it, and he reads it and laughs.
“I hope not,” he says. “I’m afraid I’d pass out on your couch at the first taste.”
I drop a tea bag into his mug. “It’s blackberry. Come into the living room, and we can talk.”
We settle ourselves on the couch. Whatever’s coming isn’t going to be good news, I know, and yet I can’t stop smiling at him.
He smiles back.
“What?” he asks.
“I’m just so happy to see you!” I say. “I know it’s ridiculous, and that we have a lot to work through, but…I don’t know what I can say. Every time I see you, it’s as if everything I’m worried about disappears. It’s been that way every time.”
He nods. “I feel the same way.”
“You do?”
“It’s very hard to be worried about Parliament when you’re sitting in front of me,” he says. “But I can’t allow myself to be distracted. We need to talk about this, Erica. You were absolutely right in your message to me.”
“Okay,” I say. “What happened when you told them?”
“I was sent out of the chamber so that the ministers could discuss the matter,” he says. “Even then, I assumed it was only a formality, and that when I was called back, I would be congratulated. I thought everyone would be pleased that I was expecting a child, happy that there would be a new member to the royal lineage.”
“I’m guessing that’s not what happened.”
“Far from it. When I was brought back in, the ministers were in the midst of a fiery debate. About half of them were ready to support me—support us—and bring you over to Avaran right away. Introduce you to the people, and reveal the story publicly. They said the same things I’ve been saying. In this day and age, there’s nothing shameful about a man and a woman having a child outside of marriage, and plenty to respect about their standing by each other and committing to giving that child a good life.”
“So, that’s good,” I say. “That’s what we were hoping for.”
He nods. “But then there was the other half. And, I’m sorry to say, they were actually the scant majority. They didn’t like it. I expected that the younger members of Parliament would support us, but many of them are from the same families as the older members who have retired. There are also many who support my uncle, who gained their government seats thanks to his help. So they weren’t happy at the thought of me being supported for the very same action that got him condemned and forced him to abdicate.”
“So they want you to suffer simply because your uncle had to suffer?” I frown. “That wasn’t your decision. You had no part in it. Why should you be punished for it?”
“I don’t know if it’s exactly about punishing me,” he says. “But you have to understand, it’s only been one generation. My uncle is still around, and everyone knows him as the man who was once their king. Everyone knows me as the boy who came into his inheritance thanks to the king’s downfall. It’s been hard for some people to embrace my claim to the throne. And for those people, this feels like a double standard.”
“You’re awfully understanding,” I say. “If it were me, I don’t think I’d be so willing to appreciate their side of it.”
“It’s something I’ve been coached on my whole life,” Alex says. “Politicking is an important part of the role I was born to play. I’ve been trained to face a room full of angry people, listen to their complaints, and help them find a solution.”
I sigh, cradling my cup of tea in both hands, letting the warmth seep into my fingers.
“What are we going to do?” I ask. “If Parliament can’t come to a consensus, where does that leave us?”
“For a while it left us deadlocked,” Alex says. “The two sides argued, back and forth, and heatedly, for hours. My father was called in, in his official capacity as king, to give counsel.”
“Was he on our side?” I ask anxiously. If we don’t have the approval of the king, we’re lost for certain.
“He supports us,” Alex says, and I breathe a sigh of relief. “But his motives seem suspect to a lot of the legislators. His position is the same as mine, after all, in that he only came to power after Enzo was forced to abdicate. There are people who consider his claim to the throne shaky. They say if he’s going to overlook this…this indiscretion, as they call it, that he should pardon Enzo and hand the throne back to him.”
“Would he?” I ask.
“No,” Alex says. “I asked him that too, and he says it’s not an option. The people might think of it as justice, but too many changes in who rules a country does nothing but make it unstable. It would be bad for Avaran if he turned the throne back over to his brother. My father is a strong king, and he’ll do right by his people.”
“So what happened?” I ask. “Was your father able to persuade them? Or overrule them?”
“No, the king doesn’t have the power to overrule Parliament,” Alex says. “The two seats of power are meant to keep each other in balance. That way nobody has too much control. But enough members of Parliament are against the idea of my being allowed to keep my title if I recognize this child that we’re going to face a problem.” He shudders. “They really did have some cruel things to say.”
“What did you do?” I ask, even as I’m afraid to hear his response.
“My father told me to be patient, but I was angry,” he admits. “I went to Parliament a second time, alone, to address them once again. I told them they would have to listen, that I would stay there in their chambers until they’d heard me out and given me a final answer. I told them my child was growing every day and that I couldn’t wait around while they debated what our life was going to be. I needed an answer.”
I feel my breath catch in my throat. “That was very brave of you,” I say. “Or…very foolish.”
“A bit of both, I’m afraid,” Alex says. “That was why my father didn’t want me to go. But I was stubborn. I stood before the members of Parliament and told them I wouldn’t be blackmailed into denying my own child. I told them the choice wasn’t mine to make, but theirs. They could accept me, and accept you and the baby along with me, or they could demand my removal from the throne and let their reason for doing so be known to all.”
“You can’t,” I protest. “You can’t give up your title, Alex. That’s the last thing I ever wanted. You can’t let them make you do that.”
“I don’t want to,” he says. “But what kind of ruler would I be if I allowed bureaucrats to push me around and force me into actions I was morally opposed to? Avaran shouldn’t have a king like that. That’s a far worse thing than having a baby out of wedlock.
“That’s true,” I agree.
“The ironic thing is that I feel more capable of leading now than I ever have,” he says. “I feel aware of right and wrong. I feel confident in my choices. I stood up to Parliament. I stood up to my father, the king. All in the name of what I know to be right.”
“And that would make you a great leader,” I agree, resting a hand on his arm. “Avaran would be lucky to have such a king.”
He smiles. “I’m glad you think so. But I’m not sure they realize it. And if they give me an ultimatum, I know now that I’m strong enough to walk away from the throne.” He holds up a hand before I can protest. “It’s the right thing to do, Erica. It’s what’s best for the people of Avaran, and it’s what’s best for our family. I couldn’t possibly make any other choice.”
Chapter 17
The telling of Alex’s story, like a session of lovemaking or a good long cry, seems to have exhausted us both. I feel physically and mentally drained by it. I turn around on the couch and lean into Alex’s chest, my head on his sho
ulder.
“I can’t believe all this,” I say. “I can’t believe you’re really here.”
He nods. “I can’t believe it either. The whole flight over, I never really processed what I was doing. I’ve never flown commercial before.”
“You flew commercial?” I look up at him.
“I flew coach, actually,” he says, grinning. “It was all I could get at the last minute.”
“Poor baby,” I tease him, stretching up to plant a kiss on his jaw.
In actuality, I am impressed. It’s a long flight from Avaran to LA, and for someone who’s never been on a commercial airliner before to spend all that time in coach just to see me…it’s a big deal.
We sit quietly, for a few minutes, him stroking my hair, me trying to nestle closer into his chest. His arms tighten around me and one hand slides down to rest on my stomach.
“You’ve gotten bigger,” he says quietly.
“Have I?” I thought I had, but there’s been no one to confirm it. Hearing him say it makes it all real in a way it hasn’t been. “The baby’s only about as big as a seed right now. According to my book, I mean.”
“Your book?”
I point it out, on the table by the TV. “I’ve been reading up.”
“Can I have a look?” he asks. “I’d like to know what’s going on with the baby too.”
“Later,” I tell him. “You’re in the middle of something right now.”
“Am I? What’s that?”
“Hugging.” I pull his arms tighter around me. “And you never finished your story, either. What happened when you told Parliament they had to make a decision? I’m guessing it didn’t go the way you’d hoped, or you wouldn’t be here right now.”
“Actually, the whole thing was kind of a mess after that,” Alex says. “The prime minister called for a vote, but they need a strong majority to force abdication, and they just didn’t have it. But since just slightly more than half of the ministers did want me to step aside, I couldn’t just ignore them either. The preliminary vote was fifty-two percent in favor of my giving up the throne and forty-eight arguing that I should keep it.”
“What percentage do they need to force you off the throne?” I ask.
“Sixty-six.”
“Well, that’s good then,” I say. “They’re not anywhere near that.”
“No, but that was just the preliminary vote. Then they went into debates about the issue. And any time there’s a debate in Parliament, it’s an opportunity for the members to haul out pieces of legislation they’ve wanted to get passed that haven’t had a chance to make it through. One man was very dedicated to the preservation of national parks, for example, and pledged that if the budget found a certain amount of money for that endeavor, he would switch sides.”
I’m aghast. “That’s terrible! He’s selling you out!”
“That’s politics, I’m afraid,” Alex says. “People will figure out ways to get what they want.”
I don’t like it, but I know he’s right. That’s how things work here in the U.S., after all. I had hoped that a monarchy like Avaran might be a little more…genteel.
“All right,” I say. “So they started debating. Then what?”
“Well, then it turned into a bit of a fight, to be honest,” Alex says, sounding embarrassed. “It seems that while some people were willing to use the question of my rule as political capital, others felt more like you do. There was talk on both sides of the others being traitors to the crown. Amid all that, someone leaked the story to the press, and headlines started showing up online.”
I stiffen in his arms, and he kisses the crown of my head.
“They don’t know it’s you,” he says. “But now public opinion is part of the conversation, and it’s bound to have an impact on Parliament’s eventual decision.”
“Bound to? You mean they haven’t made a decision yet? What are they waiting for?”
“I don’t actually know what happened,” Alex admits. “I left before it was resolved. I got your text message, you see, and I knew that I had to put my money where my mouth was. I’d been telling Parliament for hours that I was willing to put family before my title, to give up the throne for the sake of love. And yet here I was, arguing with them, while you so clearly needed me. I left for the airport right then and there.”
“So you could have answered my text!” I swat gently at his hand.
He presses his face to the top of my head. “I couldn’t have said that to you in a text.”
“Said what to me?”
He doesn’t answer, just rests his chin on my head.
And then his words catch up with me.
“You said love. You said you’d give up your throne for the sake of love.”
He still doesn’t answer, but his arms tighten around me in response.
“You love me?” I ask, my voice a whisper, barely believing.
“You didn’t know?” he asks.
“I knew there was…something. You flew all the way here for me when your government was in total upheaval over what to do with your title and your crown. I knew I wasn’t nothing to you. But I’m carrying your child. I didn’t know how much of it was me and how much was the baby.”
He shakes his head. “But how could you not have known?” he asks. “The time we spent together in Avaran…nothing else in my life has ever been like it. We connected in a way that was profound. Surreal, almost.”
“That’s just it,” I say, unsure why I’m pushing back at him, why I can’t just accept the words I’ve wanted to hear. “It was surreal. It felt like…like something that doesn’t happen to people. Nobody just meets and feels a connection like that. So I convinced myself I was imagining it, or believing in it because I so badly wanted it to be there. It couldn’t have really been as powerful as I thought it was.”
“But it was,” Alex insists. “I felt it too.”
To my embarrassment, I’m shivering a little in his arms. I’m just so overcome by all this. After all the waiting and wondering, after having convinced myself that I was truly alone in my feelings, he shows up at my door and tells me he was right there with me all along? It’s too much.
Alex crushes me against his chest. “Erica, what is it?”
I swallow hard. I don’t want to cry when I speak.
“It’s just that I’ve been waiting here,” I tell him. “I’ve been waiting for you to…I didn’t even know what. To call me. To come for me. To tell me what’s going on. And it was so jarring, Alex, because one day I was in Avaran with you and everything felt so divine and perfect, and then as soon as we were out of each other’s sight, it was like you’d forgotten all about me. I expected to hear from you as soon as I landed, and that didn’t happen. And every time I reached out to you, it was like you were too busy for me.”
He turns me in his arms and pulls me against him. To my utter embarrassment, I find that I’m crying. He strokes my hair.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “I’ve been emotional lately.”
“It’s understandable.”
“It’s annoying.”
“I don’t find it annoying.” He slides a hand down my back, rubbing slow circles along my spine. “It comes with the territory. Your body is dealing with a lot right now. And…you’re also right. I have been distant. I was busy.”
I nod against him. “I don’t want to be needy.”
“You’re allowed to be a little needy. You’re pregnant. And I never told you that I loved you, did I?”
“Not…not in so many words.” I swallow. “I know I should have trusted the way it felt when we were together. I shouldn’t have needed it spelled out for me. I felt all the same things you did. I don’t know why I couldn’t just have faith in that.”
“You’re having to cope with a lot of unusual things in your life right now,” he says.
“So are you,” I point out. “You’re the one who’s standing up to his father and Parliament. You’re the one who’s being maligned by his people an
d who might lose his throne.”
“I’m the one who’s falling in love,” he counters.
I close my eyes. “You’re not the only one who’s doing that.”
He sighs, but for the first time since our conversation began, his sigh doesn’t sound frustrated or overwhelmed. It’s almost a laugh.
“We’ve done this all out of order, haven’t we? We’ve mixed everything up,” he says.
“What do you mean?”
“We’ve hardly even been on a date. Oh, I know we had drinks at the hotel on the night we first met, and we walked on the beach in Avaran, but if I was courting you properly, I would have taken you out for a nice dinner. That would have been our first date. And I would have dropped you off back at your home and asked if I could see you again, and if I was very lucky, there might have been a kiss.”
“I don’t wish it had been like that,” I say. “I wouldn’t trade those nights we spent together for anything.”
“No,” he says. “Neither would I. I wouldn’t trade any of it. Even though you got pregnant before you knew I loved you. Maybe even before I truly knew I loved you. We did everything the way we needed to do it, and it brought us here, and I couldn’t be happier.”
His hands move to my belly, and his lips brush away my tears. “It doesn’t matter what Parliament thinks,” he says. “It doesn’t matter what my family thinks. All that matters is that I love you.”
I lean into him. “I love you too,” I say and catch his lips with mine.
Our kiss is long and luxurious. Only now do I realize how much I worried, both times we were together before, about our time together coming to an end. Both times, I knew we would have to say goodbye, and it lingered over everything good we shared between us like a storm about to break. But now that fear is gone.
Even though I don’t know all the answers yet, his love is answer enough for me. Wherever we go from here, we’ll go together. If Alex has to return to Avaran, I’ll go with him. If he can stay in LA for now, maybe we’ll do that. It doesn’t matter. Nothing matters except the man I love and the child we made together. Nothing matters except the future of our little family.
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