by Cal Osborne
Chapter 2 - Milo’s fart
A few weeks later I was at the back of our house. I was building a base out of Dads old bits of wood and stuff. It was between our shed and the water tank. The water tank had a leak from the pipes. Where the water dripped, heaps of puff ball mushrooms had popped up. Puffball mushrooms are cool. They’re a mushroom that grows in a ball. They are about the size of a mango. When you kick them, puffs of green smoke come out. I started to kick one around the back yard. PUFF. Green smoke was everywhere. I kicked it from side to side like a soccer ball. Then I kicked it between the water tank and the shed. I pulled my shirt over my head, put my arms out and ran around like a soccer player. “GOAL!” I yelled.
Our dog Milo ran over to play. Milo is a brown Lab. He always has dribble strings that hang off his doggy mouth flaps. It’s gross. He is a good dog, but he’s not very clever. He only does tricks if you’ve got food in your hand. Milo picked up the puffball mushroom, and shook it. The green smoke went everywhere. Then he swallowed it. He didn’t even chew. One gulp and the whole puffball mushroom was gone. He must have liked the taste because he started wagging his tail then sniffed at the ground. He quickly sniffed his way over to the other mushrooms. GULP, GULP, GULP, GULP. It took him about 3 seconds to eat 4 more puffball mushrooms. “Boy – he loves those” I thought.
That night Mum, Dad, Milo and I were sitting in the lounge. We were watching “Can You Sing” on TV. A girl was singing a really bad song. About half way through the song Milo let out a load groan. “GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOO”. We all stopped and looked at him. “That doesn’t sound good” said mum. “GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOO” he did it again. He rolled on his back. “He looks like he’s in pain” said dad. We were worried. We got up from our seats and kneeled beside him on the floor. I gave him a pat on the belly “Are you okay boy?” I said. “GRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOO” he groaned. I looked at dad “What’s wrong with him?” I asked. Dad didn’t get a chance to answer. Milo answered instead. He let out the biggest, loudest dog fart you’ve ever heard. It sounded like a motorbike taking off. BRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOORRRR.
This was not a normal dog fart. This fart was special. This fart would change history. It sounded like a normal dog fart. It smelled like a normal dog fart. But, I could SEE this dog fart. A dark green cloud came up from Milo’s bum. We were all freaked out. Mum picked me up and ran from the room. Mums do things like that. They try and look after their young. Dad jumped backwards. His legs hit the coffee table and fell back into the arm chair. The cloud followed him. He couldn’t escape. “NOOOOOOOOOOO” he yelled. The cloud floated over his head. As mum carried me into the kitchen I saw dad crawl backwards in the in the arm chair. He tried to climb out but the armchair broke and he landed on his back on the ground.
In the kitchen I was in shock. I couldn’t see dad and was worried if he’d been eaten by the fart cloud. “DAD – are you OK?” I called out. I could hear a funny cackling noise. “Oh no, Dads chocking” I said to mum. I’ve got to save him. I ran back into the lounge room. Dad was lying face down in the broken arm chair. He was laughing like crazy. Milo was licking his face. The dark green fart cloud was still there, but it was starting to fade. I could smell it. ‘POOOARRR. You stink Milo”. I said.
I came over to where dad was lying and gave Milo a pat. Dad was still laughing. “He just needed a good fart” said Dad. I started laughing too. Mum heard us laughing and came back into the room. “Is it gone?” she said. Dad walked over to the front door and opened it. He was still laughing. “Just give it a minute “said dad. He waved his hand back and forward in the fart cloud. The cloud moved with his hand and faded away. “It’ll be gone in a second” said Dad.
We put Milo outside for a while. We didn’t want to deal with any more fart clouds. We all sat there talking and laughing about the amazing fart cloud. It wasn’t until later that night in bed that I worked it out. They weren’t puffball mushrooms he ate. They were puffball fartrooms!
I laid in bed thinking. Before I fell asleep I had an odd thought. What if the super-farter had ate a puffball fartroom?
