“I don’t want you to leave,” he said against her hair.
“This is my house.” She was wonderfully, sinfully exhausted. “If anyone leaves, I’m guessing it will be you.”
“You know what I mean. I’m talking about you going back to California.” He was quiet for a moment, then he pressed another kiss to her hair. “You know, if your practice is really struggling that much, I could give you the money to keep it going.”
In an instant, the world seemed to grind to a halt, like an amusement park ride that had abruptly lost power. The sleepy, satisfied glow surrounding her popped, leaving her feeling chilled to the bone.
She wrenched away from him and sat up, clutching the quilt to her breasts. “You what?”
“I could give you the money. Just to tide you over until things start looking up.”
The roaring in her ears sounded exactly like the sea during a violent storm. “Let me get this straight. You want to ride in like some kind of knight in shining armor and give me the money to save my practice.”
He shrugged, looking faintly embarrassed. “Something like that.”
Fury and hurt and shame vied for the upper hand as she jumped from the bed and yanked on her robe.
“What’s the matter?”
She didn’t even spare him a glance. “Your timing stinks, Harte.”
“What?” He sounded genuinely befuddled.
He didn’t have a clue. She drew in a deep breath. “Let me give you a little advice. Next time, don’t offer a woman money when her body is still warm from having you inside her unless the two of you have agreed on a price beforehand.”
She thought of her mother, of the faceless, nameless strangers who had skulked in and out of her bed after her father left. The squeak of the rusty screen door as another of Sheila’s “friends” dropped by, the low, suggestive laughter in the kitchen, the heavy footsteps down the hall toward her mother’s filthy bedroom.
Hiding in her room with a pillow over her head so she wouldn’t have to hear what came after.
Even then, at seven years old, she’d known what they were doing, had felt sick, dirty. And she’d known that in the morning, Sheila would have enough money for another bottle of oblivion.
That Matt would offer this, would put her in the same category as her mother, brought all those feelings rushing back.
“You know that’s not what I meant.” Anger roughened his voice. “I can’t believe that kind of cheap thought would ever enter your head. It’s demeaning to me and to you. Dammit, Ellie. I care about you. I want to help you. And why shouldn’t I, when I have the means? What’s wrong with that?”
“I don’t want your help. I never asked for it.”
“You’d rather have to give up the practice you love? The life you love? You’d rather go back to California and leave everything here behind?”
“If I have to, yes.”
She stormed out of the bedroom, desperate to put space between them, but of course he stalked after her, fastening the buttons of his jeans and shrugging into his shirt as he followed.
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard you say. Why are you so upset about this? Just call it a loan. You can pay me back when business picks up.”
“What if it doesn’t? How will I pay you back then? By sleeping with you? Should I start keeping a little ledger by my bed? Mark a few dollars off every time you come over? Tell me, Matt, since I don’t have any idea—what’s the going hourly rate for prostitutes these days?”
He went still, and she knew her jab had struck home. “That’s not fair,” he said quietly.
It wasn’t. She knew it even as the bitter words flowed out of her like bile. He didn’t deserve this, but she couldn’t seem to stop, lost in the awful past.
All he did was offer his help. He couldn’t be blamed because she found herself in the terrible position of needing it.
“I’m sorry,” she said stiffly. “You’re right. Thank you for your kind offer but I’m not quite desperate enough yet that I’d take money from you.”
He glared at her. “Is that supposed to be an apology? Because it sure as hell didn’t sound like one from here.”
“It’s whatever you want it to be.”
He was quiet, his face a stony mask. “You don’t want to take anything from anyone, do you?”
“Not if I can help it.”
“And if you can’t? What are you going to do then?”
She hated the coldness in his voice, the distance, even though she knew she’d put both things there. Regret was a heavy ache in her heart. A few moments ago they had shared amazing tenderness and intimacy, and now they were acting like angry strangers with each other. It was her fault, she knew it. This was a stupid argument, but it was also symptomatic of the greater barriers to any relationship between them.
She had been fooling herself to think they could ever have anything but this one magical night.
“I’ll figure that out if that day ever comes,” she finally said. “Go home, Matt. It’s New Year’s Eve, you should be with your family. If you hurry, you’ll make it home before the clock strikes midnight.”
He stood there glaring at her, looking big and gorgeous and furious, then without another word he yanked on his coat, grabbed his hat and slammed out the door.
CHAPTER 14
Three weeks into the new year, the temperature spiked in western Wyoming in what the locals called the annual January thaw.
Though the temperature barely hovered above forty degrees and genuinely warm weather was still months away, the mountain air smelled almost like spring. Snow melted from every building in steady drips, kids put away their sleds and took out their bikes instead, and a few overachieving range cows decided to drop their calves a few weeks early.
She was far from busy, but Ellie was grateful to at least have a few patients to occupy her time.
She’d spent most of the day trying to ease a new Guernsey calf into the world for one of her few remaining clients. She still had the warm glow of satisfaction from seeing that wobbly little calf tottering around the pasture.
In the excitement of watching new life, she had almost been able to forget the clouds hanging over her head, this terrible fear that her time here amid these mountains she had come to love so dearly was drawing to a close.
Her choices were becoming increasingly limited. Fight as she may against the truth, she knew she couldn’t keep hanging on by her fingernails much longer.
She drew in a deep breath. Maybe she ought to just forget about trying to go it alone and join forces with Steve Nichols. At least then she could stay in Salt River.
He might not be willing anymore, though. He hadn’t asked her about it for weeks, and lately he’d been cool and distracted every time they talked, making her wonder and worry what she had done. Maybe he, like everyone else in town, had lost all respect for her.
She could always take out a loan from Matt.
The thought, sinuous and seductive, whispered into her mind, but she pushed it away. Never. She couldn’t do something that extreme, no matter what desperate straits she found herself in.
Despite her resolve, she knew she owed him an apology for her overreaction on New Year’s Eve. Remorse burned in her stomach whenever she thought about how she had lashed out at him.
She hadn’t seen him since the night he had come to her house. The previous evening, the committee for the Valentine’s carnival had met for the last time before the big event, and she’d spent all day with her nerves in an uproar over seeing him again.
It had all been for nothing, though. He’d sent a message with Sandy Nielson that a ranch emergency came up at the last minute and he wouldn’t be able to make it.
She was relieved, she tried to tell herself. The last thing she needed to deal with right now was the inevitable awkwardness between them.
She sighed as she drove through town. Who was she kidding? She missed him. Missed his sexy drawl and the way his eyes crinkled at the edges and the way he could make her toes curl with just a look.
The sun was sliding behind the mountains in a brilliant display of pink and lavender that reflected in wide puddles of melting snow as she drove into the clinic’s parking lot. She pulled the truck into the slot next to SueAnn’s Suburban and climbed out, determined that she would do her best not to think about the blasted man for at least the next ten minutes.
SueAnn popped up from her desk like a prairie dog out of her hole when Ellie walked in.
“How did it go?” she asked.
Ellie forced a smile. “Not bad. Mama and calf are doing well. I was afraid for a while we’d lose them both but we finally managed to pull the calf and everything turned out okay.”
“I’m sure that’s a big relief to Darla. She loves that little milk cow.”
Ellie nodded. “She says hello, by the way, and she’ll see you tomorrow night at the library board meeting. Any messages?”
SueAnn handed her a small pink pile. “None of these were urgent. Mostly carnival committee members needing your input on last-minute details. Oh, but Jeb Thacker’s having trouble with Cleo again. He wondered when he could bring her in tomorrow. I told him anytime. And here’s the mail. Bills, mostly.”
Ellie took it, wondering what she was going to do when she left Star Valley without SueAnn to screen her mail for her.
“Oh, I almost forgot. The lab finally sent the results for that tox screen you ordered.”
Ellie froze in the process of thumbing through the messages. The culture results on the animals that had fallen ill before Christmas. “Where is it?”
“Here.” SueAnn handed over a thin manila envelope, and Ellie immediately ripped it open and perused the contents.
“What does it say?”
“It looks like the samples all were infected with an unusual strain of bacteria, just like Steve suspected. That’s why it took so long for the results. The lab had never seen it in horses before.”
“Could it have been spread by your needles?”
“Maybe.” It wasn’t outside the realm of possibility that the needles had been contaminated, although she would never believe that had been the cause. Damn. She had hoped for answers, for something that could definitively absolve her of responsibility.
SueAnn touched her arm. “I’m sorry it wasn’t better news.”
She forced a smile as the weight of failure pressed down hard on her shoulders. “Thanks.”
“You have anything left for me to do today?” SueAnn asked. “It’s almost six, and Jerry’s got a touch of the flu. Last time he stayed home sick from work, he maxed out three credit cards on the home shopping channel.”
“You’d better hurry, then, or you’ll get home and find he bought a dozen cans of spray-on hair replacement.”
As SueAnn switched off her computer and turned on the answering machine, Ellie unfolded from the edge of the desk. “Where’s Dylan? Is she in the back doing her homework?”
SueAnn froze in the process of pulling her purse out of her bottom desk drawer. “I haven’t seen her. She never came in after school.” Anxiousness crept into her voice. “I…I just assumed she went home with Lucy. You didn’t mention it before you went out to Darla’s, but I figured it must have slipped your mind.”
Unease bloomed to life inside Ellie like a noxious weed. “I don’t remember her telling me anything about riding the school bus to the ranch today.”
“Maybe it was a spur of the moment thing.”
“Maybe.” If she went to the ranch without leaving a message, Dylan was in serious trouble. Ellie’s one strict, inarguable rule was that Dylan had to leave her whereabouts with her mother or with SueAnn at all times.
A hundred terrible scenarios flashed through her mind in the space of a few seconds until she reined in her thoughts. No. This was Star Valley, Wyoming. Things like that didn’t happen here.
“I’ll just call the ranch. You’re probably right. I’m sure that’s where she is.” She dialed the number then twisted the cord around her fingers while she waited for Matt or Cassie to answer. No one picked up after fifteen rings, and her stomach knotted with worry.
“I am so sorry, El.” SueAnn looked sick. “I should have called you when she didn’t show up just to make sure everything was cool.”
“Let’s not panic until we have reason. She and Lucy are probably just playing outside in this warm weather, or maybe she went home with one of her other friends.”
“Do you want me to run out to the ranch and see if she’s there?”
“No. You go on home to Jerry. I’ll just check at the house and buzz by the school. If I don’t find her at either of those places, I’ll drive out to the ranch.”
She would find her daughter safe and sound. She had to. She absolutely refused to consider any alternative.
* * *
It had been one hell of a week.
The tractor bounced and growled as Matt drove through foot-deep muck on the way to the barn after delivering the evening feed to the winter pasture. Cows had been dropping calves like crazy with all this warm weather, the ranch was a muddy mess, and to make matters worse, two of his ranch hands quit on the same day.
He hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in longer than he could remember, every muscle in his body ached, and his shoulder hurt where he’d been kicked by an ornery horse that caught him off guard.
Days like this, he wondered if it was all worth it. All he wanted was dinner and his bed, and at this point he was even willing to forget about the dinner.
At the barn, he switched off the tractor, making a mental note that the engine seemed a little wompy and would need to be checked before planting season. He climbed out and shut the door behind him when he saw Ellie’s battered pickup pull up to the house.
Of all the people he would have expected to show up at the ranch, she would just about come in last on the list. He hadn’t been able to forget the bitter words she’d flung at him, the way she had thrown his offer of help back in his face.
He could see now that she’d been right, his timing could have been a whole lot better. But his intentions had been good.
A moment later, she swung open her truck door and hopped out. She was small and compact and, despite his lingering anger, heat rushed to his groin just remembering how that lithe little body had felt under him, around him.
She walked up the porch steps to ring the doorbell, and he made a face. Cassie wasn’t home, and he was a little tempted to let her stand there ringing away in vain. He immediately felt spiteful for entertaining the idea even for an instant and headed toward the house.
As soon as he was close enough to catch a glimpse of the worry in her expression, he was heartily relieved he hadn’t obeyed the petty impulse.
“What’s the matter, Doc?”
She whirled, and relief spread over her face when she saw him. “Matt! I was afraid nobody was home. Did Dylan come home on the bus with Lucy today?”
He frowned. “Lucy didn’t take the bus today. Cass picked her up after school so they could go shopping in Idaho Falls for something to wear to the Valentine’s carnival. They’re not back yet. She didn’t come home?”
Ellie shook her head, her green eyes murky and troubled. “I don’t know where she is. She usually walks to the clinic after school. When she didn’t show up today, SueAnn thought she must have come home with Lucy.”
“I suppose there’s a chance she might have gone with them on the shopping trip, although I think she would have cleared it with you first. She’s a good kid. Just taking off like that doesn’t seem like something she’d do.”
“No. You’re right.”
She looked helpless and frightened. As he saw her mouth tremble,
his remaining anger slid away. He hurried up the steps and pulled her into his arms.
“We’ll go in and call Cass on the cell phone. If she’s not with them, maybe Lucy will know something. It’ll be okay, Ellie.”
She must be out of her mind with worry or she never would have let him lead her into the house and settle her into one of the kitchen chairs while he crossed to the phone hanging on the wall. He was just dialing the number when he heard another vehicle pull up outside.
“That’s probably them now.”
The words were barely out of his mouth when Ellie jumped up and headed toward the door. He followed close on her heels and saw her shoulders sag with disappointment when only Cassie and Lucy climbed out of his sister’s Cherokee.
Cassie’s eyes widened when she saw Ellie. “Everything okay?” she asked, instantly concerned.
In the circle of light on the porch, Ellie looked small and lost, her expression bordering on panic. A mother suddenly living her worst nightmare. Sensing she was on the verge of losing control, Matt grabbed her arm and guided her up the steps to the door and into the warmth of the house.
“Come on inside,” he said over his shoulder to his sister. “I’ll explain everything.”
By the time they made it into the kitchen, Ellie had once more gained control of her emotions, although her eyes still looked haunted.
“Lucy,” she began. “Dylan didn’t go to the clinic after school today. Do you know anything about where she might have gone?”
For a moment, his daughter just stared, then color leached from her face and she looked like she was choking on something. She pressed her lips together and suddenly seemed extremely interested in the green-checkered tablecloth.
“Lucy?” he said sternly. “What do you know about this?”
“Nothing.” She wouldn’t look him in the eye and clamped both hands over her mouth, as if she were afraid something would slip out.
“Did she say anything to you after school about where she might be going? Can you think of any other friends she might have gone home with?” Ellie asked, her voice thin, pleading.
Star Valley Winter Page 18
